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Kachi

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Posts: 27
 #1 
Sophie has now been gone for almost 15 weeks. The first few weeks I was numb, the shock of it all was overwhelming. I lost 16 pounds and could not speak without crying. She went so quickly (one day) and without any warning or signs of illness till her last day.  How could I have not known she was not well? Next I turned to alcohol,  to try to pass out rather than falling asleep and crying myself there. I joined a bootcamp from 6 pm to 7 pm each evening for a month, the time we would be out for a walk, that ended. I went on a pressured vacation that my mother arranged to try to get me out of my funk. Nothing is working. I miss my girl so very much. I hate coming home from work. I feel like there is nothing to look forward to. I am so lonely without her. Never did I feel this way with her around. I feel lost and alone. Oh, how I wish she were here with me.


basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #2 
Your Sophie is so beautiful, what a sweet, sweet face she has.  I am so sorry that you are so lonely and sad, I dont know what to say that will make you feel better.  I take it that you have no other animals. 
I have had animals around me all of my life, when I have lost one baby, I have always had another to love and cuddle.  When My little Basil died I had no babies left.  I knew that he was old, and he had been ill for 5 years.  I thought that I was prepared and would be able to cope.  Boy was I wrong.  I hit rock bottom, so much worse than any other loss. 
I know it would not be right for everybody, but after 3 weeks I adopted another dog from a rescue centre, and he has done so much to help me heal.  He is so sweet, and big, where my Basil was small.  He is very loving and lets me cuddle him and cry all over him when I feel the need.

I am so sorry for your pain, may you soon find peace, thinking of you, Much Love, Di xxx
HerbiesMom

Registered:
Posts: 196
 #3 
Oh, how I know what you are going through!  My Herbie's been gone 9 1/2 weeks and I thought I was getting better here and there. But tomorrow it will be 2 years since Belle was put to sleep, and I am not going to make it.  I just want to take a pill and wake up in a few years into a different life.  I've tried "getting out" like people said to do, and to "keep things in perspective" and to rearrange my routine -- nothing helps. 

Today has been a particualrly bad day.  I am alone so my cats have always been my only companions and best friends.  But now I really know what loneliness means.  I would give anything to hold Herbie just one more time.  I can't believe I will never see his face again, or hang out with him on our back porch.  I even went to the zoo today just to be around animals but when I came home it was hell.  I still get that lump in my throat each time I open the front door and Herbie is not here.  My head knows he won't be there, but my heart still expects to see him.

This site helps, but I think I will seek out some in-person help.  I have been through an awful lot in my life, and simply do not have the emotional reserves to handle this. One-fourth of my life has been spent with Herbie and he slept with me every night just as Belle did.  But now my kitty life here at home is over (2 of my 3 ferals went, as well, soon after Belle) and it is a full 16 years that I've had them.  I think it goaded me into staying home and not getting out in the world which is why I do not have a support system -- Believe me, I wish I had someone to take me on vacation.  Getting anothe pet is not the answer as it has nothing to do with my Herbie and Belle and I cannot face this type of pain even if it is 18 years down the road.  I also want to try to get out in the world more so that I don't get too dependent on pets for my love and companionship.

But today is a very, very, very bad day and I have my doubts at times that I am going to make it.  The pain is unbearable.
mollyboltsmom

Registered:
Posts: 991
 #4 
Kachi,
First let me say that I am so sorry for your loss. 15 weeks is barely 4 months, not so long at all. There is a loneliness and an emptiness that each of us must deal with. Some find solace and new meaning in having another furbaby who needs their ministrations. Some go out and do new things, or move, or redecorate, or whatever. Each of us finds our own path to eventual healing and that takes time. Sometimes a little time, sometimes a lot of time. I think that it partly depends on how we find ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally when we lose our precious ones. And I've found that just at the time I think I'm doing well, something happens and I'm back at square one. I'm not the only one here who has had that happen.
Be easy on yourself. You have all the time necessary to grieve Sophie. Just take your time and don't let anyone rush you.
And a word about Sophie's picture: She looks like she had a dose of attitude tempered well with sweetness. What a doll!!!
I will pray that you will find some peace through all your sorrow.
Molly's Mom
WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #5 

Kachi,

I can feel the despair in the words you have written and my heart goes out to you.  I can tell you miss your sweet Sophie so terribly....and are having a very hard time adjusting to life without her.  She is a strikingly beautiful girl.   I do believe she is still right beside you, watching your every move.   You cannot physically see her, but if you sit, calm your mind, you may feel her wonderful spirit everywhere.

Like Di, I have always had more than one dog, so when my Betsy passed three months ago, I had two more that needed my attention.   They are both such great comforts to me.   I think grieving is so much harder when one loses an only furchild.   The house is so unbearably empty and quiet.    In time, you will find your way further down this path of grief, and maybe your heart will open again to another baby.  It just seems like you have so much love to give.

I will be thinking of you and praying you find peace. 

Hugs,
Melissa
Betsy's forever and ever mom

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