quinnmama
Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 13
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| | 03/04/10 at 03:03 PM | | #1 |
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It has been almost four months since I lost Quinn to the two pit bulls. Everyone treats me like it has been long enough and I don't talk with anyone about it anymore, even though it haunts me everyday. I am in counseling for PTSD, but even she just suggests telling the story as much as I can but I've run out of people to listen I feel. I'm 33, most of my friends have toddlers or newborns and I feel pathetic being so distraught over a dog. I have lost a dog to old age that had to be PTS before and though it was so very rough, it doesn't compare to losing Quinn to a mauling before my eyes. I dream of dogs almost every night and think of Quinn's face during the attack, the fact that she pooped herself while being attacked, and her laying there like road kill in my hallway. I feel I let her down in so many ways, she had such a long life ahead of her...
On my way to work this morning, I saw a dog that had been hit by a car. I instantly went into anxious mode and questioned my decision to not check and made sure he/she was truly dead, like maybe I could've saved it, though it looked to have been there for quite some time. All I could think of was if it was still alive and the fear it was going through, hearing cars wiz by. That's the thing with Quinn...during the attack, I can still see her face looking at me like "please make this stop" and I couldn't. I have since brought Harpo into my life, for the last 8 weeks..she is the joy at the end of my day, after putting on a happy face all day in Corporate America. I'm so scared something tragic will happen to her and I know if I ever have to witness what I did before, I may not be able to move forward. I get up everyday for Quinn and to let those pit bulls know they didn't beat me...but emotionally, they are winning and I'm exhausted by it all. Sorry for the downer post, I just feel so alone. But I do need to introduce Miss Harpo, the one joy I have in my life....
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conniev1
Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 540
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| | 03/04/10 at 07:58 PM | | #2 |
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I'm so sorry that you are having such a tough time of things. Four months is nothing and to lose Quinn the way that you did is truly heartbreaking. He is your baby and you should not feel, as you say, pathetic bring so distraught over losing him. I don't know anyone that would be over something like that so quickly. You need to be able to mourn and that includes talking about your feelings over his tragic death. Come her and talk and you will find people who will listen to you.
Can I say that your Miss Harpo is a real beauty. What a pretty girl. All of your feelings about something happening to her are very common after going through what you did. Please be gentle with yourself.
ConnieV(Jakie's forever mom)
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Mare
Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 5,791
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| | 03/04/10 at 08:16 PM | | #3 |
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I am sorry you're having such a difficult time, but it is understandable. Your precious dog's accident was very sad and will take time to overcome. People don't understand how a pet's death can not be forgotten in a few weeks or so. The grieving is very intense and one can feel sad and lost for many months. Coming here and talking is good therapy for you. Your petloss family is always here for you.
Your new pooch, Miss Harpo, is adorable! I hope she continues to bring you much joy and your heart will begin to heal.
Mare
precious Christoph ~ 19 months at the bridge ~
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KatLover
Registered: 09/21/09
Posts: 599
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| | 03/04/10 at 08:18 PM | | #4 |
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Don't pay any mind to those people who think it's "been long enough." You just go at your own pace. Many people want you to believe that simply because they don't know how to respond to you. You've been through a really traumatic experience AND lost someone very dear to you. This board is for telling us your story as much as you need to, and no one will every say, "it' been long enough."
By the way, your Harpo is just adorable!
Hang in there, and remember this is the place where you can vent, cry, whatever.
Kathy
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myMARA
Registered: 01/31/10
Posts: 36
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| | 03/04/10 at 08:29 PM | | #5 |
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what a sad story... I can't lecture you about your own guilt or your own suffering but I DO believe that you did everything that you could or knew how to do. The life is frail, but the love and celebration of life lives forever.
Let's be real... 2 pit bulls? You couldn't have stopped it. It's just an accident so don't torture yourself. Celebrate Quinn by smiling and laughing and LOVING her memory. The physical life is already gone but don't let the love, happiness and spirit you SHARED die... enjoy your new pup! Get on the floor and play with her, watch her wiggle her butt and tail and celebrate Quinn's life the best way, by being happy and sharing that happiness with Harpo.
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Naydeen
Registered: 02/19/10
Posts: 114
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| | 03/04/10 at 08:43 PM | | #6 |
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Quinnmama,
I cannot even fathom the trauma done to your spirit in witnessing such a happening. Get over it? It's been long enough? Don't think so. That'll be for you, and only you, to determine.
I have had that same feeling about thinking people don't want to hear any more about my dog. There are only a few trusted personal friends I talk with, and THEN, of course, ALL my new trusted Internet friends here at petloss.com who TOTALLY understand - days, weeks, months, and even years after a loss.
