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Joe_L2

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Posts: 52
 #161 
Riley's Mom,

I understand now. I was thinking that you went back to the same breeder from where you adopted Riley and somehow the new puppy was from the same ancestry.

I'm happy for you. And hopefully, you can convert your grief into giving the love you received from Riley over to the new puppy.

You give others hope, who are learning to move forward.


Joe
Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #162 
Scott,

I'm sorry to read the loss of your, Guy.

This site is a great source of comfort. I arrived here after the loss of my bunny in late July and not being able to find a local face-to-face animal bereavement group here in CT. I was surprised to find that with the large amount of pet owners around, one didn't exist. I even contacted two animal hospitals and neither knew of any. So, I searched online and found this for which I'm grateful.

At least for me, there are days I just can't bare to read or write any messages. But, then there are times, like now, I'm able to type without crying. The emotions will alternate. So, when you have those moments of happiness, enjoy them. And don't feel guilty for it.

That's what I learned through here. Hopefully, I'll be able to take my own advice later when I'm inconsolable.


Joe
scott

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Posts: 10
 #163 
Thanks Joe I appreciate it There sure is a lot of kind people on here.
Riley2018

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Posts: 55
 #164 
Scott,

I'm so sorry you lost your boy.  It's so so hard and with you it was so sudden too, which I'm sure adds an additional layer of grief because you had no notice.  My heart breaks for you.  We all know how it feels and we all know that there isn't a whole lot we can say except that we understand.

Yes, with some of us, our pets were everything to us and we talked about this at one point in this thread.  I think it's partially because our relationship with our animals is generally 24/7 and it's an almost 100% positive relationship, unlike human relationships even if they are great.  I also just think that having these animals depend on us for everything and us spending as much time as we do in our lives taking care of them, when they are gone, we are left with a huge hole in our lives with a feeling of being lost.  We also talked about the end of an era or the end of a chapter, and that is also part of our grief.

I think Dogsarepeopletoo said on one post "a dog shares the best days of our life; and one of the worst days of our life."  You can swap out the word dog for cat or any other pet, but that statement is so darn true.

Riley's mom
scott

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Posts: 10
 #165 
Thanks Riley's mom. Great post because when we do care for these animals they appreciate what we do for them. In a lot of relationships we don't appreciate what people do for us. There is no better feeling than to snuggle up with your pet.
Riley2018

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Posts: 55
 #166 
Someone on one of my Facebook groups posted this and said it could be shared, so I thought it would be good to share here.  Again, you can swap out cat or other pet for dog I think.

WHY DOGS LIVE LESS THAN HUMAN

Here's the surprising answer of a 6 year old child.

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker‘s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that dogs' lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ”I know why.”

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.

He said, ”People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” The six-year-old continued,

”Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay for as long as we do.”

Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

• When your loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
• Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
• Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.
• Take naps.
• Stretch before rising.
• Run, romp, and play daily.
• Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
• Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
• On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
• On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
• When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
• Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
• Be faithful.
• Never pretend to be something you’re not.
• If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
• When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

That's the secret of happiness that we can learn from a good dog.

Joe_L2

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Posts: 52
 #167 
Riley's Mom,

Great anecdote with the child's very adult observation. Well said!

Thanks for posting it.


Joe
Shanrip

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Posts: 10
 #168 
I understand your grief. It has been 2 and a half weeks since my lab mix died, and everything is so silent and empty at home. I don't enjoy sitting around like I used to, on the porch or the couch, because he's not there as my companion. My heart feels displaced, and everything feels off. I feel like a part of me is missing, and sometimes now that it's past the time that society and people at work and in life have stopped asking or care, my grief is very private and lonely at times. Grief is just that, a process, but the world doesn't really give us the space or time we need when it comes to the devastation that comes when our little loves leave when they go, even if it's their time. I feel like my animal soulmate is gone, and I truly feel broken and lost from moment to moment. I did get a book that has helped, reading slowly, called "my pet has died, what do I do?" And it helps me understand my grief and I cry every time I pick it up. But, it's helping I guess. I just really miss him.
Dogsarepeopletoo

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Posts: 109
 #169 
Shanrip: So true -- it is a lonely process. When Annie died, there was a rush of sympathy from friends and loved ones. Cards. Flowers. It was lovely. But, it didn't last long and now? no one mentions her; no one asks how I am doing. I cannot say I fault them for that -- it's human nature, but it is rather lonely. Once in a while there is a comment about the freedom we must feel without a dog; I know they are trying to be upbeat but, no, that is not my primary feeling about the loss of our dog.

