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oliverj

Registered:
Posts: 155
 #81 
My dear spacecat. I am so very sorry for your loss and pain. I have posted in this post previously
That we lost my
Beloved husbands cat Ram to this terrible affliction when he was 15 years of age and we were faced with the same horrifying and quick decision. There is very little to console anyone at a time like this but I would like to share a few thoughts. In hindsight, We were so grateful that we were there when Ram had his attack. What if we hadn’t been and he had suffered waiting for us to get home or worse. What if we had gone ahead with some Hail Mary treatment that saved him from that episode, would we want him to go through all that again? And what if we weren’t there on another occasion? From all accounts even the treatment they can give is very painful and prolonged and as you have discovered, largely unsuccessful. As horrible as this ailment is there can be so many other illnesses and diseases that our dear babies can suffer from. At the very least, this is fast and they are not left to linger and suffer for long. It is without a doubt one of the worse nights of my life and as we were still reeling from that , six months later my 6 year old Dickens became ill and after many negative tests, his kidneys became hugely
Enlarged and lumpy which the vet thought was lymphoma and we were advised to euthanize. I couldn’t believe we were going through this again. I was devastated and chased every answer as quickly
As I could but he was so sick we put him to sleep and like you I wanted all and any post mortem answers to help me know I did the right thing. There is no good or easy answer but nor should there be really when choosing life and death. I wish I had the answers for myself and all who go through this. I know we do this out of love, that we would rather suffer than them.
My heart goes out to you and wish you whatever peace you can find in this journey.
Spacecat

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Posts: 10
 #82 
Thank you both so much for replying. This grief is unlike anything I've ever experienced, every day is the worst day of my life, it just keeps getting worse.

Could the weekly checkups not be done at home? I could have either used a mobile vet (far less stressful) or done them myself. What would her quality of life actually have been if she managed to survive the hospital? Wouldn't the pain subside after recovery? Of course I am fully aware there was almost no chance of recovery, especially with both of her limbs affected, and a high risk of any number of new or old things going wrong. I don't know enough about the treatment to know how bad or not bad it would have been, I keep trying to find out but it's triggering so much guilt to start reading things that could have potentially helped my baby girl that I just howl and go lay down on her favorite rug.

I would have been able to be with her 24/7 in the following weeks but you're both entirely right, at some point I might not have been there. I felt very lucky that I heard her cry of pain was able to get her to the vet as fast as possible. I had been using that as a way to beat myself up; that we got to her so quickly, maybe she could have improved. I did not connect that one day it might not be like that. But I feel I can argue against anything, I can come up with any reason why I didn't do the right thing unless I'm certain that I did. I loved her more than anyone on this planet.
Sierra18

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #83 
Spacecat,
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I wish I could spare you the pain. I would have paid any price or given anything to save my baby. It's been over two years now and every time I think of him I still feel such raw pain inside. I don't think I'll ever fully heal.

I don't know a lot of the medical stuff, but I know that I made the best choice I could at the time. Even if by some miracle he made it through the surgery, he might have still been paralyzed in his legs due to lack of blood flow from the clot and chances were high that it would happen again. And as much as I would give anything for just one more day with him, I couldn't do that to him. I know he would have wanted to stay as much as I wanted him to, but I couldn't put him through that suffering. He'd already been through so much.

The best advice I can give is to be kind to yourself and to forgive yourself. You did the very best you could have done at the time. I know your girl knows that too. It's clear how much you loved her and I'm sure she loved you just as much. She wouldn't want you to torture yourself with guilt. She would want you to remember all the good happy times you had together.

I wish all the peace and healing for you.
- Sierra
natashaz

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #84 
I hear you sweetie!! I understand that guilt. Those "what ifs" will always be there. I know i wonder sooo many things still..you know i almost got turned away from my usual vet. I think everyday, what if that would have made a difference if i had to figure out somewhere eles to go...would he still be here.

I hear you...that pain that feeling of something that feels so empty.

I wish that more research will be available soon someday. None of our cats deserve that fate...none.

My vet also gave me a feeling of no hope too...that still bothers me.

