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Georgeann

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Posts: 2,245
 #1 

My Precious Angel:

Today is April 20, 2008.  It has been 13 months since I held your little soft furry body in my arms and looked into those sweet eyes.  It has been 13 months since I felt your sweet kisses on my face; 13 months since I have played peek a boo with you; 13 months since I have woken up with you in my arms waiting to be loved; and the hardest part is the 13 months that I have come home at night and you have not been waiting for me at the window.  It has been 13 months since the life I had ended and one filled with sadness ever day began-a life I hate and will hate Forever.  The Joy of life for me is gone.

 

I have tried to write this letter to you all day, but I have been too overwhelmed with pain to sit down and write until now.  It is 8:30 p.m. and I just came in from outside.  I went out to water the flowers and to sit by your memorial.  As I began to cry a lovely yellow butterfly came out of nowhere.  It is the first butterfly I have seen all year and since we rarely see butterflies I knew immediately it was you.  I knew that once again you were letting me know that you are OK.  I had to smile and I am sure that is what you wanted me to do.  As I looked up, although it was not quite dark outside, there was your Star sparkling overhead.  It too made me smile through my tears as once again your silly games worked. 

 

I have tried to decide what I wanted to write to you as everything always seems to sound the same.  I decided I would write about what I have learned about life so far from your loss. 

 

The day you died in my arms was the worst day of my life.  As you know I was hysterical.  After holding you in my arms and crying hysterically for about 15 minutes or so after you went to Rainbow Bridge, I left the veterinary office.  When I got half way home, I wanted to go back and hold you some more.  I started to turn around then changed my mind because I knew the clinic was busy and all the rooms would be full.  I did not know what to tell them and was so hysterical I did not know how I was going to say anything.  I will never forgive myself for not going back because I will never get to hold you in my arms ever again, or spend those precious moments I would have had with you.  I have regretted not going back every day since you left me and I am sure I will forever.   Although I know you were gone I never felt I had the time to really say good-by and I will never get that time again.   I have learned that we need to do what is important to us no matter what others think or who it may temporarily inconvenience as there are some mistakes we live with forever that cannot be corrected.  My motto now is Follow Your Heart.

 

I have learned that life ends as quickly as it begins and to cherish every special moment I have.  Although the last two years of your life I never left your side, I wish I had made that decision long before you were ill.  Now all I have are memories as we never get those precious moments back.  I have learned that it is OK to sit in the backyard and do nothing, but enjoy the breeze and listen to the birds sing; I have learned that it is OK to call in sick if I do not feel well as the office will still be there when I get back; I have learned to drive slower and watch the beauty of what is around me; I have learned that the Love, Loyalty and Friendship that you gave to me are memories that I will always treasure and something that most people never experience.  

 

I have learned that it is OK that I have not finished your scrapbook.  I just cannot bring myself quite yet to say that you are gone forever.  I know now that it is OK to finish it later and that not finishing it does not mean I love you any less.  I have learned that it is OK to grieve forever and it does not matter what anyone thinks.  I think that the saddest part of my life now is that everyone has moved on and no one talks about you any more.  Today was yet again another example of just that.  Not one person remembered that you have been gone for 13 months.  And if they did remember, no one said anything.  I have learned that it does not matter what anyone thinks or remembers as we are all different and all heal at our own pace.  I have learned to quit being angry at them for not talking about you as it does nothing but cause more pain.  

 

I have learned that the world is full of caring people who have so much to offer all of us.  I have met them here at petloss and I have met them because of you.  I know you made sure I found this beautiful place and all these beautiful people because you knew I could not survive your loss by myself.   I am never alone because I have my petloss family and I always will. 

 

I have learned that it does not matter how long anyone thinks I should or should not be in pain from your loss.  I know that the pain of your loss will last forever and I know that is OK too.    I read a post by Buddy’s Mommy from Martha White.  In response to how long the pain will last Ms. White wrote:

 

 How long will the pain last? All the rest of your life. But the thing to remember is that not only the pain will last, but the blessed memories as well. Tears are proof of life. The more love, the more tears. If this is true, then how could we ever ask that the pain cease all together. For then the memory of love would go with it. The pain of grief is the price we pay for love.”

 

I am so grateful to Buddy’s Mommy for that post as it says what I have believed all along.  It also explains why I cry for you every day and why I will forever.  I saved that post so I can read it again and again. 

 

I Love you more than Life Christopher and I will Forever.  I will always be grateful to God that he let me be your Mommy.  I know that my life as I knew it is gone forever; I know I will not get it back until we are together again, but that is OK because that is the price we pay for love and it is a price I would pay again and again. 

 

The saddest part of my day is always at night because that was our Special time together.  Every night when I start down the road the tears begin to fall as I know that you are not going to be waiting for me.  As I pull into the driveway I can barely see through my tears, but I can hear your voice saying,” Please don’t cry Mommy.  Just close your eyes and you will see me; I will always be here.” As I stop the car I close my eyes and I can see you sitting in the window waiting for me wagging your silly little tail.  I can see you dancing when I enter the door and feel your soft fur when I pick you up.   I can feel your sweet kisses on my face and I can feel the love that we share, a love that no one can take away; a love that will last Forever.  

 

I have heard you say those words to me every day since you left and every time I close my eyes I can see you and feel your love.  Tonight when I was in tears I heard your words and when I opened my eyes that is when I saw the butterfly and then your beautiful Star.  I know that you will always be with me my Precious Angel and I know that you will be waiting for me when I arrive. 

 

Thank you Chriostopher for Always being here for me.  I have learned that your Love and Loyalty is the most important thing in the world to me. 

 

I think about you every moment of every day.  When I wake up you are the first person I think about and it does not matter if it is in the middle of the night or in the morning, you are always on my mind.  You are the last person I think about before I close my eyes at night and it is you that I think about as I go to sleep. I am surrounded with your pictures everywhere I am and I have learned that it is OK for me to do that.  Our bond was Special and Unique and one that no one can take from us.  We are one and we will be Forever.  Please take good care of my soul little man as it left with you and I know that I will not get it back until we are together again.  

 

HAPPY 13 MONTH BRIDGE DAY PRECIOUS ANGEL.  YOU ARE MY SHINNING STAR AND I WILL MISS YOU FOREVER BREWSTER. 

