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beautifulbaby

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Posts: 28
 #1 
  It has been a month since my baby was taken by a coyote.  I am still in shock and denial that he is gone.  He was in my life for 5 years and within minutes taken out of my life for good.  I miss him with every beat of my heart, some days still feel unbearable.  I wish some how if I cryed or pleaded enough that he would some how come back into my life. 

Their are days when I just want to give up on life, but somehow I keep getting by day after day.  My husband is also grieving and struggling and although we have eachother to lean on, I still feel very alone.  Alone with my dark thoughts,my struggles and agony. 

These boards have really helped with the pain but words are only comforting for so long.  I just have to allow my self to process the pain.  I struggle with so many thoughts. One thing that keeps going through my mind that I did not share in my original post is that Creamer was sick a couple of weeks before he was taken.  He had ate something bad, that caused him to vomit.  He ended up with aspiration pnemonia.  He was in the hospital for about 4 days very sick, we thought then that he would not make it. He did and he came home and slowly got better.  Just seeing him so sick and thinking that he was not going to make it was devestating. Once he was home we had to cook a special diet, give medications to him.  He was very weak at first and had to be carried everywhere, he was only 7 lbs.  I loved carryng him anyway, but seeing him sick made me feel helpless.  Once he got better, I felt hope again that life could start once again.  He was taken a couple weeks later.  Life feels like it has stopped once again.  I don't know what to do with myself because I am so unmotivated.  Things seem to have lost meaning, they have little value compared to Creamers life.  So, I feel why should I clean, why should I take care of myself, why do anything.  I am sorry to be so gloomy Im just having a really bad day.  My days have been better and I am pushing on with life.  I have things to look forward to even though I don't have Creamer.  I know he would want me to be happy, he was happy as could be.  Thank you for reading and for all your supportive words.

Cathy 
Darian

Registered:
Posts: 282
 #2 
Hi Cathy
I know it's hard.  It's SO hard to believe that life can ever get better.  But if you think about "fast forward" to a few months from now,  you will see that life will be easier than it is now.  What we are experiencing is called a depressive reaction.  It it goes full-blown into depression, that's when it's time to seek medical help.  A depressive reaction is temporary, although that's not to say "quick".  It will last a while. I didn't clean my house for weeks after my guy died.  I was on auto pilot at work,  I kept replaying his death in my mind.  I was angry, sad.  I'm still sad and lonely for him.  It will be 2 months for me on Sept 20th.   If you try to keep in your mind that Creamer is safe and it's you who is now in danger, maybe that will help.  If you give up hope in life, then you are the one that your husband will have to worry about.  You want to be strong and you know you can be.  Take solace in your other little one, Coffee.   Turn to God & your friends.  They will be there for you.  Keep taking solace in the little things too.  He was sick at one point. Who knows why God does what He does?  Maybe he took Creamer now so that he did not have to suffer with an illness.  There has to be a reason for all of this.  If there isn't,  then what does anything mean?  You're strong and you will make it!
Bobo

Registered:
Posts: 116
 #3 
Cathy, your in our prayers. Put one foot in front of the other, keep busy. I'm just starting to see the sunshine myself, I still cry everyday (often). I laughed again yesterday but then I said to myself "How dare you laugh" your desecrating Aprils memory. Its weird what our minds think. Grief is a consuming emotion we all understand it and know it too well. Were all here for you.


Blessings,

Bob
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