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EliseT

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Posts: 2,109
 #121 
Dear Sharon,

Thank you so much - I know our sweet babies have definitely gotten together by now...I love to think of them having a great time together up there!

Hugs,

Elise, Buddy's mom
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,800
 #122 
Dear Elise,
Your Mom is amazing - still working at 82 years - what a strong lady she is - her outlook is good - for what else can we do really but "..just keep going" - other than giving up - which our babies wouldn't want. 

I am doing my best Elise, to let go of my disappointment at my family's lack of understanding, I'm trying to realize that they just can't know how totally devastated I am over Lee Lee's loss - to me, she was not "just a dog", she was not "a friend" (even though she was my friend)--- she was my child in every way, my little baby, my very heart ...every ounce of maternal instinct I had, I poured out on her.  I am not going to "get over it", I am not having "...a midlife crisis" - I am grieving my heart out for my angel.  It is my fault,  I guess I just expected too much.  I am very grateful for Moms here who understand (like you) and I am so glad that you have your sister - what a blessing for you.

Your explanation(in your letter to Bedomom) of why God doesn't let our angels come back to us is spot on I think.  I believe that is why we "see" them for fleeting moments in signs and other little creatures - like butterflies or in visits from other dogs.  We would probably freak totally out if we saw them the way we knew them and it would just be our undoing to have to part with them twice.  You are also right I think in what you said about the signs - they wouldn't be as special if we didn't have to wait for them.  Wonderful thoughts - Thank you!

Keep writing Elise - I love to read your letters...
With thoughts of our babies...
Hugs, Melanie
_PatchesMommy

Registered:
Posts: 181
 #123 
Hello sweet Elise,

I just now read your sweet message from Sunday. Your mother sounds just amazing. Please tell her I said so.
I hope that you do get to go by for Christmas even if for such a short while.
Time sure flies by even though I feel like none has past. It really does feel like only yesterday that I too was holding my sweet girl, kissing her, loving her, saying my goodbyes, and crying uncontrollably with her. I still don't know what got me through that Thursday at 2:26 pm. I'm sure it was probably mostly my body, heart, and soul in shock or denial?
It sure makes sense that..... we can only reconcile grief, it is never resolved...we can only reconcile and integrate it into the new beings that we become, because our old selves are gone...we can never go back the way we were before losing our babies, we have changed forever...
Those words are so very true. I really believe and feel I will never be the same, old Jamie is gone.

I am happy for Patches and all of our babies. I really know their happy and in a beautiful paradise. It's just that I miss her and don't want to be here without her in my everyday.
I just realized Christmas Eve the 24th will be 2 months my sweet angel isn't here. How heartbreaking.
I love her Elise, just as you do your sweetness.

Thinking of you and Buddy, the Sweetness.

Goodnight,
Patches Mommy Forever,
Jamie

*** I also had my cute little mommy voices only for My One.
EliseT

Registered:
Posts: 2,109
 #124 
Dear Melanie,

Yes, when it comes right down to it, mom is remarkable. She has trouble walking - her feet are somewhat deformed from arthritis, but other than that, she does quite well. I am glad that she is a social person - it helps her a lot, and also a big reason why she wants to continue with her job at the library for as long as she can.

I know you are trying your best, to let go of the disappointment regarding your family's inability to truly understand how you are feeling, not comprehending the depth of your loss. Lee Lee absolutely was, and always will be your child, your sweet baby who you will always cherish with every fiber of your being. This is the nature of your connection, the depth of your love for her is bottomless and surpasses all human understanding. It is not your fault...it is hard not to have at least a few small expectations of those people in our lives, who are supposed to know us the best, and love and accept us with understanding and open hearts.

Like you, Melanie, I am so grateful, and honestly do not know what I would do without my "kindred moms and dads" here...you sweet pet parents who know this terrible pain and anguish of loss, without having to explain a thing. Out of this terrible loss and sorrow, truly one of the greatest blessings I could have ever hoped for, was to meet and get to know people such as yourself, in this our "alternate' universe" of unconditional love and companionship. I must continue to remember how blessed I am to have all of you, when the grief of not having my baby boy right here with me starts to drown me, once again...

Holding sweet memories and thoughts of our babies close, on this cold winter's night.

Hugs,

Elise, Buddy's mom for eternity...
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,800
 #125 
Thank you Sweet Elise for your kind, understanding words. It is so good to know that we are not alone in our grief (I did for a long time) - and that others do, sadly, completely "get it". I hope that I didn't give the impression that my family didn't care for Lee Lee, they did love her and she loved them - it was just not a Mama's love.  

You speak of your grief as as drowning - a very fitting description - it really does feel sometimes like fighting to keep you head above water and getting dragged right back down again.  I think of you and your Sweetness often - I know you miss his comforting presence in your life and love him beyond words.  Stay warm tonight and send my greetings to your Mom, she is an inspiration.

Hugs,
Melanie
EliseT

Registered:
Posts: 2,109
 #126 
Dear Jamie,

Thank you so much, I will let mom know of your lovely compliment - I know it will lift her spirits. I am heading to my mom's either this Sunday or Monday, for an extended visit. I think I mentioned somewhere, that I just feel like running away from home anymore, and going to mom's is the one place I feel a little better, it certainly isn't here right now, even though my Buds absolutely loved it here. This was the only place we ever lived, where he did not want to leave...he never wanted to go anywhere, just stay here in and around this peaceful house in the woods on a beautiful lake. This place was so meant for him, and yet he had less than a year to enjoy it. It just breaks my heart so much, to look out in this yard and not see his paw prints...not see his snow angels, not see remnants of his chewed up sticks. It's just all so completely wrong...it wasn't supposed to happen like this. How do we survive this? I guess by coming here, writing our hearts out, reaching out to help as much as we can, the other hurting souls here, who are equally devastated, crying our eyes out, trying to hold onto what we had...I don't know.

I know what you mean, about trying to go to yoga again, but being afraid of breaking down in class. I had a 'meet and greet' for this new yoga class, starting in mid January, and on the form the instructors were asking what we wanted to get out of the class. The first thing I wrote, out of three choices, was transforming this grief and loss of Buds and the traumatic experiences that surrounded his illness and passing, reconciling it, as I morph into whoever the person is, that I am to become. As you said, the old Jamie is gone...she won't be back and we can only work toward a new goal, of recreating ourselves, with our babies integrated into everything we do, from now on. As Fionasmum wrote so beautifully and eloquently, in a post for Molly's mom earlier today (to paraphrase), every smile, every kindness, every act of goodness we do for the rest of our lives, will contain a piece of our beloved children. We can do nothing from this day forward, that does not include them.

Anyway, getting back to the 'meet and greet' - when this very kind woman was explaining about why some people come to yoga, to lower anxiety, learn deep breathing and meditation, help with depression...she asked if any of these pertained to me? Well, I don't know why but I opened up to her, sharing about how it was almost 3 months since losing Buds, and that I was still grieving deeply, had regrets that I was still being tortured by...and then I just started bawling and pouring my heart out to a perfect, although very kind and understanding stranger. I told her much about our special bond, how we became so close and inseparable...she definitely got more than she bargained for, asking that question, but she was very gracious and a wonderful listener and it did feel good, to just let some of this out today. So like you, I will probably cry away during the yoga classes, but you know...that's OK...I'm just going to be myself and if the tears come, they come.

