Registered: 1175993036 Posts: 440
Well my friends, as most of you know it's coming up on my one and half year anniversary since losing my precious girl, Jasmine.
As I've said many times here, I don't expect to ever fully recover or heal completely from her loss. I've learned to ride the roller coaster of emotions that go with a loss this intense. Yesterday was another one of those "bad" days and I just thought about her constantly and missed her so very much. As many of you know too, I have added two new additions to the family since she passed. I have a cocker-pom-retriever named Amy Rose and a Rottweiler named Molly Belle. They have eased the ache but in no way replace what I've lost and my girl, Jasmine will always hold a special and unique place in my heart. Last night I was sitting at the table playing a board game with my son when I looked down at the dining room floor and caught just a glimpse of Molly Belles paws as she was lying next to me and I realized they looked exactly like Jasmine's paws. The wave of pain just came over me and I felt for a moment like I couldn't breathe. I've noticed Molly and Jas have very similar markings for awhile now but for some reason seeing just her paws made it almost feel like it was Jasmine lying there next to me. Then the realization that it wasn't Jasmine at all but Molly again hit me like a ton of bricks. I know you all would understand so I thought it best to share my painful emotions here. Not sure those around me would really get it. Again, life has to go on and for most of my family it has. I admire them for that but I know the missing piece of my heart that went with Jasmine the day she passed will always leave me with a terrible ache. Again, thanks for listening to my rant today. It is just amazing to me how strong the bond is we have with our animals. The grief and pain is like nothing I've ever known. Take care my friends as you are all on your own journey of grief. May we take comfort in one another. Hugs to you, JasminesMom (Kathy) Sweet Jasmine, Mommy Misses You!!!!!!!!!
Registered: 1174875149 Posts: 2,245
Oh how well I understand those horrible waves of pain and grief. They hit like a tsunami-hard and without warning. As you know since losing Christopher my life has been a nightmare pretty much like yours. As you said we must all go on with life because we have no choice. My family has moved on as well. I think your statement that you admire your family for moving on is so well said. Unfortunately when everyone has been able to move on it is a lonely place for those of us who have not. I am so thankful for my petloss family as I know that everyone here understands and are always here to help. I miss Christopher so much; I know that I will grieve Forever. And much like you I have accepted that and try to do my best to get through each day. I too have a new little one named Rollo. Last night when he was laying next to me I looked into his eyes and the look he gave me reminded me so much of Christopher; of course the tears began and like you my chest hurt so bad it just took my breath away. Memories and Love last Forever. Thank you for sharing your feelings. It is so helpful to know that I am not alone in this on-going grief. We will miss them Forever. May Good's Angels watch over Jasmine and keep her safe until you can be with her again. Love and Big Hugs Georgeann and Christopher Forever Stay Safe Precious Angel I miss you so You Are MY Man and I Love You Mommy
Registered: 1213807858 Posts: 1,400
What a beautiful picture of your beloved Jasmine. I feel your pain. We are here to try to help you on these days of sadness. The strong bond and love you had with Jasmine is why the hurting is so deep. The love we hold for our best friends is forever. Jasmine can hear you talking to her and she knows you will be together again to hold her in happiness. Many hugs, Mary Meisters Mom Forever Meister went back to heaven on June 8, 2008 and took my heart with him on that incredibly sad day.
Registered: 1205715660 Posts: 763
Dear Kathy, I understand how you feel. It is 15 weeks today since my beloved Mr. Meowgy went to the Bridge and it really is no easier. The waves of pain and sorrow are so intense sometimes. I think my family has been able to move on, except for my youngest son and his girlfriend. I know how much they miss our beautiful little boy.
I am glad you have 2 new babies. I'm sure your dear Jasmine is happy for you too. Jasmine knows you will love her forever and that nothing can fill the void in your heart, the void that has been there since she left. Thank goodness for this site and all the wonderful caring people. Beautiful Jasmine, please let Mommy know you are alright. She misses you so. Donna, Mr. Meowgy's mom
Registered: 1157296856 Posts: 438
The waves are so unexpected. You can be doing fine and then right out of nowhere , you are inconsolable. I know, and I am sorry. I go through them all the time. It only takes a second and you are right back where you started. Hold your head up and be thankful that you are lucky to have been a caretaker for one of God's beautiful creatures. It's hard, I know, when all you feel is that they are gone from your sight. But you are lucky, and you are blessed. I have been blessed twice so far. Ride the wave and let it out. Its all you can do.
