Petloss.com Logo. Puff and Midget under the rainbow



ALL the Pet Loss Message Boards are moderated to make this an ABSOLUTELY SAFE place for you to find support.
You must REGISTER before you can post or reply.
Posts and replies cannot be viewed until after they have been checked for content & released by the Board Moderators. - EdW
Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
Sign up  |   |   |  Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 2 of 8      Prev   1   2   3   4   5   Next   »
Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #41 
Hi Dogsarepeopletoo,

I read your message to Riley2018. I hadn't thought about any of the differences another pet may bring. But as you stated, which is the same way I feel, "… the house does feel so empty." And that is a good enough reason to open your arms to another dog.

I didn't hear back, yet. I did express to them in my initial email that I am experiencing the loss of a bunny. So, maybe it didn't sit well with them, thinking I'm making an emotional decision.

But I have seen three different shelters here in the Southern CT-area that have so many beautiful bunnies.

One of my concerns is to adopt one and not both, especially if they're from the same family or have become friends. I personally wouldn't want the bunny to be upset from leaving a relative or friend
.

I'm sure my mother would love having another bunny back in our family and would benefit from it. Animals are very therapeutic for the elderly.


Joe
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #42 
Good morning, Joe

I'm definitely not strong!!!  It's a battle for me, too.  I just found that I feel better when I think of the good times, so I try to do that more often.  I am still so sad at the same time.  The sadness is knowing that I can't physically have her back in this life.  I suspect that I will always miss her like this. Getting up in the morning and not having her here to feed and take out, it's hard.............everywhere I turn all day long there are memories of her.  

Your Mom would probably love another bunny, too.  I know they say that pets are good for the elderly, and I do believe that is true, but I also believe they are good for everyone.  As you said, Baby Bunny made you a better person.  Cassie did that for me, too.  I hope that you are able to get another bunny soon.  It would be different than your Baby Bunny, but it would bring you love and joy.  

I'm not giving up on another dog........even though I know I can't have one, I like thinking I can.  I know, that sounds pretty silly, but it seems to help me.  I've looked at dogs of all sizes and kinds online, but I keep coming back to the Golden Retriever.  

Don't stop looking, Joe, I'm sure there is a bunny out there who needs you as much as you need them.  Remember, one day at a time.

Dianne
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #43 
Good morning, Joe

I'm definitely not strong!!!  It's a battle for me, too.  I just found that I feel better when I think of the good times, so I try to do that more often.  I am still so sad at the same time.  The sadness is knowing that I can't physically have her back in this life.  I suspect that I will always miss her like this. Getting up in the morning and not having her here to feed and take out, it's hard.............everywhere I turn all day long there are memories of her.  

Your Mom would probably love another bunny, too.  I know they say that pets are good for the elderly, and I do believe that is true, but I also believe they are good for everyone.  As you said, Baby Bunny made you a better person.  Cassie did that for me, too.  I hope that you are able to get another bunny soon.  It would be different than your Baby Bunny, but it would bring you love and joy.  

I'm not giving up on another dog........even though I know I can't have one, I like thinking I can.  I know, that sounds pretty silly, but it seems to help me.  I've looked at dogs of all sizes and kinds online, but I keep coming back to the Golden Retriever.  

Don't stop looking, Joe, I'm sure there is a bunny out there who needs you as much as you need them.  Remember, one day at a time.

Dianne
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #44 
Dear Riley2018,

I'm happy for you getting a new puppy.  What kind is it?

I recall the day we brought Cassie home, I held her and hugged her and told her I knew the day would come when we would have to part, but until that day we were going to just have fun and lots of love.  I, too, knew it would be horrible and that I was going to have a really hard time with it, but I did it and loved having her as long as I did.  

A puppy will give you a new purpose and focus, but you will never forget Riley.  It's because you did love Riley so much and received that unconditional love from him that you are able to open your heart to another.  

Keep us posted on your status of getting a new pup.

Have a great weekend and try to enjoy the simple things, like Riley did!

Cassie's Mom
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #45 
Hello Dogarepeopletoo,

For those of us who are grieving so deeply in the loss of our furry friends, I believe that all of our thoughts are perfectly normal.  Each one of our furry friends is different, just like people.  I tried comparing one of my dogs to one I previously had, it just didn't work.  I had to learn to accept her for who she was.  Once I was able to do that, I was able to move on.  Out of the five dogs we have had, Cassie is the only one that I don't recall ever doing anything naughty.  I honestly don't know why, but she just didn't.  Our others were great dogs, but they tended to get into things (like eating sandpaper and bags of raw noodles and dragging toilet paper around the house, eating food from the countertops, etc)  She trained so fast and easy, I didn't know how or why, but it was awesome.

Sometimes it's good to overthink, you are covering all possibilities.  I've never gotten an adult rescue dog, but people I know who have, have told me that they know when there is a connection between them and a rescue dog.  I've known an lot of people who have rescued dogs and they have all loved them.  Some looked for a long time before finding the perfect fit for them.  So, take your time and you will find one that's out there waiting for you!  

