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chelgal

Registered: 03/01/11
Posts: 3
 #1 
In Dec. I was asleep on the couch not feeling well with one of my cats sleeping on me. I jumped up out of sleep to run to the bathroom and when I did, I accidentally stepped on him. He yelped and when I came out of the bathroom I picked him up and put him back by me and pet him, said I was sorry, crying from that and being sick. ( I had 3 cats all adopted together, they are 12 yrs. old) He seemed fine, no crying or anything. I noticed after afew days he was not eating very much, but he never cried or anything since the accident, pretty much acted like himself. I took him to a new vet, since I moved since I adopted them. He told me he was in critical condition. They ran lab tests and a lot of thing were off. They then did x-rays, he had a collapsed lung, chest full of fluid, a mass by his liver and they told me he was suffering. They said they could try and give him fluids and biopsy his liver. By that time the bill was up to $400. I told them, while I was hysterical, that if they felt that he would be okay, that I would find a way to pay to save him, but they kept telling me that he was critical and suffering. So, I had him put to sleep. They said that they could send his organs out to be tested because I could not believe that me stepping on him killed him. I could not afford to do that. He was always (in the entire 12 years I had him) been running around my feet. They thought he had a pre-existing condition, he always had colds and breathed funny, but my original vet said not to worry about it.
Needless to say I am still VERY depressed and some nights are worse than others. Tonight is one of those nights.
I did have him cremated and he is in a very decorative octagonal metal container. They even did his paw print in plaster with his name on it.
I just cannot seem to get over this. The other two cats have been depressed as well. I had to feed them treats to get them to eat for the two weeks following his passing. They keep looking for him and are very needy now. I just pray that I didn't kill him and I pray for forgiveness, but I cannot get past this.

idolfan05

Registered: 02/25/11
Posts: 44
 #2 
aw I'm sorry! I know you did not do it on purpose and I know your cat knows that-
Darian

Registered: 07/22/10
Posts: 282
 #3 
So very sorry to hear about your cat.  I doubt that stepping on him caused his death.  Many cats have been stepped on and survived.  Their agile little bodies tend to bend away from the brunt of the harm almost effortlessly.   No matter what,  accidents happen and you did nothing to feel guilty about because it was not intended.  I encourage you to accept the vet's opinion that there was a pre-existing condition.  If he was breathing funny earlier then that's proof that there was something going on with his lungs.
It is so difficult to say good-bye to our little ones and then all of this guilt floods us and complicates our grieving.  I hope you find peace and acceptance and even though you won't stop missing him, you'll be able to smile one day soon when you think about all the great times you shared.
ShannonH

Registered: 11/22/08
Posts: 1,598
 #4 
I'm so sorry about your boy...What a horrible thing...

My cat Mango was very needy for quite awhile after his companion Jenny died.  In time he did adjust.  I would have liked to get a new friend for him, but life at the time wouldn't allow it.  Mango has been the only cat now for almost 2 1/2 years.  His need for my attention is more than it was during the time Jenny was alive, but it is not the excessive neediness that it was in the first few months - and he is a very happy cat.  Life in your house has been disrupted.  Your cats' friend is gone.  But they will learn a new routine - and they will be happy.

For you, the "what if" questions may always remain in the back of your mind - but  remember that you gave him the best that you could.  You obviously loved him very much and would do everything you could to give him the best life possible.  There is no way of knowing if stepping on him caused his problems or not.  But even if it did, it was not your fault.  It was an accident.  Sometimes things happen that are no ones fault - they just happen.  I don't believe he would blame you for what happened.

It will be a road of ups and downs.  And it may take awhile.  But you will get through this.

Shannon

Shannon
Moonlight

Registered: 10/18/09
Posts: 540
 #5 
I'm so sorry. Let me first say this, you stepping on him did not kill him. It would certainly not cause that much damage. Many pets have accidentally been stepped on. I do think that he just became ill. It's not your fault. I know how much you are hurting, and all I can say is that it just takes time. It's been a year and a half since my 17 year old cat passed away, and 9 months since my 15 year old dog passed away. I didn't think I could get through it, but I did, and this website helped me so much. So come on here and talk. You need support from people who can relate during such a difficult time. My other pets were very depressed too, and it took time, but they did start feeling better. Just allow yourself to grieve, and go through the process. Grieving is an emotional roller coaster. Time is a great healer, and all you can do is do your best to work through the sadness you are currently feeling. Things will get better. Try to think of your cat from his best days. Think of all the good memories and the great life he had. I believe we will see our pets again, and that comforts me. They're in a good place and the bond and love we shared with them, will always be there. Love never dies! Try to remember that. Also, give yourself some time to try to relax (I know it's hard), but it's important because grief can overtake your body. Try to read a book, watch a movie, take a walk.. just something (at least once a day) to try to get your mind off of everything. Be well and take care! ((((HUGS))))
~~Moonlight~~
Ann

Registered: 04/05/09
Posts: 46
 #6 

I killed my dog.  I know what your feeling.  I'm sorry.

