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Posts: 33
So I have come back here 12 years later and I'd like to say a big thank you to the moderators that the posts from back then are still here and I have read them all again, after all this time, that in itself is a godsend.

As before, I have once again been reading your posts too, which have been sad but helpful, especially one where there was a new pet appear with almost the same name as the one that was lost... oh boy, that one really got to me...

12 years ago my babe passed. A very hard time, but she sent another fur baby to me very quickly (who turned out to be a male and not a female kitty as previously informed!)

These last 12 years, with him, oh boy, magical. But in May of this year he started getting ill.  The vet stabilised him for a few weeks but then he got severely ill, so I made the really difficult upsetting decision to stop his suffering.  The vets were lovely, 3 of us there, crying, kissing him and stroking him.  

That was 10 days ago and its been so traumatic and difficult.

I had forgotten until I'd read my posts here from 12 years ago how equally hard its been afterwards. And I remembered that from the 10th day after my last cat passed 12 years ago I had 4 signs from her, which I wrote about here.

The last 10 days since my male cat... ...has been gone, have been horrible. I have felt so lost and can't bear to move his things. I need to keep them where they've always been. 

Afterwards I found one of his claws at home and some fur so have kept them in a little box which goes where ever I go.

These last 10 days I wanted so much to have a sign from him as I've been so lost.

This morning, I was woken up by meow-ing sounds in my bedroom, but somehow drifted back to sleep.  I was again woken, by the same meow sounds in my bedroom.  It had to be him.  There's nobody else here, no other pets.  I think that those were my first signs from him.  Apart from 2 cloud formations last week that could have been a trick of the eye. I'm still feelin' broken, because I am not sure if that was him this morning or not. I just can't be sure. What I am sure about is I need to have that connection with him.

And with here.



Posts: 33
Its just over 2 weeks now since my male cat....  oh I can't bring myself to say it... but, you know...

Thursdays are hard, it was on a Thursday.  I was shown someone's photos on their phone recently of their holiday, but I couldn't bear to look as they had the same date on their photos...

so I stayed with friends.
and then...  I was gobsmacked, because there was this shop in front of me, and it stopped me in my tracks. I had to go in, it was a shop called Rainbow Bridge...
I think this was a sign, I'm again not sure.
But everything just stopped when I saw it...

They came to clean my carpet this week, that in itself was hard.  It was another goodbye. He was so sick on that carpet night after night, and of course it had to be cleaned, but its like another part of him isn't here now. But I wouldn't allow any old company do it, it had to be done by a proper professional one that came highly recommended. Nothing but the best, in order to avoid any awkward questions or comments.  These guys were totally respectful and didn't pry or ask anything thankfully. But now the sick stains are gone, it feels odd.  Maybe you think I'm odd, but it's like that part of him has been stripped away.

My coffee table was falling to bits so I bought a new one and gave the old one away, but that also feels odd as its not the table he'd walk on. There's another table there instead now and it feels not right, but its there. Something new he hadn't seen.  It feels strange and not right.

So I carry the little plastic box with the fur and the claw with me, and I wear the punky dog collar round my wrist that used to tie up his basket.

And I continue to place the clean cat litter tray with cat litter in it, in its usual place, and the same with his water bowl, and his main bed with all his toys are close to me, unwashed, unmoved, so I can bury my head in his bead and smell all the catnip in his favourite toys. And I still call his name as if he were here.  Its way too soon to be doing anything any differently.  And I just feel so, so sad, that he's not here.

And I wished he would be here when I came home, but he wasn't.  And its so quiet here. But at the same time I can't cope with anyone being here, and can only talk to those who are pet lovers or who truly understand that losing a pet is as traumatic as losing a person.

The final pet insurance letter came and I can't stand to see it.

Life is a lemon and I want my money back somehow feels so apt for me right now.

I miss him so much


Posts: 1,191
Hi SheCatWoman,

I am so very sorry you have lost another precious and beloved friend. It always hurts when they leave us, some more than others, but they always leave such a hole in our lives and hearts...

When my Blackie passed away I kept all of his things where they were. I kept them there until I finally bought a house and had to move out, about a year later. And even then I did not want to move his things. I kept Blackie's things where they were on his last day until I absolutely had to move them - that was on the day I did a final walk-through the townhouse we shared for a couple of years, and I finally moved them once it was time to turn the keys in.

I still have all of Blackie's things. I have his bed, bowls, toys, collar, the blanket I made just for him and his carrier. Most of those things are in a wooden chest I bought to keep his things in, and the chest is decorated with some of my favorite pictures of Blackie. The chest is at the foot of my bed, and I keep a little box with his collar, his favorite mouse toy and one or two other things in it on the chest of drawers next to my bed, so he is always nearby.

It's been over 10 years since my precious Blackie passed away. I think of him very often and wish he was here. We didn't even have 3 years together before he passed away, but his final years were filled with love and I know he passed away knowing how much I loved and cherished him. And I still do to this very day. I always will, no matter what.

Like you, I miss him so much.

I always will.

Hugs to you...

- Kelly
Angle Blackie's mom
Angel Squeeker's mom

Posts: 33

goofygilinva thank you for posting, and I feel for you and you truly get it.

Your post reminded me of when my uncle passed, and how I wouldn't let anyone move his things where he used to sit on his sofa. The only way around that was for me to take photos to keep that memory of how it all was, not how bare it was to become, which is what happened when I let other family take over. At least I can remember the rooms in his house as they were. And I think this kind of connects to when my dad died, and I had to be there when the charity took furniture from his home, and I was left standing in tears in an empty flat and that was truly awful.

When my last cat she passed, that stirred up memories and pain of having to part from my first cat. This time I am reminded of other losses too.

So I think it's kind of similar now, with not wanting to move my male cat's things - unless there is something else that I feel comfortable with. (While I haven't been able to move the plastic container of sealed dried food or the vaccination cards out of that cupboard), I have placed a folded card there that says "reserved" on it - that feels ok instead of seeing the tins of catfood that were there (returned to vet).

Anything else is a no-no. 

But since reading your post, I have been able to look at photos of my male cat.

Way to go yet...  but thank you for your post xx


Posts: 26
Dear SheCatWoman2, that was very touching. You know, some people just get it and understand, and some just see it as an "oh well" situation that's sad but seem to get over 'it' much better. Maybe it's an introvert or extrovert thing, maybe a single child or sibling thing, maybe just different personalities that can't be defined. Whatever I say is just guesses I wonder about too. 

May peace be with you...

Posts: 33
thank you, TazDad,

and with you too xx
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