The emptiness in the house is awful without a dog.  I truly hope you are able to get one!!

Cassie's Mom
Dianne
Riley2018

Registered:
Posts: 55
 #46 
Dogsarepeopletoo: I did have some of those feelings about the new dog measuring up or wondering if I would love it as much, but I raised Riley from a puppy too and I think that with me, raising a dog from a puppy is extra special.  I do have to keep in mind that Riley was Riley and this new puppy will be his own special being.  Part of it for me is that I learned so much about training and behavior with Riley that I feel as though I'm better prepared and I am already doing things to be better prepared.  I made a few mistakes with Riley and luckily, he still turned out to be a fantastic dog, but I had to manage him.  

Riley was essentially born from a stray litter, and he did not have the same opportunity as this new puppy will have because the breeder is a very good breeder who does a lot of early neural stimulation and things like that.  Riley did not have that and I did not realize how important that is.  We brought Riley home at 10 weeks old and I really had no idea how what a puppy is exposed to early in life can affect them for the rest of their life.  I also had no idea that the parents of dogs can pass on some of their behaviors or fears.  You could not really get near Riley's mom.  Many dogs in rescue either did not have great experiences their first few weeks of life either (possibly being born of stray dogs) or their guardians many times were new dog owners and really did not have a good grasp on training.  I too made my mistakes with training and I did have to manage Riley throughout his life around other dogs and even people.

This is all not to say that I don't agree with rescuing!  I have another dog that is a rescue and Riley was essentially a rescue, but I do want to try it different this time.  So I looked for a responsible, caring breeder and I did find one--she's clear across the country from me though!

Joe: I do think that getting another baby bunny will definitely help you and your family.  Plus, you would be giving another bunny a fantastic home and I feel like you have a lot of love to give a new bunny who will appreciate that.
Riley2018

Registered:
Posts: 55
 #47 
Dianne and Dogsarepeopletoo,

I guess that is the thing for me, I hate not having a dog like Riley.  We think he was an English Shepherd and that is the kind of puppy we are getting.  An English Shepherd is similar to an Aussie or a Border Collie, but a bit more laid back.  Riley had such a presence in our life, like your Cassie and Annie.  He followed me everywhere in the house--in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in my office in the living room.  He was a very interactive and communicative dog, always coming over to us and asking for what he wanted.  He too was not a destructive dog at all, very easy to housebreak and was just a joy as a puppy. I always thought he was a more refined dog, like digging a hole in the yard was just not his style, although when he was really young, he did try it a few times and I put some of his poop in the hole he started and that ended that!

Riley also had some health issues when he was young on and off for about two years until I figured out it was something he was eating.  But I always felt protective of him and was very careful of what dogs I allowed him to play with because one time when he wasn't feeling well, another dog was playing with him and knocked him down.  That started him reacting to dogs in a negative way.  And that was okay--he was fine with our other very submissive dog, but I always felt like I needed to protect him.  There are people who allow their dogs to run off leash in our park near our house and they would always say their dog was friendly, but Riley hated being approached by an unleashed dog friendly or not.  So I did need to manage him.

Dianne, I know you love Goldens and I understand that too because I love English Shepherds.  But just keep an open mind about maybe a smaller dog for you--you do never know if you do visit shelters if a dog would speak to you.  I think you need another dog in your life!  

I also felt a little like I was not honoring Riley by getting another puppy, and while he was alive, I did not want to bring another puppy home because I felt like he wouldn't like it.  He was sick for about 6 months and I just couldn't do that to him.  I, and all of you, can provide a loving home for another dog, cat or bunny and I think that is a beautiful thing.

I have just come to the realization that that is what we sign up for, but I feel that I was a better person because of Riley and his passing has made me more of a compassionate person I believe.  And yes, we can choose to just not have another animal because we can't go through this again, but I don't know, think of the life we gave these animals too and everything they gave us.  There are others that deserve that life too and we do as well. We will never replace our beloved animals I know..... 
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #48 
Hello Joe,

Wondering how you are doing, thinking of you.  

Cassie's Mom, Dianne
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #49 
Hello Riley2018

I'm so happy for you, getting another puppy will definitely help fill the emptiness in the house.  It will never replace Riley, but I know that Riley would want you to be happy and share your love with another pup. Our furry friends give so much unconditional love that I can't even fully comprehend it.  Riley was blessed to have had you.  

I'm still walking around my house talking to Cassie like she's here.  I realize that's kind of nutty, but it helps me feel her still around me.  

Cassie's Mom Dianne
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #50 
Hello Dogsarepeopletoo,

Funny how we feel less safe without our dogs, even if our dogs were just lovers!  LOL

I miss the bark when someone came near the house, now I have to rely on ME!!!  I'm just not as good at that.