I know what you mean Jamie, when you talk about time flying and yet it seems to stand still at the same time. I know how much you miss your sweet baby girl - I am so sorry that the 24th is going to be the 2 month mark of utter and total sadness and loss for you. Like you, I know that our babies truly are happy, and at home now...but also like you, I miss so very much the every day closeness and togetherness that can never be replaced. I understand your wondering, how in the world you ever got through 'that day' or 'that moment'...I can barely stand to think of it, and yet it comes back to haunt me when I want to do nothing more than drive it away, back it into some forgotten corner of my mind where it will gather dust for eternity. I wish now, that I had spent more time holding Buds that morning...I was in the back seat with him on the way to the hospital, crying all over him and caressing him...then they carried him in, and then we were in a room together for awhile but I cannot remember much it's a blur now, I do remember that I was kissing him all over, holding him and then felt selfish because I knew he wasn't well, and just wanted to go. Then, the horrible feeling of just abandoning him to that place afterward, after he slipped away...honestly I think it would have been easier to have been run over by a truck, than to endure this. I knew he was failing, and so wanted him to be able to pass at home here, where he loved it so much but he would have been suffering by then, and as it was Sunday there was no vet that would come that day.

Oh Jamie, I know you love her so so much...you and Patches are in my thoughts and prayers, every day...I truly love praying for my pals here, and their angel babies. Thank you for thinking of me and of the Sweetness, it truly means the world...

Warm big hugs to you Jamie, and your sweet angel baby that you hold in your heart forever...Patchy, mom's got you baby girl...
EliseT

Registered:
Posts: 2,109
 #127 
Dear Melanie,

You are very welcome - I am so sorry that you went on for a long time, not having this support and understanding from as you say, a sad community of grievers who definitely do 'get it'. I didn't think you did give the impression, that your family didn't care about Lee Lee or love her, just that they could not understand completely, why you are in the state you are in because you are her Sweet Mama. 

Three things right now, are keeping me going. The first is the knowledge that we will be reunited with our babies, and that they are happy and free and waiting for us, wrapped in God's love. The second is the blessing that this community of caring friends has become and the third is my loving family and a few friends outside of this forum.

It is so interesting to observe how God works, at times. I don't think we can ever completely understand how or why, but there are blessings that rise out of the ashes of tragedy. I'll tell you the story, of how I almost lost my life at the age of 18, as an example. It was Easter Sunday morning, 1978. I was with my boyfriend at the time, my high school sweetheart and I was driving his Oldsmobile Jet Star 1969 - a very heavy frame car. We were headed into Watertown that morning, it was slushy road conditions as is often the case in March weather in this part of northern New York. We were delivering an Easter plant to a dear woman who was like a second grandmother to me - she took care of me as a little girl during the week, when my mom and dad both worked. We never made it, to deliver that plant to the nursing home. A classmate of mine, with his wife and baby was coming the other way...he lost control of his car and was going too fast for the conditions...(he was driving another heavy framed car from that era - a big Chevy Impala). He went off on the right shoulder of the road, then overcompensated coming back onto the highway and crossing over into our lane, hitting us head on. I only had time to take my foot off the gas and close my eyes...

There was a song that was playing in the cassette player at the time, by a group that was called "Lake". I don't remember the exact name of the song, but I remember the last phrase of the song, that I heard, before the cassette player shut off, and they were "Jesus came down, and love shone around"...then we found ourselves in the ditch, on the other side of the road, the whole front of the car was crushed. If we had been in a smaller car, I would not be writing this today.

It was such a strange feeling, what happened after that...I knew we were in shock, the only reason my boyfriend didn't go through the windshield was because he had been in previous car accidents, and did a shoulder block into the dashboard, as he saw it coming in time to do that. I didn't go through it either, because I was driving, and held onto the steering wheel and absorbed the impact that way. But somehow, my leg just below my left knee received a serious laceration, that I wasn't aware of, right away. People started coming around, and eventually someone called an ambulance. I just remember being so calm and at peace, while waiting for the ambulance that day. Calm, thinking about the message from God through that song - thanking God so much for sparing us and praying for the people in the other car. Luckily, no one was killed or maimed for life, out of this accident. People came from neighboring houses, telling us to get out of the car, but I refused as for some reason, was able to think logically, that if I did leave the car, I might do permanent damage to myself, if my spine had been injured.

I remember thinking, (after the impact and while the car was still moving...taking what seemed like an eternity to finally come to rest) why can't I open my eyes...when I might never see anything again? Another miracle that day was that we weren't hit a second time, as there was quite a bit of traffic on the road...

All to say, that God opened my eyes that day, to His presence and Love, and the fact that our lives our very fragile...we hang here by a thread, by the grace of God go we. It was the most humbling experience of my life, but I knew without any doubt, that God was with us, and that there were many lessons and blessings that were granted, that arose from this terrible 'tragedy'. There were quite a few signs from Above that fateful day, wouldn't you agree? And, on Easter Sunday of all days...the day of Life and Resurrection? Sometimes, the signs we receive...the messages, are very definite...and this one, was hard to miss!

Strange how this all came out in this post to you Melanie - I didn't sit down, planning to write this testimonial. But it did tie into the thought, that we are blessed, even through tragic circumstances. God does not forget us, will never let our babies down and for this reason, we have much to live for. Thank you for reading my story.

Thank you Melanie, I will give your sweet greetings to my mom. Thank you for keeping me and my Sweetness in your thoughts - you and Lee Lee are with me and Buds, too...

Hugs,

Elise, Buddy's mommy
Bedomom

Registered:
Posts: 1,383
 #128 
Dear Elise:
It is amazing what our family here can be, we not only share our loss of our beloved babies, but we can also share all of our experiences and perceptions of life, and through sharing we all can learn about life in a different perspective....You are right, we hang here by a thread...we don't really know what happens next and there are surprises that seem unbearable, and we can only live and learn...through sharing and understanding of love, we can be a better person and we are continue learning as time goes by.   I forgot to give my complements to your niece and your mom, Josee is a sweet girl, you are right she still has a little girl in her (which is a very good thing) some kids just turn into a big M in their teen years and it is sad to see the Little girls in them is totally lost...I have to confess that at this age, I still "have a little girl" in me to keep me young at heart..Your mom is tough and she is still working at her age, and I know she been through enough to be tough at things.  My mom at 76 and she still involves in banking and property investments and I always tell her to slow down.  Like you, I have had near death experience at the hospital last year at this very time...I was bleeding to death due to a miscarriage from IVF...Not been pregnant before and I did not know, I let it bleed for hours before going to the hospital, I did not call the ambulance so they let me wait for 3 hours before I could see a doctor, after that, The doctor left me laying there for another hour and I had to go to the bathroom, I saw clots dropping in lbs, I got dizzy and passed out, I thought I was going to die as I looked like a ghost and my body was light like a feather before passing out in the bathroom...After that, I have been looking at life in a different perspective...It is another sad things that I have to face too, I have to face my best friend in court, my ex husband, a child hood friend, my puppy love (we had always been heads of the class and the kids paired us together from grade 1 to grade 5)  something they call a procedure of discovery..It is sad to experience these Uncontrollable Extreme Changes in life, I don't know if they are god's will or they are extreme tests for me to go through as a human being.  As much as I hate to do this, I have to, I just need to let out  the truth, Elise, I hope Bedo will be with me to give me strength...Honestly, I am scare, I am afraid of my emotions will cloud the truth and let the devil wins..I pray God will give me strength to go through this....My lawyer is right, I can't fight the enemy if I don't think he is my enemy, but deep inside my head, he is just a shy boy I knew since a kid..sometimes, I wonder if I must be an actress for my own life...
Oh I forgot to answer your question, the picture of Bedo with MoMo was taken  in November 2007, Momo was only about 1 month old, how time flies...if you look back in 1978, everything that has happened to you just seem like yesterday....It was God's will that you had made through that ordeal and I am sure the experience has had a great impact on you...and thank you for sharing.  Yes Elise, we will be united with the B boys someday I know you miss Buddy so much and I miss Bedo Too! in term of feeling, it is hard to be objective, some days are better than others but we will hang in there... 
Hugs to you and Sweetness!
Bedomom
EliseT

