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scott

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #241 
Today will be 4 weeks since Guy passed suddenly. I miss him everyday. When I look back at when he first came into my life I couldn't imagine the type of relationship we would develop. I think that applies to all of us because relationships take time to develop. My wife put a little photo book together and on the inside cover it says "When tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart for every time you think of me I'm right here inside your heart" Hope everyone is getting a little better everyday and remember that we never know what the next relationship will bring. Keep loving cats, dogs, rabbits or what ever makes you a better person.
KayG

Registered:
Posts: 18
 #242 
Dianne
I am so sorry to hear that today is such a difficult day and has not been a good day. My heart is with you.
I am glad that you are ready to accept a new pup as I know you will make a great Mum to your new baby. I also hope it helps to heal your broken heart and ease the pain.
Thinking of you
Kay
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #243 
Thanks, Kay

I take things one day at a time, all of the time

thinking of you and Leone

Dianne
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #244 
Hello Scott,

What a nice idea for your wife to put together a photo book with such a beautiful inside cover saying............it really is very true

Also true, we never know what will come our way, loving animals does make us better people.........

Four weeks already?  Time does go by way too fast.

Dianne
Handler

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #245 
She was party of your family but more importantlyyou were party of her pack. My Dylan would lay on top of me as if to say this is how we survive. He's been gone for 2 days now and it feels worse today. But I can guarantee one thing: over time the pain will subside, and maybe even go away, but the memories will be with us forever.
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #246 
Hello Handler,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Dylan was very lucky to have you to help him.  As you say, it would be nice if we could help people in the same way.  It's so hard when they are gone.  So very hard.   I think that, for me, the pain has subsided slightly, but the emptiness and hole in my heart are still there.  It's a different kind of pain that at first.  I try to think of the good times and fun we had.  It's so empty without her.  I'm sure you feel the same about Dylan.

Thinking of you...........take care

Cassie's Mom, Dianne
staceynix

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #247 
I can't stop crying and feel like I will never stop. My Peanut died in my arms while bringing to the ER at 5:00 am today. We were inseparable. I rescued him when he was 9 months old. He was only 7 years old. He was the happiest, most loving and affectionate dog I have ever seen. He was attached to my hip. He would not leave my side. He wouldn't let anyone other than me walk him. We were together 24/7. At 4 am I noticed he was in his cage and not sleeping next to me. He wouldn't come out of his cage so I had to reach in and bring him to bed. Within 1/2 hour he was drooling badly and started thrashing about. His head was cocked to the side. He was totally not himself. I kept calling the 24 hr pet hospital and they thought it was a seizure and would go away. Finally at 6 am when we noticed he wasn't getting better we wrapped him in a towel and took him to the ER. I ran in and told someone to take him and help him. They came out and told me he passed away before he reached the ER. I hope he knows how much I loved him. I am so grateful he was in my arms and hope he felt me kissing his head and telling him how much I loved him.  I'm so scared I am going to go crazy. It's only been a few hours but I miss his kisses, smell, touch, everything about him. Anyone who has gone through this please help me. Thank you.
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 109
 #248 
Staceynix: I am so sorry for your loss. If you are crazy then we are all crazy because we know exactly how you feel; well maybe not exactly but we all empathize with that overwhelming feeling of loss. The shock and grief are so intense that it feels unbearable, especially when it is so new and raw like yours is.

Be good to yourself; vent here as much as you need to; surround yourself with people who understand; rest. Know we all understand and share your grief.

Try to keep the good memories close. Tell us about your dog when you feel up to it.

>hugs<

Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #249 
Staceynix,

I am so sorry to read of Peanut and your pain.

I could write some Hallmark-like sentiment, but I won't sugar-coat it. It's going to suck for a while. But, you'll eventually be able to move forward. It's just going to take time. There's no timetable to grieve. Just mourn at your own pace.

Reading your message brought me back to that day when Baby Bunny went on ahead without me. I lost her almost four months ago on the twentieth. She was a runaway and made her home under my house. And I fell in love with her right away. She was my sidekick… my little sister.