You came to the right place. Talk here as much as you wish. No one will ever turn their back on you here.
Naydeen, J.D.'s Mom
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River
Registered: 12/24/09
Posts: 140
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| | 03/04/10 at 08:53 PM | | #7 |
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| Time is sort of relative don't you think? Four months is not very long at all when compared to what you experienced. You should not feel badly at all if you are having difficulty. I really can't imagine anything more horrific than what happened to you and Quinn. I underwent grief counselling too. I found it helpful in the beginning, but there was a point when the counselor seemed frustrated that I wasn't making faster progress and I really felt I had reached a point where nothing but time was going to help to heal my sorrow. I really liked your comment that you get up everyday for Quinn. And Harpo has a big job for such a sweet little puppy to help you. It must be tough trying not to allow those pitbulls to do any more damage than they already have. But you're not losing the battle. You are going to have some setbacks when you feel they are winning, but you, Quinn and Harpo together along with time are stronger than them and you will eventually win. Eventually, you will be able to turn your thoughts away from those terrible moments more easily. It would be nice if everyone could understand how precious our relationships with our dogs and pets are and the depth of our love for them, but not everyone does. For many, not even other family members. I really think that is their loss. Take time to rest, take extra special care of yourself and whether it is talking about what happened or writing about it, or coming here, do whatever you can to find relief. My thoughts are with you. |
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lovemypup
Registered: 12/11/09
Posts: 462
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| | 03/04/10 at 09:11 PM | | #8 |
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Quinn's momma, I read your original post a few weeks and cried then to hear all of what your Quinn went through and how sad and horrific the circumstances were. I still cry along with you as I read this post today. I don't think I myself would be able to get through a day or night and not think about it. You must let yourself grieve and not worry so much about what others think if you bring it up. I think it terrible that others wouldn't want to help ease your pain after having witnessed something so terrifying to a pet you loved so dearly and to the same extent as you would a child or any other person. Love is love and when you see the loved one you have love for suffer in that manner, your whole world is turned upside down.
My question is, what happened to your boyfriend's pitbulls? I would hope that they were put down for fear that they would do it again to another dog or even a human. It has to be incredible amount of stress on you as well if you are still with your boyfriend and/or living with the dogs. Really, my heart goes out to you for all of what you are dealing with but you are doing the right thing in getting counselling for the PTSD. I hope that your new bundle of joy gets you through your heartache so that one day you can have a somewhat normal life thinking happy thought of Quinn. Remember to focus more on what a great life Quinn had, not how her life ended.
(((HUGS)))
Wishing you comfort,
Nicole
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abb456
Registered: 02/27/10
Posts: 20
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| | 03/04/10 at 09:41 PM | | #9 |
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You never have to feel bad about telling your story,that is why we ard all here.We all have a deep love for our fur babies.I kmow Quinn does not blame you.It has been 2 weeks since I lost my best friend-Astro was a dalmation ,she was 12 years old.I pray it will get better intime but I really miss her.Today was a real bad day.But i did go to the Dr.today and him told me I am in deep depression and I started on treatment for it.Do not feel bad that you miss Quinn and my prayers are with you.
Your Harper is so cute!!!
Sue
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LabMom
Registered: 12/29/09
Posts: 200
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| | 03/04/10 at 09:41 PM | | #10 |
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I remember your horrific story and am very glad to know you have this new baby in your life. She is so precious! I wish I had an answer to when the fear goes away, but I have yet to find it and my dog's death was not as traumatic as yours. I only hope that those pit bulls are gone from your life forever, so that you can have that small peace in your home. I'm wishing Miss Harpo a long, healthy, happy life free of fear, and pray that the fear in your heart will lessen in time. Hugs, Anne
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LoriDR
Registered: 06/24/09
Posts: 1,084
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| | 03/04/10 at 11:07 PM | | #11 |
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Don't worry about being a "downer." These boards are called "grief support" for a reason.
You know, I saw a counselor for my grief too, and like you, she told me to keep talking about it. So, I came on here and expressed how my boy died. I didn't have near the scene you had to deal with, but it did help, and still does, to talk about it.
My heart breaks for your horrific tragedy. Four months is such a short time. Mine will be 9 months next week, and I still feel the need to talk about things. Not quite so often, but still ... often enough to where I know others are tired of hearing it. These boards have been my savior, and they will help you too.
My heart goes out to you, and I love the adorable photo of Miss Harpo.