Registered:
Posts: 2,109
 #129 
Dear Nance,

It is so true what you say...what has started out as grieving and sharing about our beloved fur babies, has grown into a vast sharing of life's experiences and as you say, understanding others perceptions. You honor and humble me, with your sharing, baring your soul with such trust in this letter about your life's situation...I pray God will move through me now, to bring some words of comfort and wisdom to you, anything of benefit that comes out through these fingers is directly from heaven above, our sweet kids are working together for the messages to us both, I know they are. When I am feeling so down sometimes, I go back and read my dear letters from Little B, from you...Melanie, Jamie, MaxsMomandDad, Sissy's mom, and many other kind souls who have taken the time, my sweet pals here, who have been so generous to reach out, in the face of their own grieving to give so much back. It helps so much to re-read them...it brings me back to where I need to be inside, and now this new letter from my sweet shorty Nephew Bedo...it brought tears, but not just the sad kind...tears of gladness, too. Tears of comfort...

Nance, I am so thankful that you recovered from this terrible miscarriage it must have been so traumatic for you...just no words to describe what anguish you must have gone through...I am so sorry you suffered like this...you have been given an especially heavy load to carry...it is evidence that you are much loved, and that your mission here is very important.

You were not supposed to leave this earth though, it was not your time and as you say, your perceptions of life and meaning, changed so dramatically because of coming so close with the brush of death...you are a strong woman, you have the will to prevail, to conquer in any situation because you have right on your side, never forget that, Nance. Your heart is immovably in the right place, in every situation - this is the person you are, no one can ever take this gift away from you.

One of the biggest lessons from that car accident was that yes, our lives are very fragile and not to be taken for granted...every moment is precious and we could vanish into the heavens without notice. It is amazing too, how timing always plays a part in things. I stopped to tie my shoe, before getting into the car that day. If I had waited, not spent that minute tying the shoe, we would have been past that car that lost control. It is all very mysterious but sometimes God has to shake us awake, to get us to pay attention to the right things...get our priorities straight. I know God was working again this time, through Bud. Mom needed another wake up call...sometimes they are so painful, these lessons but without them, we would not grow, we would not learn...we are always learning Nance, we came here to learn, to be sorely tested. We are not just here to have an easy time of it, all the time. The greater the tests, the more we know we are loved so much...God would not bother testing us so diligently, if it were not for our own soul's good, if there was no Love for us...

Thank you for your compliment for Joelee and mom...Joelee is a no nonsense kind of girl...she does not like small talk or trivialities from people. But with animals...with Buds and with her sweet kitties, her little girl always comes out and she has the patience of a saint! My mom too, she still has her little girl, and it is nice to see those moments when they come. Your mom sounds like a powerhouse woman, I know you want her to slow down, maybe even a little bit but she has to be ready. Both of our moms have suffered many losses...one cannot reach their age, without accumulating loss along the way. I am so glad your 'little girl' is so alive and well! She will always be with you...your Bedo and babies will make sure of that, and you have all of the other heaven kids too, to keep you 'young at heart'...

I know your heart is heavy, with this court case and not wanting to fight the person you had great love for, and will always love and care about, in some special way that is only yours. But it sounds like this man, who is no longer a boy, has backed you into a corner and although it may be out of his own pain and anguish, although he may be lashing out, taking out his frustrations or what he perceives as his failures in life on you...you have the choice not to be the recipient of this, you can choose not to suffer because of his actions. You have the right to protect yourself. He was your friend at one time, your puppy love as you say...and it sounds like you are still his true friend, in your heart which does put you in a dangerous position because he has betrayed your love and friendship, if he has turned on you like this. Yes, he is still that shy boy...like our little girls inside, he will always have his little boy, but what has now grown out of this child into a man, has come to be your enemy, at least for now. For you to protect yourself, you must see him as he has become, as he himself has chosen to be toward you. Friends can sometimes turn into enemies...how that happens is very complex, and most sad, but it does happen sometimes and the goodness you shared becomes lost in the ugliness of the present. Maybe his good memories are buried...are dead to him now. It will ultimately be up to him, to recognize this and to make amends with you, to resurrect the good memories...

He has decided this course of action against you and I know that Bedo is going to help you be strong, and Buddy too. Please always think of our boys as right by your side through this, they will never abandon you during this struggle for your justice, for what is right. It may be a trap, to feel sorry for this man, because of your past and what is deep inside your head about him, but please do not forget what he is doing in the present, this is where life must be lived and sometimes it is a trap, to feel sorry for a person especially when they do not have your best interests at heart. You have to ask yourself that question, Nance - where does he really stand and is he now working against you? The devils are not going to win - you and Bedo are.

You and Bedo are never far from my thoughts, and of course thinking of Bedo, I always think of Buddy and the other sweet kids, too...I hope some of these words have been helpful to you. I do not know the details of your legal circumstance, just want you to protect yourself well, as you have every right and obligation to do so. Just my thoughts, but to me, you owe it to yourself to stay protected and safe as you can be...

Hugs to you and my sweet little B!

Love, Buddy's mom


Bedomom

Registered:
Posts: 1,383
 #130 
Thank you from the bottom of my heart Elise, you must have read my mind, you thinks exactly like me but you just express a million times better.  One thing that keeps me going is I have right in my heart and no matter how painful the experience can be, I always have this to lean on as my strength.  I am a very sentimental person and tend to value the past, to me the past is part of the presence, we may change to some degree due to personal experiences and maturity but the CORE VALUE should still be there. We tend to yearn for those days that prior to our B boys' Bridge days,how happy everything was...
Oh I am sorry I thought Jolee as Josee, I did not mispell her name as I know this is very disrespectful..sorry!
Hugs to you, your sweet family including Sweetness!
Bedomom
EliseT

Registered:
Posts: 2,109
 #131 
Dear Sweet Bedomom,

You are welcome, but please do not think that you do not express yourself well, or that I express things somehow better in some way...everyone just has their own voice, and our words just come together differently, that's all. Please know that you express yourself very well!