When I bring up how much I miss her to my husband, he quickly agrees then changes the subject. I think we are dealing with the loss in different ways -- I want to talk about it; it's too painful for him to talk about it.

It's hard.
Riley2018

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Posts: 55
 #170 
Dogsarepeopletoo,

I clicked on your name and saw your pictures of Annie--she was really a neat looking dog--I think you said she was Blue Heeler mixed with Terrier?  I love the pictures you have of her--they just brought tears to my eyes--I'm glad you posted them.  I too added some pictures of Riley--I didn't know it was so easy to do, but I like how you can just keep them there under your name.
Dogsarepeopletoo

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Posts: 109
 #171 
Riley's Mom: She really was unique looking. She was a good dog in every way, but her appearance was a bonus because it was the start of endless interactions with strangers and I am rather shy.

Her mother was a pregnant blue heeler who was at our local shelter. Mama went to a foster home to have her pups, who were all adopted out. Annie was adopted by a woman with several rambunctious kids. The shelter staff cautioned her that shy, timid Annie might not be the best fit but the woman insisted. About 9-10 months later, she brought Annie back to the shelter. Staff said they did not think Annie had ever been indoors; she was scared to pieces so they called the foster person who had cared for her mom to tell her one of the pups was back and was a scared mess. They figure Annie was not abused, but was neglected and left in the back yard. She stayed at the foster home for a month or two, then we adopted her.

I wish I had done a DNA test on her -- her father was a mystery but we assume terrier because she had that wiry fur and scruffy look.

Riley was beautiful! He looks so much like a dog my friend had years ago. Those brown dots over his eyes make me smile -- I bet they were expressive. Thanks for uploading photos - it's nice to put a face with a beloved name.
Riley2018

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Posts: 55
 #172 
Dogsarepeopletoo,

Thank you for the compliment on Riley--I could never get enough of him really and he always stared right into the camera.  But yes, I really like being able to see pictures--especially of what we have all shared with each other here, it's really nice to have a picture--just makes it even more personal.  I hope others put pictures in their albums too!

Riley's mom
diwolff

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Posts: 94
 #173 
Hi everyone

Here I am running away again. Hate being home without Cassie. My husband has been so patient with me. We are physically exhausted and know it’s time to stay home more. It’s just so hard

Joe. I think u said u have a birthday next week. Enjoy it. Baby bunny would definitely want you to be happy. I know that is true.
When I get home I will put Cassie’s hair in a zip lock bag. Guess that means I will then have to vacuum. Lol.
Be happy Joe. Be thankful for the time you shared with baby bunny. You had that love and bond that not many experience. We r all fortunate to have had that

Scott. I’m so sorry about your kitty. Ten seems young for s kitty. My sister loves cats has three and volunteers for second chance. She cleans cages and does adoptions for them at petsmart. She is so giving to them. She would have more if she could. One of her cars died last year. She felt as we all do. She tried so hard to help me when Casdie died but nothing really helped until this site. I’m happy that you experienced that unconditional love

Riley’s mom
We can never feel guilty about a new pup. Our beloved now angels want us to be happy. I feel that very strongly. But it never means we forget them. I will have to ck our pics and try to put some up of Casdie. I’m so happy for you. Can’t wsit to hear about your new baby but knowing the pain of not having Riley. We all have to hang in there

Annie’s mom
I bonded closer to Casdie when I retired too. I still do some work out if my house and I sit there and cry at the computer as Casdie was always there with me. It was so funny when she would go looking all over for me. You lost a cat too? I’m so sorry.
Cassie was very very car sick and we needed to give her cerenia for travel. I had some left and my sister took them to cat vet. I guess cats take that too.

NC1983
Wow I had no idea about cloning. I sure wish I could have cloned Cassie. But at least I have memories no one can take those away
Vanilla sounds like a little sweetie

I forgot who said about people being so caring at first. Then. Hummmmmm
I noticed that too. Perhaps they don’t know what to say or do. I’m not sure. But for me I feel only people on this site really understand the depth of our pain. I’m thankful we have each other.

