Registered: 1540991322 Posts: 8
Dearest Jakey, Jakey Kid, Jakey Boy, my Beagle Boy, Ewok Boy, my Heart, my Pup-Pup Boy, My Bubba Boy—
I miss you soooo very much just as I loved you soooo very much. If you can see me, I am crying lots because I miss you. I feel lost without you. My life has changed definitely since I lost you 3.5 weeks ago. I feel like the crazy dog lady who has to hide and be strong and hide my feelings from people who don’t understand. I pray lots to God to give me strength to handle all this and know he would never give me more than I could handle. I miss you sooo very much and love you sooo very much. I miss seeing your little head sticking out the window when I came home so excited to see me. I miss how you would come to greet me at the door and jump all over me and give me kisses. I miss your sweet face, your wagging tail, your little paw paw and your sweet kisses. I miss how you followed me all through the house, didn’t want to stay outside too long without me, how you wanted to be with me and do everything with me even lie on my computer as I was using it. I miss you reaching your little paw to make me pet and touch you. I even miss your alpha dog ways on the couch, with you always getting more room. I miss you so. Everything is so surreal, my life so different... I just got all your vet bills, the ones before you left, and they are huge 15k. I have to work lots to pay them all off, but I have no regrets I would do it all again. I really tried to get you all better and healthier again. Through the 13 years your bills ended costing me lots, more than my own medical bills, enough to buy a car, but I would do it all again in a heart beat. You were My Boy. I was sooo lucky and blessed to have you, so lucky to be your Special Human, your family, your pack. I loved you soooo much. Jakey, you were my Baby Boy, my Heart.... I will always love you. I tried my hardest to save you Sweet Boy. I sang to you Lean on Me your very last week honestly thinking really we would beat all your medical issues and we would have at least 1.5 to 3 more years (wishful thinking maybe) together. I prayed my hardest for you to get better. I am sorry if I was naive and you suffered. I am sorry that I was stupid enough to think you weren’t sleeping because the meds, because the cone around your head from surgery, or just because you were getting old. I am sorry I failed to think that the pneumonia you got in surgery was still brewing, and I failed to question the vets, question the treatments... that I failed you. I want you to know that I loved you soooo very much, and I tried my hardest and my best. Paw paw friends activate forever, Didi and Jakey. I love you and miss you and would have done everything for you. I am sorry for leaving you when I went to work or when I went on vacation... that I cannot take away, but I know you still loved me anyway despite that and all my faults and I am so greatful and thankful for that. I know you were such a happy boy, my good boy. I know that you were happy with me, just as I was with you... best friends, family, our little pack. I am forever grateful my Little Boy. I was so lucky to have you. I loved you sooo much and would have done everything for you. I tried my hardest please know. I would do it all again. I will love you forever. Rest In Peace, run and play in heaven with your brother Crazy Legs and my childhood dog Rocky and all your friends our fam, until we meet again. I love you Sweet Boy, my Little Angel Boy. I will always love you.... forever in my heart.
Registered: 1498611382 Posts: 322
What a wonderful heart felt tribute to your Jakey Boy. Boy, I can feel the love in each and every word. The bond you shared mirrored the one I shared with my Sweet Termy. It sounds as if Jakey was your heart dog just as Termy was mine. Please try to let go of the feelings that you failed Jakey, you didn't fail him. I can read in your words that you moved heaven and earth to help him. Sadly, It was his time to go be with the spirits at the Bridge. I know how very hard it is to not feel guilty. Remember we did the best we could at the time. It's been 14 months since I let my Termy go and once in awhile guilt's ugly head will pop up but Termy has sent messages that he loves me and there is nothing to forgive. Jakey loves you still and always will. He is still at your side watching over you until the day you are reunited. Be kind to yourself. Cry as often as you feel the need but remember the journey when you can. This is the magic that our babies work. Because they know that they need to pack so much love into their short lives so that we have enough memories to last us our life time. It'll get better, in time. Please come here often, we all share your heart ache.
Love and doggie hugs Termy's mom
Registered: 1540991322 Posts: 8
Termy’s Mom- Thank you for your words and support and understanding. It’s great I don’t have to hide my feelings here. We are all here for the same reason. My heart goes out to you too. Thank you!