 

Stay safe my Precious Angel and wait for me.  I Promise I will be there.  Take good care of Grandma and Sammy for me and tell then that I love them.  May God’s Angels Keep You Safe Forever.

 

 

SWEET DREAMS PRECIOUS ANGEL

YOU ARE MY MAN AND I LOVE YOU

MOMMY




 

 

MrMeowgy

Registered:
Posts: 763
 #2 

Happy Bridge Day Christopher. You are beautiful! Watch over Mommy and let her know you are alright. Donna, Mr. Meowgy's mom

WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #3 
Dearest Georgeann,

My heart goes out to you on Christopher's 13th Month BridgeDay and every day.  I know your beloved Christopher was, quite simply, your heart, and when he left you were forever crushed.  

Georgeann, I know the pain you are suffering all too well.  I know you wish you could have gone back and held your sweet boy in your arms for a longer period of time after he passed.   I had the same feeling when Betsy passed.  I was so horrified and devastated when it happened, that I went on autopilot and had to leave after only a few minutes.  How I regret that!  If I could, I would go back and lift her into my arms and just hold her for as long as I needed.  I was just so terrified to feel her lifeless in my arms.  My God, it was an awful day.  I still am horrified by the memory of it.  

Georgeann, the following is from the Song of Songs, Chapter 8.  When I think of the bond of love you and Christopher share, this always comes to mind:


    Set me as a seal on your heart,
    as a seal on your arm;
    For stern as death is love,
    relentless as the nether world is devotion;
    its flames are a blazing fire.

    Deep waters cannot quench love,
    nor floods sweep it away.
    Were one to offer all he owns to purchase love,
    he would be roundly mocked.    


Your bond with Christopher is still so strong and is never ending.  Today, and everyday, I celebrate Christopher's beautiful life with you.  I have lit a candle for him under CHRIS at the Light a Candle thread.   I am here if you need me.  My email is rxhope@stx.rr.com.

HAPPY 13TH MONTH BRIDGEDAY, SWEET CHRISTOPHER!!  YOUR MOMMIE LOVES YOU AND MISSES YOU WITH ALL HER HEART.  PLEASE SURROUND HER WITH ALL YOUR LOVE AND LIGHT TODAY AND ALWAYS, LITTLE ONE.

Your friend,
Melissa
Betsy's forever and ever loving mom 
robynbythec

Registered:
Posts: 1,093
 #4 
Dear Georgeann,

I know your pain, too. I am so sorry that you live with this deep sadness now, although it is totally understandable. Christopher will always be your Little Man, your shining star. I still shed tears for my girl, Molly, every day too. And I don't think things will ever be quite the same as they were. The broken heart I have will just be there, I think, forever... But, I do remember the good times - the times before she was sick - and all the goofy things she did, all the love she brought. My wish for you is that you will remember those days with Christopher, too, and that they will brighten your heart.

I'm here for you, too, Georgeann. You already know that.

WIth love and big hugs,

Robyn
HyzenthlayMollyWolf
http://www.mollybooboo.critters.com
http://www.petsupports.com/robyn.htm

HelenY

Registered:
Posts: 1,415
 #5 
Dear Georgeann-- You touched my heart so deeply with your moving words.  It seems that everything you said mirrors what I feel.  The pain of knowing that in this lifetime we will not be able to see or touch those beautiful little fur children is just unbearable.
    I know what you mean about people not remembering and moving on.  But when you think about it, I see it happening with human death also.  I think a lot of times, there are those who just can't love as much and are reluctant to show any emotions.  They seem to "move on" but in the long run, they're the ones who have all these bottled-up feelings and desparately need the healing tears.  Fortunately, we are the "lucky" ones to have had such a strong bond with such wonderful creatures.  That's why, even after almost 6 months for me, I still cry every day as I know you do after 13 months.  It's so difficult and we question "why didn't I know this?" or "why couldn't I have helped him/her more?" 
    Your motto about "following your heart" is a good one and to also enjoy life's simple pleasures--the ones money can't buy, is what I do all the time.  Those are the things that help us to cope with our losses and at the same time, they help us to heal.  Our little ones taught us that, didn't they?  We'd walk them and they would stop and "smell the roses".  Simple pleasures for enjoying life!
     Georgeann, I will be thinking of you and knowing that we all are here supporting each other for the long run.  Many prayers going out to you and your dear little Christopher.

       Happy 13-month Bridge day, little guy.  Your Mommy loves you very much.

                                Many hugs,  Helen (Teddy's Mom)
EmptyNow

Registered:
Posts: 199
 #6 
Your post is absolutely beautiful and made me cry for a bit. What a moving tribute to your baby, Christopher.

I wish him a extra special day today at the RB.

Hugs,

Piggy's Mom

EmptyNow

Registered:
Posts: 199
 #7 
Georgeann,

I forgot to mention in my last post that I had the same experience as you about feeling guilty for not spending more time with my baby after the vet put her to sleep. I wish I had held her for hours, as well.

I feel your pain my friend.

I am sure that your baby is with you though. I am POSITIVE.


mssavion

Registered:
Posts: 613
 #8 

Dear Georgeann,  I felt so sad after reading your post, and surely could identify with all of the grief you still feel after losing Christopher.  I too would have liked to have held Nike longer after she passed to the bridge.  I was just too numb and dazed, and walked in a complete fog back to the car.  I don't think my husband and I exchanged a single word on the 40 minute drive home.  Your note to Christopher made all those memories of that last painful day come rushing back.   Please don't ever feel alone, we read your threads, and feel every ounce of the sadness in your words, it is unfortunate that we all live so far away from one another, and cannot hold eachothers hands, or have eye contact while we listen....but we have this forum, and it is so comforting.   I know when Nike and I are reunited one day at the Rainbow Bridge, while I am holding her close and feeling her lovely soft fur, I will look beside me, and there you will be holding your Christopher...I am sure of it.   We will all be together again with our little fur angels, and that is what keeps us going here.   Hugs to you,   love, Jan

