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brenrae

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Posts: 4,647
 #201 
Hi Har Har,

I don't know why, but this week I have been crying a lot. It seems like I am just sitting and doing stuff on the computer, or watching tv, and I just start crying. Sometimes loudly, with tears streaming down my face, and other times, silently, with the tears streaming down my face. Perhaps it is because this was one of your favorite times of the year. You could go outside more, and not be too hot, or too cold. Perhaps it is because it will be your 14th birthday next month, on May 14th. Yes, you was born on Mother's day in 2000. And it was soon after Mother's day of 2012 that you got sick with UTI, and just couldn't get better. It seemed like as soon as you turned 12, it became your time to go. That is probably part of it, because I have been thinking of that a lot. It is also about your 2 year anniversary at the bridge. I can't believe that it is almost here. I never imagined that I would have to live without you, and here we are going on 2 years. I still miss you every day, and I still wish that I could turn back the clock to a time when you was well. I was laying in bed the other night, and remembering how you would lay there beside me, with your head on your pillow. I miss that, and being able to lay my head on you and hear your purr. I guess that I have just been feeling sad, because I have been missing you so much. I guess I should just try to remember how happy you was here with me, and not think about your last weeks.  It can be hard sometimes, even after so much time has passed. I know that you are in a better place, and you don't have to worry about being sick, or being in pain. I am glad about that, but a part of me still wants you here. Perhaps it is selfish on my part, I don't know. But, I was never ready to let you go, but I knew that I had to think about you, and not me. I love you, my sweet boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

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Posts: 4,647
 #202 
Well Harry,

Here it is, another Thursday. I used to enjoy being off on Thursday, for it was a day that I could spend with you, but now, you are not here for me to spend it with. It seems that the closer it gets to the day that you got sick, and I eventually had to let you go, the sadder I feel. But, I try to remember all the cute and funny things you would do, and they can often bring a smile to my face. I love you so very much, and I miss you all the time. I was mowing yesterday, and I was thinking about how much you loved laying under this one bush out there. Perhaps you felt safe there, but, I remember that all we could see was your head. You would lay there, and look around, enjoying the outside sounds and smells. I wonder if you have a favorite bush where you are now. I bet you do, and you are probably watching all the other little fur angels playing in the sunshine. Today would of been a good day to be out, before the heat of the summer hits. It is going to storm here they say, and I know how much you hated storms, but you are safe now where you are at, no storms, just sunshine, and a nice gentle breeze. You know that no matter how long that I had you here with me, I would never of been ready to let you go. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy. I always will, always and forever. Here is some hugs, kisses and cuddles sent on the wind, Until we are reunites, you will live always in my heart. Love, Mommy   
LittleDevil10

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Posts: 120
 #203 
Harry, your mom misses you a lot. I hope you can visit her in her dreams... Let her know that you are there with her, in her heart. Always. You will never leave her.
Bedomom

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Posts: 1,385
 #204 
Brenrae,
I am thinking of you and Sweet Harry! Your love and devotion for Harry is just so touching...
Bedomom
maxsMandD

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Posts: 1,270
 #205 
Thinking of you as you go through those heart breaking moments of missing Harry. Know how you feel about just wanting him by your side, We think the same about Max even though we know he is in no pain.  ((hugs))  maxsMandD
SharG

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Posts: 533
 #206 
Hi Brenrae, haven't said hello in a while. It's hard to believe the babies have been gone so long. Like Harry, Oscar & Felix hated storms. They'd burrow under the covers with me. I say hello to them every morning and wish I could have them here with me. I'm thankful I adopted Sebastian, he's a special little boy too and I love him a lot. How are Sandy, Gabby & Jinx doing?

Sharon
brenrae

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Posts: 4,647
 #207 
Hi Harry, I think you visited me in my dream yesterday morning. I dreamed that we went to a cabin in the mountains, and we had you in a big carrier, but let you out when we got there, and we enjoyed exploring together, just walking the trails, which seemed strange with you being a cat. I was happy to have you with me, then it was time to come home, and we put you back in the carrier, me and Jeannie did, and got ready to drive home. We wanted to make sure we didn't lose you in the mountain, that is why we put you in the carrier. Did you come to see me?
I love you, and would like to think that you did. Sending you some hugs, cuddles, and kisses on the wind. Love Mommy 
brenrae

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Posts: 4,647
 #208 
Hi Harry, 

