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MissingBill

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Posts: 6
 #1 

It was just one of those things that was meant to be~Bill was to be my dog and I was to be his human.  Simple as that.  I first met this hulk of a Labrador 13 years ago when he was the new addition to a family that lived in  a house whose property adjoins my business.  I went out one morning, just to take out some trash and there he was...the biggest puppy I've ever laid eyes on-and he was jumping at the fence begging for a pat on the head.  Of course I obliged, and from that point on this became a morning ritual.

That ritual grew to include treats and even my helping care for Bill when his owners were away.  In time he became closer to me than he was to the people with whom he lived...Eventually the people decided to move on and asked if I'd like to take Bill home with me.  No question about it!  

So the next day I backed in to the driveway, wondering just how I was going to manage to get this dog home.  He already weighed 100 pounds at just over a year old so It wasn't like I could just put him in a box and carry him to the vehicle.  I opened the hatch, grabbed his new leash and collar then headed into the yard to "walk" Bill to the car.  Or so I thought...as soon as I opened the gate he charged out of the yard and with one huge jump landed right in the back of the car. 

A few minutes later and we were around the block and Bill was finally home for good.  From that point on we were together almost all the time-he hated staying at home so within a week he was coming to work with me.  He spent the better part of his time curled up at the cash register greeting customers or thumping his massive tail on the sidewalk out front.  

He was so very motivational for me.  On the mornings when the thoughts of another 12 hour work day sickened me, Bill would be Barking to go at 4a.m.  Had it not been for him there would have been days that the business would never have opened.

There is just so very much to share about Bill-that huge black mass of gentleness and energy...he meant so very much to me.  I think I understand that even more now that I can't shake his paw or scratch his ears.

I truly want to like living again...I know that Bill would want me to be as happy as he is now that he is free...But it is so difficult, oh so difficult, to make sense out of a world that has such a huge part missing.  Everyone says, 'in time.'  Seems that time is both curse and cure these days.

Missing my buddy Bill more than I can say...Just looked at the clock and noticed the time...It has been three days now without him...I hate this.


Edgar

grieving

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Posts: 210
 #2 
My sympathy and hugs come into the chat room and go to Monday nights candle service it will help with healing and finding peace.
Suzanne
nanangel

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Posts: 1,040
 #3 
 {{{{Bill and Edgar}}}}

                           Your beloved Bill sounds amazing and I can only imagine how heartbroken you are and how very much you miss your "big boy!!!!"  I promise you......a day will come when your tears will transform to smiles as you remember all the moments shared with your buddy!!!!  The pain is part of the loving....but ohhhhh how we all would go through that pain again and again to have felt that wonderous, unconditional love that we were blessed to receive from those "loaned gifts" from heaven.  Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers as you mourn your beloved Bill.

Love and {{{HUGS}}} BlakeGirl's  mommy  (Chris)

JUJU

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Posts: 116
 #4 

THANKYOU FOR SHARING SOME OF BILL.SO SORRY FOR THE HURT YOU FEEL.I CAN SMILE AND CRY OVER MY JUNEAU.I WISH WE NEVER HAD TO SAY GOODBYE TILL LATER TO OUR FUR BABIES.

Mare

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Posts: 11,059
 #5 
Your Bill was something else!  I enjoyed reading about him and know how lost you are without this special dog.  Our pets gave us so many reasons to get up each morning and with them gone, well, life is tough.  You will feel better in time, but it can be a very long and lonely road.  I found coming here and talking with others helped so much.  Our beloved pets can never be replaced, but it's good to talk with others who know just how you feel.

Mare
precious Christoph ~2 years at the bridge ~

Daisymom

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Posts: 65
 #6 
I'm so sorry Edgar.  You were both so lucky to have found each other.  What a nice story about how you and Bill came to be.  I hope you tell us more.
River

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Posts: 262
 #7 
Oh, my heart just goes out to you. What a great story. We lost our lab last fall. We now have 3 and so I know so well how you must miss him. And so well put, time is both a curse and a cure. It moves so slowly at the start. Life takes on a shade of gray that lingers for so long. You were both so lucky that his previous owners gave him up to you. It sounds like he must have thought he had found heaven on earth when he found you and it sounds as though you loved and appreciated him every day of his life. I hope you'll write more.

The first time I read this, DancingDogMuse posted it. It was actually written for kitties (if Bill is anything like my boys, don't tell him), but I loved it so much, I altered it for my River and I have taken the liberty of altering it for Bill. I read it over and over every day to remind me that he is nearby.