Our house is so empty without Cassie.  We have had dogs our entire married life.  I'm actually checking into the possibility of getting a pup that is about 6 months old and has had training.  Don't even want to think about getting one until next summer, but I have the guilt feelings of betrayal to Cassie.  Plus the "what ifs" as you do.  Also, yes, I think we do try to somehow protect ourselves emotionally from this pain.  But, I would do it all again with Cassie if I could.  I'm not sure it's even possible for us to consider getting one, but I like looking.  Of course, I'm always comparing what I'm looking at to Cassie and keep coming back to the  I WANT HER BACK mode.   I'm sure there will never be another Annie for you, but I'm sure there is another dog out there just waiting for you. 

The pain is still so strong, I haven't even vacuumed up her hair in our bedroom yet.  I know I need to,  I just don't want to.

Have a good evening

Cassie's Mom
Dianne
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 110
 #51 
Dianne, yes indeed, I have the same feeling of betrayal to Annie when I think of another dog. I wonder if we are projecting our human relationship feelings onto our relationship with our dogs (or cat or bunny)? It has been a month (ish) since Annie died. If my husband was looking at other women a month after I died, I think I might come back and haunt him! So, we feel that same way about "replacing" our four-legged friends? (Even though I do not believe it is ever a replacement.)

Like you, I would do it all again in a hot second. The 13 years of joy and unconditional love were totally worth it. Someone (maybe here?) said there will be a tear shed for every happy memory so we all have a lot of tears.

Funny you mentioned not vacuuming up her fur. Annie slept on our bed so I changed the duvet regularly because of dog fur. I cannot bring myself to wash the duvet; I know I need to but I just keep putting it off. Ditto picking up her pad in our tv room. I tell myself that I leave it there for the cat but the cat has not slept on it. Not once.

Laurie
Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #52 
Hi Dianne,

Thank you. I was thinking of you, too.

Sorry for the delay in responding. I hadn't checked my computer for about five hours.

I had a rough start to the day. This morning I went out and ran a quick errand. I came back, and I really got down and depressed. I thought I was starting to get a little better, but my heart was racing with anxiety on top of it. Not wanting to go any deeper down, I took the medication that my physician prescribed. After a while I felt better and was able to function without crying.

And now at 11:49pm, my mother, who I've mentioned has progressive dementia, just came to my room and wants to know the phone number of this house, the same number she's had at this house that she's been in since 1955. It's sad. And then she wanted to make phone calls and I told her that people are sleeping. She wasn't happy with my response. So, I'm going to go and check on her in a minute and make sure she gets to bed alright.

Sorry to unload all that extra stuff, but my mother's condition is not helping my grieving.

Dianne, how have you been? I really hope you can at least have a bit of time where you're distracted enough to feel a little better.

I hope you have a peaceful and relaxing evening.

Joe

Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #53 
Hi Dianne and Laurie,

I noticed that you both touched on the topic of fur. You should both collect it and put it into a container. I had been collecting Baby Bunny's fur for the last few years and I'm so glad I did it.

Joe
Riley2018

Registered:
Posts: 55
 #54 
Hi Joe, 

The vet shaved off some of Riley's fur on that last day and I am so glad I have it.  I wasn't sure what to do with it at the time, but I'm glad I have it.  I put some of it in a cremation necklace instead of his ashes, so I have a piece of him with me all the time and I liked the idea of fur in the necklace because it was right from him and not altered.

Some people just put in little teeny jars too, but the cremation necklace is a good idea and they also have other vessels you can put it in and even put in on a shelf or something.  It was really good that you collected Baby Bunny's fur all this time.
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 110
 #55 
Joe, I had a family member with dementia -- my heart goes out to you in that regard.

Good idea on the fur. Annie had such goofy fur. She was half blue heeler and half mystery -- so she had very soft black fur, but that was covered with coarse, stiff white fur. It made for an interesting appearance but not very good for clipping a lock for saving (we did that with our golden retriever). But her big, goofy, standup ears were sooo soft.

Bunnies are so soft -- I bet you miss just petting your bunny. We had a cat that we used to say was part bunny as she had the silkiest, sleekest fur.

I hope your day goes ok!

Laurie
Riley2018

Registered:
Posts: 55
 #56 
Bunnies are so soft!  Riley had the softest fur on his chest and I always told him he was soft like a bunny!
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #57 
Hello Everyone,

When the vet shaved Cassie's leg, I was picking up the hair to throw it out and my son suggested that I keep some.  At the time, I wasn't even sure what I was doing.  Now I'm glad I have it.  It's in a little plastic baggie and every time I look at it I start to cry.  I like the idea of putting a little in a special necklace.  I'll have to check them out online.  The vet gave us a little piece of paper with paw print ribbon around it and Cassie's paw prints and a little piece of her hair with a little bow.  I want to put it in some kind of frame.  But, that too, I can't look at without crying.