Well this has been a sad week, with missing you, and I also lost a wonderful friend this week. Perhaps you have welcomed her, though you didn't know her. She is and was a beautiful lady, inside and out. Perhaps you can keep her company. I know how much you always liked people, and I know that you would of liked her if you had known her. She lost her battle with cancer, but now she is better. I am sure she would love to have a kitty to keep her company at the bridge. I have been seeing you every where this week, even outside. Perhaps you are visiting me a lot this week. This is going to be a hard month, for this is the month that you got sick and didn't get better. Perhaps I shouldn't think of that, but think about all the good times we had. Try to remember the love that you bestowed upon me. You were and are such a sweet boy. I always told you that. And you were and are a handsome boy.  It seems that I have been dreaming about you a lot also. And in my dreams you are here beside me, and we are doing all the things we usually did. But, then I wake up, and you are no where to be found. You will always live in my heart. And, I know that I can always find you when I look inside myself and at the memories you left behind. I miss you so much still. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I love you my sweet, handsome boy. I always will, forever for eternity. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,647
 #209 
Hi Harry,

Well, another Thursday is here. On Monday, you will be 14. I know we never did anything special, but I always acknowledge when you was a year older. It was soon after your birthday that you got the UTI, and it wouldn't get better. It was like as soon as you turned 12, that was it for you. I still wish that I could just of had you here for a few more years. I do believe that you had a hand, or paw, I should say in the kitties that I have now. Yesterday I saw a butterfly that had your coloring, perhaps it was sent from you to me to say hi. I hope that since you have been there, you have met the other kitties that I have loved and lost along the way. You can all keep each other company until I can be there again. If there had been a way to make you better, I would of done it. But, I guess that God wanted you to come back home. I just wanted you to come back home to me. It broke my heart in a million pieces when I had to let you go. Though I am now used to being without you, my heart is still broken. I guess it is like the song says, "some broken hearts never mend". But, I can find laughter and humor in things now. I know you would not want me to be sad forever, for then how can you enjoy being in heaven. I always wanted what was best for you, and letting you go on a head of me was the best thing for you. I love you my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until I see you again, here is some hugs, kisses, and cuddles sent on the wind. love, mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,647
 #210 
Har Har,

Thursday again. I used to love Thursdays for they were days that I could spend with you. If it was warm weather we would spend some time outdoors, and during cold weather, we would cuddle in the bed to stay warm. I know that you are in a place that is always warm now. I have been working on something special for your 2 year bridge day. I never could imagine how my life would be without you, and now, I guess I know. I never wanted to know, for I wanted to have you by my side always. But, I guess that the time comes when our loved ones have to leave us. The pain of your leaving was so very bad, and sometimes it comes back to me. I don't think that this hole that was left in my heart by having to let you go will ever fill, until we are together again. I do thank you for sending me Gabby, Sandy, and Jinx. They have brought love into my life, and laughter. They can never replace you, for you are one of a kind. But, they have found their own place. There are so many times that I miss having you here, and I wake up and you are not near. I do think though that you have been visiting this week, for I have felt a cat jump on the bed, and none is there, so I believe that it is you. Are you checking on my, my sweet boy? Well, in a few weeks, I will be getting 2 of my wisdom teeth pulled. Not looking forward to the pain, but no pain can ever be as bad as the day I had to let you go. I love you so very much, and I always will. It is windy today, and I know it is not a day that you would want to be outside. I remember how the wind would bother your ears. I guess because you had big ears. I am sure there is just a gentle breeze where you are now. I wish that I could hold you again, and give you a kiss like I always did. I love you, now and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, kisses and cuddles on the wind. Love Mommy 
brenrae

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Posts: 4,647
 #211 
Harry, This is a hard month for me. This is the month you got sick. Your birthday was May 14th, and you turned 12, and I took you to the vet on May 17th for UTI. Then on May 21 I had to take you back and you had to stay there. They let you come home on May 29th saying that you was better, but I had to take you back the next day because you wasn't. I have always wondered if they had kept you when I first took you, if maybe you would of gotten better. That is something that we will never know, because it is too late now. Perhaps, if I had not been selfish and had taken you back sooner, you would of gotten better. But, I didn't want to be alone when my daughter went out of town. It seemed like you was doing all right until it was too late to take you though. You was able to come home a few more times and spend the night at home with us, but we could tell that you wasn't very comfortable. On June 5th, the day that we had originally planned on putting you to sleep so that you wouldn't suffer any more, the vet called and said that you had passed some urine. I was so happy the times they said you was better, and then my hopes got dashed upon the rocks, and floundered like a sinking ship. June 5th was the last night you spent here, and you went and laid in all the places that you liked to lay. It was like you knew you would not be coming back when I took you one last time. I wish that I had been able to bring you home to stay. I keep reliving those days, and especially your last day.  People talk of miracles, I wish there could of been a miracle for you. All I ever wanted was for you to get better. But, it seems that was not meant to be. It was like as soon as you turned 12, that was it for you.
maxsMandD