I just had a good cry. It'll come at the strangest times. Like walking around Walmart when something reminds you. Or doing yard work. Don't fight the tears.

This site is a very comforting resource. It's the next best thing to a face-to-face bereavement group. We are all here at different stages in the grieving process. Some like yourself are experiencing a new pain while others have already decided it was time to fill that emptiness with a new furry, family member. As time goes on, you may even find yourself responding to someone new to Pet Loss and comfort them with your experience and put them at ease.

Don't suffer alone. I understand. We ALL understand.

Please, write anytime.

Joe
staceynix

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #250 
Thank you everyone for your kind words. It's been about 28 hours since Peanut passed.  I keep thinking if I just brought him to the ER sooner or if I got him an x-ray or etc.... I woke up this morning an he wasn't next to me and I started crying and hyperventilating. I just want him back. I want to smush his face and let him kiss me. My husband said he was like a part of my body; we couldn't be separated. I still feel like the crying and pain will never end. He was my baby. 
I just put ALL of his pictures in a folder on my computer so they are all in one place. I read somewhere this helps. When I think of his his head tilted to the side and his eyes budging I start crying all over. On the way to the ER his head finally went down and his body made a few noises; I believe this is when he passed.  This thought kills me.  I hope is I can print the pictures and put them in an album it will help me not think about those last few minutes xoxo
Riley2018

Registered:
Posts: 55
 #251 
Hi Staceynix,

I wish I could say there was something that makes those images of the last few moments go away, but for me at least, they are still there.  Yesterday it was 6 months since I lost my heart dog Riley and I still have those horrible images of him when he passed on our living room rug with the help of the vet.  I don't have them as much, but I still have them and I have been one of those that have gotten a new puppy just recently.

It's a horrible, horrible time I can tell you.  I would say that after a few months, the raw pain may soften some, but at least for me, I was still crying quite a bit even after we brought this new pup home.  I actually had to go on an anti-depressant because I just could not stop crying.  I was on a hair trigger and anything made me cry.  

I did a lot of things to memorialize Riley--I made beautiful canvas photos of him and a huge collage with 30 pictures showcasing his life and have other photos of him in every room in our house.  I made a tribute video of him, which makes me cry any time I watch it, but it turned out really well.  I have a piece of jewelry I wear all the time that contains some of his fur.  I read several books on pet loss and even had several sessions with a therapist.  I was haunted by images of the last hour of so of his life and haunted by just how he went downhill toward the end (he had cancer).  I wrote a letter to him and a letter from him to me.  All of this helped and helped a lot, but that deep sadness and feeling of being lost just didn't really go away.

The day we brought our new pup home I had several break downs, just remembering bringing Riley home.  12 1/2 years had passed since I had brought Riley home.  It still amazes me, when I look at his pictures, that he is gone.

All we can do is just somehow move through the worst of the grief doing whatever we can.  And just know that you may have family and friends who do not get your grief, so don't be surprised.  Just come here as much as you need--honestly this site and the wonderful people here were the most comforting to me.

Riley's mom
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 109
 #252 
Stacynix: Those "what if" and "if only" thoughts are so normal; I think particularly when the death is sudden and unexpected. It's so normal to look back to find things you may have missed and second guess what we did or did not do.

Many years ago, my father died suddenly in my driveway; I was on vacation and he was at my house feeding our cats. I still find myself thinking "if only I had stayed home, he might be alive." Intellectually, I know he would have died had I been 10' away from him. But, emotionally, I feel guilty that I was a thousand miles away when he died. I think we are just hard-wired to have those "if only" thoughts.

Joe: I knew your bunny and our dog Annie died fairly close to the same time -- I did not realize it was the same day. :-(
Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #253 
Riley's mom,

Nicely composed message.