Joe, I hope that today is better for you.  When you don't get good sleep it's even harder to deal with the days.   When my mother in law was alive and in an assisted living facility, she had dementia and called everyone in the family all night long.  It was really difficult, but I think she had no conception of time or even what she wanted to do.  You and your brother are special people to take care of your Mom, I know it's not easy.

Laurie, Annie's Mom, Annie does sound a lot like Cassie.  Cassie slept in bed with us, too, until three weeks before she died.  She wasn't able to jump up and didn't want us to help her (I think it hurt her if we tried to lift her)   I never was bothered by her hair, it simply was all over.  Now I'm missing that, believe it or not.  She also had a little bed at the bottom of our bed for when she wanted to lay on the floor.  I can't move that yet.    I see what you mean about if you died and your husband looked at another woman the next month, but I think dogs are really above all of our human faults/feelings.  They simply love, expect nothing in return.  They liked us to be happy, I believe they still want us to be happy even without them.  It's not easy for us though.  I wish it was!

 Riley's Mom, You are right, I do need another dog in my life.  I need to figure out how to do that with health issues and aging.  But, I'm determined to at least try.  Not right away, although I enjoy looking.   We love Golden's and would like one about 60 pounds.  I'm afraid of tripping over a little dog, in that I think I'm pretty clumsy!!  

Happy Sunday to all................may each day bring us a little more peace
Cassie's Mom, Dianne
Riley2018

Registered:
Posts: 55
 #58 
Dianne, yes, look on line for memorial things like jewelry.  I also bought a photo urn off of Amazon and it's really nice.  It fits Riley's ashes, the leftover baggie of fur, his paw print that the vet did that day, his collar and tag, some of the sympathy cards I got as well as some of the dried flowers my dog peeps sent me.  I got the one that fit a dog up to 80 lbs and even though Riley was about 55lbs when he died, it was a tight fit with all that in there, but I wanted all that stuff together.  I didn't want to mess with the bag of ashes, so I decided to put the fur in the necklace.  I took it to a jeweler, who was a fellow dog person that grieved for his dog not long ago, and he sealed it for me and put a different bale on the necklace for me.  I just couldn't deal with sealing the necklace, so I put the fur in and took it there.

Also look on Etsy--there are lots of people who make memorial boxes, although some are quite pricey.  For me, I was a bit frantic about getting pictures made and I probably spent more money than I needed to, but I do like having pictures of him in every room in the house.  I was also able to make a really large canvas collage on the CVS photo site and it wasn't that expensive and that hangs in my home office where I work every day.

Another book that I just got "The Pet Loss Companion: Healing Advice from Family Therapists Who Lead Pet Loss Groups" is really really helpful.  I have several grief books and that one is very helpful as is the Heart Dog one.  Knowing that I am not nuts and there are so many here going through the same thing is also immensely helpful.  

I was such a mess last week I had to call a grief counselor who specializes in pet loss--even though Riley died in May.  I had come off of my anti-depressant right after Riley died and I think it just sort of hit me all over again after the anti-depressant must have worn off.  But I had off this last week and I spent a lot of time making a memorial video using pictures and video clips.  Yes, I did a good deal of crying while doing it, but now, the finished 18 minute video does bring both a smile and tears.

I have to leave my house I think today for a while and go visit some of my family--that does seem to help--just getting out of the house and away from the grief for a bit.
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 110
 #59 
Dianne, when we got Annie (an adult) she would sit on her haunches and drape her chest and front legs over our legs when we were seated. My husband said "we need to curb that; next she will be up on the furniture." Sure enough, soon she was on the furniture --cuddling next to me while I read or watched tv. He shook his head but also cuddled with her on the sofa or our overstuffed chair. One day we came home and she was sprawled on our bed and husband proclaimed with some gruffness that he did not want a dog sleeping with us. Well, as you can imagine, she slept on our bed every night after that.

About six months ago, she started having troubles jumping onto the bed at bedtime so we lifted her onto the bed every night. For the last few months, we lifted her off each morning.

What's funny is I slept sort of cock-eyed in the bed because she liked to lie where my lower legs would be. And even though it has been a month, I wake up every morning in that same cock-eyed position. And every morning I get a pang or realizing she is not there.

I agree that dogs are above human faults and pettiness. I suppose that unconditional love is one of the things we miss the most.

A small-ish golden would be perfect. A friend had a small female golden -- so different in size than the large male golden we had years ago. And how clever of you to think about a small dog being a trip hazard; that is likely so true. Our cat is in indoor cat but we feed him in the garage. Often when I go from the house into the garage (down two steps), the cat dashes out underfoot, thinking it's chow time. I'm so cognicent of him doing that for fear I will do a face plant on the garage floor. Yikes.

