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Luna13

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Posts: 846
 #1 
It's been 1 year, 5 months and 6 days since Luna passed to the Bridge.  It's been 9 months and 6 days since Gypsy passed.  My husband and I have not adopted another dog, but lately I've really been thinking about it more and more.  I could never replace my girls, nor would I want to, but I miss having a dog in the house.  I really miss the companionship of a furbaby.  Since November I've been visiting the Las Vegas SPCA website, and there are two dogs there that I've completely fallen in love with and they're STILL THERE.  Their names are Baby Girl and Biscuit.  They are 2 year-old lab mixes, brother and sister, and need to be adopted together because they are stronly bonded.  It breaks my heart that they are still there, and yet I can't do a thing about it!  I've brought them up with my husband many times, but he gets upset because he's not ready to adopt yet.  It's making me absolutely crazy.  I feel like they're already mine, yet they're in this awful place.  It's killing me.  We have a 3-year old son Jacob and I'm pretty sure Baby Girl and Biscuit are good with kids, but we'd have to meet them to make sure.  My husband won't even look at the website.  I cannot just bring them home - it would not be fair and I'm not sure I would be able to do that anyway - they come out to your home and inspect it and interview you, etc.  I did donate $50 to them today and asked them to buy something for those two dogs if they can.  I think my husband may get upset if he finds out I did that because we're struggling a little bit financially and my son's preschool is going to be $650 per month come late August.  Am I going crazy?  What in the world am I to do???  I need help!!!

God Bless you all.

Gerlie (Gypsy and Luna's forever mom)
bugsdogs

Registered:
Posts: 1,288
 #2 
Gerlie,
I have thought about your post all day and still don't know what to say to you. I guess I will just tell you what it was like for my husband and I. It is just my story and not meant to mean anything other than that.

Chancey and Digby are so very deeply loved and missed by both my husband and I and it is so very hard to be without them. They were our kids and so we lost our family when they died. I have had dogs and loved them all my long life and did not want to have another one after they were gone. I still don't but my husband needed to have one to care about.

We got Rio and she is now his dog, I will take care of her during the day, let her in and out and make sure she is okay but that is about all. He must feed her and she sleeps next to him, not me. I will not have that again. I cannot have that again. It hurts too much. She is a good little dog and really quite sweet but for me it hurts to see her here as it means that they are not here. They were my last and greatest loves...

So I guess what I am saying is that I understand your husband's feelings and know that they should be respected. But you have rights and feelings also so I guess you just need to find some kind of compromise, either regarding the dogs now ready for a home or at some future date other dogs. This has been the only thing we have really ever disagreed on and I try not to make too much of an issue of it because I know he needs her. She is not loved like they were even by him but she has a good home and seems to really love it here so I guess that is all I can expect. 

Does any of this make sense. This is such a personal issue and one that takes a lot of discussion and not to be taken lightly. I hope you can get something from this, maybe??? Good luck.

Helen
MrMeowgy

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Posts: 763
 #3 
Dear Luna, no you are not crazy! Not at all. You are a person with a big heart bursting with love to give. It is interesting that those 2 babies are still at the shelter.
I can't encourage you to do anything, but...maybe you could very gently work on your husband, tell him how much you love these darlings.
My husband would kill me if he knew all the money I have sent to various shelters, etc. We can't help it, we just love animals so much.
Good luck to you and let us know what happens. Best wishes, Donna, Mr. Meowgy's mom
Luna13

Registered:
Posts: 846
 #4 
Dear Helen and Meowgy's Mom:

Thank you so much for your posts.  And you're both right.  Both of your posts were very different, but they were both SO right!  I can't argue with a single word.  My husband and I are soul mates.  We have the same dreams and goals in life, we are both Leo's, we both grew up in broken homes, we are best friends.  We are connected in ways I cannot even explain.  We both have a very deep compassion for animals - especially dogs.  We were both raised with dogs; dogs were always in our lives in some way.  I really do understand and respect his feelings, because as much as I do want to love another furbaby, there's a part of me that's terrified of loving like that again, just like what Helen said in her post.  I'm scared to death that even if my husband agrees to bring Baby Girl and Biscuit home, that I won't love them like I want to, and think I do.  How horrible would that be?  I would feel like a horrible person.  I'm so confused right now, which is why I feel like I'm going crazy.  I miss my girls so much it hurts every fiber of my being every single day.  I know in my heart that I do NOT want to replace them, goodness no.  I just want to love again, and I can't. I don't know how else to explain it.  I pour all the love I can into my son and husband, but as you all know, the love we have for our animals is very different.  It's like they weave their way into your hearts we are simply never the same.  I thank God every day for everything He gives me.  I know and believe that I'm a truly blessed individual.  So how could I possibly ask for more?  I feel like such a hypocrite.  Ugh, I feel like I'm babbling.  I'll leave it at this - it's up to God, it's in His hands.  He holds the paintbrush to the tapestry that is my life, and He is in control.  That I know.  So when the time is right, He'll know, and at that very moment, both my husband and I will be ready, and at that time, it will be right.  I have faith in that.  I have to.  In the meantime, I'll continue to donate funds to those poor animals in shelters and pray for them.  I can at least do that much.

