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Macksmom

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Posts: 3
 #1 
And I will say that I’m better in terms of honestly, emotional stability. I stopped crying everyday. But admittedly, part of that I think has been due to avoidance. I got married three weeks after Mack passed, and it’s made everything so much more difficult. Some moments and/or days I’m swept up in newlywed bliss. And then I’ll be sitting on my bed, looking at the Christmas tree, and I’ll think, “I wish Mack was here to celebrate one more Christmas with me.” I knew he was old. I knew time was very limited. But I thought we would have Christmas. I really did. And it would have been our first Christmas together as a family, after 5 years of long distance and traveling and working.

I had planned to have some wedding photos of us with Mack and our newly(ish) adopted other dog. But we didn’t get those photos. And we didn’t get to have Thanksgiving together, nor will we have Christmas. I had all these plans of how I’d have four stockings and I’d make them little doggy goodies. How we could attempt at taking some sort of Christmas photo together. We won’t have any of that.

I’m having a weird sort of resentment(?) with our other dog. I’ve only been living with him for about 4 months now. And he’s youthful and super energized. He’s a good boy. But I can’t seem to open my heart to him like I could with Mack. It makes me feel so guilty because I see myself being that way. But it’s almost physical. Like I can’t get myself to soften. Slowly I think it’s building and now our dog and I have a closer relationship. He trusts me and listens to me. He likes to be with me. But I’m still. It quite there yet in terms of loving him truly. I show him love and care, but personally, it’s just not cutting too deeply.

I miss my baby. I think about him every day. I miss him more than anyone I’ve ever lost. I hope he knows still that I love him so much.

buddy2k

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Posts: 103
 #2 
Thinking of you.  This is so hard.  My Lilly passed Dec. 8/18.  She was my soulmate/heartcat.  I know exactly how you are feeling.  Mack knows how much you love him - for sure.
Love & hugs - Lilly's mom
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