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NancyMarie

Registered:
Posts: 1,170
 #641 
December 31, 2018

Dearest Brenda,

It's been so long since I've been on Petloss but I couldn't let the year finish without wishing all my friends here a very Happy, Healthy and Peaceful New Year.

I apologize for the anniversaries I've missed but know I always think of all my friends here and I will catch up on Harry's thread,  I've always loved reading your sweet letters to your beloved Harry.

It's been a bit of a hard year,  I lost my beloved Jadie in May but it gives me a bit of comfort knowing she is with my Smudgie. My parents who are both 93 had a tough year and I'm caregiver ( almost full time) to them and still trying to juggle work,  it's been trying but I'm getting through it.  In addition,  after Jadie passed I was so sad and a friend of mine asked me if I would help foster some kittens, a local rescue had 16 kittens that were only 4 weeks old and they needed volunteers. In honor of my Jadie and Smudgie I offered to help and I have to say they brought my smile back and I became a foster failure,  I welcomed Olive and Jasmine into my house.  I will post pictures of my Jadie and my two new additions later in the week but just wanted to say hi and wish you and yours a Happy New Year.

For now,  Happy New Year and may 2019 be a good year for all of us.

Warm Hugs,

Nancy,  Mom to Calie, Sparkie, Ollie, Jazzie and Angel Smudgie and Angel Jadie.

brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #642 
Nancy,

I am sorry for the loss of Jadie. But, I am glad you were able to welcome some new additions to your household. We also fostered some kittens. They were feral kittens, born of one of the kittens that was here last fall. Luckily we was able to catch both females we feed, and get them spayed, so no new kittens from them. We have also welcomed a new member to our household. Smokey, a little gray kitten. He had belonged to one of the neighbors, but they decided they didn't want him anymore, and started leaving him outside. We took him in, and he has brought with him the gift of laughter with his antics. I hope that your parents are doing well. And I bet that Smudgie and Jadie tell all the angels what a wonderful mom you are. Have a Happy New Year, Nancy. 

Brenda
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #643 
Hi Har Har,

Well, here we are, another Thursday. Had to get up early, because of doctor appointments, but those are done now. In a few more days, it will be 6 and a half years since I had to let you go. Seems we have been getting a lot of rain, and the yard is so saturated that I can't park in it. So when Laura has to be at work, we have to play change around. Its also a new year, full of new possibilities, and opportunities. I have set some goals for myself. The main things is to start buying a house, pay off all the doctor bills, and save money. I would love to retire some day, and it would be good to have money to fall back on when I need it. We are going to be letting Gabby travel to the Rainbow Bridge soon. We believe it is about time to let her go. For some reason, she has started to lay wherever she poops and pees at. That is not normal. I hope you will welcome her when she comes. It will probably be within the next couple of months. Perhaps you can show her all the beautiful sites there where you are. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy. always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind.

Love Mommy 
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #644 
Hi Har Har,

How are you? Today I got home, and I saw what I thought was a feather, but, when I got out of the car, it was a leaf. I really was thrilled when I thought it was a feather, and you had sent me something. I would really love a sign from you, or a dream visit. I miss you so much still. You will always be my big boy. You would be 18 if you was still here. I know up there, you are healthy and young again, and I am sure you are running around like you did as a kitten. Probably chasing butterflies, and the leaves that blow in the breeze. And, you and Roy, and Cuddles, and Baby Kitty are probably enjoying time sitting by the river and watching it flow by. I imagine it is a beautiful place where you are and one day, I will join you there. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #645 
Hi Har Har,

