Registered: 1175512324 Posts: 76
It was only 2 years ago on this past April 2nd that I lost my beloved Demon Kitty; my all black sweet little boy of just short of 17 years. You people were wonderful to me here then and it appears I will be needing your prayers again.
Demon's step brother, my all white Wizard kitty was just diagnosed with Renal Failure. He would have been 17 this fall but they gave me a week with him before I sould come in and put him to sleep. It's so hard because he's putting and sitting in my lap right now. He still talks to me, loves me and watches me out the window when I work on the yard. Then, when I head in he runs over to the door to meet me. I love and will miss our converstaions as I'd talk to him and he's actually listen. Then when I was done, he's meow back to me and then wait for me to talk some more... It was so cute. Also, with his two different color eyes he's make this cute little face when he was attacking the string I'd drag around... I called it his attack face. Like his late step brother, Wizard too traveled across the country with me. As an indoor cat he always seemed to be fine. But, recently since he's been drinking more water and peeing a lot and not eating too much, he's lost a lot of weight. The vet said with his age and a couple other problems they found (thyroid and heart murmer) that don't want to do anything to drastic as they don't know if his BIG little heart can take it. So, they put some fluids into him under his fur and gave me a bag of fluids to take home and give to him under his fur once every day or two and told me I should make a decision sooner than later. I asked if I could have another week with him without him being in pain. She said his numbers were very high and if I give him the fluids and Pepsid AC, it would help him be less uncomfortable (not in pain right now, just uncomfortable due to dehydration) and help him want to eat more. But, she said at this point it will go down hill fast. She said I may get a week with him before he starts getting worse and sick, but I need to be prepaired to put him to sleep at any point from here on out to imsure I kitty I love so much won't be in pain just so I can have him with me. I'll miss Wizard so much! He's always been there for me and loved me so much all the time! When I was sad, he gave me extra love. When I was in pain from my surgeries, he layed with me and loved me! We had so many good times together. However, I know once he's gone I'll get the guilt feelings remembering all the times I scolded him or kept putting him on the bed because I was woring on the computer and he kept trying to sit on my lap.... I'll also feel guilty for putting him to sleep or killing him. But, I don't want my sweet wizard to be in any pain. Thanks for listening to me. I love you wizard and will forever! I'll never forget you! PS: I'll be creamating him and bring him homw to be with the remains of my last two kitties. Everyone tells me since he lived within a few months of his 17th Birthday, he's had a very long and good life. So, I'll have to try to just think of it that way. In the mean time, I'll spend as much time with him as I can for the next few days or a week. Bob Wizards Ever Loving Dad! PSS: Whenever I've lost a cat before, I've always has 1 or 2 others living with me that helped ease the pain. Wizard is my last kitty and it's going to hurt so much! I want another, but I don't want wizard to think or me to feel like I was trying to replace him. I don't know what to do. Bob
Registered: 1208508336 Posts: 820
I know where you are coming from. I too has to pts because of kidney failure with lots of water drinking, not eating much and subcutaneous drains for my cat Rupert. He was given 14 months from first diagnosis and that was blood in his eye. On Saturday the vet said he would last one more week. I thought my heart would break. He was dying before my eyes on the Monday and I knew what I had to do. We only got two days. He couldn't drink because of the ulcers in his mouth. He drunk lots. Rupert was all black with a few white bits in his ears and until he died he looked the same. He never looked sick until 2 days before he died. That is what is hard he looked so well. He was 15 and 2 months old. He was my best friend and companion. I miss him so much, feel so guilty, even though I had to do it. I was bought up to love animals, not kill them and that is what I had guilt over. I found a strength that day and I haven't had it since. I have only one cat left, his identical sister but we are only starting to get a bond now. She will never be a replacement for my beloved boy but she has been a great comfort.. I too cannot live without a cat and I know one day I will get one. I have been told Rupert's spirit is still in my house and around his sister. They say that the spirit will also transfer to another new cat in the same household. I get comfort from that as I am sure he wouldn't hate me for what I did. I loved him too much to do only the best. You also will do the best for Wizard kitty because you love her and one day that love will be given to another lucky cat. It will never be a replacement but it will help to heal your heart. Rupert took a large piece of my heart when he left and I still struggle every day. Thinking of you at the time Ruperts Mum
Registered: 1175824314 Posts: 64
Oh you Dear Sweet Man!