But you know we have to let go one day and unfortunately under these terms.

Talking about it is a good way to help you relieve some pain. I will alwaYs be thankful for this forum. Looking at everyones situation made me feel like i didn't have to feel alone and let the guilt feeling eat away

You have every right to feel the need to shout at the universe.






Sierra18

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #85 
I completely agree, natashaz. I'm so thankful for this forum. It really made me feel not so all alone during the worst times. So I always try to check in too. I don't know if my words mean anything or help at all, but at least there's people to listen and care.
julieuni

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #86 
Spacecat,

You must take on board what everyone on here are saying. Do not beat yourself up over the decision to put your baby to sleep. 
Our beautiful burmese Oscar had a Saddle Thrombosis attack. Totally out of the blue...one minute fine, the next howling in agony. We rushed to vets, they sedated him as he was in so much pain the vet couldn't touch him. They came back with the diagnosis (something I'd never heard of) and said the only option was euthanasia. Our vet explained the trauma Oscar would be in if we tried to save him. And.....he said that no matter what they do, nine times out of ten the cat has another stroke which is even worse! So, bawling our eyes out, we decided euthanasia was best for our gorgeous boy even though we cried our eyes out for months later at the mere thought of what had happened, so so suddenly. 
I know a friend whose cat had this happen and she wasn't home at the time. She came home to find the cat dead in an empty bath.....autopsy revealed a clot/saddle thrombosis. My friend had been away overnight, so you can imagine the agony the cat went through with no one to help her. We can't be with them 24/7. You wouldn't have wanted this for your girl.
We all question our behaviour or choices over many things as time passes, but rest assured, your beloved cat is thanking you that you made the right choice for HER. 

Best wishes, stay strong,
Julieuni.

pansy

Registered:
Posts: 599
 #87 
A lot depends on whether it was effecting both sides or just one and if it was a total block or partial.  My cat had a partial block and only one leg was effected by paralysis.  He recovered quickly and was not in the agonizing pain that most are in.  When he was put on blood thinners he went another 3 years with no problems.  His specialist said he was one in a million as most are in such excruciating pain they have no choice but to euthanize.  Had he been in that kind of pain I would have made the decision to euthanize.  As it turned out his heart was still going strong when I had him put to sleep for severe IBD that we were unable to treat due to his heart condition.  It all gets so complicated when there are multiple issues.  He even made it through a congestive heart failure episode and was fine.    
InMemoryOfRascal

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Posts: 2,441
 #88 
Spacecat - to answer the question, yet the follow up checkups could have been with mobile vet and I understand that you could be there 24/7.  But I think the important piece to keep in mind that even if you were there - if/when your baby threw another clot and suffered that horrific pain again and you were there, it still would have taken you at least 10 minutes to get to the vet.  That is 10 minutes of pure agony for your baby.

I totally "get" the second guessing; questioning.  But I have felt that as we struggle to make sense of a situation that has no sense....we question everything.  But what I know to be true - I read the pain that you are feeling, so I know without a doubt that you made a decision on what is right for your baby with your heart.  Your head is now wanting to second guess but trust that your heart would never have let you make a decision that was not in your baby's best interest.

Please take comfort in knowing that you did not get bad advice and that you loved your baby enough to let them go; knowing that you would be left here hurting. You took that agonizing pain away from your baby and took it on yourself.

Take care
InMemoryOfRascal
Spacecat

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #89 
I forced myself to eat today, I'm so weak I can barely type this. I'm still obsessing but I'm not crying as much. I've been afraid of blood clots ever since I learned about them many years ago. A sudden and excruciating death that can happen to you at any time with no warning...I never imagined a cat having one for some reason. It's preventable and treatable if discovered early in humans, to get there with cats more cats have to suffer.