About the anti-depressants: I don't underestimate the help of a doctor's prescribed medication. The initial grieving was pulling me down so low, I'm sure I was having a nervous breakdown. And I noticed recently when I hadn't picked-up my refill right away, I noticed the depression resurfacing.

I have dealt with many family deaths over the years, but only Baby Bunny's passing equaled the impact of my 36-year old cousin's death at the hands of a drunk driver in '87. They were both sudden and just so unfair.

Don't let yourself fall deeper and deeper into depression where you can't get out of bed or can't stop crying. If your car was broke, you'd bring it into the shop. If you're feeling "broke", then don't deny yourself getting medical help.

Even with the medication, I still find myself crying. But, it's not 
debilitating as without. I can at least function, but the loneliness and emptiness are still there. I don't think there's a pill that can take those feelings away — possibly only time.


Joe
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #254 
Hello Staceynix,

I am so sorry for your loss and for you pain.

Peanut was truly blessed to have had you rescue him!  You are NOT crazy.  You loved him, it's as simple as that.  I have no doubt that he knew how much you loved him.  There is no simple way to get through the feelings that you have.  It's hard and you are NOT alone.  All of us here have experienced a loss that is beyond explanation.   You had a special bond with Peanut that cannot be broken by death.  He will always be with you in some manner.  I remember the freshness of the loss only too well (and it's almost 5 months for me).  When we found out that Cassie had cancer, we did have three wonderful weeks with her before she died.  I am forever grateful for that time, but I keep wishing I had had more time.  I'm sure that we all wish we had more time with our fur babies.

Be kind to yourself.  Take things slowly and remember that there is no right or wrong.  

Thinking of you, hugs to you and to all of us

Cassie's Mom
Mondo

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 975
 #255 
I agree with you Joe.  After Tuffy passed away in February 2014, after a couple of weeks I felt myself spiralling downward.  So a month after Tuffy passed I was in the Doctor's office asking for anti-depressants.  In my case they helped very quickly.  I still cried a lot for a long time - but wasn't breaking down sobbing, and was able to work and function.  

For me the first year was hard. Well, Toby had survived Tuffy .. and he passed 11 months after Tuffy.  So that brought back Tuffy's loss, along with grieving Toby.  I was still on anti-depressants at this time.  It was around 18 months that I stopped them.  Toby however, was not Tuffy.  Tuffy was my heart dog.  

Time helps.  I don't think anything heals.  The scars just scab over and we get on with living our lives just like our buddies would want us too. And suddenly, it is closing in on 5 years. Still miss my boys every day .. but love my girls.  

Hugs,
Tuffy, Toby, Ellie and Missy's Dad

diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #256 
Hi Riley's Mom,

How are things going with your new pup?

For me, every time I think I'm doing better, something happens and I think of Cassie and tear up.  Simple things, like just getting up in the morning and not having her next to me.  Coming home and no Cassie to be at the door.  Some days I think of her more than others, but a day doesn't go by that I don't think of her.  I'm now thinking more of the fun times with her and less of the day she died.  I know she would want me to remember all of the good times we had together.  But, that's so much easier said than done, as I know you and everyone here knows.  

I have a feeling that Riley is looking after your new pup somehow.  I don't know how, but I feel something there.  

Don't you wish there was a magic potion we could take to help heal us?  I still talk to Cassie every day, like she's here.  I only do it when I'm alone, as I'm sure I would be considered "crazy" if anyone saw me!   LOL

Hope that your new pup is bringing you some peace and happiness, knowing he will never be Riley, but he will be himself and he will love you unconditionally.

Cassie's Mom




diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #257 
Hello Kay,

Thinking of you.  How are you doing?