17 IS a good run, . . I too have had many feline companions over the years . . you seldom think about the fact that one day . . they'll move on . . and most of the cats I've been owned by, have lived 17 years or longer . .each day a gift, but I can tell you this, you don't want them to get to the point where they can't stand up, or eat or drink . . there's no dignity in that. Such noble creatures , and true companions deserve better, I've found that they usually let you know when it's . . enough.
I deeply feel where you are . . I lost the last of my "Great Cats" in April this year, Tink, she made it to 14, her kidneys also just gave out. I came in here to post her on the Tribute board. This is a great place . . wonderful souls come in here.
I'm in again, this time my dog, Karma is having a kidney crisis too, . . she's been at the Vet since yesterday morning, she'll remain there till friday, hopefuly this will buy us a bit of time also .
Love on them all you can . . they never seem to live long enough. And saying good by will never get easier, but it's what you do for a friend.
Registered: 1175512324 Posts: 76
Thank you for your kind words and support. I'm very sorry for your loss.
I understand what you mean though... I love Wizard and he is a special cat.... He's like a person.... I've moved around a bit and live in the country now so I don't really have many friends and the few I do have I don't see or talk to often. So, Wizard is my everything and my excuse for coming home,getting up and wanting to go on.... I want to love and take car of him in return for all the love he has given me. I hate the thought of putting him to sleep when, other than being thin, he is still wizard. But, I don't want until I see he is in pain because as we both know, a cat won't show his/her pain until it is extremely bad. My hard thing besides putting him to sleep is taking him to the vet to do it. He hates his travel carrier and hates the ride even worse. He just loves the comfort of this house. If I could find a vet that would come here and not charge much more I'd have him put to sleep in my arms on the bed we slept in in our room. Wizard would be stress free then. It's terrible as I'm out of work on disability with not enough income to really cover my bills, but Wizard always had food and treats and the occassional Sara Lee sliced turkey breast I would buy 3 slices of at the store. I feel terrible that I can't afford the extra $40 to $50 to have him put to sleep here in our home. I may try to see my computer to get the extra money. That is how important he is to me. I want him to be comfortable and stress free in his last moments. Passing here in the home is how he could do that. So, I'll keep my fingers crossed and try to get the extra money for a house call. I love Wizard so much and I really just don't know how I'll live without my only true friend. Bob Wizard's Dad.
Registered: 1177131273 Posts: 558
Bob, I'm in tears reading about your precious Wizard kitty. I'm so sorry that he's so ill. I know that your heart is just breaking to see him decline and know that you don't have much time with him. Yes, 17 years is a long life for a kitty, but it doesn't make it any easier to loose him. I can tell from your post that you share an amazing bond. Just wanted to let you know that you and your kitty Wizard are in my thoughts and prayers, Golda's mom
Registered: 1205715660 Posts: 763
I am so sorry about Wizard's illness. I wish there were some magic words I could say to ease your pain but I know you don't want your darling to suffer. We must suffer for them. I am lighting a candle for your precious baby Wizard and you. I wish you peace and comfort. Donna, Mr. Meowgy's mom
Registered: 1175824314 Posts: 64
Dear Bob and Wizard,
There will be Angels when you need them . . don't sell the computer . . ANYthing else, not the 'puter! I'm going out on a limb here . . try to connect with people around you and share your situation . . speak with your vet or at least the techs and explain how you feel . . perhaps installment payments can be arranged . . people will surprise you if you give them a chance . . if you have no choice, and as difficult as it is, have Wiz in your arms when he leaves . . the location doesn't matter . . it's YOU he needs . . I really think it's harder on we feble humans that the creatures . . just Be with him. My Vet came to my home when it was time for my Muqua to cross . . as tough as it was . . it turned out to be a beautiful experience for every soul in the room . . any human should be so lucky as to pass in the arms of one who loves them, surrounded by people who truly care. God bless and help you through this very difficult time . . I'm praying for you both.