I remember that you were called so many different names. You would answer to them all though. To me, you was Harry and Har Har. Jean called you Pooky, and Roy and Laura always called you Big Boy. You were a big boy, at 18 pounds, but you wasn't fat. You was just a big cat. I remember how I would lay my head on you, and even if I felt sad, your purr would bring me peace. You were, and still are part of what brings the sun to my world. I still have some sun, but, it is dimmer now without my special boy in it. But, you know what, when I think of you, the sun brightens, for, though you are no longer with me on earth, you still live in my heart. I still sleep with your blanket, and when it is cold, I use it to cover up, and I feel that your love helps to keep me warm. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. I still miss you. Here is some hugs, kisses, and hugs sent to you on the wind. I can't wait for the day when I can give them to you in person. I know the day will come, and you will be there to greet me. Love Mommy
griefstricken

Registered:
Posts: 589
 #646 
Hello Brenrae
sorry I haven't been on in a while. I am sure I missed some things with Harry but I always think of you both and the rest of the friends I made on here. Wishing you peace, health and strength for this New Year. sending  Angel hugs to sweet Harry. Take care. Stay well.
Donna
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #647 
Hi Har Har,

Well, today is the day that Roy joined you in heaven. I am sure you welcomed him like you always did. I love you so much my sweet boy, and I miss you. You would of been 19 this year. Can you believe it has been almost 7 years since I had to let you go. I will always carry you in my heart, and there is no one that can replace you. You will always be my special boy. I had you from the time you was three months old, until you was 12. When I first got you, you fit in the palm of my hand. Such a fierce little boy you were. If you didn't want to do something, you let it be known. I remember how even though you was still sick, you knocked the dropper out of my hand as I tried to give you your medicine. You was so determined not to take the medicine. Then when you got better, you would jump on the wall. I wish that I never had to let you go, but I did. It was for your own good, but, it broke my heart in so many pieces. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, kisses and cuddles sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy

brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #648 
Hi Har Har,

I found a little gray feather today. I like to think you placed it there for me to find. It was fluffy and soft, and about the same color as you. I remember how your fur seemed like it had layers of different colors. If you was brushed one way, it was a darker color. I also think often of your scent. It always reminded me of spring, when the earth was being reborn. The sweet scent of flowers getting ready to bloom, and buds popping out of the trees. I loved your scent so much, which is one reason that I loved to lay my head on you. That and the feeling of peace your purr always brought to me, even if my world was in turmoil. I like to think you made me a better person with your love. I miss you so much, but, you know that. It has been cold here, and I know the cold hurt your bones. I imagine it is warm where you are, or at least the way you like it. I miss walking around the yard with you. We always walked around the back yard on days that was nice, and you would watch the world go by. I remember you trying to get the squirrels that came in the yard, and there was a bird that would come, and I swear it was teasing you as it sat on the branch and cheeped. You would just sit and watch it, and I imagine you was thinking, I am going to get that bird someday. I love you my sweet,handsome boy. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy  
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #649 
Hi Har Har,

Laura started her radiation treatments this week, so we have had to get up early so that we can get there and still get to work on time. Please have Roy, and you keep watch over us during this time. I listened to some songs on youtube, one was A cat Lullaby. It made me think of you, and it brought tears to my eyes. The other is one that someone wrote, called My Old Cat, and again I cried. On both of them I could picture you in my mind. Do you know how hard it was for me to let you go? Do you know how much I missed you then, and I still miss you today. I have learned to be without you, but, it was so hard. There was so many times that I just wanted to go there with you, then I wouldn't be sad anymore, but then, other people would be sad, so I guess it was a bit selfish on my part. I still can't wait for the moment we will be together again, I know it will come eventually. It just seems like it is taking so long. But, when my time here is done, again we will walk in the grass, and enjoy the gentle breeze, and just enjoy being together. I love you so much, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy 
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #650 
Hi Har Har,