Love Bev Scruffysmom forever Still Greiving Gimli
Registered: 1178570509 Posts: 1,288
I understand the "bad moments" they just seem to keep coming all the time. I was writing down some of my thoughts yesterday and they seem maybe to fit here in response to your post. I too know deep down that they will never come back to me and I must live the rest of my life without them. That hurts more than I can say. Those waves of pain that come - how do you deal with them? Those moments when you are doing just about anything; making the bed, going for a walk, being outside on a nice day, birds singing--you get the idea. You weren't conciously thinking about them but it hits you and takes your breath away. What do you do when those moments hit? How do you handle it? How do you get through those moments? I have my husband who understands and knows how hard this is for me and doesn't mind me crying all the time. Thank God for that because I couldn't keep it from him... Oh Kathy I understand so well those moments and wish there was a way to get through them. I guess we just come here and talk and listen, that seems to be one way. "This pain and grief is nothing like I've ever known" - is exactly the way I feel and I know how hard it is and how hard you try to heal. Some grief is just too strong to ever really heal from completely and that maybe isn't a bad thing. Hoping that your bad moments do get to be farther apart, I know they will never completely go away. Helen
Registered: 1182281874 Posts: 540
Dear Kathy, I am so sorry you were having a bad few days and I know my friend how much you miss your sweet Jasmine. Even though it has been over a year it still sometimes feels like yesterday doesn't it..the last time you held and kissed your girl. The grief and loss we feel when we lose that precious life is like none other. I feel your pain because it is the same with me and Peanut. It has been a year now but it hasn't become any easier. I ache for that sweet little dog every single day. I know that is never going to go away nor that feeling that a part of me passed with her the day she left me. I am sorry that the memory of her paws and seeing Molly's paws hit you so hard but that is just how grief is.. we think it is a little better and then WHAM it hits us in the gut. Just the other day I was running and erand and there was this man in a truck and in the bed of the truck he had two big dog carriers strapped in and he had a bumper sticker that said Beagle Taxi on it so I tried to see what was in the carriers and I saw a little beagle in one of them standing up and wagging her beagle "white-tipped flagpole of a tail" and oh I thought of my Peanut he/she was about the same size, a petite beagle like P and I thought I was going to lose it then the man drove off and I went on my way. I know you will never get over Jasmine or that very special love you shared with her, that is always going to be with you just as it will with me too but what you also will always have is all the warm wonderful memories of her... like her sweet paws that look like Molly's. Perhaps in time seeing Molly will actually bring you comfort since she has so many similarities to Jasmine rather than making you sad? I hope so. I am so happy to hear that you have two new furbabies in your home to love and take care of because you are a wonderful mommy.
Registered: 1175993036 Posts: 440
Thank you all my friends both old and new who took the time to respond to my post about my "bad" day. It is always so comforting to know my pet loss family is there for me no matter what. Having validation here for my on-going emotions and feelings helps in ways I can't even describe so again thank you to each and every one of you. May you all find peace and comfort too knowing we are all in this together and that we are not alone.
Jasmine, Mommy Loves You Always
Registered: 1165864486 Posts: 577
Oh how I know how hard it still is. It was a year and a half for me June 10th. It is still so hard, I know. I think of you often. Hang in there. Your friend.. Cindy Merry's mom
Registered: 1197839779 Posts: 1,328
Kathy--Jasmine looks like such a gentle soul from her picture. I hope things get a little better each day for you. Take care.
Registered: 1210209740 Posts: 143
Registered: 1175993036 Posts: 440
So glad to hear from you my friend. I also think of you and Merry often too. Thanks for taking time to post. I always appreciate your support. Hope you are well. Nancee: I agree about the gentle soul part. Jasmine had one for sure. Thank you for your support and for taking time to post. I really appreciate it. sweetpepe: Thank you for the hugs, I can sure use them. Take care. Hugs to each of you, JasminesMom (Kathy)