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Sheila

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Posts: 55
 #1 
Four weeks ago today my pretty boy kitty Rascal passed on following a horrible week of misdiagnosis, running down the wrong path, correct diagnosis, mis-treatments, confusion, fatigue, and horror.  It was really awful.  He and I fought together for his life all week.  He had been a really healthy nearly 20 year old kitty who shared my life that whole time.  I've been able to determine that his problem most likely originated with my vet overlooking his low potassium reading on a blood test done in January.  So, his potassium continued to fall, without my knowledge, until it caused his heart to malfunction.  The vets never figured out what happened.  I wish I could re-do that whole week.  Why did everything have to go wrong?  Why did this happen?  Why didn't I notice more wrong with him?  Why couldn't this have happened a month earlier when my sister would have been in town to help me?  Why didn't it happen a month later when I had less of a burden of responsibility and perhaps would have seen more?  Why?  Why?  Why?  People tell me "it must have been his time" or more would have gone right.
I am heartbroken and wondering how I am going to make it through the rest of my life.  I can't believe all of this has happened.  Why?  It seems so cruel.
For the whole month prior to that, I was nursing my other older kitty Whiskers who has CRF.  Then Rascal is critical and then gone.  Now, Whiskers is hanging in there although he just about didn't make it the other day - needed a blood transfusion.  He is OK now.  I am really heartbroken about Rascal because I just don't understand why.  I am immobilized by depresseion and heartache.  I feel like I am in a nightmare that is never going to end.

Sheila
Becky57

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Posts: 657
 #2 

Oh, Sheila, YOur last two lines summed it up for me.  I am so sorry for the loss of your kitty Rascal.  I had some horrible problems with the vet, also.  I wish there was something that could help you, but I just don't know what.  I do come here a lot.  I just have to know that there are people who don't think I am crazy.....people like me.  And I have found there are many.  I guess my only advice is to just keep posting when it gets so unbearable.  My three months is coming up Sunday and I am so sad.  Again, I am so very sorry.

mollyboltsmom

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Posts: 991
 #3 
Sheila,
I just wanted to offer my condolences about your Rascal going to the Bridge. It's always a traumatic situation when there are so many things going wrong with a furbaby and we are in no position to make things right.
I've found that one of the things that we all go through is feeling like we should have done more. I pray that as time passes, you can come to terms with this. You did the best you could, knowing what you knew at the time. And truthfully, the vets did too.
My prayers are with you and Whiskers today.
Molly's Mom
MrMeowgy

Registered:
Posts: 763
 #4 
Dear Sheila, I am so very sorry for your loss of darling Rascal. I can hear the sorrow in your words and I wish I could say something to help ease the pain. But there aren't any words that can really help. Please, please try to remember there are somethings we have no control over. You love your baby Rascal and did everything you could. We all ask "what if, what if?"  Most of us blame ourselves for missing something. But the truth is, we cannot stop what is meant to be. My life was a nightmare for the longest time after I lost my beloved Mr. Meowgy. It was 14 weeks yesterday and I still can't believe it. Everything you are feeling is absolutely normal. I hope in time you will be able to realize how lucky we are to have had our darlings and all the love and joy they gave to us. Not everyone is so lucky. We all understand and feel your pain. Come here whenever you need to remind yourself you are not alone. Please take care of yourself as you take care of baby Whiskers.
Rascal, please let Mommy know you are alright and that you are watching over her. She misses you so. Donna, Mr. Meowgy's mom
rupertsmum

Registered:
Posts: 820
 #5 
I think we all wish we had done things differently after our pets are gone.  I too have lots of regrets, not spending enough time with him, not getting to eat the special diet.  It is hard with work and three kids.  But we have to unfortunately stop blaming ourselves and move to a better place.

I tell myself there has to be a place where we see them again otherwise we don't get through this.  Just watching a pyschic programme and the pyschic described some dogs that the womans husband had many years before.  The wife was astounded at the exact descriptions of the dogs. I hope it will be where all my pets from childhood are.

You are in the early stages of grief, anger sadness and what ifs, maybe I could have done something.  They say later you move onto acceptance.  I lost Rupert 20 weeks ago and I will never accept his loss.  It is too raw and I cry every day and I can't see a time when I will ever feel better.  My friends and family don't even know how I really feel.  I cry when no-one is around.  Take each day as it comes and give yourself time to grieve.  Ruperts Mum
maerlyn

Registered:
Posts: 1,604
 #6 

Oh, Sheila, I asked myself the "why" question, too, in 1990 when my beloved Willie Wonka went to the Bridge thru CRF at age 5.  I asked the doctor why - and he said that sometimes, things just happen.  It takes faith to know that there's a reason even when we can't see - or even imagine - the reason.  Rascal's doctor made a mistake, it seems; we expect doctors to always be perfect, and, being human, they're not.  They do make mistakes, sometimes tragically.  I am so very, very sorry for your pain; it certainly seems that Rascal's transition was made early because of mistakes.  But the Creator knows what He is about, and remember this: death is not an end at all but merely the transition to a beautiful form of life we are not yet permitted to know, so Rascal is gloriously alive, perfectly healthy, and blissfully happy, waiting for you.  Since there's no time in Eternity, it will be as the blink of an eye for him (although it may be many, many years for you) before you'll be together again - forever!  What a glorious reunion that will be!  For now, be happy for Rascal and the happiness he knows; keep in your heart always the joyful knowledge that he is safe and happy and waiting for you.

basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #7 
Dear Sheila

We always blame ourselves.  We should of done this, we should have known that.  We are only human, we do our best.  If you had not been a good Mum, you wouldnt be so heartbroken, and posting here now.  May you soon find peace.  Love Di xxx
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