Sierra, I'm touched that y'all are selflessly sticking around years later to help others. I know every time there's a post alert in this thread you all think of your kitties, I'm sorry to make you relive it. I don't know if I'll be strong enough to do that. I read so many stories yesterday that I wasn't just crying for my darling anymore, I was crying for every animal who met an early or upsetting end. Before I found this forum I was actually looking at grieving parent material because so many pet loss resources approached it in a way that bothered me (calling guardians/parents "owners" or needlessly acknowledging a pet is part of the family, they are even more than that to me and I just found it patronizing). I'm not religious so all I have are the words of kind people like you who went through this horrific experience themselves.

natashaz, we didn't know this vet and she said if this were her cat she'd put them to sleep. I thought well that's YOU before coming to the same conclusion. But this complete stranger, this lady who has to put animals to sleep every week, cried with us. I've never seen a vet cry. They have to be firm and hopeless because every second we spend thinking about the choice our babies are suffering.

julieuni, the story about your friend's cat--and everyone telling me the possibility of such a thing--has helped me more than anything else. I would be catatonic right now if she'd had prolonged suffering all alone, I would trade extra time to spare her that. Thank you.

pansy, you had such a strong, brave boy. Both of my cat's legs were paralyzed and I've never heard such noises before. She was dragging herself around the house in a frenzied loop as I was preparing her carrier. I took the top off and slid her in as gently as I could. She writhed around, trying to get into a less painful position, screaming and squeezing the door with her claws, squeezing my finger...she couldn't even look at me she was in so much pain.

I was very certain in the moment that it was the right decision. It wasn't until I'd slept on it that I started to wonder if I was just traumatized by seeing her like that and I just wanted it to stop, that I was selfish. I'm slowly coming back around but I still have questions. I'm going to compile a list and talk to a vet. If there's anything of note I'll post it here for the unlucky ones who come after me.

Thank you all.
julieuni

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #90 
Spacecat,

I'm glad my words have helped you. The day after having our boy euthanised, we too questioned the decision,  just like you are doing, so I think it's pretty normal to go through that. Everything is great in hindsight, with a crystal ball we could prevent and do a lot of things, unfortunately we don't have a crystal ball. 
I still miss my gorgeous boy who'd jump up on the bed and go straight under the covers with me and rest his head on my chest. He was simply superb.
It'll be 3 years in July that we lost Oscar. We talk about him all the time and I can now do so without tearing up. It takes a long time to get over the loss of a loved pet, but in time you will feel better. 
All the best in the days and months ahead.

Julieuni
X
subduedjoy

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #91 
One of our cats had saddle thrombus due to an enlarged heart. It was very scary. Our vet said that his legs might have to be amputated and that if this were so, then we would need to choose between amputation and euthanasia. What a difficult choice to make! Thank goodness, we didn't need to make it! The next day, when we went to see how our cat was doing, we were told that we were lucky. Our cat needed neither to have his legs amputated or to be put to sleep. We brought our cat home with medication. He recovered. It took awhile to figure out what was the best way to give him his meds. He doesn't play with toys (it's too much exertion for him due to having heart disease), but he's enjoying life with his sister cat and best buddy cat, and he and his best buddy still know how to get into mischief. It's been two years now, much longer than we thought he would live. He's eight years old now. 
HenrysMom2020