I am so glad, that you recognize your heart's goodness and truth. This knowledge will keep you strong, in the face of any and all adversity. Like you, I am also a very sentimental person and yes, the past is always mixed in with the present...as you say, the core values carry through, and are timeless.

Please do not feel you have shown any disrespect, for missing the spell of Joelee's name...it is unusual, and it is a bit of a 'made up' name...taken after her dad's first name, Joel.

Hope that you have had a better day today...tomorrow is Buddy's 3 month Bridge Day, and the same date, too...the 15th and a Sunday. Mom is lonely for Buddy, heartbroken and still full of regrets about his diet that probably caused his early kidney failure ultimately...I don't know how to live with myself, truly...it is like running into a brick wall, with nowhere to go.

You are so right - we do yearn for happier days, before all of this sadness and tragedy took our babies away...we try to be strong, but as you say, some days are better than others.

Hugs to you, to sweet little B, and all of the sweet fur babies cousins this side of heaven...

Buddy's mom
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,800
 #132 
Dear Elise,
Thank you for sharing your remarkable story - for certain, God was and is with you. I imagine the realization of what could have been and experiencing God's awesome grace and mercy must had a great impact on your life and your faith - truly amazing...

I do hope that one day, the reasons for our losses will become clear... I can't see anything good just yet... Thank you again Elise - reading about your experience was a blessing to me today. Your wonderful words are such a comfort to so many of us - you have a gift....

Elise, I know tomorrow will be hard for you - 3 months of missing your precious Buddy.  I really feel for you - the worst anniversary for me so far was when the date and the day were the same - it was a very hard time.  I will be thinking of you.
Hugs to you and Buddy...
Melanie

Dear Bedomom... I read your post to Elise - I'm so sorry for everything you have been through and for what you are facing - Your courage is inspiring and you are in my prayers...
Hugs of support and strength...Melanie
_PatchesMommy

Registered:
Posts: 181
 #133 
Hi Elise

It just turned midnight here so it is Sunday now. I know what today is and I wanted for you to now that I'm thinking of you and your sweetness...
I'm wishing you pleasant dreams of you and your Buds. Your in my thoughts Elise.

Warm Hugs,
Patches Mommy Forever,
Jamie
EliseT

Registered:
Posts: 2,109
 #134 
Hi Bud Bud,

Mom here, on this your 3rd month at Rainbow Bridge - today is also the 15th and Sunday...mom is trying not to think of that day when you left so much now, but of the happier times that we shared, honey. Just want you to know baby, that you are and always will be, mommy's world, mommy's heart boy, forever and ever! Mom doesn't write you every day baby, but you know that mom thinks about you all the time, every moment baby, you are never far from mommy's thoughts. We had so much snow here last night honey...you would have just loved it, jumping through the drifts, getting the fresh powder on your nose, burrowing for treats...remember how mom would hide treats in the snowbanks, for you to dig for? Wasn't that a fun game, baby? We always loved our snow games together, baby...mom is staying at aunt Gracie's this weekend, Myles is in and out and right now, romping in the back where you both used to go. He always looks for you baby, every time mom comes to visit he always looks for you, and he is more affectionate with mom now...I think he knows mom is sad inside and missing you so much...

Please have a fun time today baby, mom knows Bedo is making you delicious Chinese food, and mom knows Lee Lee has a special pretty for you...and Patchy too, is helping you celebrate today...Max, Sissy, Rufus, Christoph, your new pal Chance, Olive, Ellie, Bailey, Kodiak and Bailee, Koji...too many for mom to mention, that's how big your party is today, baby! My Big Chief - mom is so proud of you honey...my sweet sweet boy with a heart as big as the Universe - thank you for taking care of your tribe of angel babies honey...mom could not be prouder of her favorite sweet Buddy Boy...

Honey, mom is sharing the three pictures Christian took on that last weekend - the last pictures of you and mom - remember honey, Pauline and Christian came to visit the weekend after Labor Day, when they knew you were sick? It was the last pictures of you, and of you and mom together...mom didn't know this at the time, but that's how it worked out, and mom only wishes it had been a better picture of us together, with you looking at the camera. Mom knows you didn't feel well that day, but still, you rose to the occasion for their visit, once again making mommy so proud of you. Mom wishes we had many more pictures together, but we don't have too many, do we baby? Because mom was usually the one taking the pictures and movies...oh well...we will have to take more, the next time we see each other baby, won't that be the best??!

Mom will never forget Buds, how you could hardly wait for Christian to park the truck that day...you could hardly wait to go and greet them, even though you didn't feel well...you always loved your special pals who came to visit so much, and they always lifted your spirits as much as you lifted theirs! Baby, remember when Dave would come over or John, and you would give them such big hugs and let them know how happy you were to see them??! Well, Christian got you playing just like your old self that day...remember how he had your favorite cheesy treats and was hiding them from you, and you were trying to get them from him in the front yard? He loved to tease you a little bit, didn't he baby? He grew to love you so much, Bud Bud, and why wouldn't he? Mom will never forget that game that day, baby...and also, how he was trying to get you to eat your food on the back steps, by "hiding" the cheesy treats in your bowl? Well, it worked!

Pauline, Buddy in the Middle and Mommy:

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Buddy's Last Picture With Mom...

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Mom loves you so much baby...please know you are always and forever in mom's heart, and mommy knows too, that you carry mom in your heart, too, always and forever. Thank you baby, for all of the love you have for everyone...you were and always will be, everybody's best Buddy Boy...everybody's favorite boy, baby...mom loves you endlessly...

Hugs, kisses and blessings to you honey, and to all of your angel pals at the Bridge today...please have fun and all you kids, remember your moms and dads down here!!

Love You Forever Bud Bud,

mommy

xoxoxoxoxo
Bedomom

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 #135 
Dear Sweet and Nephew:
Look at that face, that Golden Genuine face, how can I not fall in love with you? Sweet Nephew, you are in for a real treat tonight, for some reason, your aunt took out an organic chicken this morning before going to the office. Organic Chicken is Beed's favourite too, you will share with him as it is your big day, all the foods are meant for you Baby, by looking at you, A just fall so hard for that face, A  face that would not even hurt a fly, so is your sweetmom, you are such a genuine pair together...I know mom misses you a lots and she is trying to manage her pain from the countkless sweet memories you had have shared...A wish you a happy 3rd month bridge day, A knows you will be surrounded with Angels of your size, Like Marsh, Lee Lee, Chances,  sweet  Kitties, such as Patches, Ally and all shorties such as your Loyal Assistant, Little B and his AA Girls, Dallas, Koji, Max and many Many More...A knows you will be celebrate your day with lots fun and love up there, you kids are singing and flying with your angel wings in the meadows...A is sending you lots of earthy love to you Sweet Boy, and of course, some homemade meals tonight too, A may cooks some of the Wild Salmon too, it is about time; it may sounds like crazy but A just need to do this for You so Enjoy them! In A's culture, we believe that you will be able to have them so Just Be Chinese for One day boy, Beed has already tought you how to use chopsticks!
Baby, You were so lucky in the way that Mom had provided you with an advantuous life styles...you had have done so many interesting things and where mom lives is so cool, in a place with roomy vast land, parks, and lakes for you to enjoy...I am sure you are very very content with your earth life...Mom had made you lived your earth life to the fullest extent...so please tell mom not to think about the silly homecook meals any more...you may have had too much from your ly aunt by now...A can see the loving bond of you and mom, you are so much like a two legged in your fur suit, so loving, so sweet...Sweet Nephew, please send all sweet soothing signs to sooth mom's soul, she needs you more than ever before.  Thank you mom for sharing such beautiful pictures of you two, looking at them just make A's day! what a perfect mother and son relationship to be treasure forever! Have a Blast up there Sweet Boy!
Lots of hugs and kisses to you on your Big Day!
Love
Auntie Bedomom
EliseT