I still cry when I think about Cassie. I want her back so bad. I know that you all understand. That does help. I hope you all feel that way too

Everyone take care. There is no right or wrong how we grieve. But we do need to grieve. Sad as that is.

Thank you all for the support and caring you have given to me and to each other

I believe our fur babies are together supporting each other as we are doing. That makes me smile.

Have a great night
Joe_L2

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Posts: 52
 #174 
Hi Dianne,

Yes, it's next week. Other than a cake, I never celebrated my birthday. But this year, I just don't want one without Baby Bunny.

Although I mentioned before that my mother's dementia seems to be stabilizing, she still questions her two caretakers, my brother and myself, who we are. Yet, she knows our other two brothers who live elsewhere: one with his family in CA and another and his wife nearby in town. She even remembers our sister-in-law. But us? She speaks of "her sons" as-if we're not. But that's the way it's always been. It's frustrating, but we don't correct her. It's kinda like Tommy Smothers of the Smothers Brothers' famous skit quote: "Mom Always Liked You Best!". So, I told my brother not to remind her next week.

As Shanrip mentioned earlier, people I know have stopped asking me how I'm doing. Like others here, we may not show it on the surface, but we are still very sad.


Joe
diwolff

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Posts: 94
 #175 
Hi Joe

So sorry to hear about your mom. Unfortunately I think what you are experiencing is more common than one may think. I have two sisters and we did most everything for our parents my mom always talked about our two brothers and their families like she didn’t even have daughters. While it hurt we tried to keep a sense of humor. Nothing we could do about it. But we didn’t live with her so I’m sure it’s much worse for you.

You and your brother are very special to do what you do for your mom. I’m sure at some level she knows and appreciates.

Take care Joe and try to do something for YOU.

Dianne
Dippy

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Posts: 7
 #176 
Hi everyone

It's been 6 weeks today since losing our beatiful Lab.I don't cry everyday but my heart still aches and the tears well up when
Dippy

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Posts: 7
 #177 
Hi everyone

It's been 6 weeks today since losing our beatiful Lab.I don't cry everyday anymore but my heart still aches and the tears do well up when I think of her when I am in places that I know she loved. I really want to make a photo book but it's still too painful to look through 12 years worth of photos just yet. I feel for everyone going through this, as it hurts like hell. It's good to be able to come here where people understand.

Joe_L2

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Posts: 52
 #178 
Dippy,

I'm sorry to read of your loss. I know how you feel. My bunny passed away in July and it still hurts. I've been hiding the crying from others, but I had a bad relapse earlier. There was a span of ten days where I didn't cry and I felt guilty for it. Now I'm back to crying everyday. 

I can't go through photos, either. It is too painful.


Joe
scott

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Posts: 10
 #179 
Not sure if this makes any sense,but I have been thinking how Guy would feel if it was me who passed. I know he would miss me but I would not want thoughts of me to consume his life. Hope he remembered how much I loved him and the joy he brought to my life. We owe it to our pets to move on and cherish the little things in life. They have obviously taught us to be better and we need that in today's society. I wish you all a healthy future. Scott
Dogsarepeopletoo

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Posts: 109
 #180 
Scott: That is an interesting perspective. I have had two other dogs in my life -- I think each of those dogs would have missed me for a while, but would quickly attach your loyalty to whoever stepped forward to take care (and feed!) them. I think Annie would have been very sad and missed me for a lot longer and my absence would have had more impact on hr (based on her described behavior when I was gone from home for any duration and over night).

But maybe I am projecting my feelings?

It is going on three months for me since Annie's death. I notice the grief really ebbs and flows now; peaks and valleys. I had left a bed of hers in the small room where we watch tv at night. I finally took it out the the other day -- whooee, that was hard. We did some minor furniture rearranging and found a few dust bunnies that had her hair in them. Those moments are hard.