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Posts: 1,270
 #212 
Days seem to run into one another when we miss our babies more than life itself. Its so hard to see them in pain and when we make that hard desicion to let them go ahead of us to the Bridge it breaks are hearts to no end.  ((hugs)) to you Brenrae. you are in our thoughts.   MaxsMandD
brenrae

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Posts: 4,647
 #213 
Hi Har Har,

On Tuesday the new owner came and done some repairs. I put Jinx, Sandy, and Gabby in the bedroom, because, though Gabby would be fine with them, the other two are afraid of people they don't know, so they hid under the bed. I was thinking about how you would react, and you would be investigating to see what they was doing. You always had to be in the middle of whatever was going on, and in your own special way would help, though you weren't really much help. I think you was more interested in what they was doing, and you were a bit nosy. You even went to the door with me if someone knocked or rang the door bell. There was no strangers in your life, they were all friends, even if you found them to be annoying, you would tolerate them, and choose to ignore their presence as long as they gave you your space. I can smile as I imagine how wide your eyes would be as you observed the  repairs and renovations that was being made. They would be as wide as you could get them, because you did not want to miss anything. And, of course, you would be getting in their way as you inspected their work. Yes, you had to be the supervisor and make sure it met your expectations. I remember when I was trying to put furniture together, or get things hooked up, you would be right there to supervise my work. Yes, it was always fun trying to get things done when you was here. It would make me laugh, and of course, I had to take time out of what I was doing to pet you and cuddle with you. It made getting it done longer, but cuddling you was worth it all. I would do it all over again, everything that we did, for those were such good times. I love you my sweet boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent on the wind. Love, mommy 
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,647
 #214 
Hi Harry, 

Today has been a nice day. I know how much you would of enjoyed being outside. My neighbor trimmed some of the bushes, and he trimmed the one you always liked to lay under, so now there is no shade. I know it needed to be done, but in some ways it is upsetting, for that was your bush. I know that it will grow back, and there will be branches again, but it won't be the same. I have been finding dollar bills lately, are you leaving them for me to find. They are always new ones, and folded the same way. I like to think they are from you. It is almost 2 years now that I had to let you go. It seems like the closer it gets, the sadder I feel. I miss you so very much, Har Har. I guess that I should try to think about it as being 2 years closer to our reunion. I know for you it is not that long of a time, but for me it seems like forever since you was here, and then sometimes it seems like just yesterday. You are my special boy. I saw a picture of a cat angel sleeping with its person, and it made me cry. That is how you always slept. You had to be touching, and your head would be on a pillow. I still have your pillow put up with your other things. It will always be your pillow. Sometimes when I go to bed, I can see your face close to mine, and I can feel your paw touching my hand. I guess on those nights you are visiting me. It is on the days that I have the hardest time holding back the tears. Perhaps you are letting me know that you are always with me, no matter the time and space that may be between us. I love you, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses on the wind. Love, Mommy 
Sharon_M

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Posts: 278
 #215 
(((((Harry))))
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,647
 #216 
Hi Harry, 

Well, it has been a hard week for me. This is your last week that you was still here on earth. I have been close to tears, or crying so much this week. Just thinking about you being gone from my sight and from my arms has been hard. Today is Rowdy's 3 year bridge day. I am sure you have seen him up there. Though he was the neighbor's cat,  I still cried when he had to leave. Truthfully, I felt that if they had not been negligent in their care of him, he might of lived longer. They had him out when it was below freezing, and also when it was so hot, that you could get heat stroke. That is what I think happened to him. Perhaps you, Baby Kitty, Cuddles, and Rowdy are all playing together, along with any others that I have known. Yes, this is a hard week for me, Because this is the week that you had to leave, along with Baby Kitty, yes, her bridge day is the same as yours, just a few years apart. I am glad that you sent me the three kitties to keep me company, and bring love in my life, but it doesn't make the missing you any less, or the longing to have you back with me. I guess that I should try and remember that you are healthy, and though it may be years for us, it is just a few seconds for you. It is hard though when I am feeling sad and lonely without you here. I am so glad that I had you in my life. You were the best, and my life was full just having you and my daughter with me. I will always wish that you had gotten better, or never gotten sick. Even if it meant just a few more years with you, I would always wish you here still. Just a few more years, I say, but I would never be content with just a few years, I would want you here beside me always, until we could go together. But, perhaps you are helping to prepare a place for me, and when I get there, you will greet me with your mrroup, and head toss. Yes, I look forward to when we are back together again. I love you, my sweet handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses on the wind. Love, mommy
kjgonz

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Posts: 598
 #217 
Thinking of you and your sweet, incredible Harry on this sad 2nd anniversary of his death. Time never erases the love and the emptiness.

