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amandap4646

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Posts: 17
 #1 
It is 6 weeks today since I had to say goodbye to my precious Molly. I miss her so much and still cry and think about her everyday. It is true that it is not the same overwhelming pain like it was in the first week but the feeling of emptiness and sadness is not subsiding. 

The day I had to make the terrible decision (12/13/17) to have her euthanized was the worst day of my life. I was supposed to be having a procedure myself at the hospital that day but Molly needed me more. Her health went downhill so quickly and I could not bare to see her suffer for a minute longer, she was my baby and the most important thing in the world. So I put her well being before my own and cancelled my appointment so that I could have her looked at by the vet. I had hope that she could be fixed but I learnt it was terminal with a very poor prognosis -prolonging her life meant invasive procedures for just a few more weeks of life. I could not put her through that so had no choice but to let her go and end her suffering.

I hate that day and I re-live it every week. In the beginning I felt guilty but now I realize that I did what was best for Molly and not for myself. I just hope that Molly doesn't think I gave up on her, I did what I did because I loved her so much.

Yesterday I had my re-scheduled hospital procedure, I was so scared of what they might find especially after putting it off for 6 weeks. It was like de-ja-vu, re-living that morning before leaving for the hospital. Even to the point where we drove past the vets at the same time except this time Molly was not in the car, it was heartbreaking. I mentioned it to my partner that it was so upsetting and at that point the most beautiful rainbow appeared in the sky.....was that you Molly, were you letting me know that everything was ok or was it just a coincidence?

I am still not sure if I believe in the afterlife but I would like to think it is true. I have not seen, felt or heard her but lots of other strange things have been happening - maybe I am just longing for it to be true. 

I am still struggling to come to terms with the loss of Molly and find it very hard to talk to other people about it. People either think I should be over it by now or just change the subject. It makes me quite angry that nobody acknowledges anymore that Molly ever existed. This is why I like to post on here because I know that many of you feel the same and we can help each other.

I have finally figured out how to post a picture of Molly. We had such a fun time on this day by the beach.

[molly] 

R.I.P Molly. I love you so much xx
Abbie

Registered:
Posts: 46
 #2 
I can't even begin to tell you how much I understand you and feel for you.

I had to let my girl go on 12/12/17 - she was 12 and it was 12 days before Christmas.  Completely unexpected.

I agree, people just avoid or change the subject and I get angered as well thinking everyone is forgetting about her!

I also feel guilty thinking she thinks I gave up on her and while I can at least breathe now, it doesn't change the sadness or emptiness - I can also hide it a little better now so people just leave me alone about.

While we experience the same pain together, there is one thing - we are together!  I have been able to come here after the loss of everyone of my fur babies - without judgement and nothing but support.

Companions in grief :-( 
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #3 
I know and feel your pain. I can't believe that people who say their your friends just don't understand that "getting over it" is so very hard for us. I know I felt the same as you, re-living that day over and over. It's hard to move past it but like you I to felt the guilt but let go because it was for Termy's sake not mine just like you did for Molly. I do believe that our pets go to heaven. I've been reading books about the afterlife and I'm am finally getting some peace because I know that God has a place for our pets when they pass. He only lends them to us for a short time to in rich our lives. I know Termy is being taken care of and I don't cry as much knowing that he is in good hands and I will see him again. I know what you mean about no one acknowledges our babies, it's like they move on and we are left to grieve alone. Thank you for sharing with us.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
GeorgiasMum

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #4 
I understand what you are going through and how you feel. I lost my 14 year old Georgia in November 2016 after she suffered renal failure and heart problems. I still have times when I can't get her last day out of my mind, but mostly I just miss her so much and hope that we will be reunited again some day. I wish I had found this message board sooner, because I too came up against people in my life who just didn't understand why I was so grief stricken and full of guilt. After reading posts here, I know I'm not alone. I hope you and others on this forum find some comfort while you grieve and come to terms with the loss of your fur children.
Hugs
amandap4646

Registered:
Posts: 17
 #5 
Abbie, Termy's mom and Georgia'sMum

Thank you for your kind words, I hope your all finding peace and coming to terms with your sad loss.

Unfortunately for me, I feel like I have gone backwards in the last week. I am pining so much and cant control the tears. I want to see her, feel her, hear her and smell her but there is nothing - just complete emptiness. I am scared that I am not getting through this properly and that I am going to feel like this forever. All I can focus on is what I had and now it is gone. When I try and think of the good times I end up sobbing over all the things that we wont be able to do together again. If I imagine her running around happy and pain free, I smile to myself but then worry that she also feels sad because she missing me (she was like my shadow and hated to be alone).

I feel like I am going crazy and I cant snap out of it. 

Thinking of you all in these sad times.

xxhugsxx
 
GeorgiasMum

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #6 
Amanda, I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so sad.
Your loss is still so new. I can relate to everything you are saying about wanting to feel, hear and smell your girl. It may take a long time but eventually you will feel better. Take the time you need and cry when you need to. I still have occasions when I look at photos of my little Georgia or walk our familiar paths and find that I have tears streaming down my face. Fourteen years of love, joy and devotion just doesn't get forgotten and there will always be an empty place in our home. It helps that my family still talk about her and I hope you have someone who shares your memories.
Take care and know that others know your grief.
Hugs xx
Always__there

Registered:
Posts: 123
 #7 
HELLO AMAN>
Fully comprehend your state of mind and the entirety of your despair. Years of loyalty and devotion are understandably not erOased at the snap of a finger. I, too have friends that, right off the bat say... But your wee man had 16 years and a good life and then they change the topic. I new see them in a different light for future. If you read my memos, you too will feel the depth of which I was prepared to go to in order to save my wee man. Once an animal has touched our SOUL-- it is forever. My Vet says, an animal lives in the moment, so that is a good thing. If the following is any comfort to YOU and the other Followers here, read this and draw from it.... All the years of companionship and unconditional love THEY give to US is certainly worth the grieving process in the end. Those MEMORIES speak volumes and are firmly planted in EACH AND EVERY ONE OF OUR HEARTS... FOREVER... Do have photos surrounded by candles and if necessary, clutch the toy once hers. I know I do. As I type this memo, my wee man's stuff toy pig planted right next to me and I draw comfort from. KNOW THAT WE ALL HAVE THE SAME FEELINGS AS --YOU---. Take it one day at a time. We all heal at different levels. Peace be with YOU.....    SherryXXPerryXX.
Rusty2002

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #8 

Four weeks for me this Friday, I had to do the same for my boy Rusty.

15 yr old Border Terrier

The first two weeks were easy compared to how I feel now.

I hope in time we can both heal.

Sending huggs

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