Have a good Sunday, everyone.
mssavion

Registered:
Posts: 612
 #60 
Dear Diwolff,

I am so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful fur baby, Cassie....a GOLDEN!   I know all too well the pain of bidding a precious golden goodbye.  Today makes exactly 11 years since our little doe Nike left for the Rainbow Bridge.   Goldens have a special club there....they stick together and given their sweet natures are very popular..  Rest assured that Cassie is not alone at the bridge, her fellow goldens will watch out for her, and make sure she is never lonely.  You will always feel her presence, and if you are lucky she will visit you in your dreams.   And most importantly, never ever forget that you WILL be reunited one day.  Until then, cherish your memories of your sweet Cassie.  And take good care of yourself.....Jan
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #61 
Hello Riley's Mom,

Thank you for the good info on a photo urn and pictures, and jewelry and for the name of the book.  I will definitely check into all of that.  We are leaving for Alaska on Thursday with my two sisters and their husbands, so I've been busy in the house trying to get things ready.  It's so sad.  Whenever we would go away, Cassie would go to our son's house and she loved to go there.  I had a packing list of things for her, it was on my packing list, so it's still there.  I have mixed feelings about Alaska.  I know I should be happy and excited, and I'm trying, but I'm just so sad she isn't here for us to pack her up and she won't be here to greet us when we come back.  I hate it.

I'm glad that you were able to make some nice memorials of Riley.  I'm sure that Riley was by your side in spirit when you did that and he's smiling!!!

I think that when I come back from Alaska I will make some kind of memorials for Cassie.  Her picture is on my computer screen saver, it has always been there........I used to look at it and then look at her laying down beside me when I was on the computer thinking how happy I was to have her.  Yes, I still want her back.

When I think of how much I have been crying since Cassie left, I'm sure it's more than all crying before combined in my entire life.  It's still shocking to me that I cry so much.  I'm not really a crying person.

Hope you enjoyed visiting some family today, getting out really does help...........at least until you get back home.

I'm feeling the same way about at first thinking I was nuts, now I see others feel the same and we are NOT nuts!!!

Thank you for your kind words and hope you have a great week.

Cassie's Mom, Dianne
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #62 
Hello Dogsarepeopletoo,

When Cassie was a puppy, the vet told us she would be a very petite girl, maybe 50 pounds.  Well, she was wrong and Cassie got to be 82 pounds and she wasn't fat.  She was long and tall.  We would like one a little smaller if that day ever comes.

Cassie used to lay by my feet, too.  She would watch out the door in our bedroom and her head was always around my feet.  I, too, had to curl around her and still do.  Near the end, she would bark one big bark during the night to get me up to take her out.  Every once in a while I still wake up thinking I hear that one big bark and I jump out of bed............then I remember................and the sadness comes along with the tears

I am terrified to fall, already had spine surgery and one hip replacement.  My husband has had two knees and two hip replacements along with neck and spine surgery, so for either of us to fall could be deadly.   I go to the Y three mornings a week at 5am to "walk" in the water.  An older man was always there, too, then one day last December he slipped on some ice in his driveway and now he's in a nursing home, falling is very scary.  One fall and boom!!!!

Still it's hard to comprehend just how much our furry friends so easily became part of our families and how hard it was for all of us to lose them.  

Have a great evening everyone

Cassie's Mom, Dianne


Pawprince

Registered:
Posts: 90
 #63 
I am so sorry for your loss. I know it is so real, and so heartbreaking. I don't have any words of advice on how to go on with life because my beloved has been battling kidney disease and will be with me only a short time longer. This anticipatory grief alone is awful. Heart-wrenching. Cry because I know the end is soon on the way and I don't know how I will go on either. And can I trust myself to know when it's time to end my beloved's suffering?? I don't know!

We made an appointment for yesterday and couldn't go through with it. I saw he still had some life left in him. And I wanted one more day. One more cuddle. One more walk. One more loving gaze into his eyes. More time to sit on the porch together, just to be in the same room together.  Make him one more meal he loves... I finally see there will never be enough time spent with the one I love so much. Never. I hope to GOD IN HEAVEN I will get to see my beloved dog Arby again. I love him so much.

I am so very sorry for your loss and am sending you my sympathy, love, and understanding. <3
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 110
 #64 
Dianne, Alaska might be cathartic for you -- get out of your routine, doing new things, visiting with your family. We had something similar happen when we had a to put a cat down (cancer); it felt so odd to go on an already planned vacation in the weeks following, but, it was a nice break and kept me from dwelling on the loss of our kitty. I must say, coming home was a bit of an emotional stumble because it was like all those emotions came swooping back. We just took a small trip to the beach for a few days and I know what you mean about packing -- my goodness, dogs sure know something is up when those suitcases or overnight bags came out! It felt so odd to get out an overnight bag and not have to worry about Annie stressing out. Annie had her own weekend bag -- treats, food, bowls, blankie, towel -- we used to joke it took longer to pack for her than us.

Annie's photo is my phone's screen saver -- I throught briefly of changing it, but decided to leave it.

