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aquarian0125

Registered:
Posts: 291
 #1 

 

I will be moving on Tuesday, April 10th.  To make a long story short, I bought my house five years ago.  It was a rushed decision and I really haven't been happy here.  The house is too small, the neighborhood isn't great, etc.  My husband and I will be moving back to an apartment, will save up for a year, and will then get our "dream house." 

 

The more I think about this move, the sadder I'm feeling.  This was the last house Kobe was in.  There are so many memories of him in this house.  The other day I went and threw my trash out and just looked at the backyard where he would like to go.  I just sat there for about 5 minutes and just stared.  All of the holidays spent with him, the pictures I took of him in front of the Christmas tree, the time I dressed him up as a pumpkin on Halloween; these are all of the memories I'm leaving behind in this house. 

 

I really thought that when my husband and I moved from here, I would be excited to leave and that it would be the 3 of us leaving.  I had a picture in my mind of myself, my husband and Kobe leaving the house for the last time.  Now it will just be my husband and I leaving. 

 

I almost feel guilty, like I'm leaving him behind, although the idea sounds crazy since he is no longer physically here.  I am happy I can bring his ashes with me to the new place, but it just won't be the same.

 

Has anyone else felt like this before?  I had all intentions of bringing Kobe with us to the new place until the vet told me it was time to let go.  My emotions and feelings of being excited to finally get out of this house have been replaced with sadness and leaving all of the wonderful memories of him behind. 

 

Eddysmom1

Registered:
Posts: 2,522
 #2 

Aquarian0125,

 

I feel so badly that you are having all these mixed emotions.  Losing your Kobe is hard enough to deal with, now a move on top of everything.  A move that you had planned on making, but then you are sad because of all the wonderful memories in the house.  But, you are right, Kobe will not be left behind, he is always with you.  He will always visit you from the Bridge to whatever home you move to.  You will also be taking your memories of Kobe with you in your heart, no matter what home you live in.  I wish you to have a good move, and a happy new home where you and your husband can save up for your dreamhouse.  Kobe is by your side. 

 

Take Care

 

Linda

Eddie's Mom

http://eddies.pets-memories.com/

goofygirlinva

Registered:
Posts: 934
 #3 
I can totally relate to what you are going through!  When I bought the house I currently live in about 1 1/2 years ago, I was both excited about moving into my new place yet really sad about leaving the townhouse I'd lived in when Blackie was alive.  I didn't like the townhouse that much because I had noisy neighbors, etc.  But it was the place Blackie & I shared for the longest amount of time, and I was very sad to leave it.  

Like you, I had memories of the 2 Christmases and 2 Thanksgivings Blackie & I shared there, I had special memories of him in every room of that place.  I am a visual person, and I knew that once I left the townhouse, the memories I had of our life together there would fade because I would no longer be able to physically go from room to room and remember how he used to sit in front of the sliding door to the balcony and soak up the sun, or hang out on the balcony enjoying the fresh air, or how we used to go for walks around the property.

When Blackie was alive, I would talk to him about purchasing a new place he would love, one with lots of windows so he could look out at the birds and squirrels and get as much sunshine as he liked, and a place with a yard full of lush green grass he could enjoy.  So when I started my house hunt, I was very sad that Blackie was gone and that he would not be able to enjoy the new place, a place I knew would be just perfect for his wants & needs.

Once I purchased my home and started packing up everything in the townhouse, it hit me that Blackie wouldn't be coming along with me to the new place and that once I left, I'd leave for good and would never be able to come back and visit the home he and I shared.  I cried many tears over these thoughts.  Once all of my things had been moved into the house and I was working on cleaning up the townhouse, I would go from room to room just trying to remember all of the times we'd shared in each part of the townhouse.  Indeed, the very last day I spent in the townhouse, the day I turned the keys in for good, I made it a point to actually stop and spend extra time in each room, just sitting there soaking in all of the smells and the memories I had of our time together.  I was really glad that the rental office was closed when I went to turn in my keys because my eyes were really red from all the crying I did knowing I could never return and that Blackie was really gone and was not around to enjoy the new house.  