Hugs of comfort,
Lori
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quinnmama
Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 13
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| | 03/05/10 at 11:18 AM | | #12 |
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As always, all of you make me feel so much better and actually 'normal'. I even smile when reading through some of the comments and tear up at others. After my entry yesterday, I couldn't get home fast enough to Harpo to take her out and play in the sunshine. I layed on my back and told her all about the older sister she has never met. Harpo licked my tears, but also reminded me that I did nothing wrong...I loved Quinn with every thing I have inside of me and it does ease my pain. I just need to believe that we will reunite at Rainbow Bridge and she will be healthy and whole.
The pitbulls were both euthanized after quarantine. I was with the pits when they were PTS because I needed again, to let them know, that they will not beat me in this. Through Quinn's strength, I will go on and provide Harpo with a safe, happy forever home in great memory. Love to all, thanks again.
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WooWooWoo
Registered: 11/07/07
Posts: 4,563
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| | 03/05/10 at 12:06 PM | | #13 |
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It was heartwrenching and terrifying to read your post about how Quinn passed away. As you can tell, many of us are wondering what became of your boyfriend's two pitbulls. They will likely kill again, and the next time it could be a child. You should not have to fear for your new dog's life...or your own.
Your little girl is so very beautiful. May you enjoy many, many years with her.
Melissa
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Murphy22
Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 1,593
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| | 03/06/10 at 05:32 PM | | #14 |
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After the horrific shock you have been through, 4 months is nothing. Come here and share all those feelings with people who understand and empathize with you in your baby's loss. Your precious Quinn, I could just cry when I think about what happened to her. To be helpless to save her must be terrible for you to relive. This is a safe place to say how you feel, for no matter how long you feel it.
Your little Harpo coming in to your life was the best thing that could have happened for you. She is just precious and I know will ease you through your loss by filling your heart with love, laughter, smiles and kisses. Your heart will grow larger to add your love of Harpo, right next to her sister Quinn.
Sandie
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lovemypup
Registered: 12/11/09
Posts: 462
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| | 03/06/10 at 08:32 PM | | #15 |
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I am glad to hear that you and your new puppy love are safe and do not have to fear anything. Keep updating us with new photos when you can, we love to have happy news too!
Hugs,
Nicole
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TABSIE
Registered: 03/10/10
Posts: 4
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| | 03/10/10 at 04:44 AM | | #16 |
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I am so sorry to hear what happened, I lost my beloved cat on Sunday and feel alone, all I really want is her though, she was my life and we spent so much time together, I am overcome with guilt at having had to put her to sleep, wondering if I made the right decision. I have'nt talked to friends, my friends also have babies, children. I just can't stop crying. |
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Puttinqueen
Registered: 03/09/10
Posts: 61
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| | 03/10/10 at 09:34 AM | | #17 |
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For all you went through, all you saw, I don't think I would know how to go on... I like you have stopped telling my story, people don't understand. But people with a dog who are such a big part of our lives do. We miss them like a child, we mourn for their presence. We would give anything for just one more day to see their face. And no guilt, you would have been badly hurt by the dogs had you tried to stop them. That must have been horrible, but know how much she loved you and would not have wanted you hurt. I'm so sorry, my heart aches for you and what you saw. I am glad I found this board too, we all understand, we all grieve and we all cry. We wouldn't be paying our loved one respect for all the joy they gave us if we didn't. I know you are going to love that little Harpo with all your heart and be a wonderful Mom... hold on to that and to your wonderful memories, when you - and only you decide you can.
Thinking of you, chin up girl. I'm here, I'll listen.
Cathy
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Pitbull_mama
Registered: 03/08/10
Posts: 166
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| | 03/10/10 at 04:11 PM | | #18 |
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I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can completely understand the grief you must be feeling. And I agree...four months isn't long at all Quinn was your baby, your child. I too am sufffering a loss...it's only been 4 days, and it hurts more than words can say. Feel free to share your Quinn stories. I find great comfort in being here and knowing that everyone understands. Pets are not just pets, they are family. I will keep you and your sweet baby in my prayers... |
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jenmystique
Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 78
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| | 03/15/10 at 08:09 PM | | #19 |
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After what you went through and what Quinn went through, 4 months is nothing. Absolutely NOTHING. Who can get over something like that so quick?!!? I definitely couldn't.
Jen S
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Cooper1
Registered: 03/14/10
Posts: 10
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| | 03/15/10 at 11:14 PM | | #20 |
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Four months is not long at all and you have every right to have your emotions. I cannot believe what you had to witness, My heart sank when I read your story and please know that my thoughts are with you. Your little Harpo is so adorable!
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