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 #136 
Dear Melanie, 

You're welcome - sometimes it is hard to believe that so many years have passed since that fateful Easter Sunday - some of the memories are as clear as if it had just happened yesterday. But it does warm my heart, that some of what I share is of help to you, thank you for your wonderful compliment. 

Like you, I cannot fathom or understand the full or complete meaning of our losses. If I were to guess, it may be that our babies had another mission, another 'rescue' to perform...God had new plans for them, and also it was 'their time' to be together in the heavenly realm. The second guess would be, that for my life, God wanted Buddy to lead mom here, to try and help people suffering with the loss of their beloved babies, and to learn more about this part of life. Maybe it was our time to meet, here in this 'alternate universe'. Maybe Buddy knew it was time again, for mom to have a hard lesson or two, about priorities in life, and to never forget what is truly important. To never forget the lesson that life is precious, beyond words...that we can never take our loved ones for granted.

You mentioned awhile ago, if you could go back to those moments with Lee Lee, you would have treasured them while they were happening, that much more intensely. Maybe this is how we are supposed to be, in all of our God given moments, from this day forward. 

Thank you for thinking of me and Buds this day, Melanie, and also for sending hugs our way - we appreciate and treasure you and Lee Lee so very much! 

Love always, 

Elise, Buddy's mom forever...


EliseT

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 #137 
Dear Jamie, 

Thank you so much for your kindness and consideration - it truly means the world. I have been thinking so much today, about all of my sweet wonderful friends here, and am so truly thankful for each and every one who is part of this community. It is a hard day today, but luckily I am with a close friend, we are trying to keep busy but still, the sadness remains...

Thinking of you and your sweet Patches girl today, 

Warm Hugs,

Elise, Buddy's mom
maxsMandD

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 #138 
Happy 3rd month Bridgeday sweet Buddy. Buddy your mom misses you so much give her a dream visit tonight. Max, Bedo, LeeLee and all your wonderful friends are throwing you a party you'll never forget, all the chinese food and everything else you like to eat along with frisbe and ball playing. Each anniversary is hard I can't say that they get better but you learn to live with the pain for the one you lost and loved with all your heart.   ((hugs))  maxsMandD
LeeLeesMama

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 #139 
Dear Elise,
Your sweet letter to your baby is so poignant  - my heart breaks for you.  I loved reading about him burrowing in the snowbanks for hidden treats and hearing how very much he was loved by all who knew him - such a precious memories for you.  Your photos of him that day must mean so much to you - he is just such a special boy - I can't wait to meet him one day and give him a great big hug. 

Happy Three Month Bridge Day Angel Buddy!  I know your party was a blast with all your friends, lots of games, treats and that wonderful Chinese meal - what a day!  I wonder what pretty Lee Lee brought you today....there is no telling about my girl. Kisses and hugs for you sweet boy... You are so very loved and missed - try to visit with your Mom and send her a special sign to make her smile.  

Elise, I'm not sure if we'll ever really understand why our babies had to go - especially so very soon, so young - if it is for a lesson - it sure is a very hard one to endure - I'm not at all sure I'll pass the test.  I have you on my heart tonight, sending special hugs of comfort and peace.  You are always in my prayers my friend...

Melanie
~always Lee Lee's Mama~
EliseT

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 #140 
Dear Bedomom,

Thank you for your sweet words and compliments for Buddy, honoring him on his 3 month Bridge Day! I see you are lovestruck completely...the Sweetness has a way of winning hearts, he always was doing that and you are experiencing his Golden Magical Touch! Thank you for your hard work, for creating so many lovely foods for Buddy's feast - he is sharing with all of the kids, and getting so much better using his chopsticks! Bedo is a very good and patient teacher...Buddy loves being Chinese for a day! You have painted such a beautiful picture with your words for us moms and dads...seeing our babies singing, flying together, with their angel wings spread wide and free...it is these thoughts mom will hang onto, the ones of our babies at their happiest, in heaven far removed from any problems here on earth...our problems are only temporary anyway, Buddy will tell you...

I think Buddy will be writing you sometime soon, to let you know all about his party, and to thank you for being such a great Aunt!

Big hugs from snowy Ontario, to you and your furbabies who you take such good care of, all the time!

Buddy's mom
EliseT

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 #141 
Dear Sweet MaxsMomandDad,

Thank you so much for stopping by, to honor Buddy on his 3 months at the Bridge, it truly means so much that you reach out and share such comforting thoughts of our babies having a wonderful party together today! I know you are so aware of how hard these anniversary days can be emotionally, and also that you are having a hard time without Max, especially now that Christmas is almost here. You are right, we do learn to adjust, and live with this new earthly reality...I am liking more and more, my thoughts of heaven now, visualizing and knowing that our babies are happy and free, waiting for us to rejoin them, once again. Thank you for encouraging Buddy to visit mom in a dream - I had one of him in it the other night, and it was a comforting one...

Wishing you a most blessed peaceful holiday season,

Hugs,

Buddy's mom
EliseT

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 #142 
Dear Melanie,

Thank you so much for your sweet words, and also for wanting to give Buddy a big hug when you see him! He would just love that so much, and would thank you for helping take such good care of his mom. During the month of August, I took Buds to the animals hospital where he stayed for a day, getting lots of fluids, B vitamins and also a couple of other tests. He didn't have to stay overnight, and I remember how happy we both were, when it was time for him to be picked up and how he knew I was waiting for him and just ran into my arms, gently burrowing his head, so happy that we were together again...loving to be held and petted. The day at the hospital helped him feel better, although short-lived, it gave him some quality of life, and I will never forget that awesome hug we shared - even being separated for a whole day was a big deal, for us. So, now when you meet him you'll know the type of hug you'll be getting, he likes to linger in his hugs and he loves to burrow and make these little emotional sounds...I know you will love getting his hugs! I have to say, am truly looking forward to meeting all of you, getting and receiving hugs and hugging all of our special kids, I think Lee Lee is making pretties for all of us moms down here who have become friends with her mom...I know our babies are so happy that we have each other...

Melanie, you are so right when you say that you are not sure you will ever understand why our babies had to leave us, while still relatively young in earth years and as you say, if this is a test it is the most difficult one we will ever face...I cannot imagine a tougher test.