Steffi

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Posts: 180
 #9 
Dearest Georgann,
Your letter to Christopher is beautiful and so full of love.
I feel exactly as you do, and I know I always will.
It may be that those around you do not remember this date, but those of us who are part of the PetLoss family will always remember, and we will remember with you, just as you remember with us.
I know your Christopher and my Dakotah and all the other beautiful babies at the Bridge are healthy and happy and whole again.  God, in his infinite wisdom has taken away their pain and suffering, and his angels watch over them every minute of every day for eternity.  All of us can only pray that God will help us to make it throught these terrible losses and have faith that we will be together with our loved ones again.
Steffi
Dakotah's mom
carewolf

Registered:
Posts: 909
 #10 
Dear Georgeann,
I am so sorry that your grief is so palpable that
it has become almost an entity on it's own.
I never told you -although I think you know that once you have made it through the firsts the pain doesn't end. I understand that Christopher saw you through a very difficult time in your life as you became as one. When he became ill you gave back in kind what he had given to you- 

Unconditional Love! Please remember we all are here for you and that we understand. I think that Christopher would like yu to think of your happy times and smile. Each smile is another step out of the "nightmare" you said you are living.

 

 

 

http://wolfpack10.com/christopher.html

 

Your hearts will go on...

Carol

 
necy12

Registered:
Posts: 493
 #11 
Dear Georgeann:

I know you're pain so well, as you know I feel the same as you do. Once again your letter to Christopher touches my heart. I always cry when I read your letters to your little man, is as if I was talking to my girl Chiquita.
Your Christopher is always with you...he will never leave you. As I went to Arizona for my son's wedding and was so upset that Chiquita wasn't coming I truly felt her presence, and it made me feel better that everyone there remembered her and talked about her, I was pleased that she wasn't forgotten by anyone else there. So, know I know they're always with us but it is just so painful to not see them or be able to hold them and hug & kiss them like we used to.
Our babies will always hold their special place in our hearts...keeping you always in my thoughts and prayers.

Many Hugs,
Annette
Chiquita's Mom

HAPPY BRIDGE DAY SWEET CHRISTOPHER...GIVE A KISS AND HUG TO CHIQUITA FOR ME, AND KEEP LETTING YOUR MOMMY KNOW THAT YOU'RE OKAY!!



CindyH

Registered:
Posts: 577
 #12 
Georgeann,

How I know exactly the pain you are going through.   I go through it all the time and like you said, night time is so hard.   I can only tell you that you are not in this alone, there are others like me that feel the same way as you.   Christopher is always in your heart, as my Merry is in mine.   It will remain that way forever.

Your friend,

Cindy
Merry's mom
MaxsMom

Registered:
Posts: 258
 #13 
Dear Georgeann,

What a beautiful letter to your little man!  Your words are so poignant, so moving, and so wise.  I wish that this kind of life wisdom didn't have it's roots in loss, but it seems that it so often does. Oh Georgeann, my heart goes out to you and I can so understand your pain.  Christopher and you had such a special and intense bond while he was here on earth, of course it transcends this world and continues on, stronger than ever!  I wish that I could say something that would ease your pain, but I know that that is not possible. For me too, the pain is a constant since losing my Max.  Sometimes the yearning I feel to hold him seems to have a life of its own, it is so overwhelming.  I think that in those moments when I miss and yearn for him most, Max is very close by. I know that your Christoper lives in your heart and always will, as I am certain that you are in his.  We will hold our boys again...but the waiting is oh, so hard!

You are always in my thoughts and prayers, and so is your precious Christopher.  Your kindness and sharing continues to help so many, and from the very first, you have been a great comfort to me. I appreciate that more than I can express. And I just know that Christopher has found Max, and that also comforts me. God bless you, my friend.

Many hugs,
MaxsMom


dogrispamela

Registered:
Posts: 558
 #14 
Georgeann,

Your post to your Christopher is so full of truth.  I really think that Christopher speaks through your words, beacuse they are always so pure.  Just like the love and bond that you two share. 

There are so many things in your letter that we both share.  I bought a special scrapbook and beautiful papers to put together for golda.  Still I have not yet done this.  I guess it is just one more thing that makes it so final. 

There is a very huge regret that I have, just as you do.  When we had golda pts, when he was gone I hugged him briefly.  My husband and I then RAN.  We were crying so hard just running as fast as we could.  If only we had thought to stay there in the room with him and just hold him and stroke his blonde fur.  It was the last chance that we had.  I have thought back on that so many times.

Huge hugs to you on this 13 month bridgeday.  Golda's mom

Georgeann

Registered:
Posts: 2,245
 #15 
My Precious Petloss Family:
Thank you to all 116 who took the time to read my message to Christopher and to those who replied.  You are all my life line and I have no idea how I would survive without you.  You are all so precious and I know every one of you understands my pain.  I know that Christopher made sure I found all of you as he knew you would always be here for me.  There are simply no words to describe how much I appreciate all of you.

Donna:
Thank you for wishing Christopher a Happy Bridge Day and for your kind thoughts.  I know Christopher is up there looking down on all of us and I know that he appreciates all of you being here for me.  I have read your posts and know that you are suffering too.  I know how much Mr. Meowgy means to you and I know that your heart is broken like mine.  We will miss them Forever. 

Melissa:
Thank you so much for responding and for being here for me as you have so many times.  I know that losing Betsy has been just as hard for you as losing Christopher has been for me. I know that your life is a nightmare too.  I have read all your posts and know you understand my pain as it is your pain too. I think that so many of us regret not staying with our babies longer after they left.  Like you, I was horrified at Christopher's loss and will Never forget that tragic day and Never forget Christopher dying in my arms, Never.  It does not make it any easier for us now as we look back on our decision to leave before we wanted to; I think about it every day and I am sure you do too.  Thank you for posting Song of Songs.  It is beautiful and does reflect my love for Christopher.  Thank you for being here for me through your pain and for lighting the Candle for Christopher.  I know Christopher and Betsy are safe together and I know they are waiting for us to arrive.  You are in my Prayers.

Robyn:
Thank you for your on-going support and beautiful thoughts. I know that your life has been such a nightmare since you lost Molly.  I hate the sadness in my life but like you I know it will be with us Forever.  We had a special bond with our babies that will never end.  Nothing can separate us, Nothing.  I too hope that I can look back on the memories Christopher and I shared and smile.  Unfortunately I do not see it in the near future.  Thank you for sticking by me and for being here for me for so long.

