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Jillbeane

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Posts: 481
 #41 
Hi Melanie...I hope you got through the weekend okay, Lee Lee sure was a beautiful dog. Thinking of you....
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,800
 #42 
Jillbeane -
(I'm sorry if this post appears twice - internet issues today.) Thanks for checking on me - and Yes, I did make it. Thanks also for your comment about my Lee Lee - I'd love to see your Bailey sometime.  Do you have some photos?  I hope you are able to keep busy today - thinking of you too...

Jillbeane

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Posts: 481
 #43 
MELANIE...I POSTED SOME PIXS OF BAILEY
LeeLeesMama

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 #44 
My Angel, 
Three months ago on Tuesday you spent you last little night at home - in "the big bed".  I miss you so, so much - my heart hurts so bad.
I will always love you my sweet Angel.... Always.....
Jillbeane

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Posts: 481
 #45 
Melanie..thinking of you every day, and hope you are finding some peace. Every week, I think the same, it is Tues, another milestone that Bailey has been gone. It will be six months on the 22 of this month. I don't know where those months have gone, seems like only yesterday.
Please take care. Yesterday, everything just hit me out of the blue, so it doesn't matter if it was six months or three months, emotions are still high.
LeeLeesMama

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 #46 
Jill, Thank you so much for your support, I am really struggling right now. This week has been especially hard for me. I hope you are doing ok.
Melanie
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,800
 #47 

Three months ago today, my little Lee Lee left me... 

"There are moments which mark your life.  Moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts, before this, and after this." - Unknown

Friday, March 8th, the day my life became this horrible nightmare of trying to live in this life without my baby.  The pieces of my heart were scattered that awful day, most went with her on her journey - I am still searching for what is left.   I miss her so much.  I feel so... beaten down. 

        "Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything..." - C.S. Lewis

I know all of you dear people are missing your babies just as much as I am, but my mind goes to the question:  "What is the worst grief in the whole world?  -  It is your own."

I loved her with everything I had, everything I was - I still do. 


I will always be.. Lee Lee's Mama


supes414

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Posts: 194
 #48 
"What is the worst grief in the whole world? -It is your own"  ~sums it up about right.

I hope you feel better tomorrow than you do today, but it's ok if you don't. xoxo

AmandaWI

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Posts: 1,415
 #49 

Thinking of you and your angel Lee Lee on her 3 months of eternal youth.  The quote with "...before this, and after this"  is spot on.  It is so true.  Your words are so eloquent, I thank you for putting into words so well what I have been feeling for so long.  You're right also with your question, we become better at compassion and support for others who are struggling through grief, but the worst is definitely our own.  This roller coaster of emotions can be unbearable at times.  And the pain searing.  You are not alone.

Amanda
Kodiak & Bailee's mom

Jillbeane

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Posts: 481
 #50 
Melanie...Lee Lee's Momma...I am sorry you aren't having a good day. This is so hard! This is one of the hardest things to deal with on a daily basis. We miss our pets so much.
I am thinking of you.....
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,800
 #51 
Supes414, 
Thank you bunches - Some days are better than others.  Please keep posting about your little guy Fenway - he is a bright light in all this sadness - I smile when I think of him.  :)

AmandaWI ,
You are very kind - Thank You.  I do try to remember that she IS completely (eternal youth) okay now.  When I can keep that in my thoughts it is a little better.  Easier said that done though.  I know you miss your angels as well.

Jill,
Yes - this by far the hardest experience I have ever been faced with.  But you know how it is - Bailey, I'm sure, is never far from your thoughts.  I hope today is a much better day for you. 

(((hugs))) to you all, 
Lee Lee's Mama, Melanie

 
supes414

Registered:
Posts: 194
 #52 

Here are some pics of Fenway the Wonderspaz to make you smile...





















LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,800
 #53 
:-) Worked like a charm - Thank you!!!  He is so precious, love the one with his little curled up tongue.  Give him a sugar from me.  ((((Fenway))))
CatCrazyLady

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Posts: 6
 #54 
My heart felt sympathy's go out to you. I absolutely love the picture of Lee Lee in the grass.  Just from your posts and the big heart you've displayed on the forum I can tell you are an awesome mama.  Lee Lee will be in me and my families thoughts.  I am telling my dog about her favorite things to do now and he agrees they all are fantastically fun.
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,800
 #55 
CatCrazyLady, 
Thank you so much for taking time to read about my baby when your own loss is so close and raw - it means a lot.  My Lee Lee loved being outside - that photo is one of my favorites - I'd love to see some of your photos if you feel up to sharing.  I will be thinking of you as well - this road of grief is so, so hard.  Take care...

Lee Lee's Mama, Melanie
~ always in my heart...


LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,800
 #56 
I need your opinion...