My crying has subsided a bit -- I was fearful it would NEVER stop. It hasn't stopped but I feel a bit more in control of it (if there is such a thing) -- I've managed to mostly reduce it to the lump in the throat, tears in my eyes kind rather than the full-tilt sobbing I was doing for whatever felt like forever. I rec'd a lovely sympathy card in the mail yesterday and whooee, here came the sobs.

I love the idea of something with Annie's ashes in it -- they asked us if we wanted her returned in a wood box; I said "sure" not knowing what to expect. She was returned in a lovely wood box that is screwed shut (with a wee screw). I'm hesitant to unscrew it for many reasons (what if I scratch the box? What if I strip the screw? What if I spill the ashes? What if I cannot deal emotionally with scooping out a bit of the ashes?). So, for now I will be content with the pretty box on a shelf.

Laurie
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #65 
Dear Jan,

I'm sorry for your loss........11 years ago today, gosh we never do forget or stop loving them, do we.

Cassie was our third Golden, she was different than the others for many reasons (the biggest being no kids were at home when we got her).   Goldens are special for sure.  My brother liked Cassie's personality so much that he went and got a Golden, too.  He said he had never even thought about one until he met Cassie.  Cassie was a dark reddish one and his is one of the white ones, so very different, but the temperament is the same.

I do believe that I will be with her again one day, as you say.  I also feel her around me, not all of the time, but quite often.  I still talk to her.    She did make me a better person.


diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #66 
Dear Pawprince,

I have no doubt that you will see Arby again, I'm clinging to that myself to see Cassie again one day.  

Nearing the end is awful, it's so difficult.  We had an apt for Cassie on Tuesday, June 26th, and we had changed it a few times as she seemed to be holding her own for a bit.  Then Monday, June 25th, after being outside, she came in and went to a corner in the living room and started heavy breathing and I could hear the water in her.  We knew it was time, we had no choice.  I remember saying that she made it easy for us to make the decision, as she didn't have much longer no matter what we did.   We didn't know how long it could go on, the vet came to the house and said she only had a few hours left, we could not let her suffer.   It was truly the worst day of my life.

I, too, wanted one more of this and one more of that, but......................

My heart aches for you, I think we all know that pain and need the strength of each other to help us through this.
Hugs, love, and much sympathy

Cassie's Mom, Dianne


diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #67 
Hello Dogsarepeopletoo, Laurie

Cassie's ashes came back to us in a tin.........it has paw prints all over it and on the top it says "Until we meet again at the rainbow bridge"..........on the bottom of the tin, they put a cheap sticker with her name on it (spelled wrong).  I can't open it yet.  I want to do something with some of her ashes, but I can't yet.  I put the box on a small dresser in our bedroom and every time I go by it, I stop to touch it.  It's hard to see her body reduced to being in a can.

Travel was funny with her, if we were going away, we packed differently and packed her differently (as she went to our son's), but when we went up to Canada to a cottage near Algonquin park, she somehow knew that was different and she was going with us.  When we packed the car, she would jump in the back seat and not want to get out, thinking we would leave her behind.  

I'm glad that you have Annie's picture on your phone screen saver, I like that idea!

Tomorrow I'm getting a spine injection, the last time I had one she laid on the bed with me all that day.  I will probably just cry most of tomorrow.  

Hope you have a great evening and remember, Annie is watching over you..........and I'm sure Cassie is watching over me.


Dianne



Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #68 
Hi Dianne,

I just read that you're having a medical procedure tomorrow. I wish you well and if you're able to, please let us know how you're doing.


Joe
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 110
 #69 
Dianne, if we went on a big trip (eg, on an airplane) we would wait as long as possible to haul out suitcases. Then I would take her in the back yard or on a walk while my husband took them into the guest room (where we packed). And, boy, she KNEW she wasn't going and would stick to me like crazy (more so than usual). We usually took her with us on road trips but she still got that look when we started tossing clothes in smaller bags.

I'm a hobby photographer and if I want in our small den and started packing my camera bag, she got excited because she knew she would be going. They are so smart.

Getting the ashes returned is a tough one. It feels so....final.

Good luck tomorrow!

Laurie
Riley2018

Registered:
Posts: 55
 #70 
Hi Laurie,

Yeah, getting the ashes back is a tough one I agree.  It's really really hard to see your beloved dog or cat reduced to ashes in a bag.  That was a rough night for me too--my husband went right out and got a bottle of wine to help soften it.

I got a really nice photo urn on Amazon actually and it's really really nice.  It just looks like a photo cube, but I was able to put a lot of things in it with his ashes and that's just me, but I wanted his ashes together with his paw print, fur, collar and tag and sympathy cards and the cremation certificate and some dried flowers.  It's really nice and much nicer than the box they gave me, which wasn't bad, but it looked like a coffin.  I got a name plate made from another place and I put it on the back of the photo urn so from the front it just looks like a photo cube.  I guess we can't attach pictures or I would attach one.