Kelly (Rosie's mom)
brenrae

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Posts: 4,647
 #218 
Hi Har Har,

I have been thinking of when you was little, and the condition you was in. You was such a wee little thing, and could fit in the palm of my hand. When I saw you gasping for air, I thoght that maybe you had a bone stuck, but that wasn't the case. My friend, whom I had gotten you from that day said she didn't know why you was that way. She said she couldn't afford to take you to a vet, so I volunteered to pay the bill. We got you, and took you to the closest one she knew of. The vet was mad when she saw you, and asked me how long you had been that way. When I told her that I didn't know because you wasn't mind, she softened and got right to work to make you better. You had to stay there for a while, on oxygen to help you breathe. But, then when you was able to leave, I went and got you, and brought you to my house. I felt that was the best option, for I felt that my friend would not take proper care of you. Luckily, my landlord allowed me to keep you when you got better. I didn't want to have to give you up, for I had already fallen in love with you. I was also thinking of when I had to take you back for a checkup to make sure that you was completely better. I knew you was, for even as small as you was, when I tried to give you the final dose of medicine, you smacked it out of my hand, and it flew across the room. Quite impressive for such a small thing as you was. But, at the vet's office, there was this big german shepherd, and you sat in my lap and kept growling and hissing at it. The whole waiting room thought it was funny and cute, The german shepherd kept tilting his head as if asking, "why is such a wee thing hissing and growling at me, doesn't it know that I could swallow it with just one snap of my jaw?" Yes, even then you was sure of your own worth. I often think about that, and it brings a smile to my face. That was the beginning of 12 wonderful years with my special boy. I love you, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, kisses and cuddles sent on the wind.  I am now on the beginning of my third year without you. I will try to stay strong as I wait for the time we are reunited. love, Mommy 
EliseT

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Posts: 2,114
 #219 
Another beautiful letter to Harry, filled with so many memories and love. I know he will help you stay strong until the moment you are together again...he waits for you, too.

Hugs,

Buddy's mom
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,647
 #220 
I was glad that my landlord allowed me to keep Harry. I didn't want to give him back to my friend, especially since she didn't take good care of him, or his mother. His mother ended up dying soon after I got him from drinking antifreeze. Again, she didn't take her to a vet, if nothing else to help her crossing over. My other choice would of been to take him to an organization known as PAWS, and they would of found him a home. But, he would of been in a cage until they could place him, and that is something I didn't want for him. Perhaps that is one reason it bothered me, having to let him go. He was in a cage for the last weeks of his life, except for the time I was visiting, or the times we got to bring him home for overnight. I will always wish that he could of been home for his last days. 
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,647
 #221 
Hi Harry,

I am writing early because I will be getting 2 wisdom teeth pulled and I am not sure how I will feel afterwards. It seems funny sometimes how when your world ends, it doesn't really. We have to keep doing every day things, even when we don't want to, because there is so many things that need to be taken care of. Whe I had to let you go, I really didn't know how I would survive, and yet, here I am. It is hard to believe sometimes. The world just keeps right on turning, even though we are in pain from the loss we have had. This is one of the songs that I think of when I think of you:
                                                                                                                   "The Dance"

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance

Yes, I would never of missed anything, or any of the years we had. Though the pain that came with you going to the bridge seemed unbearable, it was worth knowing you. I love you, my handsome man, always and forever. I wish you could be here and keep me company as I go through this procedure. You always made the world brighter. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles and kisses sent on the wind. I love you. Love, mommy


EliseT

Registered:
Posts: 2,114
 #222 
Dear Brenrae,

Thank you for sharing your letter to Harry and the words from "The Dance"...I know Harry has taken them to heart and carries them with him always, just like all your letters. Wishing you all the best as you go through this procedure.

Hugs,

Elise, Buddy's mom
MarleyBarley

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Posts: 685
 #223 
Unbelievably beautiful. My heart is with you. 

Teresa
Marley and Maddy's mom
forever and a day
ourbrandy

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Posts: 1,000
 #224 
I just love that song and the message it conveys and I love all your letters to Harry.  He definitely knows how much he was and is still loved.