Cassie's Mom, Dianne
KayG

Registered:
Posts: 18
 #258 
Hello Dianne

I have been feeling worse lately and constantly think of Leone. I still miss him so much. My motivation is non existent. I was chatting on the group chat after the candle ceremony but the last week I have just not had the motivation to do anything.
I did find the little electric candle that I put on for him every night.
I thought by now I would be feeling better but I still can’t believe he’s gone. Life without him is so empty. Now it is getting very cold here and I really miss my little hot water bottle Leone.
I also talk to Leone every day and tell him everything like I did when he was here. I bought a orange daisy plant and even though it is really cold here it has flowered and is covered in flowers. I like to think that’s him showing me he’s still near me. I usually can’t keep a plant alive but this one has more flowers than you can imagine.
I hope you are doing well and thank you for your concern. It was nice to know someone was thinking of me and it made me feel better.
Kay
KayG

Registered:
Posts: 18
 #259 
Hi Dianne
Thank you for thinking of me. It was nice to know someone cared.
I am feeling worse than ever and still miss Leone so much. My motivation has been non existent. I was chatting on the group chat but recently haven’t had the motivation to do anything.
It is getting really cold here and I miss my little hot water bottle Leone.
I found the little electric candle and put it on for him. I also bought a plant with orange flowers. I usually can’t keep a plant alive so I was hesitant to get it. Scared I would kill his plant but even though it is freezing cold here and it’s outside it is covered in flowers. It has so many flowers it’s amazing. I like to think it’s his way of showing me he’s still here with me.
I thought by now I might be feeling better but I still miss him so much. Life without him is lonely. I also talk to him every day. Just like I did when he was here. It helps me to still feel close and connected to him. I hope he can hear me.
I hope you are well and feeling ok. Thank you for reaching out it made me feel better.

Kay
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #260 
Hi Kay,

From my experience, what you are going thru is a lot of how I felt/feel too.  I love the candle idea.  Cassie's is lit every night.  We still call things around here "Cassie's house"  "Cassie's yard", and yes, I still talk to Cassie, too.  I'm convinced somehow that she's still with me in some ways I can't explain.  I think that your Leone is trying to comfort you.  I'm sure that he does hear you.

Motivation?  Don't be hard on yourself about that.  It's been a little over five months for me, and there are still days where I have ZERO motivation and do nothing.  Seriously.  I also know what you mean about your hot little water bottle!!  Cassie would lay on the bed and move when I would come in.  Especially in the cold, it was so nice to have a warm bed!  LOL

You definitely are not alone, Kay.  There are so many of us who truly miss our fur babies.  And the holidays are awful!!  I'm remembering last Christmas with her and dreading this one.

Pamper yourself the best that you can and know that Leone IS watching over you.  

Dianne
staceynix

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #261 
Hi everyone. I hope you are feeling my hugs and prayers. I haven't written in a while. I started therapy and it helps. I had Xanax to get through the first 2 weeks which also helped. I started looking at King Charles Cavelier sites, maybe to see if a puppy reminded me of my Peanut since he was King Charles, but anyone close to where I live wanted $3500-5,000 which I cant afford. Somehow I got directed to another site and found an older woman who has been breeding King Charles for over 25 years. She lives 20 minutes from me. She had a 2 month girl and 5 month boy. She was asking $1200. After googling her and speaking with her on the phone 3-4 times, I wanted to be sure she was legit, we decided to drive to her home and see the puppies. I couldnt choose which one to adopt. They were both so cute. The boy didn't look like my Peanut, his face was longer but he was so happy and full of energy. Peanut was never like that which makes me wonder what happened to him his first 9 months before I rescued him. I was shocked when my husband said Merry Christmas and adopted them both! So Bailey and Bella have been here a week. I honestly don't think I would be writing this because I would probably have ended up in a hospital from the pain of losing my Peanut. They are very independent but still love to cuddle, play and sleep with us. Peanut was never independent. From day one he latched on to me and never let go. I honestly believe if I did not find and rescue Peanut and love him like I did he may have passed sooner. I still miss him so much and cry often but not like it was the first week. Bella and Bailey will never take his place but I am so happy I get to love 2 more fur babies. I just feel like it was meant to be. My new pups are sitting in my lap as I write this. I wish I could attach a picture. I would give up anything to have my Peanut back but I'm trying to picture my dad rubbing his head in heaven which gives me some relief. Keep writing about your pain because it helped me so much. Sending hugs to everyone!!
Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #262 
Staceynix,

It's great to read that you and your husband have started a new 
adventure with Bailey and Bella! I'm happy for you!