I don't think we will ever have the full answer, while we travel this realm, but I do know that they set such amazing examples for us to follow. My boy would have done anything for me...and I know that Lee Lee too, would have done, and still does, anything and everything for her mom...a little more of a challenge for her now that she is an angel, but she is discovering how to reach out and touch her mom, here in the earthly realm...but I know she and all the other angel babies in our sweet gang, must be having fun keeping all of us moms on our toes...ever watchful...

When we light our white candles on Christmas Eve, singing "Silent Night" I will be praying for our sweet angel fur babies, and for comfort and peace, for those of us left behind, who are hurting so much...

Hugs to you and baby Lee Lee,

Elise, Buddy's mom

MarleyBarley

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 #143 
Dear Elise,
My heart is with you at this 3 month anniversary. I know how hard it is. Buddy will live in your heart and be forever at your side. He is with people that love you and have passed. They are taking care of him and loving him until you join them. Its a hard road we are on, this grief but we will be better for it.

Teresa
Marleys mom
Forever and a day
_PatchesMommy

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Posts: 181
 #144 

Dear Elise,

I just loved your pictures of you and Buds. You can clearly see how much he loved his Mommy.
I wish I had a last picture of me and my Patches.... I don't even know which one it would be.
In California I don't see snow (maybe twice in my life) but it sounds so pretty, I can picture Buddy playing in the snow looking for his treats. Your games you played sure did sound fun, I know you both loved every minute. I loved your loving words to your sweetness. I was thinking of Buddy yesterday and all of our sweet babies... they must have had one big fun blast. Even knowing and believing that I'm still heartbroken and sad and I know you are too Elise, we miss are angels and it hurts deep....

I hope you are hanging in there today...
Warm Hugs Elise  :)
Patches Mommy Forever,
Jamie

LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,800
 #145 
Dear Elise,
I shall look forward to Buddy's special hug that you described so perfectly... right after you get the million or so he is saving for his dear Mom.  Our babies greetings are the most special of all - they are always so glad to see us whether we were apart for only a few minutes or for what seems like forever - like now.  And thank you Elise for that thought of Lee Lee gathering pretties for everyone - I'll bet she has baskets and baskets of them - she'll be so proud to show them off.

White candles, "Slient Night" and prayers sounds just beautiful Elise.  We can only attempt to live worthy of the blessings of their beautiful signs and gifts ... 
Hugs...
Melanie
~always Lee Lee's Mama~
EliseT

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 #146 
Dear Theresa,

Thank you so much - I do cling to the thought that Buddy is forever in my heart and by my side. I just had a dream this morning with him in it, it was the best dream I have ever had of him, and will share the details soon, before I forget! All to say, his coming to me in the dream has helped me come to a more peaceful place, this day. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but I am so grateful to have had this sign and message from him, he is letting mom know he is still very much here...

Thank you for the reminder, that Buddy is with those closest, who have passed. My dad never had a chance to meet him, but I often thought of how much dad would have loved him...I know they are sharing some fun times together, as they wait...

Hugs to you and sweet angel Marley,

Elise, Buddy's mom

EliseT

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Posts: 2,109
 #147 
Hi Jamie,

Thank you, I do treasure these last photos, and did not know that they would be our last at the time they were taken. Buds still had some life left in him at that point, and mom still had some hope for his recovery or at least that his condition could be managed, for awhile. He did love the snow so much - he loved both winter and summer, for different reasons. It is hard not having him here, as I would be active with him outside and during the winter, he could be off leash most of the time, especially the new home in Canada on the private road.

Thank you for thinking of our babies, all together and having the best time. I know our hearts will never be complete, until we are reunited with them. In the meantime, we just do our best...I know Buds wants mom to be strong, so I have to honor his memory and rise above this deep sorrow. He doesn't expect me to rush it though...he knows it will take the time that it takes...and your Patchy too...she knows mom is deep in sorrow right now, but she very much wants her mom to regain her life, and find joy one day...

Hugs to you and angel Patchy,

Elise, Buddy's mom
EliseT

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Posts: 2,109
 #148 
Dear Melanie,

You warm my heart with this precious thought...how my baby is saving a million hugs for mom! I know Lee Lee is doing that, too...all of our babies are 'saving up' for us, aren't they?! I know Buds will have many sweet embraces, for you and all of the sweet moms and dads, all of the people who meant so much to him during his lifetime...he loved to express himself with hugs and greetings...he will be beside himself with joy, once we all arrive...

It is so true, how our babies just loved greeting us, regardless of the time apart. I just love how in the moment they are...even if we were apart for a few hours, all was well again, the moment we walked through that door. I can remember, after grocery shopping or running errands, coming home and the happiest thought in my head was seeing Buddy again...knowing he would be so happy to see mom, and that his sweet hugs were waiting!

I love your thought, "that we can only attempt to live worthy of the beautiful blessings of their beautiful signs and gifts..." - never were truer words spoken. I am better today, as my boy knew mom was hurting, and he found a way to touch mom this morning...we had a cuddle session in a dream, soon to be revealed...

Hugs to you and sweet angel Lee Lee,

Elise, Buddy's mom
EliseT

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Posts: 2,109
 #149 
Dear Bud Bud,

You have blessed mom's heart so much, this morning! We have not been in a dream together...just once, since you went away to the Bridge, but you knew mom needed to see you, to touch you and you have come through for mom, this day! December 17th, 2013...a day that held a sweet dream with my big Bubbly Boy, a day mom will never forget! You were so happy, honey, in this dream...and it was all so real, so true for both of us. Mom had gotten up earlier and come to here to write...you knew mom's heart has been so heavy these last few days...all the regrets, the guilt...the anguish of missing you not being here with mom, especially during Christmas time. You knew mom was in despair Sunday and yesterday...how hard it was for mom to come to Gram's without you, baby.

Mom wasn't going to lie down again, after getting up so early, but she was so tired and drained from all of the harsh feelings. That's when your dream came, baby. It started out kind of strange, in the way dreams so often do. Mom was out behind Gram's place, just at the back of the yard where the field is, where we would play frisbees...and there was a fence, a barbed wire fence that was never there before...only in this dream. Then, there was this little calf that got his head stuck in the fence, and mom knew she needed to try and rescue the calf. Mom can't remember...she went into the house, and the calf was still stuck, but she was going back out to help she must have needed the right tool or something...then the dream changed, and mom was asleep here in the room at Gram's and you were right here with mom, lying on the floor by the door. Mom woke up in the dream, and saw you lying there and could not believe it was really you! Mom knew you wanted a hug, to cuddle so much, so mom went down on the floor with you, and we had the nicest long hug baby! Mom kept hugging you and hugging you...mom knew you were really there with mom in that moment, and then the scene changed and mom was in the living room with Gram, and mom said to Gram, "Look, Buddy's here!" and then you were really there, and came toward both of us, for more hugs! It was just the sweetest moment honey...it meant so much to have the chance to touch you again, in this dream...you really knew that mom needed to see you, to really see you and touch you, and you looked into mom's eyes, we held each other in our eyes, too. It was as if you had never left...even if it was short lived, it was a moment in time that mom will never forget. Mom knows you were trying to help mom, to let mom know you really are OK, that everything is OK, and that you want mom to have peace. I know you do, baby...and you want mom to find the purpose for her life again...to never forget her life priorities ever again. Baby, you have given mom so many lessons, you have been the most loving thoughtful teacher for mom...the sweet moms and dads here have been praying for mom, for you to come in a dream of comfort and love, and this has happened, this day! You are finding your sweet way, my loving boy, to heal mom...because you love mom so much baby...I still miss you so much you know that! Still crave so much our day to day but mom knows it will be OK...it will truly be OK...thank you so much, baby...mom is crying again it's so hard so sweet so innocent so incredibly difficult all at the same time...