Sending hugs,
Barb (Angel Brandy's and now Miriam's mom)
~forever~
Mihaela

Registered:
Posts: 175
 #225 
Thank you so much for sharing your letter and that song with us, they beautifully and poignantly put into words what I feel myself. Your story about how you got to know Harry and fell in love with him brought tears to my eyes. I strongly believe that our babies are meant to find us and become part of who we are, so I guess the time when they leave isn't random either and all we can do is hold on to the love we've shared and still share... Hugs!
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,647
 #226 
Har Har,

It seems this has been another hard week. I dreamed about you a couple of mornings ago, and then I woke up and burst into tears, realizing that you were not there for me to cuddle with. How I miss that. We would lay on the bed, and I would rest my head on you, and you would be purring so loudly. It always made me feel so peaceful. Now, you are not here for me to do that with. I have been sitting and all of a sudden, the tears would be streaming down my face. Silent tears, from out of the blue. I don't know why this has been such a hard week, and it seems like I am back to where I was when you first had to leave. I guess there is no rhyme or reason when the grief hits, and it doesn't matter how long you have been gone. It seems like I can see you so clearly at times, the way you would look as if questioning me when I called your name, and the way you would rest your head on the pillow next to mine. Those are some of the things I miss. I remember how I always told you that you were a handsome boy, and a sweet boy. You were both to me, and always will be. The main thing was that we were together. There is so many more things that I miss about you. I miss your meow, and how you would always let us give you a kiss when we asked for one. I miss how you always greeted me when I came home. I miss how patiently you would wait when I said it would be a few minutes, and you wanted to go out, and as soon as I was done with what I was doing, you would jump up and run to the back door. Then we would wander around the back yard together, or just watch the traffic go by. The main thing was that we were together. You and I will always be together, for you will always be in my heart and soul. I love you, my sweet and handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy
NancyMarie

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Posts: 1,154
 #227 
Dear Brenrae,

Your letters to Harry are just beautiful,  thank you for sharing them with all of us.

One of my favorite songs is "The Dance" and I feel it's  pretty safe to say that it conveys everyone's

feelings on this site.

Please know my posting comes with a Big Hug to you and your sweet Harry.

Remember, the love never ends.

Nancy

P.S. My birthday is May 14th, just like Harry.
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,647
 #228 
Hi Har Har,

I still miss you, and you are in my thoughts and my heart every day. I was thinking about how you would wake me up when you wanted to be petted or fed. Sometimes you would knock my water bottle over, I can't count the number of times that I had to search under the bed for it. Other times you would tentatively touch my back, and you always knew where the sensitive part was. Yes, you was a bet of a brat, and when you really wanted something, you didn't give up until you got it. Sometimes I would just cuddle with you, and we would go back to sleep, and other times, I would get up and see if you needed food, and if you did, I would give you a little bit. And, then, there was the times that you would go and find something noisy, and walk on it until you got what you wanted. Such a determined boy you was. Bull headed, I guess. Yes, you was a true Taurus, it would seem. But, all these things was just a part of your charm. Though they were a bit aggravating, I would have you do it all again, as long as you was with me. The other day, I saw a month on the porch, it was golden, with some brownish spots on it. It came and landed on my arm for a few seconds before flying away. Was it a visit from you? I like to think that it was. You will always be my special boy. I also remember how you would open the cupboards if you wanted something. You had so many ways of letting us know that you wanted attention, out, or food. Yes, you had many talents. But, the one thing I remember the most is the love we shared, and the many ways you would show that you was happy to be with us. You always had to be in the same room as I was. And, I loved how you would put your head down so we could kiss the top of your head if we asked for a kiss. To me, that was special. I would so much love to do it again, and to cuddle with you. You fit so perfectly into my arms. I love you, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, kisses, and cuddles, sent on the wind. Love, mommy 
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,647
 #229 
Harry, here it is now, starting your 26th month at the bridge. I miss you every day, and you are always in my thoughts, and will always be in my heart. I never thought that you would have to leave us at what I think is a young age. You were only 12. I guess though that would actually make you 60 in human yrs, give or take, but you never seemed old to me. I remember all the things you would do. I still have things put up. I did give the bowls to the others to use for I felt you didn't mind, but I couldn't do that with your bed and your special brown blanket that we had gotten you for Christmas. I cried when I dropped one of the bowls this week, because was something of yours. It was being used by Gabby for her canned food. I think that I saw your shadow today coming out from behind the love seat. The others were no where to be seen, and it was definitely cat shape. Did you come to visit? I know that you can see me from where you are, but I wish that I could see you also. I miss how you would walk, especially when you was irritated with us. We always called it your cowboy walk, due to the swagger you would put in it, and it was more pronounced then. I love you, always and forever. You will always be special to me, for there can never be another like you. Until we meet again, you will live in my heart. I love you Har Har, and I always will. Here is some hugs, kisses, and cuddles sent to you on the wind. Love Mommy
brenrae

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Posts: 4,647
 #230 
Hi Har Har,