In the end, leaving the townhouse was a good thing for me - on the one hand, I needed to leave because I had a new place to live and because I needed to move forward with my life.  But on the other hand, I was leaving behind a very important and very cherished part of my life that I could never again physically revisit.

This may sound silly, but in a way I think living in the townhouse was a way for me to sort of deny that Blackie was really gone, that as long as I lived there I could still vividly recall the memories of our life together in that place.  But once I locked the doors for the final time and turned the keys in, it forced me to take the final step in my grieving process and finally come to terms that the chapter of my life that had Blackie in it was finally over and it was time for me to move forward.  It was very hard and I delayed it for as long as I could.  

In the end, despite all the emotions I felt about leaving behind a place that contained cherished memories, I did it, and I know you will be able to do it as well.

I hope you are able to enjoy your new place and that you & your husband will be able to find & move into a place that is truly your "dream home!"

Take care,
- Kelly
Blackie's mommy

evereve22

Registered:
Posts: 35
 #4 

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I went through the same thing.  I lost Peanut in November and my husband and I had already closed on our new house in September.  We didn't move in right away because it had to be fixed up a bit.  The plan was to move in December, which we did.  Three weeks passed after Peanut died and moving day arrived.  I was a mess and didn't want to move.  I bawled my eyes out for days.  If we didn't already have the house bought- I wouldn't have moved.  While I knew Pea wasn't there anymore, so many memories were.  The carpet he rubbed his butt on, the wall he peed on, the spot in the corner of the kitchen where he sat waiting for food, the porch where he layed in the sun, the steps he learned to climb stairs on...the list goes on and on.  Even writing about it now I miss that house and being close to the memories.  Obviously the memories are still in my head but it's not the same.  I too felt like I was leaving him behind.  As if his spirit was still in that house.  I took video of the house, every room and all of his spots.  I haven't even been able to watch it yet, but having it helps a little I guess.  When we bought the house and were house hunting, it was all with Pea in mind.  He was supposed to move with us.  He never even got to see the house.  Now his urn is sitting in our new bedroom and I have to tell you- it sucks.  What was supposed to be a happy experience moving into our first home, became sad and meaningless.  This new house is now just a house and not a home without Peanut.  I know in time it will feel more like a home.  While we are leaving the physical place where the memories are, we still carry them with us in our heads, hearts, photographs and videos.  Our furbabies and memories of them are always with us.  Good luck with the move.  I hope you find the strength to get through it.

aquarian0125

Registered:
Posts: 291
 #5 

 

Eddysmom - Thank you for the comforting words.  I loved your last sentence when you said 'Kobe is by my side.'  I sometimes think I "feel" him next to me and I will sometimes turn around really fast, expecting to see him still laying in his bed.  I will always hold the memories him and I shared in my heart.

 

goofygirl - I am so happy you can relate to what I am going through.  Our stories sound very similar.  Here I was thinking I would be overjoyed to finally get out of this house, and now here I am, upset and crying thinking of all of the memories in this house.  I don't know how I'm going to react on Tuesday.  I hope I am not a basket case and I hope I can make it through.  I guess moving out of this house made it real that I am really moving forward with my life, which is something I guess I'm not ready to do yet.  It just seems unfair that I just lost my dog 2 weeks ago, yet I'm already 'moving forward.'  I guess the hard part is accepting the fact that Kobe will not be coming with us to the new place.  I am happy to hear that it will be possible to get through this.

 

evereve - I'm wondering if I should video my house before I go also, just so I can look at it from time to time.  I have been writing in a journal every night about Kobe and the memories.  I know the memories will live on forever.  I hope and pray that your house becomes a home for you very soon. 

 

Thank you all for your replies. 

danceswithmanypets

Registered:
Posts: 842
 #6 
Gabrielle, you are not leaving Kobe behind  or any of the many memories you have of him in that house.   Your memories  are yours and Kobe's  forever.  They are kept safe in a special place,  right alongside  your heart. No matter  where  we go , where we are   our loved ones  will always be near....   Love crosses  over many  distances , through time and space  your   love, your Kobe,  finds you...