I haven't posted any photos, but others have through their "profile page" in the "albums" section.


Joe
NC1983

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #263 
Hi everyone, 

It's been 2.5 months since I lost Vanilla to hermangiosarcoma.  I haven't been on here in the last few weeks, as I always have a breakdown reading all the posts and typing up my responses, and I was trying to not cry so many times a day.  The pain never goes away, and even though they come less frequently, but when the waves of grief come, the pain is just as sharp as it was right after Vanilla passed. 

I looked for another dog after about 1.5 months, and for a while was focused on getting the same exact breed, and same exact coloring.  But every time I would visit one at a breeder's place, I found myself comparing the puppy to Vanilla, and always found the puppy lacking.  I realized I was really looking for a replica of Vanilla, which is not possible, and no fair to the puppy.  Every dog is an individual, and he/she doesn't need the baggage of trying to live up to a previous dog.  I would hold the puppy, but never felt a connection with it, and just sit there and cry (and end up scaring the puppy and breeder).  This happened twice, with 2 puppies.  Both are very cute and I am sure will make excellent pets, but I just didn't feel it, that instant connection and love.

I decided that it's probably healthier if I get a completely different dog - different breed, size, sex, etc., basically a fresh start.  My dad and I drove to a breeder's place over Thanksgiving weekend, and I had intended to just look, wasn't prepared to actually get a dog.  But then it happened.  The moment the breeder put a 9-week old German Shephard in my lap, I felt something in my heart (for the first time since Vanilla left).  The puppy stuck by my side right from the start, and kept licking me.  You can probably tell where this is going - I brought Frankie home, and he's brought so much joy to the house in just the 5 days he's been with us.  My dad and I are both sleep deprived as we crate / potty train Frankie, but we are loving it.  Of course I've had a number of breakdowns too - when I cleaned up Vanilla's crate for Frankie, the way he follows me to the bathroom reminds me so much of Vanilla, etc., but I can tell that Frankie's arrival is helping to heal my dad's and my broken heart. 

Nelda
Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #264 
Hi Nelda,

It's great to read that you have adopted Frankie! It's such a great way to fill the house with happiness especially during the holidays. Congratulations!

Joe
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 109
 #265 
Hello, all -- I also haven't been here in a bit. It has been five months since Annie passed away; grief is so odd -- some days it seems like it was so recent; other days it feels long ago. We miss her every day.

In October I started haunting rescue and shelter web sites -- looking for an adult heeler mix to adopt. It seemed like I found some reason to discount each dog: too far away, too young, bite history, too old. I have learned a lot about shelters -- Oregon brings in dogs from shelters all over because there are so few dogs in our shelters.

Earlier this month I spotted some heeler mixes at a rescue a couple hours away so we loaded up one day to go check them out. Like Nelda, you can likely imagine where this going. We adopted a dog -- we named her Zip.

Zip was a stray, possibly in Mexico. It appears she ended up in southern California at a shelter; then was in a second high kill shelter in central California. She was then trucked to a rescue in Oregon. Poor thing -- I do not think she has ever been in a house before; she is so scared and timid. We definitely took on a project! She was spayed a few days before we adopted her; then she got sick (kennel cough or similar infection). But, in 3-ish weeks, she can now walk on a leash; she is playing with toys; and has made a lot of progress.

It has been bitter sweet -- I feel oddly like I am cheating on Annie? I cried when I loaded up our dishwasher with her food dishes; got out her leashes. I do find myself comparing them and feel bad when one of them comes up short in my cmparison. But, all in all, it is wonderful to have a dog again -- I missed the walks; the entertainment; the companionship. We signed up for a dog class so that will be fun.

I hope you all are doing well. Keep hope in your heart -- better days are ahead!