I think when anyone passes away there are moments when it all feels unreal; or moments where you forget for a fleeting moment that your loved one is gone. I had one of those moments yesterday -- was going to run errands and wondered if it was cool enough to leave Annie in the car while I ran into the post office.
skmk

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Posts: 73
 #181 
Scott that does make sense. I guess it would depend on the pet and the relationship. I've had cats and dogs throughout the years and most of them would probably move on to the next person who would take care of them. But I think my Dickens would miss me. A couple years ago I went away for a week and my husband took care of him. He said Dickens started acting out, getting nasty and kept waiting at the door for me. On the other hand Dickens wasn't head over heels happy to see me when I got back. So who knows.
Skmk
Shanrip

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Posts: 10
 #182 
Really thankful for all of your stories. It's the only place I can go where I can drop all of society's expectations of grief and be honest about how much my dog (more than a dog...a Little soulmate) meant to me, and maybe I am more aware of his impact after his death. I am.pretty sure i am in mourning now I feel like a different person now..before vs. After. What it's like coming home from work, morning and night routines, just how I felt every day, things were brighter, let go of small things minute I got home to see his face, appreciated nature and the little special moments in life. Its harder now, it's not as enjoyable to relax with coffee or lounge at home it's so empty. I really don't know how long I will feel like this.
goofygirlinva

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Posts: 1,081
 #183 
Skmk, 

Your story about Dickens acting out and waiting for you at the door for you when you were gone and then not being head over heels happy to see you when you returned reminded me of how my first soul kitty would react when I would get ready to go off to college and then come home over breaks and for the summer. He and my other kitty at the time did not want me to leave - they would sit in the boxes I was packing and my suitcase to try to keep me from packing my things away. On a couple of occasions one of them would actually sit in my suitcase and glare at me to let me know he was not happy I was packing my things and getting ready to leave, LOL! And when I came home again, they would snub me to let me know they were pissed I left them and went away for a long time. But all would be forgiven in a day or two and we would snuggle with each other and they would follow me around the house from room to room like little puppy dogs! :-)

Of course, the first time I came back home after each of them had passed away was so difficult. The house was always so different - it wasn't necessarily quieter, it just had a different energy and vibe to it. No matter how much time has gone by, I will always remember and love the cats and dogs I grew up with. They were so special and they were the ones that introduced me to the wonders and joys of what it is like to experience unconditional love...

- Kelly
Angel Blackie's mom
Angel Squeeker's mom

diwolff

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Posts: 94
 #184 
Scott, I never thought about it the way you said it.  Now I'm thinking that Cassie would really have missed me, but I do believe that she would not have laid around doing nothing.  While there probably would have been a sadness, and she never would have forgotten me, I think she would have been ok.

Like many of you, I have good and bad days.  Just when I think things are a little better I will come in the house and expect her to meet me, then I remember.  I think about her a lot and wish I had one more hug with her.  It's about 3 1/2 months now and her 10th birthday would have been coming up.  About once a week I go thru pictures, but it's still pretty painful.  I know I need to remove more of her things, but I just can't do it yet.

Yes, our pets sure brought so much to our lives and we do owe it to them to continue on.  It's just so hard.  Maybe because no human is capable of total unconditional love and they were.  No human, no matter how hard we try, can be to us what our beloved fur babies were.  

It is harder now, harder to relax, harder to think, harder to be motivated, just plain harder.  About once or twice a day, I feel her presence by my side, that is somewhat a comfort, but it makes me want her back more.

I know that nothing lasts forever, especially not me, so perhaps I need to figure out a way to enjoy my time on this Earth............I'm trying.

hugs to all
Dianne, Cassie's Mom
Joe_L2

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Posts: 52
 #185 
I think I'm the wrong person to give anyone advice, especially if I can't take my own.

I'm not improving, in fact, I'm getting worse and it scares me to know that I may not get over my loss.

I've been trying to put it in perspective to the recent news of the limousine crash that killed twenty and the loss of a child at a school shooting. How does anyone move forward after those events? And as devastating as those are, I didn't shed a tear over either one.

But, I guess it's all relative. No one here is grieving over my loss and I'm not grieving over someone else's. But we're all mourning as a group. And it still hurts like hell. I'd honestly give a a leg, if I could have Baby Bunny back.


Joe
diwolff

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Posts: 94
 #186 
Hi Joe,

Don't be so hard on yourself.  

By nature, I'm not a crying type of person.  Both my parents passed away in the last three years.  I did not shed a tear.  I felt sadness, loneliness, the end of having my parents to talk to, to hear stories from about their childhood, knowing that I am next in that que etc.....but no tears.  I'm not sure why.  Yet, Cassie............I am still crying.  I don't get it and I stopped trying to figure it all out.  I guess it is what it is.

Yes, that limo accident was truly a tragedy, and I pray for all of the families involved and it's very sad, but other than empathy, there is nothing any of us can do for them.