Helen:
I know what a nightmare your life has been since you lost Teddy.  I am so glad you liked my Letter to Christopher.  I do believe that we are so lucky that we shared such a strong bond with our babies as not many ever experience the unconditional love we experienced.  I do believe like you that enjoying life's simple pleasures is what is really important to all of us.  In our busy lives we seem to let what is important pass us up and do not realize how important it is until it is gone.  If only we could turn back time.  And yes our little ones taught us all these things as the most important thing to them was us.  If money could have saved Christopher he would have lived forever as I would have sold my soul and anything else I had to save him.   I know that your bond was the same with Teddy as mine was with Christopher.  We will miss them and grieve for them for Eternity.

Piggy's Mom:
I am so sorry for your loss of Precious Piggy.  I have read your posts and know how awful losing Piggy has been for you.  We all share one bond and that is the overwhelming pain in our lives and there is nothing that makes it better.  I am glad you liked my post and thank you for responding and wishing Christopher a special bridge day. I am sure Christopher and Miss Piggy are friends and are watching over us from above.  Knowing that we are never going to get to hold them again just overwhelms me with grief and sadness.  And leaving too soon will likely haunt us forever.  I know that our babies will be with us Forever and that some day we will all be together again Forever.

Jan:
As always I so much appreciate your beautiful thoughts and your everlasting support.  I know that your grief for Nike is the same as mine is for Christopher. No one will ever replace them, Ever.  And nothing will ever fill this enormous hole in our Hearts.  So many of us left too soon after our babies were gone.  I know that we were overwhelmed with shock and grief and simply not thinking.  I remember that the first thing I did when I got home was scream and scream as I threw away all of Christopher's overwhelming supply of medicine. I really never realized how much medication he was on as I was so overwhelmed with saving him;my poor little man.  It just breaks my heart.  I was 25 minutes away from home when I left the clinic and I do not remember the drive.  I know that you are always here for me and so many others and that is the only reason I do not feel alone.  The day when we are with them again Forever will be glorious and I will always look forward to that day.  I know that Nike and Christopher are waiting for us and I know that they are watching out for each other.  You are Always in my Prayers.  Thank You for everything. 

Steffie:
I have read all of your posts and know how much you have been suffering.  I can tell from what you write that your bond was the same with Dakota as mine was with Christopher.  I am so sorry that you lost Dakota.  I have seen Dakota's pictures and they say it all; they are so sweet and beautiful.  Thank you for your reply and for your assurance of support.  Petloss is my lifeline and has been for all 13 months of this nightmare.  I know that our babies are safe in God's hands and you are right in that I hope that God helps us too.

Carewolf: 
As always thank you for your beautiful thoughts and for caring about Christopher.  I know that he loves his website as much as I do.  When I am sad and lonely that is where I go as the music is so beautiful as are the pictures.  You are such an incredible inspiration to me and everyone here on this site and we love you for everything that you do.  You are so right that the pain will go one even thought the firsts are over.  As Buddy's mom so eloquently said in her post the pain is Forever as that is the price we pay for Love. We will Cherish that unconditional Love Forever.  "Our Hearts Will Go On and On."

Annette:
Thank you for your support and for being here for me.  I know your life has been a nightmare just like mine.  I know that your Bond with Chiquita is the same as mine with Christopher.  Christopher's letters are always from my heart and I try to express what his life and loss has meant to me.  Christopher is my Heart and Always will be.  I know that Christopher is always with me and always will be.  It is just so painful to know that he is close yet not be able to hold him and feel his soft fur and sweet kisses.  It just breaks my heart.  You and Chiquita are Always in my Prayers.

Cindy:
Thank you for your support.  I know that losing Merry turned your life into a nightmare and I know that you miss Merry as much as I miss Christopher.  You have been here for me for so long and I appreciate your support more than words can describe.  You are right in that they will Always be Safe in Our Hearts.

Max's Mom:
I want you to know that every time I look at Max's picture it breaks my Heart and makes me cry.  He has such a sweet face and I can feel your pain of his loss in every word that you write.  I know that losing Max has been just as much of a nightmare for you as losing Christopher has been for me.  It is too bad as you say that our wisdom must come from our losses; losses that have broken our Hearts Forever.  The waiting to hold them is so difficult.  I would give the world if I could live my life with Christopher over again.  Thank you for all our support and for thinking of me and of Christopher.  I know that your loss is so new and that your life is a nightmare.  I know that Max and Christopher are together and are waiting for us at the Bridge safe, sound and pain free.  It just breaks my Heart that they are gone from our lives on this earth.

God Bless My Petloss Family.

My Precious Angel, I will miss you Forever.  Stay safe for Mommy and take care of all your Friends at the Bridge.  I will be there sone day to hold you and watch over you again, I promise.  Please wait for me and stay safe.  Good Night My Angel.


You Are My Man And I Love You
Mommy 




JasminesMom

Registered:
Posts: 440
 #16 
Georgeann:

Again, you brought tears to my eyes, as I read your post to Christopher.  You know I understand and just wanted to let you know, I'm thinking of you.  Also, it's ironic you mentioned the guilt about Christopher's last day and not holding him long enough, after he passed to Rainbow Bridge.  I've been revisiting that pain too, the last week or so, not sure why.  But, I know in my heart and it rings true for both of us, we did everything possible to love them while they were here and even on the last day, we held them and spoke to them and never left their side.  So, my friend we don't have anything to feel guilty about.  Once their spirit left their bodies, no matter where we chose to go, or how long we stayed, they followed us, so in a sense, we didn't leave them, at all.  So it is, they are now with us, not in the physical way we wished they were, but they are with us, nonetheless.  Christopher still knows your love and always will, til the day, you are reunited again.  I too live for that blessed day.  Take care, my friend.

                         Hugs to you, JasminesMom (Kathy)


Still Loving and Missing You Jazzy Girl.