Zip's mom
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #266 
Hi Zip's Mom,

Congratulations.  I'm so happy for you.  I think Annie died around the same time as Cassie did (June 25), yes 5 months.  Zip sounds like she will keep you busy.  It's so wonderful of you to take her and save her from an awful life, or not life.  I just found out today (I feel so stupid for NOT knowing this) about Puppy Mills.  Met a man who's wife rescues them from Ohio.  About every 30 days she drives down there (we are near Buffalo) and brings back as many as will fit in the van.  It appears that in Ohio the Amish (south of Cleveland) have a HUGE puppy mill business, St. Bernards to tiny dogs.....all pure breeds and really so badly abused.   She has over 100 volunteers who foster these poor dogs.  Many of them do not make it, as they were treated so badly (and when he told me how, I almost burst into tears), so Zip is one of the saved!!  So happy for you all!  I think that Annie is happy that you have another pup to love you in her physical absence.  Zip is one lucky little girl!!!

I see that you are in Oregon.  My niece is leaving Monday to drive to Portland, I think she said, she's got her degree in Nursing Home Administration, but is starting out in Assisted Living Facilities in Oregon.  She will either end up there or in Washington.  Long drive for her by herself and she knows no one out there, but she's young so I'm sure she will be fine.

I bet Annie is trying to help Zip...........Zip will learn.  Congratulations!!!!  Be happy.

Dianne   Cassie's Mom
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #267 
Hi Nelda,

What a great story.  Vanilla would be so proud of you!!
A German Shepherd, wow, they are so beautiful and so smart!  Frankie definitely will help heal your hearts, won't ever be Vanilla, but will be FRANKIE!!  
Enjoy every moment you have with him.

Take care
Cassie's Mom, Dianne
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #268 
Hi Staceynix,

WOW, TWO?  How awesome!  They will definitely keep you busy and they have each other for "creative ideas to get into things"  LOL.

I'm sure they will brighten your holidays and bring you much love and joy.

It does sound like you definitely saved Peanut's life and gave him time that he may not have otherwise had.

Happy Holidays
Cassie's Mom/Dianne
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 109
 #269 

Dianne, I love brave young folks like your niece -- pull up stakes and move.  Oregon is beautiful; friendly.  I live in the Willamette Valley so are an hour to the beach; a couple hours to the mountains; a couple hours to Portland.  Perfect.  The down side: rent is crazy high, particularly in Portland (and Seattle). And, of course, it is wet in the winter and lately we have been on fire in the summers.  :-(  But, she'll love it.   Odd things:  no sales tax in Oregon; and you cannot pump your own gas. 

Zip just chewed up my husband's slipper.  Oops! 

 

 

Riley2018

Registered:
Posts: 55
 #270 
Hi all,

I haven't been on in a while either--busy with my new little boy who seems to be taking up a lot of my time!!  It is bittersweet having a new boy, but I don't seem to be crying much anymore, although I did yesterday.  Yesterday would have been Riley's 13th birthday and I just got really sad.  Torin is different in many ways and he is a bit of a challenge right now and it does make me miss Riley.  I know the puppy phase will pass though.

So glad to hear many of you have adopted or gotten another dog/puppy or puppies!  Like you all though, I had my moments with getting out or using some of Riley's things for Torin and just having that heart stabbing pain.  I still miss him terribly, but to be honest, I'm not sure he would have liked Torin.  Keagan is actually really good with him since he is so laid back and they actually play together very nicely.  It's weird to have Torin and Keagan instead of Riley and Keagan--sometimes I still can't even believe that Riley is gone and I still can't believe that he was sick for six months.  I guess life does go on somehow though.

I do have a lot of anxiety though and things bother me easier.  It's not easy raising a puppy, although he does bring us a lot of joy and laughs and he's incredibly handsome, like Riley was, but he's different.  I'm glad I got a black and white dog and not a tri-color like Riley was.  Anyway, I hope you all are doing okay and I hope you all can find some peace and joy through the holidays.