So....I found a feather this afternoon.  I'm not sure it "counts" though, it is not white, it is light gray.  Do they have to be white?  This is what happened:

Three of my dogs (Skinny, RT and Munch) live in a 3/4 acre yard at my house.  Lee Lee went out there every day to eat dinner and play with her friends.  And she stayed in there during the day while I was at work until she was about three years old.

Anyway, I was in their dog house getting their window A/C unit ready to be turned on for the first time this year, cleaning the grill, filter, etc.  The big door stays closed, as do the windows - they come and go thru the doggie door.  I had been in and out 3-4 times already and had not noticed the feather.  But when I went in for the last time to turn the power on, there was this one feather laying right on top of the unit.  Not somewhere I would expect to see a feather...

What do you think? Just a coincidence?  I saved the feather - just in case.

Lee Lee's Mama, Melanie
supes414

Registered:
Posts: 194
 #57 
I think, if YOU think it counts, then it counts! Lee Lee seemed to march to the beat of her own drummer, why shouldn't she want to make your feather stick out from the rest? She loves you and she knows how much you love her.
MarleyBarley

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Posts: 685
 #58 
Absolutely it counts. She is showing her presence to you, don't doubt it. She loves you and wants you to know she visits and is happy.
SharG

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Posts: 533
 #59 
Dear Melanie, thank you for your reply to Felix's 6 month post and Happy 3 month bridgeday to Lee Lee. Signs? - they are all around us and our babies have a magical way of saying "here I am" and I'm sure you will see more and more messages from Lee Lee, just keep your heart open, she's always in there!

Sharon
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,800
 #60 
Supes, Thanks again - you always know what to say. Hope you have a better day tomorrow - Give little Fenway hugs and kisses.

MarleyBarley, I am trying not to doubt - I want so much to see her one more time - receiving one sign always makes us want another.  Thank you so much. I am still praying for your health. 

SharG, Why are the anniversaries so hard?  I pray we get lots more signs - I really need some "magic" right now - so I will try to be more open to them and her. Thank you!

((((((HUGS))))))) for you all.




meow_maker

Registered:
Posts: 371
 #61 
Melanie,

I was reading your original post and it broke my heart.  You were taking the words right out of my thoughts after I lost BK.  I too felt and feel those same things (more so when I lost BK than now with Trent).  Don't ever be ashamed of grieving for your lost loved one whether your friend is furry or human.  Those who don't understand the love of an animal and grief for their loss are very sad, cold people and we really should feel sorry for them.  I also have chosen to have pets instead of kids.  I'll never regret it, but it means having to outlive them and say goodbye and that's really hard.  You would think those with kids would understand how much it would hurt to have to say goodbye to your kids instead of watching them grow up and outlive you, but that's not often how it works.  I also felt that my husband had moved on too quickly while I was stuck.  Although, they are better at keeping their emotions hidden which is almost sadder in a way.  It doesn't mean they don't care.  I also couldn't sleep or eat (unfortunately didn't lose 30 lbs though :-)  I know how the bad times get in the way of the good, but the good are more important and will win out eventually.  I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye to the adorable Lee Lee.  I know she's at peace and hope you can feel her spirit.  I hope things are getting better and that you've gotten help here.  I hope she sends you a "pretty" soon and is taking good care of those squirrels.

--Amy
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,800
 #62 
Amy, 

Bless you, it helps me to know that you understand - but, I am also sorry that you do - if that makes any sense.  She "visits" occasionally - I can feel her sweet presence from time to time - I've had some unusual "squirrel encounters" since she left.  And you are right, it is so very hard to outlive our babies - even though we know that is what is likely to happen it doesn't make the loss any easier to bear.  Thank you so much for writing - I am sending thoughts of peace and comfort your way.

Remembering our angels...
Melanie


BustasMommy

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #63 
Melanie,

Your Lee Lee was beautiful and was so lucky you found her on the side of the road that day. I love the black and white of her on the couch giving the mush face - melts my heart.. It's such a shame they are in our lives for such a short time,but then again no time would be long enough. I hope you are getting through okay and hope your other doggies are giving you extra love to help you thru your loss.
Huskyluvr

