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Carly851988

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Posts: 4
 #1 
Hello, my name is Carly and I just signed up on this website. I have just only today lost my cat that was my best friend. My family and I decided to recently put him down as he got a tongue tumour that was making his life miserable. He lasted around 3 months since being diagnosed with it and it got to the point that he could barely open his mouth to eat and drink. It was particularly painful for my family and I to see our beloved pet go downhill fairly quickly and I have not stopped crying today and yesterday; my last day of seeing him.

He was the light in my life and had been with me all throughout my teenage years and twenties. I don't know how I am ever going to feel happy again.

Has anyone here been in a similar situation and how did you cope with the loss?

Thanks,

Carly
Kron32

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Posts: 1
 #2 
Hi Carly, my name is Nick. I am very sorry for your loss, and I feel what you’re going through. I lost my cat Kron exactly one week ago. He was 16 and my best bud through college and my twenties as well. It has been a rough week and I miss him more than anything. I have known for a few years he had kidney failure but it wasn’t until 6 months ago the symptoms started to show. Even then it was just a gradual weakening until about two days before we had to put him to sleep when things accelerated very quickly, he had ulcers in his mouth as a result of the final stages of his kidney failure so he couldn’t eat or drink. We then had to show him our final act of love and put him to sleep even though it broke our hearts. With the pandemic only I could go with him into the vet which made it that much more difficult, but I held him and talked to him until the very end. Our home feels so quiet and empty without him. We actually had been actively avoiding coming home at times because it feels so empty without him here. The first two to three days after were the worst, couldn’t get the last days out of my head and had tears in my eyes constantly. After a week it now hits me in waves throughout the day and is harder at certain times. We have found making a photo album has helped to cope a bit with the loss as well as talking about the little things we miss but trying to focus on all of the happiness he brought us and his quirky things that made him unique, like playing peek a boo, or how he always had to have his paws on my arm at night before he would go to sleep. I don’t think the pain of losing a best friend will ever fully heal, but I do think time and support help greatly to start the healing process. I may not be the most help because I’m still grieving for my little buddy as well. I have found just reading that other people out there are in the same boat helps a bit to not feel so alone. Sorry again for your loss, try and just take it day at a time, the pain will lessen a little bit each day.
Carly851988

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #3 
Hello Nick,

First off, thank you so much for replying to my post. It helps me a bit knowing that I am not the only one going through this. I am also very sorry for the loss of Kron and the pain you are going through in his loss.

You mentioned that your cat had kidney failure, well, my cat also developed that at first, and the more recent was the cancer. It is hard to know our cats had to go through these terrible health issues. I am glad to hear though that you were able to be with Kron until the very end, as I am sure he very much appreciated that. In my situation, my dad took him over to the vet and was not allowed to come in due to COVID. It was sad to hear that obviously.

It will definitely take some time for you to get used to the quiet household. My cat lived at my parents house and I no longer lived with him, but I am sure I will be more sad when I go over there and think about all the places my cat used to sleep and play.

I like your idea about making a photo album. I have started to do that too and intend to print out more photos soon to add to it. I have also been considering getting a necklace with my cat's name engraved on it as well.

Again, thanks for your reply. Take care,

Carly
goofygirlinva

Registered:
Posts: 1,191
 #4 
Hi Carly,

I am so sorry you are going through this. Losing a beloved pet is so difficult - they bring so much to our lives and we really do not understand or realize what a huge presence they had until they are gone. The loss is devastating and the silence they leave behind is so incredibly deafening...

The reason your post caught my eye is that I too lost a cat to cancer. My beloved boy Squeeker developed a squamous cell tumor under his tongue, just like yours did. It was so painful and difficult to watch him literally waste away before my eyes before I summoned up the courage to have him PTS. It was such a shock to get the cancer diagnosis because he'd had a clean bill of health with his annual exam about a month or two before the tumor appeared. I tried so many different things to help with the cancer but none did the trick. And when Squeeker was PTS, it left such a hole in my life. It has been over 3 years since he passed away, but my eyes still tear up to this day when I think of his cancer and his passing. He was such a beautiful, vibrant cat, and to see him reduced to a shell of what he used to be at the end was so hard to see.