Georgeann

Registered:
Posts: 2,245
 #17 
Dear Kathy:
Thank you for your thoughtful response and your caring words.  I know that your life has been a nightmare too.  I know losing Jasmine has been as horrible for you as losing Christopher has for me.  You are right in that we gave them all our Love when they were here. It is just so painful that I did not stay as it feels as if I didn't get to say good by.  I know that they are always with us and I am so grateful that I feel Christopher's presence.  We were so fortunate to have Jasmine and Christopher in our lives.  Thank you for all your support.  It means so much to me and to Christopher too. 

Big Hugs

Georgeann and Christopher Forever

Margaret

Registered:
Posts: 71
 #18 
Dear Georgeann,
 Your post brought tears to my eyes yet again when I read about your beloved Christopher. The part where you said you wanted to hold him more after he was gone is I feel very important.I had my Becky put to sleep whilst she was in my arms and then I took her home. She was still warm and soft for a few hours and she just looked asleep in her blanket.I had to do this as my appointment at the crematorium wasn't until much later.I laid her next to me in the car as I drove to the crematorium and nursed her and stroked her, when I arrived there, until she had to go.Speaking to her and telling her how much I loved her also helped me a lot.Most people would think this very weird but that is how I felt and that is what I wanted to do. The next hardest part was collecting her ashes an hour later in the little box with her name on. She was no longer soft and warm.I am glad this is what I decided to do and I really don't care what people thought. I didn't want to wish I had done it.
Love and (((Hugs))),
Margaret
BooBooMommy

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Posts: 52
 #19 
 
 
Dear Georgeann,
 
Your letter to Christopher touched me so much.  You have such a beautiful way with words.  I wish I had the gift to be able to put my feelings down as beautifully as you have.  I feel exactly the way you do when you say you think about him all the time.  Last thing at night and always when you wake up throughout the night and the first thing in the morning.  Boo Boo is always on my mind, every minute of every day too.  Bedtime is very hard, I can not sleep in our room any longer.  I also lost a big part of myself when I lost him.  What you have posted from Buddy’s Mommy is so touching.  Thank you for re posting that as I have not read it before.  It is very comforting to know that many feel as we do.  It helps somewhat to know that I am not alone in feeling this much pain after losing the love of my life.  April 20, 2008 is 5 months for me without my baby boy.
 
Happy Bridge Day Dear Christopher
 
Hugs, Boo Boo's Mommy
 
             
goofygirlinva

Registered:
Posts: 1,198
 #20 
Dear Georgeann,

Your letter to Christopher is so beautiful and full of love. I cried when I read it because I see so much of your love and devotion to Christopher in it and it echoes exactly how I feel about my Blackie. I brought my Blackie home with me after he passed away. I needed the extra time to be with him. I held him, I cuddled with him, I talked to him, I stroked him and hugged him for hours after he passed away. When I finally sent his body on its final journey, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done but I am grateful that I had that extra time with him so I could say my goodbyes to him and that I could do it on my own time.

I am so sorry that nobody outside of the petloss family remembered Christopher's 13 month bridge day anniversary. It hurts so much when our human family lets us down and forgets things that are so very important to us. It hurts even more because this disappointment in our human family is yet another reminder of the blessing of unconditional devotion we experienced from our furkids, devotion that was always there for us no matter what.

I hope Christopher's 13 month anniversary was a good one for him at the RB. I am glad you wrote your letter to him and that you posted it here for all of us to read. I know the pain will never go away, but I hope that future anniversaries will also be filled with happiness for you. You had a wonderful life with Christopher, I hope someday you'll be able to look back and remember it with fondness and not just with tears.

Take care,
Kelly
Blackie's mommy



Gruntsmomforever

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Posts: 699
 #21 
Dear Georgeann,

Your beautiful and heartwrenching post brought so many tears to me.  All the words that you've written express so completely and beautifully your profound and everlasting love for your beautiful little Christopher. I ache with sadness for you.

Thinking of you and sending you hugs,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever 
jocelyne

Registered:
Posts: 251
 #22 
Dear Georgeann,

Do not be too sad as you know that Christopher is with you, and will be forever with you.

Try to enjoy life as a tribute to him. that's also what he wants.

Georgeann

Registered:
Posts: 2,245
 #23 
Dear Golda's Mommy:
The picture of Golda is absolutely beautiful.  I know how hard losing Golda has been for you and I know how much you miss him.  You can see his love for you in his face.  How heartbreaking our losses have been.  Thank you for sending me your beautiful thoughts.  I had to let Christopher go so quickly that I was hysterical and remember very little of the drive there or home other than the overwhelming pain.  I know that memory will be with me Forever.  Thank you so much for your everlasting support.  You have been so wonderful to me for so long.  There are no words that decribe how important your comments are to me. 

Dear Margaret:
I am so glad that you got to hold Becky for so long.  How wonderful that you were able to be with her until the end.  I cannot imagine the pain you must have felt waiting there for her ashes.  I just wish I had been as prepared as you were.  Obviously it is too late now and it will haunt me Forever.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for caring.

Dear Boo Boo's Mommy:
I am so glad you liked Christopher's letter.  I write to Christopher in his journal almost every day.  Everything I write is from my Heart and as you know, Christopher is my Heart.  It is his memory that keeps it beating.  The 20th of every month will be a horrible day for us Forever.  I am sure that neither of us will Ever forget that horrible day.  My whole being evolves around thoughts of Christopher.  Since Christopher left me, every time I have opened my eyes during the night and every morning when I open my eyes, he is the very first thing that enters my mind.  Christopher and I are one and Always will be.  At least I have that to keep me going until we are together again.   I am glad you liked the post from Buddy's Mommy as I loved it too.  We just have to all stick together and continue to help each other. 

Dear Kelly:
I am so glad that you got to share that special time with Blackie.  I just wish I would have done the same.  I was so overwhelmed with grief that I was not functioning at all.  Obviously sometimes we can not prepare for the loss no matter how hard we try.  When Christopher died in my arms I felt my soul leave with him.  It felt as if the life had been sucked out of my body.  It is so hard to explain the emotions I was feeling.  I know that you are in so much pain too and I really apppreciate you taking the time to be here for me. 

