Continuous crying over loss of beloved old pony

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Penrick

Registered:1542456281
Posts: 6

Posted 1542457179	#1

Sorry if this isn’t right, I’m new to this forum and never done anything like this post before. 3 weeks ago I had to have my beloved 34+ year old pony pts and am finding it difficult to cope....I am crying almost continuously. I really would appreciate it if someone could offer some advice. I came to horse ownership and riding quite late in life I am now 58 years old. 18 years ago, I bought a beautiful 14hh pony. So 4 years ago, we bought our old pony to our home to live, rather than the livery yard, in our large garden and stable. She didn't like other horses and loved being near us. The vet said it was perfect for her as she couldn’t have too much grazing and she had enough ground to potter about in. I built up an amazing bond with her. She was a devil of a pony, sharing bits of our bbqs, chattering to us constantly, even coming in the kitchen at Christmastime. During those 4 years, there were a few occasions when we thought we would lose her to various problems, but we persisted with vets on each occasion to get her through. She also had COPD which we were managing quite well with inhalers and occasional Bute. 3 months ago, she had a major hoof resection, on vet advice, which she was actually recovering fabulously from. She had walks daily as I couldn’t ride her due to the resection but I didn’t mind about not riding, I just loved being with her. Three weeks ago, without seemingly any warning, she lay down in her stable and wouldn’t get up. I called the emergency vet. She treated her for colic but there was no change. Her breathing became awful. I asked the vet to give me a while and spoke with my daughter and we decided to have her pts. She was 34+ years old, possibly nearer 40. She died with her head laying in my arms on my knee..... I kept her last droppings and today went to dig them in with a rose I planted for her. I saw then that there seemed to be a smallish amount of paper or something tangled in one of the poops. I’m now riddled with guilt. Did I miss something... I am stuck in this guilt and stuck in totally missing her. Please can anyone advise? This post may sound unemotional. Believe me, it isn’t. But if I put too much emotion in, I won’t be able to write it. I am so So sorry this is so long and I know this forum is more towards smaller animals but she became more of a pet in her old age. She was my dearest, cheekiest friend and I miss her so very much and simply cannot stop crying.....

staceynix

Registered:1542120596
Posts: 14

Posted 1542467953	#2

Penrick, A fur baby is a fur baby no matter what. My 6 year old King charles cavelier suddenly passed in my arms on the way to the vet a few days ago. I am now thinking did he eat poisen or something he shouldn't have? I cant wrap my head and heart around the fact he's gone. It is devastating. Please remember she knows how much you loved her. It was her time. You didn't do anything wrong. We are all here for you xoxo

Karmacat

Registered:1529423348
Posts: 111

Posted 1542475201 · Edited	#3

Any animal, big or small that we bond and give our hearts to, becomes an important being in our lives. If my situation permitted, I would have loved to keep a pet pony, or maybe a cow, sheep, pig etc. So I envy you in that way. Even with humans, medical problems are often not easily diagnosed, and of course this is even more difficult with animals. So there is no point in second guessing your decisions in handling the end situation. It is clear that you loved your pony deeply and did all you could for it right up to the end. In the end, we just have to accept that it was that pet's time to cross over. Even if we cross that hurdle of the guilt, the pain of the loss, and the sheer daily missing of that pet will be a huge challenge and ordeal to get through. In my case, I lost my cat 11 months ago, and I cried and sobbed my way daily till now. At the moment though, there is just a hint that the grieving might have bottomed out and has started to lessen. Hope this helps you a little to face the rough days or months ahead. And thank you for loving your pony so much and giving it such a good life.

Betsy

Moderator
Registered:1190479349
Posts: 41

Posted 1543775500	#4

Penrick, I have never been lucky enough to have a horse, but they are beautiful, wonderful animals, so worthy of love. You obviously gave your pony a great life and a long one. I know from working as a moderator on these boards that the decision to euthanize almost invariably gives rise to a terrible guilt trip. It comes with the territory - you can what if? and should I have? yourself until you go crazy. It's normal and it takes time to work through it. Give yourself time. Come here for sympathy and support. Everyone here understands. Betsy

Penrick

Registered:1542456281
Posts: 6

Posted 1557219332	#5

Thank you . It’s been six months now. Days are still hard especially first thing in the morning. I have not bought another pony. She was the only one for me. I’ve spent the last few months making a website in her memory. It’s taken a lot of effort and I think it has really helped me. Here is a link to anyone who would like to look at her life and death and how I have started my journey without her. https://beautifulmo.simdif.com Pen x

Penrick

Registered:1542456281
Posts: 6

Posted 1557219337	#6

Thank you . It’s been six months now. Days are still hard especially first thing in the morning. I have not bought another pony. She was the only one for me. I’ve spent the last few months making a website in her memory. It’s taken a lot of effort and I think it has really helped me. Here is a link to anyone who would like to look at her life and death and how I have started my journey without her. https://beautifulmo.simdif.com Pen x

Karmacat

Registered:1529423348
Posts: 111

Posted 1557241492	#7

Penrick, that's a beautiful website you put up for Little Mo. Like you, I too am still keenly missing my cat who passed on in Dec 2017 - the pain is deep and long lasting indeed!

Penrick

Registered:1542456281
Posts: 6

Posted 1557297186	#8

Dear Karmacat Thank you for reading our story and I’m sorry for the loss of your cat. Yes the pain is long lasting but in due course I hope will become more a part of life and easier to bear with the happy memories pushing through. I’ve added your comment to her website, it keeps it alive. Xx Pennie

KatKat

Registered:1557511919
Posts: 87

Posted 1557583867	#9

I'm so sorry for your pain. Sounds like your pony had a beautiful, loving home with you and you all shared an amazing life together. Your sweet girl knew you were there with her and loving her throughout her life even when she left it. My thoughts are with you.

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