Forever Riley's mom and now Torin's mom
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 109
 #271 
Torin's mom: I was wondering how puppy life is going! He is so darn cute. I bet he keeps you on your toes.

I feel kind of bad for the dog we just adopted; we named her Zip but dang, we keep calling her Annie. I am sure the poor thing is confused.

We do not know how old Zip is but she definitely still has puppy brains. The vet guessed 10 months. She wasn't housebroken, in fact we do not think she had ever been in a house. Housebreaking went quite fast; chewing is an issue and she goes right for the big stuff (the 10' x 12' area rug!) so she is crated when we are not home. Thank goodness she loves her crate.

We think we are going to get a very small tabletop tree this year because of her. I'm sort of glad because we had collected quite a few ornaments that looked like Annie. I could feel myself choke up just thinking about putting those ornaments on the tree. Even though Annie and Zip both have heeler heritage they do not look much alike

I know the holidays are poignant for so many reasons -- many are far away from loved ones; many are financially not able to have the holiday they wish for their families; and the death of loved ones is especially sharp over the holidays (whether that be humans or pets). I hope everyone is kind to themselves in the coming weeks!

Zip's mom
KayG

Registered:
Posts: 18
 #272 
Hi Dianne

Yes I love the candle idea which I stole from you. I thought it was such a lovely idea.
I also still refer to things as Leone’s bed and Leone’s chair. I really hope he does hear me and is near feeling my love for him.
I am dreading Xmas without him. I am still not sure if I am going to put up my decorations this year. In Italy we do a nativity scene. A massive display. Leone used to make me laugh because he always like to steal baby Jesus out of the manger. I would go past and there would be Jesus gone. Which would result in me asking Leone were is baby Jesus and then spend the day looking for him. I would find him and put him back but it wouldn’t be long till he would steal him again. I don’t know why but he didn’t seem to like him in his manger. I don’t know if I could bare set it up and it reminding me of him.
I miss him so much and am just trying to go day by day.
I know you feel the same. It is nice to talk to someone who understands.
Take care
Kay
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #273 
Hi Kay,

I truly wish I had the words to help you, me and all of us!  Every time I think I'm feeling better, the waves of pain come pounding back at me.  I still have days I literally am forcing myself to function.  I wish they would stop.  Maybe in time.  

Your Leone was sure quite the little guy!  Stealing baby Jesus?  That's a good one!  He brought so much into your life, I can tell.  Nothing feels the same without our little fur babies.  Sometimes I can't wait for my husband to leave the house so that I can talk more out loud to Cassie and not have him hear me.  (he may want to send me away, LOL)  I do still feel her presence in a way that I'm not able to describe.  It's both comforting and frightening at times.  Mostly frightening in that I don't understand it.

Treasure your memories, I'm finding that for me the more memories I have, the closer I feel to her.  Again, can't describe.

I'm dreading Christmas big time, in fact I keep thinking that it may go by and I won't notice?  Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmm, probably not true.

Thinking of you all the way over there in Italy, Kay, you are definitely not alone.  I'm sure that each one of us on this site has felt, or is still feeling, or will feel that kind of pain.  We can all share in that and try to comfort each other the best that we are able.

Take care, Kay...........

thinking of you
Dianne
Les68

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #274 
Just lost my best buddy yesterday. He was 11 1/2. The house feels so empty and like so many have said, you expect them to come walking in the room. His Feeding time and bedtime seem to be the hardest to get through. I know grieving takes time and it is only day 2. So hard to keep from crying all the time. His kidneys started failing so I know I did the right thing but I still feel guilty and heartbroken. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you going through the same trying times.
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 109
 #275 
Les68: I am so sorry; the first few days are so raw with shock and emotions. My heart aches for you.

I read an article about why the loss of a pet hits us so hard. One of the reasons which had not occurred to me was how much a pet impacts our daily schedules -- that can be things we do for them (walks, feeding) or just random things that happen every day (e.g., greeting you at the door, barking at the mailman, whatever). Obviously, there are many reasons we miss our pets (we love them!) but that was something I had not thought of.

