Registered: 1543793383 Posts: 1
I'm out of tears, but my heart is way too heavy for me right now. On Nov 26 I had to put down my older cat, Greta, because she had cancer. I was starting to 'get over it' and feel better and at peace, and today I lost my other cat, Delilah, in a tragic way. When I got the news, I started feeling dizzy and almost fainted. I still can't even believe it as I type that sentence. I feel so guilty. Over the past couple of months, Delilah because very demanding about going outside. She would just not give up. She cried louder and louder nonstop. She would get out sometimes and starting going 'missing' for longer periods of time. We knew she had some kind of 'affair' but she would always come back within an hr or so. Not this time.... I knew the risks of letting her out but took my chances because she would become so aggressive indoors. I knew whatever was outside made her happy and she hated captivity. She insisted and insisted, so I gave in again and let her get out. She didn't come home that night...then the next. I had this horrible feeling but had hopes that she was just hiding somewhere like many cats do and then return after a few days. Anxiety kicked in, I made flyers and as I went to the neighbors house to leave one, I got the terrible news. They found her body. They said She would hang out with some bunnies and another cat, and she was always there, calm, just laying down, so they never bothered to pick her up, but this time, they don't know exactly what happened but they said they found her laying 'peacefully' n their yard with not shows of apparent trauma. I hate myself right now. Guilt is killing me. I can't eat, I can't sleep. Im in denial. I opened that door for her (because she was just not giving up crying and acting up until I let her out). I can't forgive myself. I spoiled her at home, she received so much love, she would lay next to me all the time, and I just can't picture my routine without her. It's my fault. I knew the risks, but I let her out anyway because that seemed to make her happy, and I hated seeing her so stressed out and angry when kept indoors. I want to get over this guilt and I can't. I just want to sleep for days until the pain is gone and just wish this was a bad dream. Lost my two babies (separate circumstances) just 4 days apart. I'm so depressed and hopeless.
Registered: 1152849614 Posts: 591
I’m so sorry for your loss of Greta and Delilah. One loss is hard to bear, but losing 2 in such a short period of time is devastating. Try not to be so hard on yourself. It sounds like Delilah found a special place that she liked to spend time and she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. We never get over our losses, but with time we are able to get through them. Please take care of yourself and know that we understand how much pain you are dealing with.