Thank you again so much for your posts.  You all mean so much to me. God Bless you.

Gerlie (Gypsy & Luna's forever mom)
MerylKen

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #5 
I know that some day we'll get another dog.  I might be another lab...it might not be.  I also know that I'll be ready before Ken will.  I will need to be very patient and some times it will be very hard.  I do so miss the love and contact that a dog brings. 

I guess the fact that we want to share our love with another animal makes us good human beings.  I know there are people who think we're crazy.
ShadowGirl

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #6 
Hi Luna,

Your post hits very close to home. Again, as the others said, I can only share my experience and thoughts. My husband and I do not have children, married 15 years. We shared more than 14 years of our life together with Shadow, a black lab/terrier mix who we adopted at 6 weeks old, just before our first anniversary. Though we both grew up with dogs, Shadow was our first together and she was an only dog (ie: spoiled rotten!) She was truly the center of our existence. My husband and I too share an extremely close relationship and after Shadow died in February, we were distraught. Before her death we felt that we would always have a dog or dogs. But the utter despair after her passing was so awful. All we wanted was to have HER back. We missed the companionship, but felt very conflicted. At times I would mention it, and he would say he wasn't ready. Then he would mention it and I wasn't ready. Well we took a vacation recently, the first in more than 14 years where we didn't have to worry about Shadow while we were gone, and coming home to an empty house sealed the decision. We adopted Sally, a rescue dog, almost 2 year's old almost 3 weeks ago. Even after we brought her home, we shed many tears for Shadow. It was strange to have a different dog in her spaces. But after a few days, it began to feel better, and you know the great thing is they don't care one bit if you loved before them. Sally is in the moment and just so thrilled to have our attention. She doesn't care that we still sit and cry for Shadow on Monday nights for candle ceremony or that there are pictures of Shadow everywhere. She just wants to be loved. And boy, has she made us laugh outloud more in the last few weeks...she is helping us to heal.

Anyway sorry to babble. You will know when you are both ready. It will likely be unexpected and as in many of the stories on here, your Rainbow pups will be with you all along the way. They know you need to love again and they want you to. I know Shadow is relieved to have some play time now at the Bridge since she doesn't have to watch over us every second!

Good luck and please keep us posted!

ShadowGirl
PJHawkeye

Registered:
Posts: 43
 #7 
Hi Gerlie,
I just had to let you know that I went out and looked at those sweet babies and they look like beautiful dogs! I can not believe ALL the dogs they have there, that is really amazing to me. And our shelter is full with only 15 dogs!

I know how difficult it must be when you think you are ready to open your heart again and your spouse is not. Everyone heals in their own way, in their own time and I do hope that Luna and Gypsy give their daddy a nudge and let him know it's ok now to love others.

I think of you often and the beautiful portrait you did of Gypsy and still would like PJ and possibly Hawkeye done to in the future. I'm just not there yet.......

I will keep you, your family and the two beautiful pups who are waiting ever so patiently.......for you, in my thoughts and prayers.

God bless.
Sending love from PJ and Hawkeye's mommy
Diane


drbones

Registered:
Posts: 111
 #8 
OH my goodness, this post hits so close to home.  My Hankie died almost 3 months to the day (it will be 3 month Bridge day on Saturday), and I feel I am ready to love again.  I went and tentatively adopted a cat, but on the condition that my hubby meet him as well, which was today.  Well, we met him, but my husband is not ready.  He is still grieving and still guilty over the loss of Hank, and I feel like I am ready to love again.  To give the love I had for Hank, and still have to this day, to another to make its life better.  I am going to meet a little soul named Joey, an abused kitten at the shelter, on Friday.  I strongly feel like he could be the one for me.  Not to replace Hank, of course, but to help me heal over his death.  My husband is ambivilant, but wants what is best for me, as he is gone 2 of three weeks at a time, and I am left here alone.
I do, however feel guilty about getting another, and I can't seem to stop crying. Oh, it is soo tough.
HEather, Hank's forever mommy
aurichwolf

Registered:
Posts: 555
 #9 
When the time is right it will just happen and you and your husband will both know that it was meant to be.
I think we all heal or accept at a different rate and each have our own way.
It's true we can never replace those we love so deeply nor would we want to.
I do believe with all my heart that they pick one just for us.
One they know needs us as much as we need them.
Be patient and if it's meant to happen it will.
 
Love and Peace,
AurichWolf
Kathy
 

ONE TO HELP YOU HEAL

 

When one leaves our side and goes on ahead to wait we think our heart will never heal.

Then one day one comes along and brings us so much joy we thought we would never feel.

They bring us all the peace of heart sent from one far above.

The one who left us here behind knew we needed someone special to love.

 

So with all the love they had inside they picked just the one they knew

Would help us heal and make us smile and see us safely through.

When that one comes into your life enjoy each and every beautiful day.

For the one who sent that special one is watching you from far away.

 

Because of all the love we gave and the special times we share.

They knew we would love this special one who needed us to care

Happy now at last they know we have someone to love and care,

They can now rest and wait for us till its our time to join them there.


© Kathy Hayes  aka Katie~ 2005~2008~


 

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