Bedtime was particularly hard for me as we went through the same routine every night and I so missed the weight of our dog at my feet. I took her almost everywhere and I kept glancing in the rear view mirror to see what she was doing in the back seat then that sickening feeling would hit me -- she won't ever be in the back seat again.

Be good to yourself; keep the good memories close; and know everyone here is very supportive and understanding.

Take care.
Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #276 
Hi Les68,

I'm so sorry to read of your loss. It may not be what you need to hear right now, but it is going to suck for awhile.

Your life and daily routine has sadly been interrupted. You have been left with an emptiness and loneliness that can be overwhelming and feel paralyzing. You'll cry a lot, but eventually you'll be able to function. You just need to let yourself heal at your own pace.

When family and friends stop asking, "How are you doing?", you know that you have a place here to write and let your emotions out. 

But, if you do find yourself hitting bottom, consider seeking professional help. Many of us have. See your physician. They can possibly recommend a psychiatrist. For me, it's been over four months since my loss. I'm still grieving. I had a good cry last night. But, I am able to function with help.

Write anytime.


— Joe


diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #277 
Hello Les68,

I, too, am very sorry for your loss.  We all know that feeling and it, simply put, sucks!!

You were blessed to have had your best buddy for 11 1/2 years, I'm sure that you have many, many wonderful memories.  Hang on to those and draw on them frequently.   It feels especially hard during the holiday times, as they were such a part of our lives, the holidays don't seem the same without them.

You should never feel guilty, when their bodies start to go, we have to let them go.  It's never easy, but none of us should ever feel guilty.  We make the choice out of love for them, and I'm sure that they are grateful to us for helping them.  I'm definitely counting on meeting up with Cassie at the Bridge one day.  I'd like to think that all of our fur babies have each other, as we have each other until we are with them again one day.

I cried most of the day for weeks when Cassie died, hard to focus, hard to get out of bed, hard to just plain be alive.  It's almost six months for me now and it's "different", but the pain is still there and I still cry at times and I miss her so very much.  I'm totally dreading Christmas, I think I've mentioned before that we brought her home 10 years ago this Christmas Eve as a little 8 week old pup.  It will be hard this year.  I now think more of the fun times we had and I smile when I think of her.  

Please take care of yourself, your best buddy would want you to be ok.  

Hugs 
Dianne


Les68

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #278 
Thank you all for your thoughtful and helpful messages. It helps so much to know I am not alone in how I feel. My baby was such a character and he made me laugh every day. I really miss that. He lost the use of his back legs about 3 years ago but he was able to scoot around like a real little trooper. He didn’t let his disability slow him down. What a wonderful spirit he had. I will always remember him with such loving feelings.
Thank you again for helping me in my time of need. So appreciated.
Les68
staceynix

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #279 
Hello everyone! Just wanted you all to know I am thinking about you and sending hugs from New Jersey. It gets a little easier as time passes but never forgotten. I still miss my Peanut sooooooo much. It's been almost a month. I don't think so much of the horrible sight of his lost eyes right before he passed. I am thinking of him running and being happy.  However, as I write this I am crying. My husband just dosent get it. I think he feels I should be 'okay' sooner rather than later. Peanut was my baby. We just adopted 2 King Cav puppies and I love them dearly but still cry when I think of my Peanut. 
Hugs and prayers that we all get through one more day.
Stacey
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 109
 #280 
Les68: Grief for a pet is a rather lonely endeavor, I think. It helps to have someone in your life who has also lost a beloved pet or a family member who also misses the animal. But, frankly we all grieve so differently that even that cannot be a lot of consolation. My husband and I grieved very differently for our dog -- neither of us more or less than the other, or right or wrong -- but, differently.

I found it very cathartic to write her because clearly everyone understands and empathizes.

Take care.

Dogsarepeopletoo
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