Registered: 1541068359 Posts: 3
My baby boy Dusty, a miniature schnauzer, died suddenly at just 4 years old 3 weeks ago. He had been vomiting and then we noticed he was going outside constantly but wasn't peeing. Then he dug a hole under the shed that we had to rip apart to get him out. Then we really knew something was wrong and got him to the vet. He had a kidney stone but vet said he would be fine. They drained his bladder and we scheduled surgery and took him home to rest. That night we were awakened by his strange noises and found him convulsing on the living room floor. We got him in the car and I started rushing to the emergency vet. I got only a mile from home. My hand on him, all of a sudden he went limp and I looked over to his mouth gaping open and his eyes wide and staring into nothing. I stopped the car and started screaming and crying. All by myself with my dead little man. I went back home and started getting sick in the driveway as I continued screaming and crying while my husband took his lifeless body inside and put him in the basement bathroom to keep him cool until we could take him to the vet in the morning. What had I done? Why didn't I take him to the vet sooner? How badly had I failed him? He was my constant companion. A gift to me from my husband as I had lost the family miniature schnauzer years earlier and had always wanted one of my own. He was the embodiment of my previous dog's spirit and now I had lost him. It was a horrific death I wouldn't wish on anyone. The visions of his last moments haunt me every day. I am so consumed with guilt and loss some days it's hard to breathe. How do I get those last moments out of my head? How do I get in my car without seeing those horrific last moments my baby had to suffer? I am out of mind with grief and I don't know what to do. He was my playful little puppy so full of life. When I got home every day, we would let rip his cries of joy at the sight of me and we would play and reconnect after a long day at work. If I went to lay down, he was right by my side. Running around the house he followed me every where. My home is so incredibly empty. We have another dog but she is like a cat...lol. Doesn't want to be bothered unless she wants love and she isn't very playful. He was so spirited in contrast. I didn't realize how much time I spent playing with him until he was gone. We still don't have his ashes but are hoping to get those next week. I want him home. For some reason I feel like it will be better but I know it won't be. I'm grasping at the hope of not having this pain that continues to plague me every day. The guilt, the loss, missing him.
Registered: 1536868182 Posts: 2
I’m so sorry to read that. 2 months ago i lost my girl, a mini schnauzer too at 13 1/2 years old. It’s been so tough, we were together since she was 8 or 10 weeks old and i still feel sad, angry and very gilty for a number of reasons. No words can make you feel better at this point, you just have to be strong. Only time will help you learning to live without him.
Registered: 1178588167 Posts: 1,340
I am so sorry for your loss of Dusty. Many of us feel guilt but there really is no reason and the guilt serves no purpose. You are grieving now and you may grieve for a long time. For me the depth of my grief is a measure of the depth of the love I had for my babies. After some time, the grief lessens and only the love remains. You love Dusty with your whole heart and I believe he still feels that love.
JoAnn - mom to Jackie, Chan, Daphne, Scarlett, Noir (these are the 5 girls I lost within 18 months of each other), Stan, Thomas, and Bob and many others.
Registered: 1542331018 Posts: 5
Man I could so relate. I was hysterical the night I lost my dog. I'm so sorry. Glad to know I'm not the only one. I hope it gets easier for us both. Every time I go by where I found him I cry and what sucks is its right at the edge of my neighborhood..so it's constant. It's so hard when you thought you you should have had many more years with them...not a natural life progression...my heart breaks for you too...
Registered: 1543676452 Posts: 4
This post really hits home, my beloved best friend Gracie Dee passed Thursday Nov 29th. She was on meds for 3 days for what they felt was an infection, she got so much better it seemed after just 1 day, then all of a sudden around 1am she started labored breathing, which she had been doing when she first went in and got meds, the breathing continued for awhile as I tried to relax her, then all of a sudden she tried to stand up and immediately fell over, I rushed and put my clothes on to get her to the Emergency vet but couldn’t lift her, she is 75 lbs of weight and couldn’t move and I couldn’t get her down 4 flights of stairs to the car. I called the emergency vet to see if someone could come and help me, they couldn’t.. I called everyone I knew and no one answered as it was 3am now.. my girl had started convulsing now, she tried to crawl and pull herself across tithe room. She drank a little but then started to just keep falling asleep, she seemed delusional.. I watched my precious baby have seizures for 3 hrs before she finally passed at 6:45am . I am so heartbroken that I couldn’t do more, I layed with her and told her how much I love her, how she saved me, how she is my life and my world and then finally that it was ok for her to go and be in peace.. she finally took her last breath with her head under the manger ( I had just decorated for Christmas the day before) I can’t get these visions of my girl out of my head, I can’t believe I couldn’t do more for her. Maybe there was a reason it happened when it did, maybe she wanted to pass while at home and while I could hold her and talk to her, I don’t know, all I know is I pray to God that she did not suffer. My home is so empty, I am empty and I am lost without her, I just ache all the time.
My dearest Gracie Dee, you were my purpose, my joy, my world and soulmate, I hope you know just how much I love you and I thank you for every smile, every snuggle, every laugh you gave me and the memories that will last a lifetime.. run free my girl. Until I see you again.. I love you, mom
Registered: 1542331018 Posts: 5
So sorry you lost GracieDee. I'm really sorry you could not find help for both of you. So scary to go through that all alone..sending you much love during your heartbreak...I still miss my baby every day..