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CharleesMama

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Posts: 1
 #1 
I live in a home that is owned by a friend; so we are roommates. Just over two weeks ago, I had to say goodbye to my precious Charlee. He was a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and was just two months shy of his 14th birthday. Charlee had mitral heart disease and congenital heart failure. I called an emergency at-home vet to come to the house, so that Charlee could be resting comfortably in my arms. I was so thankful to have had my roommate there with me that night. He also was close with Charlee and they had a special bond.

Both the roommate and I had thought getting a new puppy would help fill in the constant silence of the house. And bring us new joy. He decided to get an English bulldog puppy three days ago. I was so happy! It was awesome to have a puppy in the house and he’s adorable.
However, today has caught me by surprise. Maybe it was because I took care of the pup a good bit today. But the level of grief I’m going through over my loss of Charlee feels like it’s tripled. Stomach is in knots, zero appetite, heavy weight in my chest and like a lump is in my throat. I have cried for three and a half hours.

Unfortunately, and quite suddenly, I know that I am not to a point of being comfortable with a new dog in the house. It was just too fast, too new and too soon. I have closed myself off in my bedroom. The thought of the other pup in the house is sickening to me. It feels like I’m suffocating. The puppy is cute and playful and all, but it’s like I just came to the reality that this dog is not temporary and it’ll be here to stay. Emotionally, it did not click.

Now I just feel awful because my roommate feels bad about getting the puppy. I can’t make sense of all that’s happened or why I seemed fine over a week ago but now I’m complete opposite. Grief is not logical.
It is just even harder to deal with because of the way the new puppy makes me feel when it’s in the house. These are unfamiliar feelings, because I’ve always loved all dogs; and now with this one, it’s gut-wrenching just thinking about the dog in the house or anywhere near.
I removed the box which contains Charlee’s ashes that was sitting on fireplace in living room and placed them on bedside table on the side that Charlee used to sleep. It’s almost as if I felt I was “protecting” Charlee from the annoyance of a new puppy. Or making sure he was safe so that he wasn’t bothered.

And amongst all this, I’m wondering to myself “what is going on with me? Where did all this come from? You aren’t behaving practical!”

So yes, I feel like I’m in a pickle and wondering if I need to find a new place to live.
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 322
 #2 
Charleesmama,
Please give your self time. Don't shut your heart to the new puppy. It's not his fault and he didn't ask to be brought into your home. He will never replace Charlee but you can experience a new love. Your grieving and your heart is broken. Charlee would most likely welcome this new dog because they love unconditionally. He would want you to be happy. Just open your heart a little and you may find that you will smile as the tears flow but remember Charlee is watching over you and guiding you always. I did the same thing with Termy's little sister, I closed my heart to her because she didn't love me like Termy but after getting counseling I realized that she is her own little person and we are creating a new kind of love. Just give yourself time.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
Karmacat

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Posts: 40
 #3 
It was probably too soon for you to take on a new dog. The grieving process for a beloved pet is deep, long and arduous, and it possibly takes a year before the pain starts to abate.

But having said that, since the new puppy is already there, you could try to make a go of it. Take it slow and gradually your heart may open up to the new doggy. In the first few months after losing my cat, I had cried so deeply and continuously, it felt like I would die soon if I didn't get some help. So I know very well the feeling of crying for 3+ hours that you went through...

It is easy to fall in love with a dog, cat or other pet animal. The real, huge difficulty is dealing with their eventual decline, illness and demise,and the emotional devastation that follows.
Betsy

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 41
 #4 
Do you think Charlee would have wanted you to bond with and eventually love this new puppy?  I strongly believe that bringing a new pet into your heart and home is not a disloyalty to the one you have lost.  Quite the opposite,  you are honoring the departed pet by giving your love to another.  It will be a different love from what you shared with Charlee, and in no way will your love for her be diminished.  Cosesmom and Karmacat both expressed this very well, I think.

Come here for sympathy and support.  Everyone on this board understands and cares.
Good luck to you and the new pup.

Betsy
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