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BlueJax

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Posts: 16
 #1 
It's been 6 days now since my yellow lab, Leo died suddenly in the car on the way to the vets.  Last night was so difficult.  The pet cemetery called and said my sweet boy was ready to come home...  I broke down for hours in tears.  It is becoming too real now.  I woak up at 4am crying again.

Now I find it unbearable to be around stuff that reminds me of him.  I've moped the floor 3 times trying to get rid of the yellow fur... then I feel horrible like I am trying to get rid of him.  His toys, collars, leashes, bed, treats... I just want them gone.  I will put some of his precious yellow fur in an envelope to keep for someday when looking at it isn't so painful...  

I have a 10 week old chihuahua puppy that I got a week before Leo passed, back when I had no idea he was even sick... and this new dog is making me feel so guilty.  I got him a new toy on Thursday and I felt horrible because Leo LOVED new toys.  He would dance every time he got a new toy...  I just feel destroyed inside... :( 
brenrae

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Posts: 4,670
 #2 
I put all Harry's stuff in a box and in a closet. I couldn't bear looking at them without Harry here. I got another cat the other day,but it isn't the same. I gave her the bowls that were Harry's, but I'm not sure it was a good thing. I still miss my boy even after a month. I haven't vacuumed or mopped in that time. I probably should.
HoneyBone

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Posts: 268
 #3 
Everyone is different with how they deal with these things. I lost my boy just over 3 months ago, almost 4 months now, and i still cannot face putting his eye drops in the bin. He had dry eye and was on daily eye drops of various sorts. They still remain in his 'eye drop container' along with his pain killers. It sits there in the kitchen untouched and unmoved. I just cannot bring myself to bin it. As for his toys, i picked them all up after he died and put them away in my keepsake cupboard, along with his collar and his ashes.
emd1126

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Posts: 534
 #4 
Well, I guess I am the opposite because I have made a memorial in my home for my Lucky who passed on June 1, 2012. I have his picture in every room, his cage still has his dishes in it even with kibble and water. I cannot bring my self to "let go" of him. It took me a month to change the bedding as he slept with me every night and it took me over a month to vacuum where he last laid on the floor that horrible night and died the next morning in my arms. I have even kissed the place where he laid, kissed his windowsill where he would look out all day sometimes and wait for his daddy to come home. I just cannot let go. We have another small dog but I will not let him have anything that was Lucky's and cannot go into his cage it is sacred to me. Maybe I will change but for now it's all I have left of him except for what's in my heart and that will never go away. I also made a memorial for him at  http://www.Lucky-Boy.Pets-Memories.com I miss him so much he was 11-1/2 when he died suddenly. I pray that we all get through this soon.
God Bless


emd1126



kjgonz

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Posts: 598
 #5 
I'm only 3 days out from when Rosie died unexpectedly.  The only thing I did was throw away her uneaten plate of food.  I also dumped out her water bowl, but seeing the empty space that was now in her food spot just broke me even more, so I filled it back up and put it down.  I cleaned out her litter box the next morning after she died, but wasn't able to discard of her litter clumps that I keep in a small garbage can in the bathroom.  I just showered today for the first time, but cried thinking I might have washed away any of her DNA that might still have been on me.  So instead of putting on new pajamas, I put my old ones back on, because I was wearing these when I last coddled my baby girl during our night ritual on Wednesday before I went to bed.  I can't even think about vacuuming.  I just feel so alone and guilty.  I miss my girl so much, it physically aches. 
Les

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Posts: 282
 #6 
What I would suggest is if you want to box things up and put them away that is fine, but don't throw them out just yet. You might decide later that you actually want to keep some things. 
Ive kept so many thing from my past doggies, because it is a part of their story. 
Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,060
 #7 
Your story is so heartbreaking.  Seeing things that belonged to our pets is very hard at first.  But, as others have stated, don't throw things out right away.  Putting them aside is a good idea and once your heart begins to heal, you can sort through and make decisions then.  I still have a few reminders of my bunny sitting around my home.  Seeing them warms my heart.  I can understand the guilt you are feeling regarding your new puppy, but Leo wants you to share your love with the puppy, just as you did with him.  I am very sorry for your loss of dear Leo.

Mare-wolf
precious Christoph ~ gone four years, but always in my heart ~
MissingShoestring

Registered:
Posts: 72
 #8 
I am so sorry Leo. I too found it difficult to see Shoestring's things after he passed away. I gathered them up and put them in my curio where I put the box with his ashes.  It's hard. I feel your pain and I am so sorry you are going through this. HUGS. Shoestring's Mom
aquarian0125

Registered:
Posts: 291
 #9 
I couldn't get rid of Kobe's toys, etc after he died.  The thought killed me.  I just put everything "away."  I ended up getting a new dog and now use Kobe's leash, bowls, brush for my new little guy.  Someone I work with told me he threw all of his dogs toys away after she died.  Everyone is different.  Some people don't want to be reminded that their baby is gone, while others prefer to keep everything.  Do what makes you feel best.