And God asked the canine spirit, 
"Are you ready to come home?" 
"Oh, yes, quite so," replied the precious soul, 
"Are you coming then?" asked God. 
"Soon," replied the big, black lab
"But I must come slowly, for my human friend is troubled,
For, you see, he needs me, quite certainly." 
"But doesn't he understand?" asked God, "That you'll never leave him? 
That your souls are intertwined. . .for all eternity? 
That nothing is created or destroyed? It just is....forever and ever and ever." 
"Eventually he will understand," replied Bill, 
"For I will whisper into his heart that I am always with him, 
I just am....forever and ever and ever."

Keep talking to him, because he hears you. Watch and listen for signs. I know he will send them to you. Sometimes they are easy to miss if you don't know about them. River died on November 28th, we still hadn't had much snow, but it is winter here at that time of year. The week after he died, I was walking on one of the trails we use and a butterfly flew across my path. I thought it very strange since it was so cold, but didn't make the connection until I read about such things.

lovemypup

Registered:
Posts: 607
 #8 
Oh Edgar, your story of how you and Bill came to be is so sweet.  We all understand here how it feels to lose such an immense part of your life and something that was so pure, innocent and motivating, so loved and special to our heart and mind. At times, it will be a struggle to get through the day without your companion and the tears will flow.  But like many have already told you, time will ease the pain and there is no rush.  Take things one day at a time and talk about it when you can, particularly to the people here on this site as we won't judge you but will support you as you grieve. The poem that River sent in her post has helped me greatly, I hope it does you too.  You two are intertwined for all eternity and Bill will be watching over you and waiting for your joyful reunion one day. 

Wishing you much comfort,
Nicole

LukesDad

Registered:
Posts: 564
 #9 
Edgar, thanks for sharing about your precious baby, Bill.  My heart goes out to you for the pain of your recent loss.  I lost my sweet pups, Luke and Lil, who had been with me for 13 and 12 years within three weeks of each other this summer.  They were Siberian Huskies, Luke being around 120 pounds in his prime, and his little partner Lil about half that size.  With those large presences in our lives, it makes it doubly hard to lose them.

Your Bill is still with you, and you will soon be seeing signs from him that he is OK and wants you to get on with your life and be happy.  You will be on an emotional roller coaster for some time yet (believe me, I know!!), but the pain will lessen with time.

May God Bless and comfort you in your pain, and may you keep yourself open to see the signs that Bill will provide for you when you are ready to see them!  LukeAndLilsDad  (Rick)
Berta

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Posts: 541
 #10 
Dear Edgar,

My heart breaks for you. Thank you for sharing your story of Bill with us. What a wonderful story. I love the way you fell in love with Bill over the fence, and the inevitable home you gave to him. I am sure he loved going to work with you each day and greeting customers with a smile and tail wag.

I know how much you miss him and I hope your heart begins to heal soon. This is a very painful time, but the pain will subside in time. Bill is with you and always will be. I wish you peace and comfort in your grief tonight. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. 
MissingBill

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #11 

Thanks so very much to each and every one of you.

It is raining today in Tennessee and there is a noticeable touch of autumn in the air.  In a way I'm glad that it's raining.  Bill absolutely would not go to work with me when it rained.  That makes the fact that he isn't there a little easier to deal with.  I loved the way he would look up at me on those rainy mornings, thump his tail and pretty much say: sorry guy, you're on your own today.  Then he would resume his sleep on the hard floor, right beside his nice soft bed that I was just sure he would love.

Today I feel a bit angry.  No, I feel a lot angry, actually.  It isn't directed at  anyone or anything really, it just is.  Who knows...perhaps being angry is what will get me through today, I don't know.  I'll try to let it pass as nothing productive has ever came from any anger I've ever felt before~today should be no different.  

It helps to think of Bill thumping his tail on the other side...I know it's not raining there and he's loving every minute of it.  :-(

DebraS

Registered:
Posts: 18
 #12 
Hello Edgar,

I was glad to see word from you here on the message board. Just as I suspected, you were wonderful to Bill. It made me smile to read about his launch into your car (he just knew he was going on to something better!) I think that Bill would want you to be proud of yourself for all the good you did for him.

It is OK to be angry. Life is precious but is often so darn difficult and disappointing.



rena

Registered:
Posts: 174
 #13 
Dear Edgar,

    I enjoyed reading about all the funny and heartwarming times you shared with Bill. There are no magic words that can make your grieving easier.  Losing such a huge part of your must be devastating and your precious Bill can never be replaced.  He was a special and loving companion for many years and you were blessed to have spent so many years together.  This is what makes his loss so much harder for you. I don't believe anyone "gets over it".  Grief is a continuing process but try to remember that there are many people at petloss who want to help.  My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Rena
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