You asked what I did to help get through the pain after he passed away. I wrote about him a lot on this website. I created a memorial space in my bedroom that has his gorgeous urn, some of his toys, a favorite picture and a flameless candle. I planted a blue hydrangea in the sunniest garden in my back yard. The garden is right beneath my bedroom window, a place Squeeker used to love to sit in and watch the world go by. I chose a blue hydrangea because Squeeker's collar was blue, so I wanted to plant something in a blue color to remember him by. In addition to the memorial space and his hydrangea I purchased a pet cremation necklace that contains some of his ashes. When I wear it I feel as though part of Squeeker is right next to my heart. And just a few days after Squeeker's passing I took in a very senior kitty whose person had passed away and was scheduled to be euthanized if a home could not be found for him. 

And of course I have pictures of Squeeker, both on my phone, on my iPad and ones I took with a disposable camera before we had cell phones that had great cameras in them. I'm lucky that I was able to capture Squeeker in a couple of short videos, and in his last couple of days I took a video where I recorded his wonderful purr. So at least I have those to view and listen to whenever I feel the need to revisit some of the memories I have of our life together.

I've lost more than my share of cats over the years. But with Squeeker, it was different because his decline was gradual over the course of a few months. And he has been the only one I've had to actually euthanize - all of the others either passed on their own overnight or on the way to an emergency vet. So with Squeeker it was my decision to make, which made it all that more painful. But 3+ years later I know I had him PTS out of love, and it was the right thing to do and it was my final gift to him to release him from his suffering and let him fly on up to heaven where he is now healthy and can run and play to his heart's content.

Anyhow, those are some of the things I have done to honor and remember my beloved Squeeker. I hope it helps you as you go through life without your beloved cat...

Hugs to you

Kelly
Mom to angel cats Blackie, Squeeker, Thomas and now Rufus

Carly851988

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #5 
Hi Kelly,

 First off, I want to say thank you very much for taking the time to reply to my post and thank you for your kind words. I started crying as I read your post as I read about the similarities between your cat Squeeker, and my cat. How old was Squeeker if you don't mind me asking? I totally felt the same way seeing my cat waste away as well, to the point that he could not eat anything anymore and we gave him a bit of broth with a syringe. It was so hard seeing the physical and mental changes in him, just like your cat. However, I knew by that point, we should do the right thing and have him put down,

Thanks for telling me the ways you coped with Squeeker's loss. I can see already how this website is helping me just the past few days. I like your idea about the memorial space in your bedroom for him. It sounds very sweet and sentimental. I was also considering buying a necklace as well, but with his initials or full name on it instead. I also have a million photos of my cat, that I constantly feel like I am looking at and would love to print some out soon to make a photo album.

It has only been 2 days since my cat has passed, but I miss him so much.

Thanks again and take care,

Carly
goofygirlinva

Registered:
Posts: 1,191
 #6 
Hi Carly,
Squeeker's Gotcha Day anniversary was 3/31/08. He passed away on 5/26/17, so we had a bit over 9 years together. I think he was roughly 3 years old when I adopted him. You never know with cats, that is just a guess. But if that was true, he was at least 12 years old when he passed away. He would have been 15 years old if he was still alive today. To me, that is too young an age for a cat to pass away. He should have, and definitely deserved, to have had lived many more years. But he didn't, and at least I can take some solace knowing that he was very much loved and cherished during the years we were together.

What was your kitty's name? What did he look like? Squeeker was an absolutely gorgeous DSH black cat. I think black cats are incredibly beautiful, and Squeeker was definitely proof of that. He had such a silky black coat and he had some white whiskers to go with his black fur! When I first adopted him he had just one white whisker. As he aged more of those whiskers turned to white to the point where I think nearly half of them were white by the time he passed away.

I hope you're able to find the kind of necklace you're looking for - I think you should do anything you want to honor your pet's memory. I never think what I've done is enough, but I also have to remind myself that whatever I do, it is done out of love...

Hugs,
Kelly
Carly851988

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #7 
Hi again Kelly,

You are right in saying that Squeeker lived an amazing life, despite its length and had a wonderful family to live with. I am sure you have so many amazing memories with him too.

My cat's name was Toby and he was a grey tabby. I also had a cat before him named Whiskers who was a black and white American short hair. Sadly, I don't remember Whiskers as much, as I was pretty young at the time. Black cats are beautiful and seem extra sweet. That is a cute story about Squeeker having only 1 white whisker to start off with. I also knew of a black senior cat named Soot, that was a mascot for a pet store I used to work at. Soot walked on 3 legs, due to having one leg being removed due to fibrosarcoma, but adjusted well to it.

Thank you regarding the necklace. I love the ones I am seeing so far on shopping sites.

Take care,

Carly
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