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MossimoLove

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Posts: 37
 #1 
It been 3 weeks since we had our last day together.  Like other's here, Sunday nights into the early hours of Monday are now hard to face these days. 

In 2006, you came into my life when I needed you most. I had been recently diagnosed with PTSD and my doctors felt getting a dog would help my journey thru mental health.  and they were right, you were my guide to accepting, moving forward one step at a time, living in the moment, stopping to smell the flowers, and a reason to stay tethered to this place.  Your intuition and training helped you become my service dog, you woke me from night terrors, you made sure I woke up and got out of bed each day, you made the outside world less terrifying. I felt safe when you were by my side and I know you felt just the same. 

Some times is hard to breath without hearing you snore or sigh as you get comfortable. Im struggling to find my routine, one that isnt waking up with you and facing life no matter what. I know you are still my guide and my love for you is beyond time and space.  

You were my best friend for 12.5 yrs and the longest connection ive had in my life.  When others came and went, you were always here, by my side no matter where life took us. and until we meet again, please know You are forever in my heart.

all my love to you Mossimo, all my love
[iP4d0rY] 
Mondo

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 994
 #2 
Beautiful.  I'm in tears.

3 weeks, is no time at all.  Mossimo is still in your heart, as sure as a piece of you has gone on with Mossimo.

It's been 4 and 5 years since my boys left.  Think of them every day, and in a sense we are still together, until we meet again.

Hang in there.  It gets better in time  We here understand all to well.

Hugs,
Tuffy, Toby, Ellie and Missy's Dad
MossimoLove

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #3 
thanks Mondo for your kindness and support.  It has been a tough 3 weeks and the grief feels relentless on a physical level.  I know i will get through this and I know my heart will always be with him.

taking it one moment at a time...

cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 529
 #4 
What a wonderful and loving tribute to your beloved, Mossimo . I know how you feel. It does get easier but your heart will always be broken. Your beloved took a piece with him to hold onto until you meet at the Bridge and walk hand and paw together to Heaven. Life is never the same but you do go on.  3 weeks is like yesterday, give yourself time. It's been 23 months since I let my beloved Termy go and my heart is still shattered. I am so glad that you had him and he had you. What a wonderful team. Remember the journey and all he taught you.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
TazDad

Registered:
Posts: 24
 #5 
Hang in there MossimoLove. I think the late evening and nighttime hours are worst for me. That's normally when I got to spend the most time everyday with Taz. Like I titled my post "Longest week of my life," time just seems to drag...

MossimoLove

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #6 
hi little man,  today will be 4 weeks since i last saw you smile.  im moving forward at my own pace and i still miss you dearly every minute.  the looping guilt track of the "what could have and what should have" i have done sooner, better, faster still is hard to ignore. But im doing like you taught me, keep my head up, stay in the present, and keep moving forward.  

not a moment goes by that i dont find something to keep you here with me even if its in replaying all the memories we built together.  im glad we had our last month and half spending every minute together, and im grateful we made it back to Oakland, i think you wanted to be here one last time.  its the closest thing we called home in all our years together.  

thank you my big boy, for the unconditional love and companionship. you changed my life forever and my heart, my soul and my perspective will never be the same. 

i hope to see you soon in a dream, you are always with me.
all my love, Mossimo, all my love
MossimoLove

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #7 
Happy 13th birthday, Mossimo, my little man, my big boy. 

We never did anything special on our bdays, but I did make sure we were always together to have a dog day of simple pleasures, long walks, extra treats, naps snuggled together, a car ride.

I miss you terribly, little man.  The world has lost its color since you had to go, but im trying to let the light back in.
I hope you know how much you meant to me, and how much you saved my life over the years.  You were by guardian and champion of love, my tether to this world. 

Im so grateful for the years we had together, you kept the loneliness at bay and gave me unconditional love that i never had before.  It is etched in my heart and is the true gift of our time together.  

Happy Birthday, big boy, mommy's love for you is still as strong as ever. 
I hope to see you in my dreams.
Forever my love beyond space and time. 
all my love, Mossimo, all my love. 
MossimoLove

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #8 
hi little man,  sundays and mondays are so hard for me now.  i havent been doing well this last week...i keep replaying our last days, weeks, months, year together.  im stuck in a pretty bad guilt/blame spiral and im doing my best to stay present and care for myself the best i can. 

i know you wouldnt want me to feel this low, as you saw and comforted me so many times before.  i know in time i will find some light again, i just realize how much hope and love you gave to me and how quickly i have lost focus without you.  I am trying my best and i know you are protecting me from across the veil. 