Not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts. You will live forever in my heart. I still carry your picture with me, and show it to people, and tell them "that's my boy". You will always be my boy, no matter how much time goes by. Well, today, I need to take gabby to the vet. It was time for her yearly, and I need to find out why it seems like she is in pain. Perhaps you can help the vet by sending a signal on what to look for. It used to be that I enjoyed my Thursdays off, because I knew that I would have the day with you. And depending on the weather, we would either go outside, or take a nap, sometimes both. I miss your meow, and how you would do the head toss when you was greeting us. I also miss your quivering meow when you got a special treat that you really liked. It was so cute, but everything about you was adorable. If I could turn back time, I would do it all again, but I would change how long you lived. I guess though that we aren't supposed to mess with that kind of thing, but I would sure like to. If I could have it the way I wanted, you would still be here, and still be healthy. I miss you so much. I remember how you would get a jolt of energy and just run through the house like something was after you. You would jump on the chair and entertainment center, and then back to the floor, and do it all again until you wore yourself out. It was always fun to watch, and it brings a smile to my face as I remember you doing that. There is so many things that I miss. I have got to go now, but I will write later. I love you, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent on the wind. Love, mommy 
brenrae

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Posts: 4,647
 #231 
Well, Har Har, 

This week has been a hard week for me. I had a little siamese kitten that I knew that I couldn't keep, but I wanted to. It is now at its new home, and hopefully settling in pretty good. I was thinking of all the names you had while you was here. To me, you was Harry, or Har Har. Jeannie called you harry, or Pooky, and to your Auntie Laura, you was Harry Berry, and to Uncle Roy, you was Buddy. You always answered to whatever you was called. I guess you didn't mind because it was done from love. I think you may have been visiting a lot this week, every night I feel a cat jump on the bed, and when I look, there is none there, so I feel it was probably you. It seems like I will never truly get over you being gone, there are still days that I am so close to tears, or actually crying, as I think about you. I know you would not want that, but I miss you so very much. I wish that you had never gotten sick with any of the things you had during your last year or so. I wish that you had been able to be here longer. They say that everything has  a time and a season, but I wish that your time on earth could of been longer. But, I have to remember that the time you had was happy ones, and you knew how much you was loved, for we told you every day. I always told you what a handsome and sweet boy you was, and you were. To me, you was perfect, even with your little quirks that could be aggravating at times. But, they were a part of who you were, and I would never want to change you for anything. I feel like it has been forever since I last got to see and hold you, and yet, the pain feels so fresh at times, it is almost overwhelming. I guess it will always be that way. I go on, and pretend that I am fine, and I can smile and laugh, but deep down is a lingering sadness. I know you would not want this for me, so I try to remember all the good times we had, and not dwell on you being gone. I love you, Har har, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy 
brenrae

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Posts: 4,647
 #232 
Hi Har Har,

Well here it is, another Thursday. It seems like the weeks just slip on by, don't they. It seems that the little siamese kitten that came my way has found himself a home with a little girl, perhaps you, along with God led his steps to that little girl. I still wish that you was still here. You would be 14 now, not really a young cat, but you had such a young spirit, always willing to play our silly games. I miss playing those games with you. I miss the, "I'm going to get you game", and you would run from room to room, with me behind you, pretending to try and catch you, until finally, you would go to one of your safe spots, and the game was done, until the next time, and I miss the "Where's Harry" game, when I couldn't see you, and when I said those words, you would come out from where you was, and  give me a head toss, and a mmmroup, and a look that said, "Here I am, silly mommy". and I would pick you up and cuddle with you for a few. I miss how you would lay on the couch or at my feet, with your head or paw resting on my feet, when I was doing things on the computer, or watching tv. And I miss how you would lay beside me in the bed, and I could lay my head on you and hear your purr, as I drifted off to dreamland. I just miss you so completely, just having you here to greet me as I came through the door after a long day at work. Today would of been such a perfect day for us to be outside. The weather is cool, and there is a gentle breeze, and not too sunny. I know how much you hated when the wind was strong, and how it would bother your ears. I guess it is because you had big ears, so they just caught the breeze so well. I was always careful not to take you out if it was super windy, or too hot or too cold. I know that you don't have to worry about that anymore from where you are at. But, I sure wish that you was here. I dreamed about you the other night, and in my dream I was trying to get you in a carrier to get you along with 3 other cats outside, because of a fire. Are you playing happily along with Baby Kitty, Duma, Calico (Callie), Precious, and Cleo, and the others that I have known? I bet you are, and you are probably the leader in all they do, for you was always top cat here. I can imagine you all just running and chasing each other there at the bridge, and I bet that you greet all the others that come, for you was always so social. Yes, I miss my boy, my sweet, handsome boy. I always will, and I don't think I will ever get over you having to leave me behind, I was never ready for that. I don't think that I ever would of been ready for it, no matter how old you was when the time came. But, to me, 12 will always seem like such a young age, perhaps it isn't really, but to me it was. I love you, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, kisses, and cuddles, sent on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

