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jon_crawford

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Posts: 1
 #1 
Greetings

I am huge believer in learning from other people’s experience. My sweet little Chiko, about a 12-14 yr old Chi-Wiener was killed two days ago when I ran him over in our garage. I am always so careful and just did not see him. I have never cried this hard in my like. It was brutal and not pretty. I saw him look at me as he shook and died. I can’t get his look out of my head. I have so much guilt from all the trust he put in me.

I adopted him when he was 2 or 4. We really don’t know. He was left in a basement for years and had no social skills. So damaged and afraid but chose me one day at the adoption center. He was a difficult dog to handle caring for his special needs and sometimes frustrating but we just loved him to pieces. He was never the same since he lost his best friend Rhoda (our other dog) over a year ago. He was in diapers for 5 years, always had accidents, hated our kids and most people, but had a personality bigger of a 300 lbs dog in a 10 lbs body. He came to work with me most days and was walked by my dad at our family business all the time.

He received such a good life from us and I feel like I let him down in the worst way possible. He looked at me as if so afraid and saying “why would you do this”.

I’m just really having a hard time with the experience and decided to reach out and see if anyone else with the same type of experience would be willing to share some strength and hope.

Chiko was my first dog and I just can’t see forgiving myself. So much guilt for causing unimaginable pain and taking a life that trusted me.

Thank you for reading.
Candice

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Posts: 28
 #2 
Oh I'm so sorry to hear your dog went this way, I'm so sad for you...what a terrible accident. I think I did read that someone else on the forum had something similar happen.

It's so unfair. It sounds like you took such good care of him...then one mistake. Please try to forgive yourself. He was probably confused but I'm sure never had any thought like you mention. I don't think they think like that.
Chewys_Mama

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Posts: 1
 #3 
Dear Jon_Crawford,

I wanted to Thank you, for your post. As painful as it is, your honesty on how your pet died, gave me the courage to tell my story.
I too, accidentally caused the death of my best friend, the love of my life, my companion bird.
Her name was Chewy Girl, she's just a little over 11 years old.
She came into my life when she was just three months old. When I received her she didn't even know how to fly. And I had to teach her everything.
For 11 and a half years, she was either on my shoulder or inside my shirt. She was always with me, everywhere I went. Every meal, every shower we did together.
She was so smart, whenever I was down. She could cheer me up or if not, she would just sit with me, very close. And give me kisses until I felt better.
I'm a senior citizen, live alone, divorce & never had any children because of my illness. I was a LVN/LPN until I became disabled in 2009.
That same year I brought her into my life.
I'm lost without her, I cry constantly, and I hate myself. The worst part is my mind keeps playing those last secondss of her crying before she died..
I wake up at night from the nightmare of that ever so quick moment. When I realized I had stepped on her causing her death.
She had went under a blanket that was on the floor, while I was changing a lite bulb outside my apt door.
So I wouldn't fall down the steep steps that lead to my apartment. My mind must have been on the only lightbulb I had, thinking it wasn't any good.
Leaving the kitchen to go back to the front door, is when it happened. When her head dropped I screamed and screamed I begged God to take me not my baby.
I don't think I will ever get over this. From the guilt & the grief, I don't know what to do with myself. My sister doesn't understand. And to make matters even worse I just lost my closest sister last month to cancer.
I need to close now. I can't see any more from all the tears. Once again I thank you. they say if you write about it you should start to feel better eventually. That's what I've been reading anyway.
Thank you and God bless you all, goodbye.
Sincerely
Chewys_Mama
Candice

Registered:
Posts: 28
 #4 
Oh my dear ! How tragic! I am so sorry you have to go through this and also relive that last moment.

The pain is worse cause there was so much love. I found it helpful to come to this forum and share my grief. I hope you will continue to use it.

Eventually it will be the many years of happy memories that come into our minds first, but it could take some time.

Hugs
Candice
CWhite

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #5 
Hello John. I’m so so so sorry for your loss. My mom had a same experience with our childhood dog. She didn’t know he was in the garage when she pulled out.

I would just like to say that you DID NOT LET HIM DOWN. You did everything you could for that baby and stupid heartbreaking accidents just happen. This is the risk we take rescuing animals. The biggest heartbreak ever. I hope you don’t blame yourself for too long and you can keep fond memories of your love. I promise you he doesn’t blame you wherever he is. And he loves you more than ever. I’m going through similar guilt ridden heartache. And sending you much love.

Chelsea.
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