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #64 
I discovered this website today, there is so much caring in everybody's posts, it is very comforting.  I'm a mess.  My Tia, a Siberian Husky had battled possible Cushing's disease for 2 years.  We had to put her to sleep yesterday & I can't work, I can't concentrate on anything, all I do is cry or lose my temper.  I can't handle the pain, the hole in my heart for my baby girl.  We had her since she was 10 wks old, smarter than some people I have met, no joke!  The vet said her liver was enlarged & it felt as though she had a tumor there.  She was 1 week shy of turning 13.  About 2 years ago I started giving her Milk Thistle, an herb which cleanses the liver, I take it myself.  I also started cooking for her and only buying holistic food.  I think that gave us more time together.  She started losing weight and the last 4 days or so, she couldn't hold anything down or in her stomach.  The vet said we would find her gone in the backyard when we came home from work within a few more days, she was an emergency situation if we wanted to treat her.  I didn't have 6k to get a diagnosis, then she could be treated and possibly saved.  What a terrible feeling.  This is my first major loss and I watched as her beautiful blue eyes closed for the last time and it broke my heart.....What else could I have done?  I told her I was so sorry, I couldn't fix this for her as I had in the past, I felt so helpless.  She had to have several tumors removed in the past, on the outside of her body.  Cushings is not curable but it is treatable.  Unfortunately, very expensive & out of my reach financially.  I know I have to remember that we gave her a great life, love her deeply and I do hope that everyone is right, that we will see her again.  She was my best friend and I miss her terribly.  Thanks for listening.
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,800
 #65 
Huskyluvr, I am so sorry to read of your loss of your beloved Tia.  You have come to a great site - everyone here knows the terrible pain of giving up our Angels - you can find the understanding and support that you need here - we all feel about the same.  I agree that our babies are so, so smart - they are a lot more intelligent than most people believe - I used to talk to my Lee Lee just like I would to a person.  Try to remember that your Tia knows you love her and she loves you - she knows you did all you could to help her.  She is happy, healthy and waiting for you to join her one day.  Again, I am so sorry for your loss - this road of grieving is difficult to say the least, but - they say time will help. Thinking of you and sending wishes for peace...

Lee Lee's Mama

(If you want, you can start a new topic about Tia by going to Grief Support and clicking the word Topic at the top right corner just above the list of subjects. - It is a little hard to find...)

(((((HUGS)))))
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,800
 #66 
BustasMommy,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read about my baby and look at her photos.  I have a life-size enlargement of that photo - It may be my favorite of them all.  Her little eyes seem so "alive" in that photo that I can't bear to look at it right now - it just stabs me right in the heart.  You are so right - we could never have them with us long enough here in this life - but, they are waiting in eternity - and that will be long enough...
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you remember your Busta.

Lee Lee's Mama
~she is waiting for me....
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,800
 #67 
100 days today...since my Lee Lee left me... since I buried my baby...

Surely it has been 100 years - hasn't it?
It feels like it has been at least that long since I saw her little face, held her precious little feet, watched her play, kissed her "sugar spot"...

But it was only a few seconds ago - wasn't it?
Time seems to stand still for me.  I feel no different -  the same awful emptiness in my heart, the same since of unspeakable loss is always there, ever present - the same as then...that day...

Lee Lee - Gone too soon...

-----

Lee Lee - I wait for the day I see you again.  Until then, have fun, give the squirrels and bunnies rest from time to time and keep sending me signs when you have time...and always remember you are forever loved...
--Mama

LoriDR

Registered:
Posts: 2,124
 #68 
I saw the photos of your precious Lee Lee and she is just beautiful. My heart is with you on this 100 days. I can feel the ache with you. Hugs of comfort, Lori
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,800
 #69 
Lori,  
Thank you so much for your kind words of support.  I think about all you dear people that have survived the loss of an angel and I know that it is possible to live through this pain.  It is just so very hard - as with you,  my Lee Lee was the child I never had...

Melanie,
I'll always be Lee Lee's Mama...
Sitka3

Registered:
Posts: 373
 #70 
Melanie,
I read your post on Lizdall's topic, the one about time being different for those who have gone before us; they look around and we are right behind them.....I just wanted to thank you so very much for sharing that. I am so glad I saw that; it has helped me, too. What a beautiful way to think of it.
Hugs and comfort to you today and every day, dear~
Leslie
Huskyluvr

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #71 
Lee Lee's Mama,

Thank you for the kind words, Tia was also a child for me and an empty nest filler, so to speak.    Today is her birthday and it is extremely difficult.  The change at home with our other husky is odd, she doesn't really know her role I guess.  The routine is so different.  It's comforting and healing to get support from others that understand my grief.  Maybe LeeLee and Tia are playing right now.  Thanks for the (((HUGS))).

Huskyluvr
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,800
 #72 
Leslie,
I send many ((((Hugs)))) and wishes for peace - thinking of you as we remember our precious babies...  

Melanie
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,800
 #73 
Huskyluvr...
I am pretty sure your Tia and my Lee Lee are enjoying a serious game of tag right now - Lee Lee was always ready to play.  I'll be thinking of you in the days ahead - we are all in this together...