Riley was the same way with going away--I had a bag I used for when we would go somewhere and I had a cooler bag I used for when I would go to rally or scent trials and if we wanted to use it for other purposes, I had to do the same thing and put him outside while we packed it and put it in the car.  They pick up on every little thing.  Riley was like having a young boy in the house really.  God I miss him so....
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 110
 #71 
Riley, good idea on having a name plate made -- Annie's box isn't identified at all. We certainly will remember what is in it, but, it would be nice to have something. I thought about somehow attaching her collar tag but hesitate to dink around too much with the pretty wood. Maybe I will tie a narrow ribbon around it and thread her tag through it?

It has been over a month since we said goodbye to Annie; I was feeling like I had made it through the worst part. But, boy, yesterday for some reason was hard. I think it's because. I was home most of the day; it's really hot here (not fond of hot weather); just feeling kind of blah anyway and I started to think about her and how much I miss her. Grief is funny how it tends to come in waves. I think she was in my dream last night -- just a fleeting memory of the dream this morning but those dreams are both good and bad. It's almost like seeing her again which is nice, but it makes me miss her more.

Have a good day, everyone!
featheredwolf

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #72 
Hello diwolff,

Sorry, I just now found your response to my post to you from a few days back.   I love what you said about how you realize now that Cassie has gone just how much she was part of you.  I will be forever grateful to you that you posted this.  I have been holding it in for over a year thinking I was the only one and there was something wrong with me.  After all, everyone knows just what their pet brings to them right?  Well, it hit me so hard because I never realized until he was gone.  I had to put my bichon down (very sudden with heart failure) last year and when he was gone, I kept thinking to myself how could I not have know just how much he brought to me and this household?  How could I not have known this?  So I have been walking around thinking there is something terribly wrong with me all this time until I read your response to me.  You helped me figure it out!  I believe what happens is that they weave their lives into ours and it becomes like one common thread.  Almost like breathing.  We don't think about each breath we take until something happens and we find ourselves not being able to catch our breath or we can no longer breathe.  We don't have to think about how these pets are such a huge part of our lives because it is so natural and it becomes such a huge part of our every day life.  I did not get a lot of things until after he was gone and it makes me sad, but then the one comfort I find (now thanks to you), is that maybe that is the way it is supposed to be.  We are supposed to be like our pets.  They bond and they don't have to go around thinking about it right?  They just know in their soul - like we do.... We do know.  It is just when they are no longer with us our soul is hurt in ways we just could never ever have imagined.  You have helped me over a huge barrier.  I cannot thank you enough.  Amazing what are pets do and are still doing after they have gone - they bring people together to help each other heal on this journey without them. 

Hugs,

Linda (featheredwolf)
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 110
 #73 
Linda, beautifully written and expressed what I feel, also.

We adopted Annie when she was a few months older than a year so I had a tendency to get her age confused with how long she had been with us. I remember saying "Annie is 11 today!" and my husband corrected me that it was her 12th birthday. It hit me like a thunderclap that she was a senior dog. I think at that point I started realizing the magnitude of how much she was part of our lives; and the horrible reality that she had fewer years ahead of her than behind her. I would actually feel a bit of panic thinking about the day she would no longer be part of our lives. And, of course, here I am without her -- it's so hard.

featheredwolf

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #74 
Dogsarepeopletoo:

I am so very sorry on the loss of your Annie.  The years just seem to creep up without us ever realizing it.  It seems to go so fast when they are part of our lives.  Thank you for understanding and sharing.  So nice to realize there are others who go through this same realization.  I remember walking around talking out loud to my sweet bichon after he was gone did I let him know enough how I felt?  Did I take his love for granted?  Then I remind myself all we did together.  The times his back hurt and I put him in his doggie stroller so he could still enjoy the outdoors.  The many functions we attended.   We just have so much day to day interaction with these wonderful souls when it does hit us, it is beyond words.  Again, so sorry on the loss of your Annie.  I hope you are able to find some comfort and healing.  I read an interesting article that talked about that when we lose a pet, we still have all this love that is inside us that we were so used to giving our fur babies and now that love has no place to go.  That is another fact that changes along with our daily routines.  Never thought of that before but it makes sense. 

diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #75 
Hello Linda,

I'm so happy that you understood what I was trying to say.  It's hard to put into words, it's more feelings.

I honestly didn't "get it" when Cassie was with me.  Sometimes when I would look at her I could just feel the love oozing from her eyes.   I remember thinking did she see that from me?   I think you said it very well about we didn't have to think about our furry babies as it was just so natural, no thought needed.  I feel like she dug a hole in my heart and jumped in and even though she's physically not with me, she's still there in my heart, part of me.

Yes, they bring us together to help us get through this, as I don't think we can do it alone.  