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Posts: 4,647
 #233 
Harry, I miss you all the time, and I guess I always will. I love you so very much, you are one of the best parts of my life, along with my daughter. yes, you were so much like a son to me, just with lots of hair. I couldn't of loved you any more than I did, for I loved and still love you so completely. This is my song for you today, and one I often think about when I think about you:

"My Heart Will Go On"

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on



Yes. you are always in my heart, and you always will be and the love we have for each other will last forever. I love you, my sweet boy, and I always will, now and forever. Until we meet again here is some hugs, kisses, and cuddles sent to you on the wind. I love you, always and forever. Love, mommy



NancyMarie

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Posts: 1,154
 #234 
Dear Brenrae,

What a beautiful song for your sweet Harry,  I've always loved that song.

Your letters to Harry are so very touching and they truly show the love you two shared.

I wish you peace and comfort today and always.

Remember, the love never ends.

Kindest Regards,

Nancy

ourbrandy

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Posts: 1,000
 #235 
Brenrae - One of my favorite songs of all time and it so eloquently expresses how we feel about our beloved babies.

Thanks for sharing!

Barb (Angel Brandy's and now Miriam's mom)
~forever~
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,647
 #236 
Harry, well, here it is, Thursday again. It has been such a nice week, weather wise. Not too hot, and not too cold. I believe that fall is not too far from us now. I remember how you would enjoy those cool fall days. I can see you as you would sniff the air, for all the new scents that fall would bring to us. I remember how you would try to catch the leaves as they feel from the trees. I also remember how, if I shuffled through the leaves, it would scare you, and your hair would stand up, and your tail would go "poof". We always said you had the fastest tail in the south, for how fast it would "poof" if you was surprised, and wasn't sure what it was. But, you was always a brave boy, and after the initial fear faded away, you would investigate whatever it was that frightened you. I hope they are having some nice weather up there for you to enjoy, and I hope that they have a lot of scents for you to investigate.  I was thinking how nice it would of been to take you out when I got home from work, since I have had quite a few early days this week. I know you would of enjoyed the outside time, with that gentle breeze, and the cool temperature. There are some people that feel that I should just let you go, but, how can I let you go, when in doing so, I would completely lose a piece of my heart. You are so much a part of who I am, and I would never want to lose that, for to me, you are important, and you always will be. You are my heart and soul cat. I think some people do not understand the love and bond there is between us, and I feel they are losing out if they can never know how strong a bond that is. To me, you are so much more than just a cat, you are family, friend, companion, rolled up in one small furry body. When I looked into your eyes, I could see the soul of a living being, and I could see the love you had for those in your family. I can never let you go, but I can let you fly freely in the world you are at now, for I know that you will always sour above me, and watch over me. I love you, Har Har, always and forever. Here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent on the wind to you. Love, mommy
NancyMarie

Registered:
Posts: 1,154
 #237 
Hi Brenrae,

Another beautiful letter to your Harry.

I saw the below quote, it's by Alison Stormwolf - it's so very true.  The next time someone tells you to let go, think of this quote:

To lose your animal friend is a pain almost indescribable....
exacerbated by the failure to understand of those who
have not been granted entrance to that sacred sanctum.

I love Harry's poof tail, my friend's cat does the "poof" tail thing too. 

I'm sure your Harry and my Smudgie and all the beloved pets are going to enjoy all the beautiful fall colors at the Bridge. I bet they have colors
we don't even know exist.

I bought a pumpkin scented candle to light so Smudgie and I can enjoy the fall scents together.

I wish you peace and comfort.

Hugs to you............

Nancy
brenrae

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Posts: 4,647
 #238 
Hi Har Har,

Well, here it is another Thursday. I am having mixed emotions today. I am happy that your "sister", Jean, is coming to visit, but I am sad that you are not here to greet her. Although you would probably give her the silent treatment for a while, since she has been gone. I remember how you would do that. You would sit and not actually look at whomever you was mad at, but would give them those side glances out of the corner of your eye. And, if the person you was mad at would say your name, you would not even acknowledge, but if someone else said you name, you would look at them. There is nothing like being snubbed by a cat, it seems they have that down pretty good. It always made us laugh when you did that, so then you would give us both a look, and walk with, doing your cowboy swagger. That is how we knew you was upset or aggravated. But, you never stayed that way for long, at least not with Jean, with me, it would be longer, maybe it is because I was your "mommy", and you expected more from me. But, when you loved us, you loved with all your heart, and that is the one thing you have left, is how to love wholeheartedly, and not hold anything back. I will also be home all weekend, and there would of been so much time that I could of taken you out. But, I am sure that you are out all you want now. There have been so many good days, especially early morning, that we could of spent outdoors. Yesterday, I heard some geese flying over, and I remember how we would just stand and watch them fly. I knew that fall was getting close when the geese flew overhead, and then the weather would turn cooler, and I remember how you always enjoyed the cooler temperature. I think it is because it didn't aggravate your lungs as much.  Because of the illness you had as a kitten, I believe that you had asthma, so if it as too hot or too cold, it seemed that you would have these breathing attacks. But, I was always there to help you through them, and you was fine after a few seconds. I do wish you was here, then you and Jean could visit a bit, but perhaps you can visit here in her sleep, like you do me from time to time. I love you, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent on the wind to you. Love, mommy     
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,647
 #239 
Hi Harry,