A new beginning, a fresh start,  spring cleaning...   throw out the bad  and  keep  all of  the  good....    
Have a  pleasant  and easy move to your  apartment  and  know  that  Kobe is  always  just  a  fond memory away...

Hugs
Carrie and Angel Peewee
aquarian0125

Registered:
Posts: 291
 #7 

 

danceswithmanypets - Thank you for your kind words.  You are so right, all of the memories I have of Kobe will never leave me.  As you said, he is just a memory away. 

 

Thank you.

danceswithmanypets

Registered:
Posts: 842
 #8 
Oh you are welcome Gabrielle, sometimes we all need a gentle reminder  that  love  knows no boundaries  and  the  soul, the light that is Kobe  cannot be contained.  Only those who shared love and precious memories with Kobe  can  hold him now...He  will follow you , where ever you go... you hold  a piece of his light  as he  holds a bit of yours...

So you worry about the mundane worries of a move , no worries about Kobe,   he  thinks  this move is long over due  ,  onward to a new adventure!!!

Good Luck on your move
Carrie and Angel PeeWee
rammch1

Registered:
Posts: 1,779
 #9 

Gabrille,

 

There is an old saying that goes like this "Home is were the heart is". Kobe knows where your heart is and will be right there with you.

 

Best of luck in your new home.

Rosalie

 

aquarian0125

Registered:
Posts: 291
 #10 

 

Thank you all again.  We actually just got back from looking at our new place.  Surprisingly, I didn't feel that sad.  Don't know if it will hit me on Tuesday, which is the official move.  I plan on bringing Kobe's ashes and will always keep his memory alive. 

 

He will forever live on in my heart!

 

kneibc

Registered:
Posts: 455
 #11 
I totally emphasize with you.  I moved on Friday from my apartment that Dublin and I lived at for two and a half years.  We moved there after I got divorced and it was like a fresh start for both of us.  It was in center city so Dubs had to get used to elevators and city living but she adjusted quickly and loved her walks in the city with all the people.  I had been so excited to move into my boyfriends house in the burbs but I had always thought it would be me, Dubs, and him.  Dubs was killed by a hit and run in the city only a month before we were supposed to move to the safer suburbs so that weighed on me too.  But I just was sad and apprehensive because it was our place together and while I was excited to be moving in with my boyfriend I always thought it would be the three of us together.  Friday morning I was at my new place getting ready to go over to my apartment to meet the movers.  I was a little sad and I heard this bird singing outside the bathroom window.  And I opened the shade and saw a beautiful red robin staring at the window singing and staring at me.  Now I wont get into the whole detail but I believe my Dublin has come to me in the form of this red robin on multiple occasions (one showed up the day after she passed and just sat next to her favorite spot in the yard, one showed up while i was struggling on my run and ran ahead of me, and one showed up today during easter dinner).  This singing robin made me feel so warm.  I beleive it was my Dublin telling me that it was ok to move that she is already here with me and she will always be with me wherever I go.  I truly believe that Kobe will follow you wherever you go until you reunite again.

Sending you hugs,
Dublin's Mommy
IloveBailey

Registered:
Posts: 20
 #12 
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have never had to leave a house where i lost a pet- I am sure that is very hard and sad. I did leave my house recently that I had lived in all my life.  I was so upset, and so sad to leave all my memories and my "whole life" behind. It was very hard at first-and i can only imagine how hard to leave where your dog last was- but eventually it was ok. It takes time to warm up. Putting all my personal belongings helped alot, so im sure putting pictures of your loved pet will help. I wish you luck and your dog will be with you forever wherever you go.
ShannonH

Registered:
Posts: 1,605
 #13 
First let me say how sorry I am for your loss of Kobe...I don't get many chances to respond to posts lately, but I have read about your special boy.

I know how hard it is to leave the place where so many memories are.  Two and a half months after my dog Tres died, we moved too.  It was just a little, old single wide mobile home, but its where Tres and I spent 9 1/2 years.  (As well as my cat Jenny who had died almost 2 years before.)  Its where we lived when we moved away from home for my college years, where we lived with my college roommate and her pets, where we lived when I married my husband and where we lived when our son was born.  Tres was with me through so much, so many changes in my heart and in my life.  And so many memories were in that little home and lot-yard.  I was glad to leave because we had outgrown it and it was time to move on in other areas of life - but so hard to leave too with all the memories that were there.