Well, we are almost done with the second week of Laura's radiation treatment, so two more weeks to go. And, it seems there can be no more hem hawing around about moving. The landlord wants to start fixing the place up, so he needs us or our neighbors to move, and since we need a bigger place anyways, guess we will be moving. I am sure that with the help of you and your angel friends, we will find the place that is right for us. So, that is our plan for the year. We need to find a place by May, so, hopefully one of the brokers will call. Whoever calls first is who I will go with. There is a few places we are interested in, so hopefully they will be within our price range. I love you so much, my sweet boy, and not a day goes by that I don't miss you. I still wish you had gotten better, or never got sick, then I would of had more time with you. But, no matter what, no amount of time would of been enough. I love you, always and forever, my sweet boy. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love Mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #651 
Hi Har Har,

Today we applied for a loan to buy a house, so now waiting to see what we can afford. I wish you was moving with us, it will be strange going to a new place without you. This is the last place you was with me, and it also makes me sad, for the memories I had of you here, I will not be able to make new memories of you in the new place, so the memories I do have of you, I will have to take with me. No exploring of the new landscape with you, no checking the perimeter of the new place. But, I have to try and remember that no matter where I am at, your memory will always be with me. It is just that I wish I could make new memories with you. I love you so much, and I miss you. I know that I will see you again someday, but, it already seems like an eternity since I last saw you, and I last hugged you, and kissed your forehead. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, kisses and cuddles sent to you on the wind. I love you so much, love, Mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #652 
Hi Har Har,

We got the loan, and we have an agent to help us find a house. There is one that I particularly like, and I believe you would of liked it also. It has a sunroom, with lots of windows, and I would of set up a bunch of cat condos for you, and little places that you could sit. You would of been able to be out there, even when it got dark, and watch the fireflies, and the bats, and all the night time animals that would come out. And during the day, you would of been able to watch the birds and the squirrels, and even chipmunks. I would make sure it was safe for you. I guess though, that you are able to do what you want now, walk around and check the perimeter. That is one thing I miss doing with you. We would just walk around in the back yard, and you would check the fence line for any interlopers. I will always remember the time you was at the patio door, and I heard this deep grunting noise. I couldn't imagine what it was, and then I discovered it was you. There was a cat sitting on the back step, and you did not like it. He was in your territory, how dare he be there. I always called it your cave cat grunt because of the sound. All these memories I have of you. They bring a smile to my face as I remember, but, there is also sadness with these memories because you are no longer with me to make more. I love you my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. I am so blessed that I got to be your mommy. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love Mommy
NancyMarie

Registered:
Posts: 1,170
 #653 
Hi Brenda,

Hopes this finds you well.  I haven't been on since the New Year and just saw your post from January,  thank you so much for your kind words.  Today is Smudgie's 5th anniversary at Rainbow Bridge, can't believe it's been 5 years since I've seen that sweet face.  I know I told you about losing Jadie last year,  well 3 weeks ago her sister Calie joined her and Smudgie,  my heart broke all over again.  Calie was my first kitty, she was funny and quirky and crazy and I loved her to pieces like I love all of them.  Sparkie is my last old girl and she so misses her sisters.  She gets along with the 2 kittens I've adopted,  but I know she misses her older sisters.

Congratulations on getting your loan for a new house,  that's so exciting,  I wish you well.  I know I always tell you this,  but whenever I did get on this site,  I love to read your sweet posts to Har Har.  I know you said you have mixed feelings about moving from the last place Harry lived,  but as you said you take the memories with you,   I too need to move and I also have mixed feelings,  but I have to do it,  I've put it off for too long.  Maybe you can bring a small plant or tree or even a rock from the property you currently live on,  something that might have meaning to Harry and bring it to your new home, just a thought.

Remember,  the love never ends,  we carry them in our hearts forever.

Hugs and lots luck in the search for your new home.

Nancy,  Mom to Sparkie, Ollie, Jazzie, Angel Smudgie, Angel Jadie and newly winged Angel Calie.......

brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #654 
Hi Har Har,

Well, we looked at a house today that we feel may be the one for us. It is more in our price range. I think you would of enjoyed it there. It has a good size fenced in yard, and you would have so much space to walk around. I still wish you could be here and be moving with me. Yes, I know that in spirit you will be, but I can imagine you exploring the new place and finding all the goodies that are there, The new smells, the new sights. And, you would probably be sitting under the bird houses they have along the fence line, just waiting for the birds. It would be such a joy to watch you discover your new place. But, I am sure you have done a lot of exploring where you are, and when I join you, you will have to show me all the places you love, and together we can discover new places. I love you so much, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, kisses, and cuddles, sent to you on the wind.