It's most likely even harder for you, as it doesn't sound like you get out much.  Your Mom needs you and you are always there.  Is there any way you can get out now and then, even if just to go to a store?  You had mentioned that your brother works during the day, so it's you home all day with your mom.  Not much else to focus on.  Have you looked into getting another bunny?  Or a cat or a dog or a something?  LOL   Do you like to read?

If you are a believer in the afterlife, you know that you will be reunited with Baby Bunny one day and it will be a joyous reunion.  I'm clinging to that with me and Cassie.

None of my friends or family ask me how I'm doing anymore.  I guess they figure 3 1/2 months is long enough to grieve.  They just don't get it.  My one sister gets it and she doesn't say much, but now and then little things to let me know that she does understand as she feels that way about two of her kitties who are now gone.

Take care, Joe.  Do something nice for YOU.

thinking of you

Dianne




Dogsarepeopletoo

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Posts: 109
 #187 
Kelly: we used to laugh at our pets when we returned from a trip. Our dog would be sooo happy to see us; never leave my side as we settled back home. We used to laugh at the cats' indifference; their attitude of "oh, were you gone? I didn't notice." They woud ignore us as punishment for a day or two, then return to being loving. So funny.

Even though our dog was nooo watchdog, I feel a new unease when I am home alone as well as when we leave the house unattended when we go for an afternoon. I was home alone the other night and heard a faint >thump< at the other end of the house. Before, that slight noise would not even get my full attention -- assuming it was a cat jumping down from a shelf; or the dog jumping down from the sofa. Now? I get nervous and wonder what caused it.

Coming home to an empty house tugs at my heartstrings -- especially if we have been gone any duration. And when we are home, the house feels quiet, even if the tv or radio are playing. Our cats and dog were all quiet animals, it, so it's not noise that is missing -- it's something that is hard to pinpoint. Their presence, I suppose.


Shanrip

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Posts: 10
 #188 
Joe, grief is unique to each of us. I felt crazy the first couple of days, I wanted him back so bad. I felt like life had been snatched from me, I felt separated from myself, my dog was family, he was more than a "dog", and your bunny was too, I think they are God's special examples of unconditional love, why wouldn't we grieve terribly when they leave us? Talk to others that understand, I've thought about grief pet counseling. It's been almost a month since his passing, and I don't want to forget him. I wish they could be with us forever. The fact that you allowed a baby bunny into your heart that deeply shows how much you care and opened your heart. Time is the only thing that seems to change, and it still sucks. I've cried on and off every few days, sometimes in a row. There are certain triggers, and nighttime is hard for me. Just know that you are understood.
diwolff

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Posts: 94
 #189 
Dogsarepeopletoo,

Oh, I know that feeling of something not right.  Cassie was always happy to see us after we were away, whether 10 mins or three weeks!!!  She stayed with our son, so we knew she was loved and cared for.  But coming home from anywhere now just feels strange.  It is definitely hard to describe, but something is way off.   I can't stop wanting to be away as she's not here and not wanting to return, as she's not here.  I hate it.  She was definitely NOT a guard dog, but alerted us to "anything" that was near our house, from people walking by to deer in the backyard at night. I felt safer, not sure why as I probably would have had to protect her.  LOL

Shanrip,

I'm sure that you will NEVER forget your baby.  There will always be those triggers and I hear that time helps, although I don't know how much time!!

I actually started a little list of things I loved about Cassie.  It made me feel good to write it down.  It really got quite long.  I started it right after she died and keep adding to it.  There was so much.  I think the most thing I'm thankful for was that I had her!!

take care, everyone!

Dianne
Riley2018

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Posts: 55
 #190 
I personally feel kind of bad--I am still missing Riley so much and I don't want to forget him--that is my biggest fear now that I will forget him.  But we are getting a puppy in less than two weeks and I do want the puppy but there is still this longing for Riley.  He was such a good boy, such a special boy and I know I need to take that love and give it to the new puppy and I haven't even met the new puppy yet.  We just picked him out today finally and he's a beautiful well bred puppy by a very caring responsible breeder and this is what I wanted, but I'm having a breakdown tonight.  As I've said before, it's the end of an era or the end of a chapter and I'm starting a new chapter and I'm scared.  Maybe it will all change when I go to the airport and open up that crate door, you know?  It's really hard right now, right this second because I do not know this puppy right this second.  My husband is telling me that Riley helped the breeder choose him for us and he's a beautiful boy.  I just don't want to ever forget Riley ever..........EVER

Riley's mom
Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #191 
Diane,

[Sorry to write so much.]