Melanie
~she is waiting...
Arim56

Registered:
Posts: 25
 #74 
So sorry for your loss!
It's been 5 months since I lost my Rory and though I can't say that time is the best healer as of yet. Each day it gets a little bit better.I still haven't buried her ashes and maybe I never will. It's to final and this way I still have her close to me.
Nobody can tell you that it's time to move on. You do it at your own terms and yes there will that day that you will look back with a sense of peace and feel whole again.We are all here for you.
Be strong!
 
AdeleM

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Posts: 15
 #75 
I am thinking of you and wishing you comfort and healing.  LeeLee couldn't have asked for a better momma.  
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,800
 #76 
Arim56,
Thank you for posting for my baby - your kind comments mean so much to me.  I am very sorry for what you are going thru as well - I really can't imagine how hard it is to deal with aggression but I feel so bad for you - your baby Rory is so beautiful.  You are right, no one knows how long this grieving will last - but right now it seems like forever - I also hope you are right about the peace... Thank you again (((HUGS)))
Melanie


LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,800
 #77 
AdeleM...
Your kind words for me and Lee Lee with your own loss so very near means a great deal to me - Thank you so much.  I loved my baby with all my heart - I hope she thinks I was a good momma too. I like to think that as we connect here through our words, our babies are meeting each other in heaven and becoming fast friends.
Sending prayers for peace...

Melanie
Jillbeane

Registered:
Posts: 481
 #78 
Melanie,
I have been thinking of you and hope you are okay. This is so hard, I miss my Bailey so much. There isn't a moment when he isn't on my mind. I can't believe that it is going to be six months on the 22, three more days since that terrible ordeal. My heart hurts so, I didn't know my heart could hurt this much.

I wish you peace and comfort.

Bailey's mom
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,800
 #79 
Oh Jill, my friend, (can I say that? I sure feel that your are) I understand every word, feel every heartache - it is almost to much to bear.  I have been thinking of you and the approaching 22nd lately also. That will be a very difficult day for you to get through - but I think the anticipation maybe almost as bad (at least is is for me).  I am already thinking of some upcoming anniversaries of my own - I'll probably be in a tizzy by the time those days arrive.  Have you thought about a memorial for Bailey on Saturday? Releasing balloons or ordering some flowers, maybe lighting a candle or even writing a letter to him?  Planning something may help occupy your thoughts for a little while.  I really should listen to my own words to you, but - do try to remember that your little man really is okay and happy now and so is my baby.  We are the ones in pain - not them, they are very happy.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers always - but especially this very hard week. 
I am sending this ((((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))))) and wishes for peace.....

Melanie
RustysMom

Registered:
Posts: 1,015
 #80 

Dear Melanie ~

You’ve absolutely come to the right place. Be it to cry, laugh, read or reply. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I hadn’t found this wonderful web site over 5 years ago when I lost my soul mate; my heart kitty Rusty. He was almost 22 years old & had been with me my entire adult life. As he approached his golden years I knew that I would be crushed when his time to leave me arrived. When it happened, I was never so ill-prepared for anything in my life. His passing so completely crushed me that to this day, I don’t know how I got from point A to point B for months. I truly believe that some sort of auto-pilot kicked in because I had lost control over everything. Then 3 months after Rusty left me, my mom died. And just exactly one year ago, we lost another of our beloved babies, our LuluBelle, aka “The Beans.” I look in the mirror now & I don’t recognize myself. Grief has a profound way of changing us.

 

But then “time” takes over. We all talk about “time” on petloss.com. It’s a double-edged sword & you wrote about it quite eloquently. . . ”Surely it’s been 100 years, hasn’t it . . . but it was only a few seconds ago, wasn’t it? . . .

 

No matter what, time just keeps moving . . . there have been so many days when I begged, “Please, “time,” slow down . . .” but there’s no chance of that ever happening, some days I give into it; embrace it. Other days I scream at it. Time has a strange way of manipulating our emotions. One day seems like forever; while the next day seems like a millisecond. Time is what separates us from our babies; Time is what brings us closer to our reunions.  And everyone’s “time” is different; everyone’s grief & suffering is different. But it’s ours & it’s real.

 

Each of your posts about your sweet girl Lee Lee are so filled with love & longing. And Leslie had replied regarding something you wrote, “Time being different for those who have gone before us; they look around & we are right behind them.” To add to that; I like to imagine that our babies haven’t left; they’re just . . . there.  Instead of thinking of our babies as gone; we can think of them as arriving somewhere new.

 

I LOVE each & every photo of your girl ~ it’s very easy to understand your love affair ~ she’s simply a treasure. I love that you called her toys (or anything she brought you,) “pretties.”

 

Wishing peace to your aching heart.

 

RustysMom Allison ~ mom to Rainbow Bridge angels Rusty, LuluBelle & Bingo ~ mom to furry earth babies Woodstock, Bam Bam & Maybe & Picasso.

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