Take care.
BlueJax

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #10 
Thank you for your replies. I put his toys in a bag and am keeping them tucked away.  It hurt to see the new puppy chewing on HIS toys.  The one thing I can't bear to wash is his pillow that he slept on just hours before going into cardiac failure... Also I still keep the "I love my lab" bumper sticker on my car.  It's been 9 days and it's still really hard to accept he is gone...
GoonsMama

Registered:
Posts: 184
 #11 
I put all of Goon's toys and favorite things into a storage bin from Walmart and put it away the day after he died. It may seem cruel, but I just couldn't bare to see all his things laying around anymore, it just hurt too much. I also did not wash his bed/pillow and still haven't, and now it's been 14 weeks tomorrow. There was some stuff I donated to the vet's office like the rest of his food and some old towels but I know what you mean about just wanting it gone yet still feeling guilty about it... it's such a tough road, this grieving process... 
When they called me to pick up Goon's Ashes I also had a meltdown. My husband had to basically carry me out of the vet's office when we picked him up because I just couldn't believe that this little wooden box was all that was left of my sweet boy... I still can't believe it. But as time has passed, I am coming to realize that he is not really in there, that's just his shell and his spirit is waiting for me to join him one day. 
I hope you find some rest and peace...

Goon's Mama
goon.pets-memories.com/
RonS

Registered:
Posts: 362
 #12 
BlueJax,in time the toys and collars will bring back sweet memories. We made a memorial for Belle Starr. Her urn sits on the fireplace mantle,along with her collar,toys,and deer antlers she found while out in the woods with my wife and I scouting for hunting locations. She was so proud of those antlers,when friends would visit,I would say,Belle,show them your "big bones" and she would run over to the fireplace mantle downstairs,(where they were kept) and look up at them. Waiting for you to hand them to her so she could take them over to the visitors to look at.Her urn sits in a blue velvet case on the mantle by her belongings.She was the greatest companion,anyone could have ever asked for. We will miss,and love her forever. Ron & Polly Shaw
brownie0303

Registered:
Posts: 53
 #13 
I couldn't throw any of Brownie's things away after she died.  Part of me knew that I was going to regret it if I did.  To me it was like denying that she ever existed in my life.  But at the same time I couldn't function seeing her things around the house and not her (I was in the middle of midterms when Brownie died).  I gave her treats, food, shampoo, etc. to my cousin who had a dog.  Everything else I put "away."  I also put some of her things into a memorial box (leash, collar, harness, photos) that I look at every now and then and remember the happy times.  It's been 22 weeks for me (2/7) and there are still some days that I still can't believe Brownie is gone.
I'm so sorry for your loss.  The early weeks are the toughest.  Most importantly, remember to take care of yourself and remember we are all here for you.

Take Care,
Annie
Brownie's Mommy

http://browniely.pets-memories.com/ 


 
hapykamper65

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #14 

Bluejax - I understand exactly how you feel.  Our little Astro has been gone one week.  I cannot bear to throw his things away.  He technically was my son Thomas's dog but because of his commitment to the Marine Corps, my husband and I raised Astro while my son was gone. My son is devastated by his death as am I. He asked me to take care of getting rid of Astro's stuff while he is gone this month for his annual training, but I don't think I can.  After reading all the posts, I think that I will pack it up and save it for awhile.

I am so sorry for your loss.  It is so tough, especially when they go unexpectedly.

Amy

Astro's Grandma

mjkircher

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #15 
I lost my dog Chloe on Saturday December 22 at 5:15 pm. She took her last breath as I held her in my arms. She was an 11 1/2 year old Dachshund and I had her since she was old enough to leave her mother.
I knew as soon as I saw her that we were meant to be together and she was my baby girl from that point on.

I knew it was going to be hard to handle when she passed away but I never could have imagined I would be so completely and utterly destroyed inside. I guess it's to be expected when you love something more than you love yourself. She was absolutely everything to me and I'm finding it nearly impossible to get up and function in the mornings without her. If it wasn't for my other dogs needing me, I would probably just shut down. Chloe was the only "child" I had and that seems to be the best way I've been able to explain to people what it's like to lose her, it's a parent losing their first child. I know that time is supposed to make it easier but right now it seems like I'm never going to make it through. Every part of my day was about her so everything is so empty and without meaning now. All the little things she used to do to get my attention when she was hungry, which was all the time. She would wake me up at all hours of the night with the slightest little growls to let me know she wanted something.