Love, mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #655 
Hi Har Har,

We are getting closer to moving, just a few more steps in the purchasing step, then the house will be ours. I know you would of loved it. Probably not when the train goes by, because it is pretty loud when you are outside. But, the yard is nice and big, and, I believe you would of loved that aspect. So much to explore. The windows are low enough that you could have a small cat condo sit by the window, and enjoy the view. This week, I was looking at some of the pictures that Jean has of you on her facebook account. It made me so sad, for you are no longer with me. I felt the tears well up in my eyes, but, I held them back for I do not want people to see that I am sad. People sometimes do not understand the sadness one feels for a family member that they consider "just a cat". But, to me, you was more than "just a cat". You were always like a son to me. My friend, and my companion. You was with me when I had surgeries, and kept me company. You was with me when my daughter had her surgery and had to be in the hospital for several days. You helped to hold the loneliness at bay just by your quiet presence. I have so many mixed feelings about moving. I am excited, apprehensive, and sad all at the same time. Is that normal do you think? Maybe it would be different if you was here, I don't know. And, I also worry about the cats we feed outside. Will we be able to catch them when we move, or would we be better seeing about a feral cat rescue group getting them and taking them to live on a farm, where they would be taken care of. I would hate to leave them here, not knowing if someone else cares for them. I want to make sure they are safe also. What to do??? I love you my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy 
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #656 
Hi Harry,

I am reading a book, and it has a quote that I wanted to share with you. The quote is, "When I measure my life in the cats I have loved, I count myself blessed indeed." and that is how I feel. I have loved several cats, but, some just touch your heart more than others. You, my boy, was one of them. Perhaps it is because of how I found you, so close to death, and so very small. I have never gotten over how someone could be so heartless as to let you suffer like that. I always feel that God led me to you. Perhaps He knew that we needed each other. I will always feel you were taken from me too soon. I was not ready to let you go, but, then again, I would never have been ready. I still miss laying my head on you as I fell asleep, and hearing your purr. It was my lullaby. And how you would always make sure that your paw was touching my hand as we slept. I was also thinking of the quote I just wrote, and how it could be true for all our fur babies. You know that I will always love you, for you are forever my boy, no matter how much time passes. I remember how when you first left, I would lay on the couch, watching tv, but not really watching, just staring into space. I remember how much that I wanted to be where you was, but, I knew it wasn't possible. I was so very depressed at the time, but, I still made myself do what needed to be done. I remember how I couldn't sleep at night, for every time I closed my eyes, I saw you. I would spend hours when I was alone just crying. Eventually it got easier, but the missing you never went away. I still miss you to this day. I love you, my sweet,handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, kisses and cuddles sent on the wind. Love, Mommy 
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #657 
Hi Har Har,

I have been thinking about you, and all the things you did. I know that one thing I miss is the time we spent together. I don't really spend a lot of time in the back yard, because that is one place we spent time together. I so often wish there was a way to go back, and have a different outcome. I still feel that it is unfair that I had to let you go. It was one of the hardest decisions that I have ever had to make. I know that you are now healthy and young again, but, still, I miss you. I have also been thinking about the song, "Seasons in the Sun". We had our season in the sun, but, then, it seemed that winter blew in, with all the coldness of the grief I felt for you. So many cloudy days, full of the darkness and the emptiness of having lost a special family member. I remember just seeing over and over again, your last moments, and you laying on the table. I could not get the image out of my mind, sleep was like a long gone friend, for the images of you came. Of you walking on the bed and staring at me like you always did, to you at the vet's office, all the memories of you crowded in, the good and the bad. Those were such terrible days for me, I missed my baby, and I wanted him back. But, I knew it could never be, and I had to live my life without you. I learned to smile and laugh again, and you sent me some fur babies to help me heal. Thank you, my sweet boy. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, mommy  
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #658 
Hi Har Har,

