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TaraAnn

Registered:
Posts: 29
 #1 
Hi Terror --  no, everyone, I did not name him; my brother gave him that name -- I don't know why, and I tried to change it when I was "given custody" of this awkward german shepherd puppy rescued by my alcoholic brother who had only good intentions.

Anyway.  It has been six years since I sent you off "on the journey."  You know, you gave me my life.  I often wish I could have made yours better. I know that I did the best that I could.  We grew up together, almost. 

I miss walking around Davis with you.  I miss brushing you.  I miss jogging with you.  I miss the sound of your collar when I walked in the door (I think this is why I have to have collars with bells on my cats.).  I miss you hopping onto the bed with me.  I miss you cuddling up to me when I slept on the floor.  I miss the comfort of your presence, regardless of where I was or what I was doing.  I miss watching the impressed acknowledgements of your gentle care of young children.  I miss your trust in me.  I miss my trust in you.

I cannot remember your bark. I cannot remember the sound of you.  I cannot remember the feel of your fur.

I remember so exquisitely your last two days. I hate how I decided so quickly that it was time to send you to the bridge.  And I hate how they basically threw you on your side so they could sedate you.  Oh, how I hate that they put a muzzle on you first ("just because it is the standard and safe thing to do..." -- regardless of the fact that you never, ever snapped or anything remotely close to that at anyone at that clinic EVER).  I am sorry that your last moments were probably ones of being scared and confused.  Oh, God, how I'll never forget that.

Terror.  You and Tempo.  My heart and soul.  I am so close to coming home to you.  Soon.  I hope it is soon.  It might be soon.  I hope you want it to be soon, too.  When people say that you want me to live on and be happy, I just wonder.  Don't you love me so much that you want me to be by your side again -- forever?

Tara loves you.   
Raven

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #2 
((((TaraAnn)))) - my heart goes out to you; it's so hard to lose our pets, our friends.

I can tell how much you loved Terror, that you did make his life better, a rescued dog who needed love and a home, which you gave. When it was time for Terror to go to the Bridge, you helped him - a difficult thing to do, because of what you are giving up. Don't beat yourself up about his last moments, it is so quick, and I really believe Terror is happy now.

I do believe our pets want us to be happy, want us to be comforted - they are so sensitive to our needs. Though they may be waiting patiently for us to join them, they know there is time, they aren't in pain anymore and want us to go on, to keep on loving, in the best way, the way they taught us.

I'll be thinking about you.

katebock

Registered:
Posts: 686
 #3 
Dearest TaraAnn

I am so glad that you came back to post.  I have been thinking of you and hoping that you are OK.  I know how terribly sad your heart is.  Each "anniversary" brings sad memories, but we have to keep moving forward.  Our furbabies do want us to be happy, just as we always wanted happiness for them.  That is why we sometimes have to make the very difficult decision to let our babies go to the Rainbow Bridge.  You are, and will continue to be, a wonderful, loving furmom.  Your babies depend on you to be there for them.   Terror and Tempo are watching over you and will be with you again, but NOT until it is truly your time to be with them.  This is a decision that only God can make.

I pray that you find comfort and peace.  If need be, seek out counseling to help you through this grief.  Many of us have found this to be necessary.  Above all, please know that we care and are here for you.  Please continue to post and seek out our support.

Thinking of you,
Kate (Gus' mom)

PeaceWolf

Registered:
Posts: 50
 #4 
Dear TaraAnn,
I can feel the pain in your words perhaps because I still feel the way about my Jessie. I yearn to join her again. Oh to feel that soft coat and hear her puppy snores in bed with me, taking up most of the bed but what I wouldn't give to cling to the 6 inches of bed I was allotted. To have a reason to get up in the morning, to make her food and just love her.

 I too had to make that decision so fast and even though I know she was miserable, she couldn't get up and walk anymore. She just laid on the bed while I was working and soiled herself. I didn't care about that but she did. When she wouldn't even eat steak I knew from the look in her eyes that she was unhappy and ready to go. I did it for her, not for me. It was my turn to take the pain from her. It was only fair considering what she did for me. I am so much better for having known this fur wrapped package of pure love and devotion.

You loved your Terror with a fervor that is so known to those of us that are so privileged to be charged with their care and well being. Unfortunately that also includes the hardest decision that haunts us. I know you did all you could for Terror, you loved him and it was done out of love.

6 years, 6 days, it is just so hard to be alone.

((((((TaraAnn and Terror)))))))))

Priscilla, PeaceWolf
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