Dear Katharine:
Thank you for your kind thoughts.  Christopher's loss has just swallowed up my life and changed me Forever.  I have lost other pets but I have never experienced this overwhelming grief.  Christopher and I had such a special bond it feels as if I am trying to continue living with half my body.  I know that losing Grunt has been a nightmare for you too and I know that you hsd a very special bond as well.  Thank goodness we have all found each other. 

Dear Jocelyne:
Thank you for your thoughtful post.  You have been so patient with me and I know you want me to smile again.  I am really trying, it is just taking a long time.  I must tell you that I have been able to smile a few times so I guess that can be considered as progress.  I too know that Christopher wants me to be happy as I can feel his sadness when I am in pain.  I know he misses me too and I know that the day will come when he and I will be together again.  Thank you for all your support. 

I Miss you so much my Precious Angel.  May God's Angels Keep You Safe Forever. 



You Are My Man And I Love You
Mommy
RustysMom

Registered:
Posts: 1,015
 #24 

 

Dearest Georgeann –

 

I read your post yesterday, on April 20, but I couldn’t reply right away because it simply overwhelmed me.  Your life’s lessons have come at a great cost . . . the loss of your best friend, your love, your life, your heart & soul.

 

I too have thought about the day I left my baby . . . and now how I wish I could turn back time so I could just have even a few more minutes to hold him & to tell him how much I love him.  So, like you, I will now always follow my heart.  And yes, now I spend more time appreciating all the little things in my life, I try not to rush my day, and most importantly, I try to carve out moments of precious time to devote simply to thinking about my baby Rusty. 

 

Our grief is something so profound, and I’ve come to accept this as a part of who I am – why wouldn’t it be?  Our babies are such a part of us . . .  I am him and he is me.  As you said ~ We are one ~.

 

Yesterday, April 20th was also harder than usual as it was my birthday, the 1st of many occasions that my Rusty will not be with me.  When I was doing my morning writing, I took on his voice . . . and he said to me, “please don’t cry, that his birthday gift to me was his eternal gratitude for me setting him free.  He said, please mommy, don’t be so sad, it’s wonderful where I am, and I’ll be waiting for you when it’s your time, I promise.”  So I imagine your Christopher is sending you similar thoughts when he casts his loving eyes upon you from the heavens.  And your butterfly and Christopher’s star simply confirm that he is indeed with you and will always be with you.

 

Oh Georgeann, I know we’ve written this before – we wish there was something we could say to ease our pain, but we’ve found nothing that helps.  I know how your heart aches so from missing your Christopher, as I so miss my Rusty – I understand this sorrow. Thankfully, and at the same time, sadly we’ve found a wonderful, safe and compassionate community of people that understand. 

 

I’m thinking about you, your shining star, your beautiful, forever butterfly and your baby, your love Christopher as you observe his going to the bridge 13 long months ago.

 

Very warm hugs.

 

Rusty’s Mom.

Andee

Registered:
Posts: 131
 #25 
Georgeann,

Your letter to Christopher is so beautiful, as is his picture. He's very lucky
to have such a loving Mommy, I know he is still with you and that you
will see him again. Your words were all so very true and I cried as I
read what I, too, feel and experience every day. My Pookie died
suddenly at the vet's office during a routine procedure and the
shock was nearly unbearable, I don't know how I manage to keep going.
We were together always, he never took his eyes off me & always
had to be touching me. Bedtime is the worst for me, because he
would curl up by my tummy when we'd go to bed. He was just
like a real baby in so many ways, loved to be held & rocked. I, too,
think of him constantly - everything & every place reminds
me of him & I cry. I'll never be the same & I know you won't
either. All of our joy & reason for living is gone. I have to
believe they were given to us for a reason. We have learned
many things from them. And we will be reunited with them one
day. Continue to post your beautiful writings
to Christopher. I wish you and all of us some peace.

~~Andee 
aurichwolf

Registered:
Posts: 555
 #26 
Dear Georgeann,
 
Your letter to your sweet Chirstopher is just so beautiful.
It was written from the very heart and soul of a loving Mommy and that came through in every word.
He must be so happy at the bridge as he watches you trying to help others by reaching out through your own pain to make a difference in others lives.
 
Please don't ever regret not going back on that last day for he heard every word you spoke to him as he slipped away and he was no longer in that body but rather in your heart where he will remain for ever.
His soul had already flown free to Rainbow Bridge and by then he was looking down at you and guiding your steps.
He knew going back would only make the pain worse and I believe he guided you to not do that.
 
If you always listen with your heart you will feel him guide you through many twists and turns along the path of life.
He knows that at the journey's end the path will lead you back to him.
 
You will never forget the feel of his soft fur and that memory can comfort you as much now as holding him did when he was there with you for it is softer now then ever and glowing in the sun light.
That picture in your mind and heart will bring comfort when all seems lost.
One day you will touch his fur again when he runs to you at Rainbow Bridge.
Hold on to that and know that it is a promise not just a dream.

 

Love and Peace,

AurichWolf 

Kathy

 

TinysMom

Registered:
Posts: 124
 #27 
Dear Georgeann- I haven't been on this site as much as before (it was too hard for a while). Wanted to let you know that not a day's gone by, since my first visit here, that I haven't thought of you. Every time I miss my Tiny I think of you and the others that are missing their special baby. There are times when the pain of losing her overwhelms me and the hurt is almost unbearable but, like you, I know our separation is temporary. We both know the hurt will never end- we will forever miss them as long as we live- I've accepted this. One day we will be able to pick them up, bury our face in their fur, hug and kiss them again safe in the knowledge that we will never again be apart. Wishing you a peaceful day. TinysMom (Deana)
Georgeann

Registered:
Posts: 2,245
 #28 
Dear Rusty's Mom:
Thank you so much for responding to my post. I know what a nightmare losing Rusty has been for you and how much pain you are in.  Unfortunately it just does not get any easier. Our grief is profound and will be part of our lives forever.  My first birthday without Christopher just broke my heart as he was always part of the celebration; in fact he was the biggest part of the celebration.  My heart is just shattered.  So many times I say to God, " What were you thinking when you took Christopher back?  I need him."  I am sure some day all of this nightmare will make some sense.  I am so glad that you can hear Rusty speak to you.  Isn't it amazing how you can hear what they say and feel their presence?  We are so fortunate God has given us this precious gift.  Thank you for keeping Christopher and I in your thoughts.

