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Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
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jfivecents

Registered: 02/09/09
Posts: 1
 #1 

I had to put my beloved dog to sleep last Friday, and I feel so bereaved. Goldie was my first and only dog. We got her three years ago from the shelter, and she was a joy and constant companion to our whole family, but especially me. She was such a comfort as we dealt with our three teenage kids, always a difficult time. Goldie seemed to know our ups and downs, and always provided comfort. I'm having such a hard time with this grieving process, and I feel like the house is so empty and lonely. Only three weeks ago, everything seemed fine. She was slowing down a bit, but we attributed it to her getting older. But one day, while walking in the field, we were attacked by a black lab who broke free of his leash. Then Goldie's behavior changed, she became timid and anxious and urinated more frequently. We made an appointment at the vet, who diagnosed bladder cancer. I feel so terrible that we missed some symptoms. We went ahead with surgery and chemo, but Goldie's disease was too advanced. She collapsed last Thursday, stayed overnight at the vet, who tried stronger antibiotics. But Goldie didn't get up and we knew it was time. But now I feel so shocked, bereaved, and haunted that we didn't do the right things.

jenniferandsadie

Registered: 12/27/08
Posts: 332
 #2 
    You are in good company, here.  It's been about 6.5 weeks for me, since I had to put Sadie down.  It was very sudden for me, too.  One day, we walked for 2.5 hours happy and joyful, and within one week, I had to put her down.  Incredible.  Unfair.  Shocking.  I think shelter dogs just know when they have been saved.  Goldie must have known that, and that added to the incredible bond with her.  The grief and pain is not easy.  But, I keep reminding myself that the love and joy and utter happiness I had with Sadie (I adopted her when she was 2, and I had her for 6.5 years), was worth this tremendous grief and despair.  Each week, it gets a little easier -- I'm better able to manage the grief.  You can't rush it.  You shouldn't avoid it.  Just every day, I find that I'm getting along a little better.  Able to concentrate just a little more.  Take it day by day.  Write on this site.  Write in a notebook.  Write letters to Goldie.  Talk to her.  It doesn't take the pain and grief away, but at least gets it out so it doesn't choke you. 
     Also, remember that you did everything for Goldie out of love, and with the best you could at the time.  Who wouldn't want to be able to see the future, to be able to go into the past and change things?  If Sadie could have told me that she got into some trash at my office, or that her stomach was beginning to hurt just a little (she would hide her pain and keep on eating!), or that she didn't feel right -- AND if I didn't do anything about it KNOWING it -- I would be blaming myself.  But, there is no way I could have known until it was too late.  You know that if you had known that something was seriously wrong, you would have done something immediately.  And, you did.  We aren't perfect.  We don't know everything.  We can't control life and death.  Let yourself off the hook. 
Hugs, Jennifer

Annamc

Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 57
 #3 

Hello! What a lucky girl Goldie was: she was wanted, needed, and loved..  Unfortunately, our furbabies' time on earth is normally shorter than ours and we have to suffer through the loss of our beloved pets.  I am 4 weeks, one day out and not moving through the grief very fast.  Please take care of yourself and be patient with yourself.  This berevement period is so hard but the good memories will come and we will be left with the joy that these furbabies taught us, in the end.  Anna, mother of Rufous, little white dog of the Southwest.

K9Mom

Registered: 12/06/06
Posts: 35
 #4 
jfivecents,

My heart goes out to you on the recent loss of your sweet dog, Goldie.  I understand how naturally it comes, when we are grieving, to second guess ourselves...to wonder, what if I had noticed the signs earlier, what if I did this or that....would/could the outcome have been different?  But we did the best we could at the time with what we knew, and I believe our beloved animal companions understand that.  Dogs and cats often hide their symptoms as long as possible...out of self-protection and a desire to hide any sign of vulnerability.  You did the best you could for her, and when there was no more help...you gave her the gift of freedom from pain.  I can think of no greater expression of love.  I lost one of my dogs on 12/1/06 to lung cancer.  I only noticed her symptoms three weeks before she died.  But by then, it was too late for any treatment other than comfort care.  I understand the heartbreak and the deafening silence caused by her absence.  Please give yourself time to grieve, and know that you are not alone.  In time, you will begin to heal and your heart will once again smile when you think of the amazing times you shared with your precious girl.  She was so fortunate that you rescued her.  Be kind to yourself, and take it one breath at a time.  And come here often.  Petloss saved me when I thought my world would never be the same.  It isn't the same as when I had my Misha, but I have learned to go on without her...and to keep loving my existing and even new furkids...it is through continuing to love, that I honor her memory.  Don't give up...you'll get through this.  Hugs,

K9 Wolf (Joanne)
MichelleforShadow

Registered: 02/04/09
Posts: 99
 #5 
I am so sorry for your loss of Goldie.  I also lost my dear Shadow three weeks ago and like your Goldie, he was our only dog - our only pet.  I too am still so shocked and bereaved - it just doesn't seem fair when it happens so suddenly.  Shadow got us through some tough times with our teenage daughter as well.  Dogs just seems to have a special understanding of what pains and stresses us.  That haunted feeling must be normal because I continue to have what I call PTSD about how my Shadow was up all night - acting strange even though he was fine the day before.  Of course, Shadow was showing severe signs of his age, but I didn't think it would happen so unexpectedly.  I keep waking up remembering him yelping next to the bed after he was so restless and appeared to be falling.  I wish I could have done something for him sooner.  We didn't want to take him to an emergency vet so we waited for his own vet to come on that morning.  He held on until we got there.  Please be assured you did the right thing for your Goldie.  Even though it was so painful and we are not prepared for how we will feel after, we know in our hearts that we would not want our animals to suffer.  My thoughts are with you and your memories of your Goldie.
Michelle




Mare

Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 10,892
 #6 
I am so sorry that your precious dog has passed on. Goldie brought much joy to your family and will be missed very much. It's not always easy to tell when our pets become ill. We think it's something minor and then it's too late. I know you did all you could for your little one and my heart goes to you. I hope you will find this site helpful to you. There are many kind hearted people here who will be here for you.



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