I just don't know what to do! I have an emptiness inside that I've not had since I was twelve and lost my grandmother. This kind of pain is nearly unbearable and seeing all the things that remind me of her is making it worse. I've thought about getting rid of them but feel ashamed and guilty when I do because, to me, it seems as though I'm throwing her out like the garbage. I actually had to have my mother and sister take her to be cremated because I couldn't stand the thought of feeling her so cold and stiff. I'm unable to get the image out of my mind of her looking at me as if to say, please daddy save me, as I had always done before. Maybe that's what's so painful, the fact that I couldn't save her from this no matter how hard I tried or how hard I prayed.

I just pray now that God takes care of my baby girl until I get there and can resume the responsibility myself.

To anyone that might read this, my thoughts and prayers of comfort and understanding are with you. I understand what you're feeling because I'm going through it also. The death of the ones we love can be the most difficult process to endure and if I were able to spare myself and other's this pain, I would. I don't want anyone to have to go through this, it's absolutely terrible.

May all of you, wherever and whomever you are, be blessed by all the light and love of God and may you find peace and comfort when you need it most.

I also want to thank the people that put this site together. You've enabled so many people to express their pain and sorrow at a time in their lives when that may be the only way for them to experience some much needed peace and tranquility. Thank you so much for being so kind and giving of yourselves to help others. Peace, Love and Kindness are in short supply these days and it's refreshing to see these things in action.
Trishie

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #16 
It's been 3 weeks today I lost my little baby. I forced myself to pack his toys, his bed away. He loved lying in a cardboard box I brought home once from the grocery store, ever since then he had to sleep in it. I have his ashes and pictures next to my bed, I sleep with his blankets and one of his toys. I miss him terriably. I feel like a part of me died that day too. I feel very empty and alone, I can't imagine getting another pet now, it's to soon. I feel Maxi with me every now and then. I hope I did the right thing putting his stuff away, it makes it more surreal for me that he is really gone.
ItWillTakeTime

Registered:
Posts: 29
 #17 
I put K down in the evening. I had scheduled to have the next day off of work because I knew I would be a wreck. The next morning, sobbing, I put aside the things I would keep -- his leash and harness, which were always the start of every new dog adventure; his two favorite toys, Frog and Koala; and his collar with tags. I washed the covers on his beds (multiple; he was a much loved hound). I put everything in the car and took it to a dog rescue that I had identified in advance. Thousands of dollars of beds, toys, leashes, dog food, dog treats, dog brushes and nail trimmers, dog booties, dog backpack, etc. They asked me if I wanted a receipt for the donation, and I said no. I just couldn't function well enough to think about that.

I don't know what was more horrifying: seeing all of his things there and him not there, or seeing the house empty as if he had never been there. I guess it didn't matter; it was just a huge mind-bending tornado of pain. I don't know if I will ever get another dog. If I do, it won't be soon, and that dog will deserve his own fresh start.

I still can't wipe his nose prints off the sliding glass door, and it has been six months.

I think one of the hardest things about this process for me has been the sense that I was forgetting him that started almost immediately. My memory of his face getting a little faded around the edges; being able to step over the place where he died on the living room floor and not think about him. It feel as if I am losing essential parts of my mind, as if he is being erased in the only way that he still exists, as if I am losing core parts of myself.
Scott615

Registered:
Posts: 18
 #18 
I am so sorry for everyone’s loss. I said a pray for you all. I pray God eases your pain. I lost my dog Buck yesterday and I would rather die than live with out him and deal with the guilt I feel, whether it is deserved or not. I know he knew I loved him, but I wish I had done more to show him. I feel hollow and numb. I can’t stop crying. I’m thankful I found this site and found people dealing with the same issues. I have a family that needs me, other than that, I rather not be on this earth and deal with these overwhelming feelings of sadness, grief and guilt. I put his things out of sight and took his picture off the home screen on my phone. Seeing them only make things worse for me.
Tams

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #19 
I’m so sorry about everyone’s losses. Today markes 3 weeks since having to put my girl down. I didn’t keep her collar because she would throw a fit if you took it off her so we left it on her. I kept her little brush thay still has her furr in it and same with her cat dish. Putting the cat dish and brush away was the hardest and most real of it all. I finally got up the motive to do vacuum and cleaning this week. It was hard, the walls I had to wash because she had some issues when she ate. Vaccumming out her little home where she went to hide just hit me in the guts. I have some good days and bad days, just missing her presence and that personality around makes days harder than some. When she died I think a part of me did too. So I’m learning how to cope with life now, I have 3 other pets but I think we’re all still grieving and trying to learn how to live now without her.

Hugs to all of you ❤️
Keefcat

Registered:
Posts: 79
 #20 
To It Will Take Time. I was so mad at my husband for washing the dog snot off the window. It had only been there 2 years.....lol. Even without it, I remember my Riley.

To Tam. It sounds like you’re coping well. And you’re right. This site is so valuable to everyone going through this. Unfortunately, I have many pets, so I’ve been here often. But comforting acknowledgment of grieve is so appreciated.

Peace to everyone here.
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