We are still waiting to close on the house. I still wish you was going with us. I know you will be with us in spirit, but, I would so love to see your reaction to a new place, new things to explore, new smells, and new sounds. I take Sandy back to the vet today to have his eye looked at again. It isn't as bad as the last time, so hoping we have nipped it in the bud. Laura and Jean both have 2 of the cats out walking, I wish you would be here for that also. I don't really go in the back yard much, unless it is necessary, for that was our place. It was so relaxing just walking around it with you. Sometimes you would follow me, and sometimes I would follow you. A game of follow the leader, I guess. I miss you so much every day. You know that I will always love you, no matter how much time passes. This week, I have been thinking of the song, I will meet you when my chores are done, and how they are true for us. When my chores here are done, then I will meet you in our home up above, and I know you will be waiting, and be there to greet me as I step over the threshold of this world, and into the new world. I feel I need to take care of everyone, and make sure they are settled pretty good, and have nothing to worry about when my time comes. But, one day, I will be there, and you can show me all the wonders that there is to behold. I love you, my sweet,handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles, and kisses sent to you on the wind. Love, Mommy
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #659 
Hi Har Har,

How are you doing? I am doing all right, but still missing you. Next week we will be closing on the house, and I do so with some excitement, but sadness also. You will not be moving with me this time. Yes, I know you will be coming in spirit, but, not in body. I remember when we moved here from Ohio. You had to be in the small carrier, because the two smaller cats had to be in the big carrier. It was so small, that you didn't have enough room to turn around. You would meow so pitifully, even in your sleep. It made me sad, but, we had to have you in it, because the other two needed to be in the one you would normally be in. I also remember how you hated carriers so much, that you even growled at Cuddles's carrier, even when she wasn't in it. So many memories of you, I can now talk about them and not cry, but sometimes the tears still form. I love you my sweet, handsome boy always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, cuddles and kisses sent to you on wind.

Love, Mommy 
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,670
 #660 
Hi Har Har,

Well, we weren't able to close today on the house, so it looks like it may be another month before we do. You know that I still miss you, and it looks like I am going to have to get a new photo album for your pictures from me looking at them so much. Laura and Jean have 2 of the cats outside walking them in thew back yard, but they are on a harness and a leash. I just can't stay out there and walk like we did. I see you as you would inspect the perimeters and make sure all was right in your world. I imagine that you still do that where you are now. The one thing that I hate for people to say is that they are in a better place. That they are no longer in any pain. And yes, I know these things are true, but, you know what, it doesn't help when you are missing them so much. Perhaps it is what they feel they should say, because they don't really know what to say. It is true, even if it is a person, or a furbaby. Perhaps the best thing to say is that I am sorry for your loss and leave it at that. But, I know for me, it is hard to find the words to comfort a person that is grieving. I read a quote the other day, "It has been said that 'time heals all wounds'. I do not agree. The wound remains. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. This was a quote by Rose Kennedy, and I feel it is true. Yes, the pain does lessen with time, but, like any wound, a scar is formed, and sometimes under the right circumstances, that scar can be reopened, and the pain can return. Not as strong as in the beginning, but still always there, always a part of you. But, we move forward with our lives, never forgetting our loved ones that have left us, but, remembering the love they gave us, and we pass that love on to others. It is the legacy they left behind, the legacy of love. So, my sweet boy, as long as I am a part of this world, I will honor you by loving those that need my love, and one day, I will see you again. I love you, my sweet, handsome boy, always and forever. Until we meet again, here is some hugs, kisses and cuddles sent to you on the wind. Love Mommy
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