Thanks for the comforting words. You always say the right thing.

I'm the opposite, I'm a cryer, at least lately. I think about you and Cassie and everyone here. When I'm upset, I wonder, "Are they crying like me?" "Do they have someone to hold them an give 'em a hug?" It's horrible without the latter. Last night, I thought I was breaking down.

I understand equating the loss of your parents to Cassie. My father passed at 67 in '96. He had several health issues that were beyond help. I think because I was working and had distractions helped me with the grieving process. But, with Baby Bunny, she was my little sister and my world.

Your third paragraph was on target. I don't get out and sometimes for several days. Before, going to the local Dollar Tree, Shop Rite and the Home Depot was a "luxury". But now, it's a necessity just for my sanity.

I'm college-educated and going to be fifty-three and I want to go back to work, even part-time. The longer that I'm out, the longer I become unhirable. It's possible that they see my years of experience then choose a recent graduate. Besides the income, it's interacting with others. But, then there's the whole situation of who's going to stay with my mother. Ideally, it would be great if one of my brothers and his wife could sit with her for two days during the week. Now add to that I'm still upset about Baby Bunny. But now I have to worry about staying active outside the house. I'm gonna look into going back to the gym.

I would like to think that there's an afterlife especially with you and Cassie, Baby Bunny and me and everyone else here. If my family is going to act like they did here on earth, then I just won't give them my forwarding address.  😉

Getting another bunny isn't out of the question. I wouldn't know where to put one in the house. As you know, I was spoiled with Baby Bunny: she made the "squatting space under the house and back porch her new home. So, I never had to tend to her "bunny room" functions or give her a place to run-around. She was free to do whatever and wherever she wanted in her house. The holes and tunnels she dug were masterful! I'd always say, "How do you know how to dig those tunnels? You didn't go to school! And she'd just look at me. I would applaud and cheer for her! Then her ears would go up knowing I approved. Then she continued digging.

What is it with people? Do they think that because it's an emotion and can't be seen, they can stop expressing concern? This is a much deeper pain than a broken arm that only another person grieving can understand. But at least your sister, can sympathize.

I really wish there was a face-to-face pet-loss bereavement group. There everyone can help each who's mourning as-well.

Alright, I'll stop typing.

Thanks for making it to the end. And again… thanks for your concern and compassion.

Cassie was lucky to have you. But, I'm sure you felt that you were the lucky one.

— Joe
Mondo

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 975
 #192 
Dear Riley's Mom,

  You will never ever forget Riley.  And yes, Riley had a paw in picking out this pup, and wants you to be happy.  I used to say about Tuffy : "He want us to be happy, but not too happy too soon."  He was my heart dog, and left February 19, 2014.  I won't ever forget him.  

  But life goes on and it can be confusing.  Toby was still with us for 11 months, he passed January 19, 2015.  

  March 25, 2015 we adopted 2 rescues, Ellie and Missy.  I really liked them.  They made me happy and made me laugh.  But I cried every day too.  Missed my boys.  Felt a little disloyal at times, and then reminded myself that part of our adoption was to honor the boys.  To give a home, to give the beds, to give a place in our heart (another place) for them.  It took me a few months to really bond and love them as they deserved to be loved.

  I don't know if Ellie is my new heart dog.  I won't know until she passes.  But I think she is.  

  It is the end of a chapter.  I like that term.  Walking with my wife around the time Tuffy passed I used that term.  We've come to the end of a chapter -- and how I want to turn back the pages and live it again!  I like to think that some day, by some miracle .. we get to re-live this magic.  For that would be Heaven!

Hugs,
Tuffy, Toby, Ellie and Missy's Dad
Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #193 
Hi Shanrip

Thank you so much for your amazing words. They had me crying. I wish I could grab my pain, pull it out and replace it with your words.

I also noticed that you mentioned "grief pet counseling". Is it a one-on-one with a therapist or is it a bereavement group? I'd prefer a group where we could sit, talk and cry together over a mutual pain. I've searched for one nearby here in CT, but I can't seem to find one, even if one exists. But, a one-on-one would be alright, too.

Thank you again for your compassion.