Thank you sweet moms and dads, for your prayers for me and Buds - God has answered this day...and we are going to pray that you, too, will have sweet signs from your babies...the sweet knowing that all is well, behind the veil...

Bedomom

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 #150 
Dear Sweet Nephew:
Thank you for comming to mom's dream when she needs you the most, it was so sweet and thoughtful of you and it shows how much you love mom!  Baby, when we love some one so deep to the point that has reached the spiritual level, there is always a connection,no matter what we are, when we believe, we will find peace.  A knows that you always very much your oldself and mom's dream has proven that! A is so happy for mom and that is the best Christmas gift ever! Your poor mom has been suffering so much for missing you and your visit was a sooth to her soul! A looks at the pictures of you and mom, they show such a connection, you were just like a two legged boy trying to get more attention from your mom, A knows Forever, you two are just like that!
Hugs and love to your sweet mom and you Sweet Boy!
A. Bedomom
MarleyBarley

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Posts: 685
 #151 
What a wonderful dream. Your prayers were answered and Buddy came to see you. Tiny miracles happen every day.They are there, watching us grieve and when they can our babies send us comfort. I'm so happy for you.

Teresa
Marleys mom
Forever and a day
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,800
 #152 
Dear Elise,
Your dream is just awesome and you remember it is such vivid detail - what a blessing for you!  I'm so glad that you recorded it here so that we could all feel the warmth a sweet visit can bring to a Mom that is missing her baby.  I am happy for you beyond words.

     Way to go Buddy!!!  I know you Mom would say "Keep 'em coming".  

Big hugs Elise!!!
Melanie
~always Lee Lee's Mama~
EliseT

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Posts: 2,109
 #153 
Dear Auntie Bedomom, 

Thank you so much, for helping make my 3 months Bridge Day so special, with the wonderful home cooked meals and your sweet wishes for me and my mom! I appreciate you and the other moms and dads that care so much about my mom and how she is doing now that I am in heaven, we kids have also formed a strong bond and it gets stronger every day! Lee Lee is the cutest tom boy, she is leading in the cloud hopping game right now...she is very athletic and in shape, really all of us are in the best shape we have been in. We all had lots of fun at my Bridge party - we ate so much and played so much, we decided to have naps in the sun after awhile...we like to be close, and we touch paws when we are napping, to stay connected, because we have all fallen in love. I love my new family here, Auntie but it will never be complete until you moms and dads are here! I am glad you liked the pictures of me and mom, and that they made your day! Mom does treasure these so much now, I know you do too, but please know A, that you are only missing us for a little while, and one day there will be no more separations from us, so please remember this thought, whenever you feel lonely for little B, just remember it is only for a little while...

We have been decorating for Christmas up here - you could only imagine the size of our Tree! We love our arts and crafts, and each of us angel babies is making a special ornament for our Tree. Can you keep a secret, Auntie? All of our ornaments have special meanings, and we make them from our deepest feelings of love and wisdom. We make them especially for our sweet moms and dads, and they contain all of the special memories from our Earth's life...so please don't worry if you temporarily forget something that you did with Bedo before, because he has placed that cherished memory in his special ornament that he will give to you, when you come! And you will be able to experience all of your memories again, when you hold his ornament that he made especially for you, in your sweet hands. Each ornament we are making is very unique, I took my half of me and mom's heart shaped cookie with me, when I came to RB, and now, my half is inside the ornament that I am making, especially for mom! When you moms and dads come, you can also make special ornaments for us babies, and I know my mom is bringing the other half of our heart shaped cookie and will place that half inside her ornament, too. Our tree is so beautiful, but you see, it is not complete just yet...it could never be complete until our ornaments are placed next to the ones that our moms and dads will make for us...so there is still much room on our tree for more artistic treasures! 

Your Bubbly Buddy Boy nephew wants you to know A, that he is very fortunate to have these new friends...they did help with the dream to mom yesterday, and we help each other all the time, come up with creative ways to let our moms and dads know that we are still very close, and that we have our moms and dads on our hearts, too. The dream was as much for helping me, as it was for helping mom because I miss her, too...especially our hugs and long cuddles, and of course, the way we would always gaze into each other's eyes with so much love. We have to choose our special moments and ways of reaching out...sometimes we must be subtle, to help you sharpen your skills of observation. So you never know, Auntie...when you least expect it, you may encounter another little sign, a little token from Bedo as he wants his mom to have so much comfort and peace...

So yes, I am my old self, and all of us kids, too...we are just as we always were now that we are in heaven...please never forget our angel wings are around you forever, we love our earth parents so much! 

Thank you sweet A, you have such a huge warm heart...big hugs to you and my earthly cousins! 

Love your sweet Bubbly Boy Nephew,

Buddy

xoxoxoxo!!!
EliseT

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Posts: 2,109
 #154 
Dear Theresa, 

Yes, it was a heart warming comforting dream, and one of many hopefully. I will try to remember your thought, that "tiny miracles happen every day". I think the biggest miracle for me, was Buddy coming into my life when he did. Although I had only six years with him, it was still our lifetime together...we could always wish for more, and yet any amount of time would never be enough. I would love to know about the comforts your sweet Marley has sent you...it is so precious how they still want to connect and be close, just as they always did. 

Hugs, 

Elise, Buddy's mom
EliseT

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Posts: 2,109
 #155 
Dear Melanie,

Thank you - yes, you are right, mom would definitely encourage her boy to "keep'em coming!" The best part of the dream was when I saw him in this very room, where I am writing this right now...on the floor and looking up at me, as if to say "Well...where's my hug?" It truly was a gift, to be feeling him in my arms again in this dream, so close once again. I miss our hugs, so very very much. It was always the highlight of my day (several times a day, to be sure) to give and receive hugs and lovey from my sweet boy...I know you can relate 100%. I wish a similar dream and blessing for you, and for all of the hurting parents here, who are missing their babies so much. I wanted to write it down right away, so as not to forget any part of it.

I love hearing stories of our babies' visits, ways that they find to connect with us and their signs, letting us know they are always close. As one person mentioned in another thread, "little miracles happen every day".

