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Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
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Loz

Registered:
Posts: 33
 #1 
As some of you know I lost my beautiful girl Berry suddenly  to heamangiosarcoma new years eve( 2018), she was 4 days from her 14th birthday.
She was everything to me! 5 month on, meetings with depression counsellor plus meds for anxiety and I'm still hurting more than ever. Most days I have a physical pain in my body and mentally I dont know where to put myself. Its a pain like no other. 
I've tried to talk myself into the fact that she was getting old and wasnt going to be here forever but I just grieve for the  wonderful times we shared and I miss her beyond belief.
I know it could all have been much worse in the fact that she might have died when we were out or that she deterriated over this past 5 month and we had to make a disicission on her quality of life. As it happens the undetected tumour burst and she collapsed at home when we were in  and went into a coma. At nearly 14 I wasnt going to put her through an operation that would cause her more trauma and we had to let her go. I am LOST with her, I just drift through the days glad when it ends. I really DONT KNOW how to move on. Thank you to all who have supported me on this message board.
KatKat

Registered:
Posts: 101
 #2 
I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  Knowing and feeling are two different things, although we can all try to rationalize our situations in an effort to make us feel better it doesn't always work.  Your pain and sense of loss are real.  I didn't have my pet very long but I loved her desparately and right now I am doing the same - just drifting through the day, waiting until I can fall asleep so I have a brief time where I am not agonizing over her loss.  I just saw a counselor yesterday, she wants me to try EMDR, maybe you can ask your counselor to see if he/she thinks it will help.  I'm going to give it a try, I don't want to live with constantly replaying everything over and over in my head because it's affecting my physical health.  Your pain is recognized here, I wish I could wave my hand and take it all away for you.  
Loz

Registered:
Posts: 33
 #3 
Hi KatKat,
Sorry for the lateness of this reply but i do appreciate your thoughts. I'm so sorry you are going through this too. Its agony! every day is a struggle.
Today would have been 14 years since I first met Berry at the rescue centre. I know I should be thankfull for nearly 14 years of the purest love and the joy we shared but I miss her so much.
My heart aches for her.
KatKat

Registered:
Posts: 101
 #4 
Hi Loz,

How wonderful that you rescued your beautiful Berry.  It's obvious that she was loved and cared for.  It's understandable that you have so much heartache, you've lost a precious family member.  My thoughts are with you, -K
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