— Joe
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 109
 #194 
Joe, I thought of you Sunday -- we stopped at a local pet store because they were having an adoption event for our local humane society. I walked down the the kennels with cats and kittens, and the last one was VERY fluffy. It took me a beat to realize it was a rabbit -- a big, white, fluffy rabbit. He was so pretty. Can rabbits be trained to use a litter box? I bet the is a bunny out there waiting for your love.

Does your mama need constant care or can she be left alone? I always feel better when I get outdoors for a walk -- fresh air, seeing the world, being out among people. Can she go with you for a walk or a car ride? I understand what you said about working -- it IS good to be among people. I'm retired and I worry about being too isolated.

Take care.

Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #195 
Riley's mom,

I know what you mean, but you won't forget Riley. The only way he could be closer to you is if you shared the same D.N.A.

I've been crying uncontrollably, even just an hour ago and thought I was having a breakdown, too. It's horrible. The memories around the house have been too much lately.

I'm excited for you in that you're moving forward even though you're looking back for Riley. I get it. It's the mixed emotions. That's my concern, too if and when I find another bunny as my little sister. I always thought that Baby Bunny was the perfect and most beautiful bunny EVER and I'd tell it to her A LOT, to the point that if she could speak she'd tell me "enough already"!

I'm sure that when you see your new puppy, your heart will melt and your tears will flow. A mix of sadness, relief and happiness! I'm already thinking about how I'd react if and when I'd welcome a bunny into my heart, again.

You give us hope.

— Joe
Riley2018

Registered:
Posts: 55
 #196 
Thanks Mondo--it is nice to hear that we can go on to love another.  I knew Riley was my heart dog very soon after he came into my life.  We just had such a special connection that I never had before.  When I read through some of the posts, Joe posted this and it's perfect:

"The only way he could be closer to you is if you shared the same D.N.A."

Yeah, that is almost how I felt about Riley--you nailed it Joe.

It's been just about 5 months since Riley left me.  I knew my life as I knew it would be over.  So, it's just trying to figure out how to start again.  I am really really looking forward  to going to pick up the puppy at the airport and beginning that chapter, but I still have no idea what to expect.  I have spoken with other people who have lost heart dogs and have gotten others that they fell in love with too, so I know it's possible. I don't know why I'm so scared.

I know this is a grief forum, but I can come back here and tell you how it's going from time to time if you want.  And yes, maybe it will give others hope.

Riley's mom
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #197 
Hi Riley's Mom,

I'm so happy for you getting a new pup!!!  When you see him, your heart will open for him and he will find his way in.  In no way does that mean Riley will ever be forgotten or his place taken.  Your heart is made so that it can hold as much love as you allow it to hold.  

I'm sure we would all love to hear how you are doing with your new pup.  What is his name?

Love never dies, Riley will forever be a part of you and hold a special place in your heart.  I'm sure that Riley wants you to be happy and he knows that new pup will have a wonderful life with you and make you happy.  You will never, ever forget Riley.

take care
Cassie's Mom


Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #198 
Hi Dogsarepeopletoo,

Thanks for thinking of me when you noticed the rabbit! They are supposedly one of the most popular pets, yet, at least for me, they're difficult to find. I was lucky in that Baby Bunny was a runaway and made her home under our house seven years ago this week. So, I had no training to do at all. But, you're right, I have read that rabbits can be trained to use a litter box. It is a possibility. But, for some reason, I have lost a lot of energy from crying, lack of sleep and my strength level is very low right now. I have to push myself just to get out of bed. I won't be able to properly care for any pet and it wouldn't be fair to one if I wasn't happy. But, when I feel better I'll definitely reconsider adopting a bunny.

My mother's care level is unpredictable. After suffering an unexpected attack of C. diff. (a gastrointestinal infection) that put her in the hospital for nine days back in June 2016, her dementia became more apparent. She slowly went from a spry, eighty-three year old bicycle rider who would dress up just to go to the store, to one that looks and walks like a very old eighty-three year old, who is gaunt and frail and shuffles as she walks. It's sad.

I have witnessed her leaving appliances on, the kitchen faucet running, putting dirty clothes in the washing machine and not washing them. Those and other similar examples gave me enough reason to believe that she could hurt herself or burn down the house. Six months ago, I was having a conversation with her and she knew who I was. And now a meaningful conversation with her is almost gone. Funny but sad, twice I've seen her thinking the remote control was the phone and trying to answer. And two nights ago I curiously asked her my name and she couldn't identify me. It hurts.