Hugs,

Elise, Buddy's mom



Bedomom

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 #156 
Dear Sweet Sweet Hao Sun Chay:
Chrismas is comming, how is auntie HSC? A cried when reading mom's post on Chances Dad, baby, A so sorry....There was time when Laughing had a fight with Bowie...A was downstair collecting the garbage and did not witness the fight...poor Laughing's right eye was going to pop out...A was so scare that A did not even dare to look at it..A took him to a regular vet and he said he would take out his eyes...but if A wanted to fix him there was only one eye specialist in BC and her office is in Wesminster (an hour drive) and without thinking, A asked the vet to send a referal and A drove hime there...his eye ball looked like it was going to fall out and it was very very scarry-Laughing was so brave and he just ran around in the office with his "ugly" look like nothing has happened why his poor mom was worrying to death.  The specialist took a look at him and stiched up his eye and she said it would depend on his luck whether he was going to see again....the stiched had to stayed there for 8 weeks...the bill was huge but A did not care, all A was thinking was to make sure Laughing was all right....A took him home and immagine that poor thing with one eye stitched completely for 8 weeks not to mention the collar!....he was still his own active soul; A was going for a vacation one week before his stiches removal...he was so active that the stitches got loose just before A was lieaing...seeing his eye ball showed it normal shape...A was so happy and A could remove his stiches before leaving....see sweet boy, Laughing was so lucky and that boy has always been lucky and A will keep A's fingers crossed that he stay that way...baby..it is hard for mom, you wise boy you let her heart knows what is a right thing to do...be with her boy, give her all the strength that she needs...she is such a sweet sweet sould that she deserve all the peace and happiness in the world...If A were not alone, A would have constant aguments regarding vet bills, dog foods, dog treats...etc...he would complain about everything...
Buddy boy, you have mom's WHOLE love that is all it matters...when you receive something from someone, it has to come from the heart otherwise, it is meaningless, no matter what is given..We are too proud to beg..A thinks for sure my Nephew was proud and brave that's why you did not want any complication for mom...in earth life, nothing is perfect and sometimes we just have to settle for less in order to survive....it is such a complication.  A is at peace to be able to control A's life as the way it is...no complication...Sweet Nephew, this morning A saw a block of birds playing right in the middle of the road...it was early so no cars were passing by..they were so comfortable that A wonder if they realy care if cars were comming...all differnt kinds of birds, in different color and shapes...there where a few kept flying and forming a circle around A's head like they were performing.  It was such an intersting scene...it made A thinking of you, My SWEET B BOYS, AA GIRLS, Lee Lees, Max, Patches, Ellie and all of our sweet Angels...yes A does believe in sweet spirit, the physical form is just a cover for our earthy existance, that's why people say beauty is only skin deep...A knows for sure that you babies are around and A is so happy that you had visited mom...You are A's sweet Nephew and everytime A pays tribute to Bedo, A would mention you, A wants you to have what Beed has and A sure that your sweet mom feels the same way...she is living a challenging life now boy, please be a Hao Sun Chay other wise, will as little B to knock you on the head...and you tell him the same thing as we moms love you too much....Chrismas is comming A knows you guys are singing jingle bell up there...A wants all of you kids to be in harmony, to be happy and take care of one another just like our moms and dads here...life is not too ideal down here but with love, A sure things will be better having all the beautiful memories of you sweet angels wraped tightly in our hearts!
Hugs to you Sweetie Hao Sun Chay and lots of love to you, Shortie B and all of our Angels!
Hugs to your Sweet Mom and wish her a peaceful holidays!
Auntie Bedomom
maxsMandD

Registered:
Posts: 1,270
 #157 
Your dream from Buddy was adorable so glad you shared it even though it made me cry but I do a lot of that while I read everyone's stories and look at pictures they touch my heart.  I have a soft spot for all animals big or small. Many ((hugs)) to you and Buddy, I know he's waiting for you...  Max'sMandD
_PatchesMommy

Registered:
Posts: 181
 #158 
Dear sweet Elise,

Was just wanting you to know that I was thinking about you and your adorable Buds this Sunday. A very warm sunny Sunday here in California. I'd like to think all of our babies are laying warm happy and safe together. Hope you are having a peaceful day today Elise, best as you can.

Big warm hugs,
Patches Mommy Forever,
Jamie
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,800
 #159 
Dear Elise,
I just wanted you to know that you and your sweet Buddy are being thought of this Christmas Eve.  For me, the feelings of loss and longing are almost overwhelming and I've been pretty useless for anything other than thinking of last year's Christmas and happier times - I can't imagine you are feeling much different.  Christmas used to be such a joyous time - but without our angels - the "magic" is just not there - but they are together with all their friends and not alone - and Christmas, for them, is even better than it has ever been.  I wish you peace this Christmas Elise and I hope the your precious boy comes to visit your dreams again - wouldn't that be just the perfect gift right now....

Prayers and warm, understand hugs,
Melanie
~always Lee Lee's Mama~


EliseT

Registered:
Posts: 2,109
 #160 
Dear MaxsMandD, 

Thank you for reading about my dream with Buds...I hope the cry you had was a good and healthy release...I seem to be having a lot of those, lately! Thank you so much, for the ((hugs)) for me and Buds, I wish you both, and your sweet Max the same. Praying that you find some peace and much needed comfort, during the holidays...we know that our babies wait, yet it can be so hard at times, especially now, for we miss them so very much...

Dear Jamie,

Thank you for checking in, especially on Sunday as every one, marks yet another week apart from my boy. I know our babies must be experiencing your nice warm sunny California weather - we were hit by the recent ice storm...lost power at my mom's, so we stayed the night at my sister's as she had power there, but no Internet. It is good to be back, safe and sound now. You have been on my heart today - I know you are in so much pain and agony, wish there was something I could do to make it better. I am just so glad that we have each other, through this...if any one thing helps me, is knowing I can turn to my sweet pals here, for comfort and encouragement. It is a wonderful gift. Wishing you peace and comfort, now and always...

Dear Melanie,

Thank you so much, for dropping by and for keeping me and Buds in your thoughts, this day. I loved what you wrote Bedomom, that "when someone is thinking of you - you are among friends." That is so very true. I love that we do that for each other here...

I went to church tonight, to pray for all of us to make it through the holidays, pray for our babies, lighting a candle in honor of our sweet babies and for our aching hearts to find peace and solace. I know what you mean so much, that Christmas was such a joyous time with our babies, and now the 'magic' has gone, as our babies have taken it to the Bridge with them. The one thing that keeps me going is the knowing, that they are having the best Christmas ever...your baby is going to be receiving some mighty fine pretties tomorrow, and she will be saving the most special for her Mama, who she knows loves her endlessly. I know what you mean, when you say your feelings are way beyond "missing" Lee Lee, that it is this intense craving and longing for her. Sometimes, I catch myself in thought, "feeling" a sweet hug from Buddy...how he would burrow his head into my chest and make his sweet little emotional sounds...I can't think for too long about it, because it just hurts so much not having him here. He would sometimes take me a little off balance with his burrowing...it was like he just could not get close enough! It was the sweetest thing...and then, just being able to drop down on the floor at any moment, or when he was on his favorite spot on the couch and just going over to hug him and pet him...look into his beautiful eyes...yes, it goes far beyond 'missing'...it is a profound longing and craving for that physical connection with our babies...their sweet presence we could always always depend upon. Honestly, I don't know how we have even come this far...without our faith, and again, our knowing that they are in the most blessed place they could possibly be, with their friends and never lonely. 

Melanie, you are in my thoughts and prayers this Silent Night...wishing for your independent angel to find her way into a sweet dream for her sweet Mama...




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