Dear Andee:
I am so glad that you liked my letter to Christopher.  I miss him so much and I want to make sure that Christopher knows that every day that we are apart.   I know how hard it has been for you losing Pookie.  I cannot imagine how horrified you were going in for a routine procedure then being told that Pookie was gone forever.  What a nightmare.  I am so sorry that happened to Pookie and to you.  Christopher was also like a baby.  He slept in my arms every night.  Night time was always our time as we would sit for a long time and discuss my day.  Then we would go to bed and play peek a boo every night.  We had so much fun; Oh how I miss those days.  Like you with Pookie, Christopher is always on my mind and everything reminds me of him and the pain of his loss.  I will always look forward to the day that Christopher and I are together again Forever. 

Dear Kathy:
Thank you so much for your beautiful and heartwarming message.  I hope that Christopher is happy at the bridge.  I know that Christopher misses me too.  I know that his Heart is broken just like mine.  It is so hard to function with half my body missing.  I know he is always listening to me and watching over me.  I am so grateful to God that I can hear him talk to me and that I can feel his presence.  He will always by my Little Man.  I will miss him Forever. 

Dear Deana:
I was so excited to see your post.  I know that it is so hard coming here some days and reading about all the broken Hearts and tragiv losses.  I know that your relationship with Tiny was just like mine with Christopher.  The pain of their loss will be with us Forever.  I will always look Forward to the day I can once again hold Christopher in my arms, feel his soft fur and his sweet kisses, and look into his eyes and say "You are my man and I love you."  You are always in my thoughts and Prayers.


Stay Safe Precious Angel
You Are MY Man And I Love You
Mommy


goldenboysmom

Registered:
Posts: 1,001
 #29 
Oh Dear Georgeann,
It was so difficult for me to write to you because I feel so much of what you are feeling still inside of me. It is not as intense as the pain was those first days weeks and even years and it seems as if the pain is softer inside of me as if it is being caressed by my angel as you will one day feel. Now it is overwhelming and the pain is deep inside you and it will take as long as it takes to find the peace you will possess once more. Time passes and family and people that are in our everyday life never remember those special days we will never forget but it doesnt matter because we got to have those days, they are yours and Christophers and mine and Max and we grieve in our own way our own time . I also couldnt bring myself to finish Max's scrapbook. I did almost the whole thing each page with so much love and then I couldnt finish the last few pages and I couldnt understand why but it was because I knew there would be no more pictures to put in the pages and that made me so sad. As the second anniversary was coming up , I sat down and finished each page and remembered the memories that each photo held and I closed my eyes and I could feel Max with me. I actually smiled when it was completed and I felt a sense of peace. I still cry and feel the sadness of missing him. I went to a spiritual healer and he told me that Max came to me because he was my savior and in so many ways he was.There was so much turbulence in my marriage & in my every day life and although I had friends, they were not true friends that cared about me. I felt lost in this world and when Max came to me, he did save me because we were both such sensitive souls and no one understood me like he did without saying a word, he was there for me stroking my soul as no one in my life could do. Christopher and Max were gifts from Heaven and we are so blessed to have had the chance to know and love them and we will get the chance again to walk beside them and hold them tight.There is such a pureness and innocence that they bring to us and that aura will be with us all the days of our lives.
Let the tears flow when they need to and in time they will heal the pain . The love will always outshine the sadness When they were with us, we learned so much from their wisdom and in their passing we continue to learn so many life lessons and we have heart friends to help us through and memories that are more precious then gold.
Love to you,
Max's mom Jo


Georgeann

Registered:
Posts: 2,245
 #30 
Dearest Jo:
Thank you so much for your beautiful post.  I could tell that is was hard for you to respond.  I Love the picture of Max and of course it made me cry.  I know how hard it was for you losing Max and I know the bond between you and Max was as close as mine was with Christopher.  Although it has been over 13 months since Christopher left me the pain is still so intense. I am still so overwhelmed with grief that it sometimes is still so hard to continue on with daily life.  I hope someday that I too can finish Christopher's scrapbook.  Each time I try it is just too painful.  Maybe I just do not want to admit to myself that he is never coming back.  Yes Christopher and Max were gifts from Heaven and we were so fortunate that God let us have them in our lives to get us through some difficult times.  I just wish that he had not taken them from us so soon.  I know that they are always watching over us and that they are safe in God's hands.  And I know that no one will ever take away the precious Love that we shared with them as we became one and that will last for Eternity.

Big Hugs 
Georgeann and Christopher

May God's Angels Watch Over You
You Are My Man And I Love You
Mommy
doodalock

Registered:
Posts: 70
 #31 
Georgeann,

What beautiful words.  They speak volumes.  I lost my Kismet on 4/13/07, so I am almost to 13 months.  I still feel the same as you do.  Your precious Christopher is always with you, watching over you.  While the pain never goes away, I appreciate your sharing what you have learned b/c it is all so true. 

Jen
crmnyc

Registered:
Posts: 139
 #32 
Dear Georgann,

I've seen your posts to Christopher in the past, and reading this today I see that your grief is still raw. It is indeed so painful to lose these wonderful creatures who are dear family members. I remember feeling this same agonizing pain when I lost my beloved bulldog, Sidney, 4 years ago in June. I was sure I would die from the pain, but here I am.

Wishing you peace in your heart until you and your beloved Christopher are together again. He is such a cutie pie.

Love,
Candice
WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #33 

Dear Georgeann,

I am up late tonight.  For whatever reason, I just can't seem to fall asleep.   Each night as I lie in bed I think of my little girl and I weep.  I think of her last moments.  I think of her dreadful dementia.  I think of the joy she brought into my heart and my home....and I weep and weep.  I sometimes cannot bear the thought that my beautiful little Betsy is no longer in the world.   It pains me like nothing else ever has.   I never knew the depths of sorrow until she left me.   If only I could go back in time and just hold her so tight. 

I am sorry for my ranting.  I know you understand my despair.  I know how very much you miss your precious little man, Christopher.   The pain we feel changes shape over time, doesn't it?  But, it never goes away.  It can get really scary sometimes.   I try to stay positive during the day because I have two other precious earthkids, but my heart is torn.  I feel I have one foot on earth and one on Rainbow Bridge, does that make any sense?  I just want her back.