We not only left our house in that move, but we left our town too, a town I had come to love greatly and which in itself held many memories.  We moved 3 1/2 hours away, leaving behind every place that held the footprints of my Tres.  I felt like the town itself held a part of him.

But what others have already said is true - we do not leave them behind.  I am sad that Tres was not here to share in our new life here.  But he has not been left behind in our old place.  He is still in my heart and in my memories - in those places, he will live forever.  You will carry your memories of Kobe and the home you shared together forever - like a turtle or snail that carries its house on its back, Kobe's home will not be left behind but will be with you wherever you go.

Shannon
fostersmommy

Registered:
Posts: 894
 #14 
I can totally understand the feelings. I would feel the same way if I left the house that Foster was in last. 
How about going around the house and taking pictures of everything, so you have the pictures and the memories too.  I know it won't be the same but you can at least look at them and think of your baby in those places.

Sweetie

Registered:
Posts: 121
 #15 
Dear Gabrielle
Remember your souls are as one,   your treasured Kobe is with you and the "stuff"  including the "bricks and mortar"  are really not important..   Your love, memories and what you have shared and still do share is what matters,  the other insignificant in the big picture of life of which we have so little understanding or insight into...   Perhaps we have just a little glimpse of what it is all about with what we have shared with these glorious creatures that we love so completely..    Your Kobe is right there Gabrielle and nothing else matters..
Thinking of you on Tuesday and sending you strength
Love Louise   in memory of my beloved Sweetie XXX

aquarian0125

Registered:
Posts: 291
 #16 

kneibc - I cannot even tell you how much I love your story about the Red Robin.  I know that was your Dublin.  That message is beautiful, and you are right, she is telling you, "Mom, it's okay to move on...I am ok!"  That story sent chills up my spine. Your Dubbie Girl knows you loved her unconditionally.  I have been following your posts and cannot wait to see Piper!  She is adorable, and oh how I love those flat faces!

ILoveBailey - I plan on honoring Kobe's ashes in the new place by putting them somewhere special.  I don't know if I want them in the living room or my room.  I'm thinking my room, since I always seem to find comfort in laying in my bed. 

Shannon - I'm so happy you can relate to what I'm going through.  How hard to not only leave your place, but the entire town.  Thank you for your sweet words.  I know my Kobe will never leave me and I know he is just waiting for me at The Bridge.

FosterMommy - I have so many pictures of Kobe in the house.  I may videotape the house before we leave as well.  Thank you for that idea. 

Sweetie - You are so right.  The memories are a lot more important than the physical 'things.'  I have been praying for Kobe to follow us into the new home, which I know he will. 

Thank you all.  Your words are so uplifting. 
YorkieHeidi

Registered:
Posts: 1,541
 #17 

But you are not leaving those memories behind.  Where you go, the memories go.  Kobe is in your heart.  You take him wherever you go, forever.  Hugs.  YorkieHeidi

Eddysmom1

Registered:
Posts: 2,522
 #18 
Aquarian,

I was thinking of you and your move to the new house.  When you get settled, let us know how you made out.  I hope everything is going really well.

Take Care

Linda
Eddie's Mom
kneibc

Registered:
Posts: 455
 #19 
Good luck with the move today.  Hopefully it goes seamlessly.  Remember that Kobe is always with you.

Dublin's Mommy
InMemoryOfRascal

Registered:
Posts: 2,397
 #20 

Aquarian, I was on vacation visiting family and did not have extensive access to the computer.  I wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and the move.  I know that it will be hard.  But I also know, that home is wherever you are.  Your Kobe will be with you.  He is with you.  And I believe that your Kobe is happy knowing that you are moving to work towards the goal that you all dreamed about. 

 

I know that your move was scheduled for today.  I hope that everything went o'k.

 

Take care

InMemoryOfRascal

aquarian0125

Registered:
Posts: 291
 #21 

 

I write this now with tears in my eyes.  I thank God that I have found this website and have found such loving and supporting people.  Thank you all so much for thinking about me today.  This honestly means the world to me. 

