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DogsRule

Registered:
Posts: 23
 #1 

Hello everyone,

I haven't posted here in a few months, but I'm starting to think I should check in more often, since I'm still struggling with the loss of my sweet Lucky.

It's been six months today since he left us and I am in quite a weird spot. In the weeks that followed, I constantly looked at his photos and videos, as a way of keeping him in my heart. But one day it suddenly started to hurt MORE to look at him, to talk about him, to even say his name. I'm at the point now where I only look at them once a month or so, and even then, I break down just like it's the first day after losing him.

I feel like I'm getting nowhere with my grief. I think about him all the time, but to actually see him in shots isn't necessarily comforting, and I struggle with guilt for not paying more attention to his memory. Also, I can't bring myself to play with other dogs, though I love them so very much. It's gotten so bad I have to turn away when a dog food commercial comes on.

I really dont know what to do, other than take it one day at a time, and hope time will heal my cracked heart. It's been a long six months of missing him and hurting for him, but it cant hurt forever, right?

Thanks for reading and for any input....
Ken




TroubleandKeisha

Registered:
Posts: 29
 #2 
First of all, I am so very sorry for your loss of your beloved Lucky.  Losing a cherished pet is the same as losing a human member of your family. Just be honest about your feelings and if you are angry or incredibly wounded, be honest with yourself, you have a right to feel this way.

If you have close friends or family that also share a deep love of pets, they should understand what you are going thru and you should talk to them.  Don't try to hide your feelings by being strong, let it out, show that you are hurting and let them give you their support.  If you don't or you're not comfortable doing this, I would suggest asking your local rescue or even your vet to recommend a petloss support group near you that you can visit in person or find a grief counsellor to talk to.  You can also visit the Petloss chatroom to help talk thru your grief, but sometimes a person to person in face visit is what is really needed.

Keeping your grief locked tight up inside is not going to make it disappear.  Let it out, cry, scream, punch a pillow in the eye, talk it out.  Find whatever works for you and don't be reluctant to keep doing it until you feel better.  Try to reminise about the good times and remember what Lucky really meant to you.  There is no actual "getting over" the loss of a beloved pet, but you can come to terms with it eventually if you don't try to avoid your feelings.
LukesDad

Registered:
Posts: 564
 #3 
Ken, my heart goes out to you....believe me, I understand the pain and feelings of sorrow and emptiness.  I lost both of my dogs in July, just three weeks from one another.  They had been with me 13 and 12 years. 

I think that each of us grieve in different ways....my emotions were so deep and so raw for the first weeks that I didn't think I was going to make it.  Then they seemed to wane a bit, particularly as I started to see signs of my pups, telling me that they're OK, and now the emotion swings are much more bearable.  I still have rough spots, but they seem to be leveling out.  But again, it happens differently for different people.

May God Bless and comfort you in your pain.  I think it would be a good idea to stick around here for awhile.....it has been a life saver for me!  LukeAndLilsDad  (Rick)
LoriDR

Registered:
Posts: 2,123
 #4 
Ken,

My heart goes out to you in the loss of your precious Lucky.

I'd say to give yourself permission to be in the spot you are in with your grief. It's okay. Honestly, six months is still a very short time. But, like Rick said, it's also different for everyone.

My grief has progressed similar to yours. I had dozens of photos in my screen saver of my dog Piezon, and I had to remove them because they started to cut me deeply when they came up on the screen. I did leave a few, but they didn't come up as often.

What helped me was to accept that I will always miss my boy. It helped me to accept that there will always be an empty space where he would be ... I know it sounds like infinite sadness to accept it ... but it isn't. It's actually freeing. It gives me permission to miss him and feel melancholy, but it also gives me the freedom to get on with my life. I can still live every day, smiling, crying, laughing, working, and whatever else I would normally do. I just take my "missing piece" with me as I go, and I'm doing much better. (keep in mind that I'm 9 months further along in my grief than you are)

I don't know if I've written it so it makes any sense at all. I do agree with Rick too, about coming back here for support. I would not have made it without the understanding, validation, compassion and support from these wonderful people.

Hugs of comfort,
Lori

Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #5 
Dear Ken,

I am sorry to read that you are having a hard time with your grief.  Six months is not that long when you are mourning the loss of a dear friend.  Maybe you would find it helpful to talk to a grief counselor.  Many of them offer good tips on coping with the loss of a pet.  I had times during the first year when I found it difficult to look at pictures of my boy....I no longer watch videos of him because it is heartbreaking to see him moving around and know that I can no longer see him for real.  Grieving is tough and I believe a part of us never completely heals and we are changed forever from our loss.  I did find so much comfort and support from coming here often during my first year and maybe that will help you also. Your petloss family is here for you, Ken.

Mare
precious Christoph ~ 2 years at the bridge ~

leonor

Registered:
Posts: 214
 #6 
Dear Ken,

Lucky's such a sweet boy, isn't he? He will always be with you. Lori's so right. I am also learning to accept that I will miss Sashimi every day of my life until I die, and that gives her her spot right in my heart so it's a way of keeping her close to me. And eventually that space which is hers, and in your heart is Lucky's, will always be with you and will bring you comfort in time.

I'm going on 6 months and it still hurts like hell and I still shed a few tears everyday. I am learning to live with them and but am also hoping they won't show up forever.

It will get easier. Be gentle with yourself. *
River

Registered:
Posts: 262
 #7 
I had the same thought the other day. This has been the longest 10 months of my life. We have had gotten through some tough times, but I have never had such a difficult time as this. I had to have pictures everywhere so that I could see him in those early days when I was constantly looking for him. Then eventually, the same thing happened to me and I reached a point when looking at his pictures was just another painful reminder that he was gone. I still can't talk about my baby without crying. As Lori and Mare said, 6 months is not that long, though I know it already feels like forever. Be patient with yourself. 

I also agree with TroubleandKeisha, if there is a pet loss support group, I think you could really benefit from it.
scruffy

Registered:
Posts: 89
 #8 
Hello Ken: The beautiful thing about pets is they're always with us, even when they're not. Pets have a special way of creating a home for themselves in our heart. 

I'm struggling right now with the loss of Miss Kitty, probably the most loving pet I've ever owned. I'm slowly beginning to realize that no matter what I do or what I say, nothing will bring her back to me. 

I'm finding comfort by giving thanks to God for the time he allowed Miss Kitty and me to be with each other. And I'm hoping upon hope that one day I will see her again. 

It doesn't do much to ease the heartbreak, but it offers comfort that Miss Kitty and Lucky are both in loving, and caring hands right now. And what a wonderful place to be.  

David
Miss Kitty's friend
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