Well here I am 3+ days past having Elvis put to sleep and the guilt has set in. I know I did what was best for him and what I did was an act of love. But I feel guilty handing him off to the vet tech with him possibly thinking “Oh this is just another Blood Glucose Curve” and BAM he is put to sleep.
I like to think that he wasn’t in his right mind enough to think that rationally. Even if I had given him the shot I would torture myself with “Oh…Mommy is just giving me my insulin injection”. Either way I can’t win. I know my thoughts are irrational and I am just beating myself up, but I cannot help it.
I miss my little Pooky Bear. He was with me when I was 9 years old…all the way through my awkward years…teenage years…up until my pregnancy. He has been through it all with me. As much of a blessing as furbabies are, it’s not fair that they can only stay with us for the short time they are here. It truly makes me not want so many pets in the future because I cannot handle the grief so often.
I still have 3 cats, 1 dog, & a rabbit. That has been significantly reduced over the past 3 years. Since then I have lost 2 dogs, 2 cats, & 2 hamsters. All just as important as the others.
I have found ways to deal with my grief. I make scrapbook pages in their memory, I buy a stuffed animal that looks like them to cuddle when I am sad, and I buy an engraved granite memorial stone with their photo on it.
This time I had Elvis cremated. I wanted to have Jessie cremated (some may remember this), but when I called the ER vet they pawned me off on my regular vet expecting me to keep Jessie’s body 24 hours! I later found out that was not supposed to happen. So we ended up burying Jessie despite my wishes for him. The day I pick up Elvis’ ashes will be a hard day for me. : (
(Elvis & Jessie’s Mommy)