 

So far, so good.  I am now still at my old house.  We moved a lot of stuff over to the new place just now, but the move should officially be done tomorrow.  I have to keep reminding myself that he (Kobe) will always be with me.  I am so happy I have his ashes to take with me (although I know that's not him in the wooden box). 

 

I should be all settled in tomorrow.  I have been praying for Kobe to follow us to the new house, which I know he will.  I was talking to my aunt yesterday and she reminded me about another one of my aunts who lost her dog years ago (before I was born).  Years later, my aunt would still have "visits" from her dog, so I know they do follow us wherever we go.

 

Eddysmom - I will check in tomorrow when I am all settled in the house. 

Dublin's Mommy - You are so right, Kobe will always be with his 'mama.'

InMemoryofRascal - I hope you enjoyed your vacation and were able to relax.  I just know Kobe is still with me.  He will never leave my side.

 

Thank you all for your sweet words and thank you so much for thinking of me today.

 

xxxxxx

Gabrielle

aquarian0125

Registered:
Posts: 291
 #22 

 

YorkieHeidi - Thank you.  I will gladly take my boy with me wherever I go.  I hope I get signs in our new place.  I've gotten a couple in my house, but I'm ready for more!

aquarian0125

Registered:
Posts: 291
 #23 

Well, I just wanted to fill everyone in on my move.  I am all settled in at the new place.  Last night was the first night sleeping there.  Can't say I had a good night.  If I had to guess, I would say I got about 2 hours of sleep last night.  I was up unpacking until about 1 in the morning, plus I have a bad cold/cough, so those two combined didn't make for a good nights sleep.

I purposely put Kobe's ashes (and a lock of his hair I cut) in my purse so I would make sure I knew where they both were.  I ended up losing a pair of shoes (don't ask me how) during the move, but the most important thing to me is that I safely have Kobe's ashes in the new place.  I was missing him like crazy last night.  To be honest, the new place doesn't feel like a home just yet, but I'm hoping to warm up to it.

Still can't wait to get another dog.  Hopefully by the middle of next month, I will have a new furbaby.  My life is so lonely without one.

Well, just wanted to let you all know I'm settled in.  Oh yeah, I never really got to say "goodbye" to my old house.  My husband and I were over there yesterday picking up some last minute things.  We went back to the new place and I thought we were both going back to get more stuff from the house, but he decided to go back by himself while I set everything up in the new place.  Kind of happy it worked out that way, so I didn't have to get sad about leaving for the last time.  When I did leave for the last time, I didn't realize that would be it, so I never said goodbye. 

As I read today, all good things must come to an end (I hate that saying, but it's so true).

Thanks everyone for listening.  I will still come here often (okay, just about every day)!  ;-)

Blessings.

Gabrielle
ianinclevelanduk

Registered:
Posts: 102
 #24 
Glad the move went ok,kobes presence will be where you are and makes no difference where you live.Having just moved myself its very stressful,took me a few days to sleep properly.

kobe will be watching all the chaos dont worry

kneibc

Registered:
Posts: 455
 #25 
I think it all worked out for the best in regards to not having to say goodbye to the old place.  I hope that you sleep better tonight. Whenever you start missing Kobe, look inside your heart and you will find him.  Please keep us posted on any developments regarding a new furbaby.

Dublin's Mommy
InMemoryOfRascal

Registered:
Posts: 2,397
 #26 
I am so glad that the move was fairly uneventful.  (other than the lost pair of shoes....you probably didn't like that pair anyway!)

Kobe is there as well and will make sure that he helps you choose just the "right" furbaby soon.

Take care
InMemoryOfRascal

rammch1

Registered:
Posts: 1,779
 #27 
I happy to hear your move went well and you're settling in to your new home.

I would have done the same thing as you did with Toby's ashes. Something always seems to get lost when we move. Losing a pair of shoes is better then losing precious angel.

I'm sure Kobe was watching over all the goings on and will be happy in his new home.