StanleysDaddy

Registered: 11/12/10
Posts: 150
 #7 
Dear Chelgal,

I wish to echo what others have said. The chances you were the cause of your kitty's death are almost zero. I have heard stories where cats have been run over in soft sand by cars and have survived just fine without a scrape. I would trust your vet's pronouncement. The mass by his liver is probably what did it.

If it's helpful for you to know this you are suffering under a common logical fallacy. It even has a fancy Latin name, post hoc ergo propter hoc. It's when two events happen in succession we often mistakenly (and quite humanly, I might add) believe that the first event caused the second, when in fact they are wholly unrelated. You have enough to go through right now without augmenting your grief with needless guilt. I hope you come to understand that you are not responsible for this great tragedy.

Your Friend,
Robert
(Stanley's Daddy)

KatLover

Registered: 09/21/09
Posts: 844
 #8 
First, I am so so sorry for your loss. But as others have noted, there's zero chance anything you did caused this. My husband once sat on my CAT. Except for his life being in extreme danger (from me), she was fine. My heart and prayers go out to you. I know your kitty is in a wonderful place where all is well. It will get easier on you and your other kitties.

Peace and healing--
Kathy

agcp

Registered: 01/22/11
Posts: 56
 #9 

You need to trust that your vet is telling you the truth or this feeling of responsibility will eat at you for life.

I thought I caused my father to have a stroke because he had done an enormous amount of shoveling to get a trailer out so that I could go pick up a 4-wheeler.  Six hours later he suffered a stroke and I was convinced it was my fault that I couldn't even ask the doctor after is second stroke and death six months later I finally asked the doctor if the shoveling caused the first stroke and he said no.  I was so relieved but I still had my doubts it took family and friends like you have here to remove my doubt.

Please don't let yourself believe the loss of your baby is your fault it sounds as though there were many things going on in that little body that you had no control over and you could not have caused.  

Cindy-Abby's Mom, I miss her so
chelgal

Registered: 03/01/11
Posts: 3
 #10 
Thank-you all VERY much for you for messages, it means a lot to me even though my eyes are still puffy from last night. The guilt/grief comes and goes. I will try to begin to accept that it was not my fault. The other two are here right now, one sits on the arm of my desk chair and rubs his nose on my face. They know, they are my boys and they give me great love, comfort and companionship as they have for the past 12 yrs.
kdclairmo

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 540
 #11 
Do not blame yourself for this, you can not. Yes you stepped on him, you know you did it but you were sick and runing to the bathroom, and he got in the way, accidents happen everyt day for no rhyme or reason. We can't explain them and it is not like you did it on purpose so you have to let that go, stop blamming yourself, STOP IT!! Besides the bigger picture here is that it looks as though your kitty may have had other issues going on too so maybe it was the other issues by themselves or a combination of the two? Who knows? The bottom line is this...you need to let this go otherwise the guilt is going to eat you alive if you let it. You did not step on him on purpose, it was an accident. A horrible accident and your kitty had a mass on his liver.
Karen
kdclairmo

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 540
 #12 
Hi it is me again. I went back and reread my post and I realized that about half of it was left off and I am not sure why. So when I read what was posted, I thought it came across quite harsh and I certainly didn't mean to come across that way. I just meant to tell you to please stop blaming youself for what happened to your precious kitty. That accidents happen and that perhaps you did nothing to cause this. Yes you stepped on him and maybe you injured him to some degree but perhaps whatever type of liver mass he had would have grown and that would have caused him problems in a few months or so. We don't know. I am just so very sorry you have to go thru this. It is clear how much you love your cats and how much your loved your kitty. I am glad you have the other two to help you through this terrible time. Please take care and hang in there.

Hugs,
Karen
Mare

Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 10,814
 #13 
Guilt will not let us rest, even if it is unfounded.  When you're grieving, there are good days and then some very sad days.  When you're having a sad day, all you can do is cry and hope that the next day won't be so bad.  It is not easy moving on after the loss of a wonderful companion.

Mare
precious Christoph ~ still missing my bunny boy ~

bunnysparkle

Registered: 01/26/11
Posts: 40
 #14 
Hello.
First of all let me tell you I am so sorry for your loss.
Please know that in all seriously, and I am not just saying this to make you feel "better", I don't think that you definitely caused this to happen. Our pets, sadly, can have many conditions brewing that we would have to be fully-fledged psychics to pick up on. I know this because my little dog suddenly passed away. She was never as big and strong as most dogs but she was so young and I had no idea her little body was just failing her all along. If your fur baby was a bit different and not quite as robust as the others there might have been an underlying condition. Our pets are very good at hiding their sickness because this is what serves them best in the wild so they won't look weak. So it can be very easy to blame ourselves when something happens suddenly and we lose them. I know I am still reeling with all the what ifs and if onlys, I'll be plagued by them forever. But somewhere in all of it we have to realise we are just human and doing the best we can by them and none of us have superpowers. So all in all it pays to have some forgiveness for yourself because we all feel guilt in one way or another when our pets die, it's just because we love them so much. I know of cats who go through being stepped on and in one case my friend's dad accidentally went over one with the car and he was okay so please don't blame yourself. I wish you the best in your recovery and your memories of your precious pet.

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