On Sunday, when Jean had to go home, I saw a small feather float down near us, and I was thinking that maybe you sent it to let us know you was there also and keeping an eye on Jean as she made the trip home. When I reached down to get the feather from where I saw it land, it wasn't there. It was gone just like a flash. I like to think that you had sent it. People are saying that winter is coming early this year, and will be colder than last year. I was thinking how on those cold winter days, we would just snuggle in the bed together to keep warm, since our apartment can be cold when the temperature outside drops. We spent a lot of time just snuggling together, and I miss those days. You and me, taking naps in the middle of the day. It took me a long time to be able to take a nap in my bed after I had to leave you go. It just wasn't the same without you. One of my co-workers saw your picture, and asked if you was my baby. I told him that you was, but I had to let you go. He was very understanding, as he had lost one also, that was his baby. I think that people, unless they have been blessed with such a wonderful soul, they don't understand how much pain there is when we lose them. You will always be my baby, no matter how much time goes by, and no matter if I have others. You will always have that special place in my heart. The temperature is starting to be a bit cooler in the early mornings, and the late evenings. I know how much you would of enjoyed the outside at those times. Me and "Aunt Laura", and Jean, always talk about the things we remember about you, and some of the things you did. Sometimes it would bring tears to my eyes as we talk about these things, but,within, there is joy, for I got to know you, and I am forever grateful and glad that I had you in my life. I love you, my sweet, handsome boys, always and forever. Here is some hugs, kisses, and cuddles sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,647
 #240 
Hi Har Har,

It's Thursday again. It is cool this morning, and it would be a good time for us to spend outside before the sun makes it hot and humid. When that happens, we would come in, and perhaps watch something on tv, or I would be on the computer, with you laying next to me, or under the computer desk, with your head resting on my foot. I miss those days when you was still here and visible, and I could reach down, or over and just pet you. On Monday, when I was in the break room for lunch, I looked down on the floor, and saw something, and as I looked closer, I saw that it was a white feather with  some golden hues near the top. Did you send it to me. I like to think you did, for no one else seemed to notice it there, but me. Was it a feather from your wings, since you are an angel now? Was you letting me know that you will always be by my side, no matter where I go? It made me happy to find it, and brought some sun into my world. I was remembering how you would jump on the wall when you was younger, about as high as my chest. You was such an amazing jumper then, but as the years went by, you got a bit of arthritis, so it was harder to make the jump, even to my bed, so I put something there for you to use to get on the bed. I was also remembering how you would sit and looked so much like a meerkat, the way you sat. And I was also remembering how, when you was in the gangly stage between kitten hood, and cat hood, when you ran, it reminded me of Mowgli on the Disney movie, "Jungle Book". Yes, so many wonderful memories that I have  of you. Me and "Aunt Laura" was talking about you last night, and the things we remember, and it brought some laughter into my heart as I reminisced. I talked about when Roy, her bf, came home from taking her to work, and when he opened the door, there was that loud crack of thunder. You was walking towards the living room, with me behind you, and you turned and ran, trying to escape the "monster" that was coming inside, but, you ran into my legs, and I could see the fright in your eyes as you tried to escape. Then, after a few seconds, you realized that, "Hey, that's no monster, that's my buddy, Roy", and you went sauntering over to him, tail up in the air, and  swaying back and forth as if to say, "I knew it was you all along, and everything is fine".   Yes, you always did that when you got a scare, you was a brave boy, always checking out what had frightened you, was the initial panic was done. Yes, that is one of the memories you left me, and I always said that if I hadn't been behind you that day, you would of been in the next county, and we would of had a hole in the door and wall as you made your escape. Guess it was a good thing I was coming down the hall at the time. Cuddles would of probably just saw a gray streak as you ran through the bedroom door. I still miss you, my sweet, handsome boy. I miss you every day. I love you, now and forever. Here is some hugs, kisses, and cuddles sent to you on the wind.  love, mommy
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