Fortunately, she doesn't need around-the-clock care, yet, but she has been given so many different meds for different ailments that some can make her hallucinate which my brother and I are monitoring. About six weeks ago, she was prescribed Aricept, a drug that's supposed to slow down the progress of dementia. And surprisingly, we've seen just that. If she maintains this level of health and not get worse until her last days whenever that is, I'll be satisfied.

Since the supposed improvement, I've been putting more of an effort to look for employment. Although, I worked in NYC for about eleven years, I've been trying to work nearby the house, in-case my mother has an emergency. I do have another brother who lives nearby in-town, married with college-age children, but he's unpredictable. When the bunny was here, I was looking to work locally for her, too. So, that while she slept during the day, I would be at work and get home when she would be awake. My mother used to take care of the bunny attending to her needs by feeding her and watching her on the security camera. But, after her C diff. incident, she became totally incapable. of doing that. 

And leaving my mother without human interaction for twelve to fourteen hours a day, may worsen her dementia. I've read that ALL people and animals need interaction with others to fend off depression and physical health issues. After my mother became physically unable to visit and interact with Baby Bunny under the house, I felt staying home or work nearby was best for the bunny's emotional well-being, too.

About getting my mother out of the house… in fact, today I have to take her to a nearby podiatrist appointment at 2:30pm. Doctor's appointments are usually the only times she gets out and that's about once a week. It's difficult to tell from day-to-day how she's going to treat me. The dementia has at times made her somewhat multi-personality. One minute she's pleasant to me and then the next she's being rude accusing me of taking her things. There are many times where for no reason she won't speak to me or doesn't want me to drive her to her appointments. But, so far, today I'm the chauffeur!

I purposely didn't want kids. And now I've become the parent.

I agree, Dogsarepeopletoo, isolation is NOT good. Anything you can do to ward off dementia, then do it. My mother was also "seeing" a man on weekends and speak on the phone like kids after they met again at a high school reunion back in 2006. After he died in September 2017, my mother seemed to have given up on living, which in-turn affected her health and definitely impacted her mental faculties. I'm not sure of your age, but stay active and get out of the house. Which is the same advice I need to take.

I apologize for writing so much. I suppose I lack any opportunity of a meaningful conversation with anyone around here, that it all comes out in my messages like lava from an erupting volcano.  😉

Thank you for your concern. It seems like I only get it from you and the people here.

I really appreciate it.

— Joe

Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #199 
Riley's Mom,

You have a great opportunity of moving forward to a happy life again… a step that most of us haven't taken yet or ever will. And if you have the uncontrollable crying episodes like I have, let them happen. But if the sadness continues, see a therapist to discuss your grief. I plan to meet with one, since I can't find an in-person bereavement group around.

Yes, this is a grieving site but it's also a place to share uplifting and inspiring good times, too! So, definitely keep us updated! And when you're comfortable, please post some photos to your bio page.

By the way, I saw your images of Riley… that's a great looking dog!

— Joe
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #200 
Hey Joe,

Happy Wednesday!!!

What did you used to do for work?  Did you leave to take care of your Mom?  Don't mean to ask so many questions, but wondering if you could find some kind of work you could do out of your home part-time?   When I retired almost three years ago, I started to do some human resources work for a medical office and I'm still doing that now.  I do it from home, and my hours are flexible.  I did it because I didn't want to disconnect from the real world.  I was afraid I would then do nothing.  I worked 6-7 days a week and 10-12 hours a day for many years (yes, I know STUPID), and to just end it would have probably killed me.  Now I enjoy my time and work is really pretty nice.

Your comment
What is it with people? Do they think that because it's an emotion and can't be seen, they can stop expressing concern? This is a much deeper pain than a broken arm that only another person grieving can understand. But at least your sister, can sympathize

You sure said that right!!!  I suspect most people who have not been thru this "try" to sympathize and they can for a while, then they move on probably because as you said the emotion can't be seen vs a broken arm that can.

Yes, I KNOW I was the lucky one with Cassie.  I truly wish that I could be all that she thought I was.  

Joe, don't give up on yourself...........explore the possibility of another bunny, try to get out every day if you can, even if short times, then extend them slowly.  

I hope that you have a GOOD day today, Joe...........always remember the good.

Dianne





 
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