i love you beyond time and space. hope to see you in my dreams.
all my love, Mossimo, all my love. 
Brandy_Mommy18

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #9 
MossimoLove...you are not alone. My precious girl Brandy...died 3weeks ago today...I am hollow inside, filled with pain. Brandy was a Great Dane & she lived 12 1\2 years..she was my world. Your words made me cry..the love u have for Mossimo moved me to tears. At times I can block my mind from all the thoughts but other times I need to feel the pain of it...to remember every detail...and I let my thoughts go to her..I cry for her...I talk to her...I let the grief consume me...it seems like it is getting harder the longer she is gone...please know that I feel your pain, you are not alone. Be strong...
MossimoLove

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #10 
brandy Mommy 18

thanks so much for your kindness and im so sorry you have to navigate this depth of grief as well.  I would not wish this on anyone. 
I read your sharing of Brandy and all the love you shared. im so sorry, truly. 
sending comfort and lightness and gentleness
mossimo's  mom,
anastacia

Brandy_Mommy18

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #11 
Thank you MossimoLove...
MossimoLove

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #12 
hi little man,  i miss you so much right now.  i pushed through my grief yesterday and finally vacuumed for the first time since you had to go.  you never liked the vacuum and it was always an experience with helping you not be afraid of the loud moving object since you were a puppy.  you never grew out of it, no matter the approach, sometime it was a game, sometimes you were just trying to protect me.  But you were always so patient during those anxiety coping cleaning frenzies i would have because of my disability. You braved that loud, scary moving machine every week and sometimes more. Thank you for being so courageous.  

So yesterday i had to be brave as well. it took all day to muster the strength and courage to turn on the vacuum.  I didnt want to lose your fur that was still where it lay almost 2 months ago.  You werent there to bark and tell me "turn that thing off, mom" and that was the hardest part...the silence.  And i broke down only seconds into turning it on.  But i was brave, and i vacuumed as much as i could and soothed myself outloud, like i soothed you some many times before.

All these "first" i know i will have to walk through with courage.  I hope you will send me some love and strength because there will be more on the horizon. 
my love for you is beyond time and space.
all my love, mossimo, all my love.
babydaisy

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #13 
Mossimolove.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and depth of grief..
It sounds like you have your dog so much love and care and because we love so much we now have to suffer..

I lost my beautiful 15yr old Chihuahua one month ago to both kidney failure and arthritis, her quality of life became poor and I am also suffering terribly. My world has fallen apart and I am basically just existing and have no interest in anything.
Every morning and evening when I come home I kiss the storage box in which I keep her ashes, blanket ( which I keep sniffing )..I am sorry also that you miss you beloved dog's snoring, that's how much we love them. I think animals teach us so much and we are and have been so lucky to have had them in our lives. You gave your dog a beautiful life because you love..I have cried every single day for one month but this thing called 'grief is not allowing me to be kind to myself. Thankfully we have other people here who are kind and who understand. My thoughts are with you..
babydaisy

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #14 
Mossimolove.

I would like to apologise for not seeing your later posts. I am new on here and am just starting off..
SheCatWoman2

Registered:
Posts: 18
 #15 
Mossimolove,

I was the same when they came to clean my carpet, I definitely feel your pain..

Keep posting xx
MossimoLove

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #16 
mossimo, my little man, my big boy. today is 2 months since I last saw you smile.  time makes no sense to me still. its seems like yesterday we walked, snuggled, lay on the floor staring into each other's eyes, belly scratches and all. I still have your bed and toys waiting for you. though now I have them all together and covered with our favorite brown blanket, you remember the one I got the christmas you came home? It keeps your smell and gives me moments feel (smell) you close again. I still have a fresh bowl of water, just in case you get your late night thirsties.  last night, i thought i heard you shifting and sighing in your bed, as i tried to do the same. 

i still am having a hard time forgiving myself not staying with you at the emger vets through the night. if i had known, i would have grasped to every waking second we had together despite the outcome. i know all you wanted was to have me close, but the doctors were so afraid seeing me would exacerbate your condition. I wish i had pleaded with them to just let me touch you one last time while you still fighting. Please forgive me, little man. Please know i never wanted you to be alone that night, and i know you fought hard to stay.  I hope you know I was there even though you could barely breathe and the lack of oxygen was causing neurological issues. I hope you heard my voice to soothe you as much as possible. I feel so much sorrow remembering those last 12hrs. 

You were my greatest love, my best friend, and my soul mate.  Until we meet again. my love for you is beyond time and space. I hope to see you in my dreams
all my love, Mossimo, all my love.

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