Registered: 1211398203 Posts: 9
I am so very sorry for you and your little wizard! Bless you and your Wiz - how amazing that he has made it to the ripe old age of 17! I am sending warm thoughts your way and hope that this week will not wear on you too hard. Be strong and brave for your Wiz and then come back here and let us console you.
Registered: 1210885549 Posts: 45
Bob - My heart goes out to you dear friend, i can related to alot of what you are saying. Your Wizard is so beautiful, reminds me of my Savanna, my constant companion for 15+ years that i lost last week. She was long hair white and looked like a queen, well she was the queen of the household. Savanna had a heart murmer, a big heart and another problem, it was a matter of time but i did not accept it she was anemic and we tried in vain a blood transusion and her heart could not take it she went in her sleep. i have grieved over her dying at the hospital because she hated going. there is so many things i think about why did nt i do this; why did'nt that, should i had her put to sleep. she was sedated but wanted to be at home should i have put her through that? i was thinking only of myself and wanting her with me for a couple more days a couple more hours? was that fair to her? But we do what we think is right at the time. Everything was going so well, she was just beautiful did not look sick. the disease were destroying her white blood cells making her anemic faster than before. she knew how much i loved her i told her everyday just like your bond with Wizard; there is no question regarding the bond the love you share; i loved and brushed and catered to her every need anyway but more so this past 3 months; if she wanted to go outside i let her even though i wanted her to be sleeping with me is she wanted to spent the night in the barn i let her do anything she wanted (she did anyway):we dont want to see our babies in pain and we would do anything to keep them out of pain; i spent alot of money but i don't care i am an animal lover i think i love too much but how do you not? they give you such unconditional love in return; i have Bella, her granddaughter but the bond is not like i had with Savanna how can it be? it took years to establish our relationship; thank the heavens you have had 17 years with this extrardionary creature! You have been blessed my friend. Wizard has been blessed to to have such a wonderful companion, caregiver & most of all friend. you both will be in my prayers & thoughts. i pray for God to give you strenght and for angels to watch over your beloving Wizard. Your friend, Elaine
Registered: 1182281874 Posts: 540
Dear Bob, oh I am so very sorry for what you are going thru right now and your sweet kitty Wizard, what a beautiful boy he is. You are a wonderful furdaddy to him and have done everything you possibly could. I think it is so sweet that you are bringing him home to be able to spend a few more days or maybe more until he gets worse. I think when the time comes you will know and you can quickly take him in to the vet so that he can send him to the Bridge where he will be warmly greeted and free from old age and health problems. I wish none of us had to go thru having to make that fateful decision when the time is to end their lives..the ones that are our bestest friends and companions, those who have always been there for us. It would be so much easier if they could just gently pass in their sleep. However in most cases, they don't and I think it is mainly because they hold on just as long as they possibily can because they love us so much and don't want to leave. Please don't feel guilty once you do make the decison. Guilt is an ugly monster that will eat you alive if you let it. I have been struggling with guilt over putting my 17 year old beagle to sleep almost a year ago. She had health problems and suffering from old age ailments and everyone I know said we did it at the right time and probably should have done it sooner. But I miss my girl and my soulmate sooo much that it is still hard to bear. I can totally understand you dreading an empty house once Wizard does pass. When P died, we had our other dog and our 6 month old twins and the house still felt so quiet and lonely. Wizard will be warmly greeted by his pal Demon and they will be together forever and I know they would want you to show the love you have for kitties to others and get another one or two to invite into your home. Save a life.. that is the best way you can honor your sweet kittys.
Keep us posted and treasure this special time that you have left to share with Wizard. Hugs Karen