Take Care,
Rosalie
Eddysmom1

Registered:
Posts: 2,522
 #28 
I wish the move had gone a little better for you, you have a cold, pair of missing shoes....but glad that it is done.  Now, hopefully, you can relax a bit.
Kobe is right along with you, checking out the new house and watching over his Mommy.  I agree with Kneibc, it probably worked out for the best how you didn't have to say goodbye to your old place.  No goodbyes, just new beginnings, and Kobe is right along with you for all of them. 

Take Care

Linda
Eddie's Mom
http://eddies.pets-memories.com/

aquarian0125

Registered:
Posts: 291
 #29 

Cleveland - I'm hoping to sleep better tonight.  I went to bed around 1:30 this morning and had my alarm set for 5:30 am for work.  Yikes!  I know my boy is with me.  Thank you.

Dublin's Mommy - I am very happy I didn't have to say goodbye to the house.  I will definitely keep you and everyone else updated on my new baby.

InMemoryofRacal - Of course, the shoes lost were my favorite pair that I wear to work just about every day.  When I get home today, I'm going to search high and low for those shoes!  ;-)

I know my Kobe will lead me to the perfect dog for me.

rammch1 - At first, I couldn't find that little piece of hair I cut from Kobe's fur, but I finally did and was SO relieved!  I have the most important things with me.  I can always buy a new pair of shoes. 

Eddysmom - I loved your last line so much - "No goodbyes, just new beginnings."  What sweet words.  Thank you. 

Thank you, all.  Take care.

Gabrielle
yansers

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #30 
Gabriella,

I think that is so normal to feel what you are feeling.  I haven't had a chance to read all the posts, but wanted to respond to you as I will be doing something similar in the next six months.  I know there are a lot of memories there, and remember you can take the memories with you and most importantly Kobe.  I have mixed emotions about leaving here too as Annabelle has so many friends in the neighborhood and I have such great neighbors.  I  really understand your loneliness.  It is very difficult coming home without our babies there to greet us.  I will be thinking about you and sending good thoughts and energy your way while you settle into your new home.

By the way I have been meaning to thank you for all of your support over the past few weeks.  I have been having a tough time lately and your messages have really helped :)


JohnFitzgerald

Registered:
Posts: 602
 #31 

Good Evening, Gabrielle,

 

Please know that my thoughts are with you as you remember your Kobe and begin a new chapter in your life.

 

Gabrielle, I know by the time you read this, you will be in your new place, but I'd like to offer you a suggestion which may be of help.

 

What if you were to get a couple of scoops of the soil form your former back yard? You had mentioned that Kobe always liked that back yard, and if the house were still vacant, or if there were new residents who were amiable, some soil at your new residence may provide for you a connective thread for your Kobe. Perhaps that soil could also be used as part of a new plant of some sort at your new place, serving as a testament to him.

 

Dear Gabrielle, if I may say to you, even if  a retrieval of some of the soil is not a possible solution, I wish for you to know that there is a beautiful characteristic to memories. They are wonderfully mobile, and have the freedom to travel with us anywhere and anytime that we wish. I wish for you to know in your heart that your memories with Kobe, while they may have begun in your former house, are most treasured because they are yours and not reliant on structure or location. They are yours because they are kept in the safest, most secure place best suited to save your treasured memories - Your heart.

 

 Dear Gabrielle, I wish for you and your husband much luove,luck, and happiness as you begin this new chapter in your life, and I wish for you both the continued love for your Kobe as you cheish his memories.

 

All is well with love,

 

john 

aquarian0125

Registered:
Posts: 291
 #32 

 

Yansers - I really feel like we both have a lot in common.  I am so happy I could help you, and trust me, you have been more than helpful to me.  Thank you so much for the good thoughts.  I wish you luck with your move as well.  Please keep us updated.  I do leave behind memories of Kobe in the old house, but as you've mentioned, the memories will always be with me.  Thank you.

 

Fitzgerald - My, what beautiful words you speak.  That is a great idea with the soil and I just may do that.  'Memories are not reliant on structure or location.'  Those words are so powerful and are so true. 

 

Everyone's words are just so kind and uplifting.  I honestly don't know where I would be without this site.

 

Thank you.

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