Thanks for listening.  I just needed to talk to someone about her tonight.   You know I am here for you as well. 

Hugs,
Melissa
The Little Girl's mom

arthursmom

Registered:
Posts: 230
 #34 

georgann,  your tribute was absolutley beautiful and made me cry for you and your sweet christopher......  i am so glad you saw the butterfly and that comfoted you...... it was definatly sent from your baby. i know arthur is taking good care of christopher and we will be with them soon.  theya re waiting for us georgann. always and forever there love is eternal.......   sending you hugs and loving prayers...    amy

kdclairmo

Registered:
Posts: 540
 #35 
Dearest Georgeann, I just wanted to tell you that I am thinking of you and your sweet Christopher. The tribute you wrote for him and all of the things that you have learned since his passing was so beautfiul and heartfelt. I know you believe me when I say I feel your pain and am going thru the same thing without my beloved Peanut. There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss her and love her and wish she was still here with me.  The guilt of putting her down when we did is still with me all the time. I try to remember how hard it was for her to get around and that she could not have been feeling well and sometimes it helps a tiny bit but still I feel guilty for it and hate not having her with me anymore.  They become such a part of us, a part of our lives, a part of our bodies and our souls and when they leave us, it is a loss that we will forever feel. Your hearts will always be heavy and the happinesss that they once brought us so much of feels like it will never come back.  I didn't realize you felt so guilty for not going back to the vet to hold him longer and spend more time with him. Oh sweetie, you need to let that go. You know that would have been even harder to do, to go and have them bring him to you and see him like that again. That would have been so much harder on you. You did the right thing. You were with him when he took his final breathes on this earth and you held him afterwards for a long time. We don't ever want to let them go and say goodbye but we must and you did that and you left. You did the right thing believe me, you really did.  Please take care of yourself my friend and I do hope that you do find some peace knowing that you will see him again someday. He came and told you he was ok, when the butterfly came to you, that was such a beautiful sign for him to his beloved mommy.

Hugs my friend,
Karen

P.S. I know he and Peanut are the best of buds up at the Bridge, she will keep him company I am sure of it.


Georgeann

Registered:
Posts: 2,245
 #36 
Dear Petloss Family:
I am so sorry that it took me so long to respond.  I just noticed today that I had more responses to my Post.

Jen:
I am so sorry about your loss of Kismet.  These precious Angels steal our Hearts and take our souls with them when they leave us.  Thank you so much for reading my post and responding.  There are days when 13 months seems like an Eternity then there are those days when it feels as if Christopher's loss happened yesterday.  When Special Bonds are Developed like ours, the pain just goes on Forever.  I know that Christopher is always with me and I can feel him in my Heart.  Even though it has been over 13 months I still cannot believe that he is gone.  I will miss him Forever.

Candice:
Thank you for responding to my post.  Yes my grief is still so raw and unfortunately I do not see any end in sight.  I just cannot believe that God needed him more than I do; it is still so hard to believe that he is gone.  I wake up every day and hope that his loss was just a nightmare.  I will Always look forward to the day that Christopher and I are together again Forever. 

Melissa:
I am so sorry that I did not respond to your post immediately.  I just noticed that I had more posts.  Like you, I also lay in bed in tears every night.  There are so many nights when I wake up in the middle of the night just praying that I will find him next to me.  Then the tears start again.  I had a picture of Christopher's painted of him holding my sock in his mouth.  He loved to steal my socks and run down the hall with them.  The picture is on the wall next to my bed.  On my nightstand is a picture of Christopher laying next to me on the bed and it sits on top of his ashes.  I am surrounded with his pictures everywhere in my bedroom.  And when the pain gets really bad I snuggle up with his favorite blanket. It is the only thing that brings me any comfort as when I hold it in my arms I can feel him with me.  The pain is just overwhelming and each night is the same.  I have found that it helps me to write to Christopher in his journal.  I have filled almost three Journals and have written hundreds of pages. 

I would give the world to turn back the clock and to hold Christopher in my arms one more time.  I knew that losing Christopher was going to be horrible but I had no idea that it would swallow my entire life.  I could not agree more with your statement that it feels like I have one foot on earth and one foot on Rainbow Bridge; I believe it is because we know that we must stay here until our time is up on this earth, but we really want to be at the Bridge with our babies now.  It makes absolute sense.  There is simply no end to this overwhelming pain.

My email is GMckee2406@aol.com .  Please write any time you need to talk.  I get home late so I check my mail late and will always respond.   I feel so bad for you as I know that your pain is the same as mine and I know what a nightmare that is.  You and Betsy are always in my Prayers.

Amy:
Thank you so much for your post.  I know how much you miss Arthur and how awful your life has been since he left.  I know that Arthur and Christopher are good friends.  I makes me smile when I think about them playing hide and seek in the tall grass.  I will always look forward to the day I can hold Christopher in my arms and say. "You are my Man and I Love you."

Karen:
Thank you for thinking of me and for thinking of Christopher.  Your post is beautiful and brought tears to my eyes as I know your Heart is breaking too.  I know that your life has been a nightmare since Peanut left.  I have no idea how you have been enduring this pain when you have two little ones to care for.  I feel so bad for you as I know that having your babies was your dream and now that dreams seems to have a sad note to it.  It is so true that they were such a huge part of us.  Christopher and I became one just like you and Peanut.  No matter where they are no one will ever take that away from us.  That is why it feels like our souls left with them and why our lives are so empty without them.  I know That the butterfly was Christopher and I know that he misses me too.  Today when I was talking to him by his Memorial a Hummingbird came within inches of me and just sat in the air in front of me for at least a minute.  I know that was Christoper too.  He is Alwasy with me and I know that he will be as long as I am on this Earth.  It is the only thing that keeps me going each day.  I will continue to count every day until Christopher and I are together again Forever.  You and Peanut are Always in my Prayers. 


Sweet Dreams My Precious Angel
Stay Safe Until I Get There
May God's Angels Always Watch Over You
I Will Miss You Forever
You Are MY Man And I Love You
Mommy



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