Also, I don't believe there is anything wrong with any of us, grieving is a difficult process and can take a very, very long time.  But, I did think there was something wrong with me at first, as I'd never had these feelings and had no idea why.  Then it started coming to me.....

I still do talk out loud to Cassie, usually when my husband is out and I'm alone in the house.  Then I feel her coming to my side, again hard to explain.  But, I feel she has a very strong spirit/soul.  

There are no rights or wrongs as to what helps each of us, I'm believing that our furry babies will help us find our way.

Have a great night

hugs and more hugs
Dianne
diwolff

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #76 
Hi Laurie and Joe,

Thank you for the good wishes for today.  I had six injections in my lower spine this morning.  Had to come home and rest all day today.  Tomorrow can resume normal.  The reason I mentioned it in the first place was I'm noticing "firsts".  Each time I have a "first" time without her it's so hard for everything.  

I get injections every 4-6 months.  Cassie would always meet me at the door with a toy in her mouth when I would get back and she would lay next to me in bed all day.  She was very gentle and just wanted to be close like she knew I was hurting.

So today when I came home and walked in the empty house, I started to cry.  I sobbed in bed for about 3 hours before getting some sleep.  I'm hating "firsts"...........and there are so many, for us all~~

Joe, you have been very quiet ...........how are you doing?

Everyone take care
Dianne
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 110
 #77 
Dianne, I had those same feelings that something might be wrong with me -- maybe "wrong" is not the right word; not in control maybe? I remember thinking I "Laurie, get a grip on yourself." It is comforting to hear from others who are as heartbroken after the loss of their beloved four-legged friends.

My father used to say "I'm so sensitive, I cry at stop signs" and I feel like I inherited his sensitivity.

I am so sorry you had a bad spell when you came home from your injection adventure -- those "firsts" are so hard. And I know you missed the comfort that Cassie brought you. They are so in tune to our emotions, illness, etc.

When we got Annie, she was so shy and timid; didn't really go to other people. We were visiting my in-laws in another state when my mother-in-law was in the hospital; and received a terrible diagnosis. We left the hospital and went back to their house and my father-in-law plopped down in his chair and was lost in thought about his wife (I'm sure). He was silent; no tears. Darn if Annie didn't plop herself at his side and stay there all evening. It was spooky -- it was like she knew that he needed someone to comfort him.

I hope you sleep well tonight -- it sounds like an exhausting day on all counts.

Laurie
Joe_L2

Registered:
Posts: 52
 #78 
Hi Dianne,

I'm glad to read that it wasn't an overnight stay at a hospital and that you're back at home. Six injections? How the heck do you do it? I hope you'll be up and around tomorrow.

I thought it would get easier to write about Baby Bunny, but it wasn't. So, I thought I needed a break. You and the others all seem to be so much stronger than I am. Though I worry about a setback every time I wakeup, I am feeling a bit better with the meds that I was prescribed and from staying busy especially with my mother.

In fact, my brother and I brought her to a doctor today where she was officially diagnosed with moderate dementia. But, I actually think it's worse. And once he gets the results of her blood test, he will put her on a med that supposedly slows the progress of it. It's difficult to watch her slowly decline.

Thanks for asking.

Joe
Dogsarepeopletoo

Registered:
Posts: 110
 #79 
Joe, try not to compare yourself to others -- there are no doubt moments where you are struggling; and one of us might be laughing. And an hour later, it will likely be the opposite. I know it's human nature to compare but please do not feel bad that you feel like you are not as strong. I'm sure it's healing for some to write about their loss; and for others it is difficult. I like to write; and its both healing and hard for me to write about Annie. I do not talk about my feelings about her death elsewhere so this is my way of dealing. It isn't for everyone.

You have other worries in your life that I certainly do not have; I am sure your mama's dementia is a big load to carry. I'm glad you have a brother to help you. Take care!
Riley2018

Registered:
Posts: 55
 #80 
I see Riley in my dreams too, although he hasn't come to my dreams now for a week or so--not sure why.  When he did though, I knew in the dream that he was gone and was just coming back.  He was very detailed though. I didn't dream that he was still alive if that makes sense. It was weird, but it was nice though--the dreams were very pleasant.

My crying this week has slowed down some, but it's been 2 1/2 months for me.  I don't know--so many little things remind me of him and sometimes I just can't stand it.  

I got my hair cut today by a different stylist because my regular girl is on vacation and it just so happened this girl was a dog person and we got to talking and she lost her heart dog about 5 years ago.  She still teared up talking about him, but she does have two dogs that she got after he had died and I asked her about the relationship with the new dogs, if it was just as strong and she said yes, that she was so in love with the one of the new dogs that they got as a puppy soon after she lost her heart dog.  So, that made me feel better knowing that it's possible that another dog could come into our lives and we may feel just as strongly about them.  I sure hope so.  
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

If you can, please help support this Message Board with a donation:

Do your  shopping through Petloss.com & help support Petloss.com for free!
Click HERE to see how it works.