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #92 
Our nightmare with Saddle Thrombus began on Monday, March 30, 2020.  We were on a trip in Tennessee, (we live in Georgia) we had left Friday, March 27th, when I picked up my precious boy, Henry...kissed him on the head and told him I loved him and we headed out the door.  Little did I realize, that would be the last time I saw my precious boy healthy and today is 2 weeks.  Sunday after we left, my pet sitter told me she thought Henry didn't feel good.  I didn't question because I had found him laying in our closet (not hidden) the week before we left.  My gut told me he was coming down with something but all the symptoms had not surfaced yet for him to be diagnosed.  I called the vet Monday morning and told them we were out of town, and my pet sitter would bring Henry by.  They said they were still seeing patients but they would take them in and the sitter could wait out in the car.  Due to the corona-virus pandemic.  After I got off the phone with the vet, Jessica (pet sitter) called and said she checked on Henry before work and he seemed 50% better.  She was going to have her kids check on him multiple times during the day to be sure.  At 11:45 am I got a text from the kids of a picture of Henry sitting on a bench in our bathroom, which is where he was when I kissed him goodbye.  Immediately my gut told me he didn't look right but there again, a strange boy was sitting beside him and petting him.  Even though Henry was friendly to all, he mourned when we weren't at home so I figured that had something to do with it.  At 2:45 pm Monday afternoon, they sent me another picture.  Henry looked like Henry...he was sitting on our couch and I could tell he was doing a biscuit.  I showed my family his picture and said Henry was feeling better.  Around 9 pm that night, my world was about to change.  I got a call from the pet sitter, Jessica and she sounded frantic...no small talk.  She said I think something is wrong with Henry...after a few more words...of which I can't remember, she said, "I AM TAKING HIM SOMEWHERE TONIGHT!" She called his vet number and for after hour emergencies it stated where to go.  So, we both called them and said Henry was on his way.  We both felt like it was a UTI infection and he was dehydrated and felt bad.  She said he was crying and she could tell he was in pain.  10 minutes after they arrived to the 24 hour vet, the vet called me.  The first question was has Henry ever had a heart murmur...well I fogged out right then...why were we talking about a heart murmur when I thought it was a UTI?  Grasping for my memory, I am like no I can't recall...he is healthy.  He was just at the vet in November twice for his yearly vaccines and then he got a boo boo on his front paw that needed tending to.  She then proceeded to tell me that Henry was struggling to breathe, he was in severe pain and she would call me back in a few...I asked frantic, Are you telling me my cat is going to die?  She said, he just might.  Well another 10 minutes went by and the vet called me back.  She started to explain the blood clot and hind legs paralyzed and cold and can't breathe the only thing humane is to put him down.  I wanted to know how long he had if we did not put him down, and she said 2 days at most but it would be inhumane.  I couldn't think...I started crying but it was a numb cry...I was 5 hours away from my boy and it sounded like I was about to lose him.  I couldn't lose him.  I went to my husband and explained what the doctor told me and he took over from there.  He called or maybe the doctor called back, I can't remember, but she said he only had a 10% chance of making it but she couldn't treat him there, he would need to go somewhere else where they had the means and the medication.  I told my husband a 10% chance is better than a 0% chance, so we needed to try and help him.  So, she gave us the referral of where he needed to go which was about 25 minutes away.  In the meantime of all this going on, I had called my mom and told her to go help Jessica.  Once my mom and Jessica had Henry back in the car headed for 24 hour emergency vet #2, my mom called.  I was asking, what is going on, I can't lose him.  My mom told me he was bad off and I might want to prepare for that.  I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT, TOTAL SHOCK.  She asked me to talk to him...I talked to him and told him to be strong...Mommy would be there tomorrow to help him, and I sang his Benny Boo song that I came up with over and over.  They both said, the talking comforted him.  Then my youngest, got on the phone and begged for him to stay with us.  Moving forward, the 2nd 24 hour vet called and talked with my husband...she had more uplifting news, he had a 50% chance of making a recovery but he would throw another clot within the year. She was going to do an xray and blood work and we could follow up at any time.  She did mention she was going to give him fluids and fentany.  I was so scare that night I didn't sleep I was praying my precious boy would live through the night.  That morning at 7 am my husband called and said his blood work came back normal, his x ray didn't show anything crazy out of the norm but the day doctor would be arrive at 8 am and she would do an ultrasound and be in touch with us around 11 am.  That doctor gave us hope and looking back, I think she did because she knew we were so far away and wanted to get back.  I bless her for that.  However, at 11 am my phone rang and it was the day doctor.  She said he had SEVERE Heart Disease and went on to tell me more bad news but I didn't comprehend...I asked what do you recommend...and she was very caring, I am not even sure she said the word "euthanasia" but she was saying there was nothing she could do.  I started crying and asked could you keep him comfortable until we get there.  She said he was as comfortable as he could be.  I cried for 5 straight hours.  We got home, because we were hauling a 40 ft trailer and jumped in my car and headed to Henry.  We got there around 5:30 pm and they thank GOD put us in a room, both my husband and I. As we were waiting, anxiety was going thru the roof and then I heard 3 meows...I said that is HENRY.  He came through the door and the tech set him down on my lap on a blanket he was laying on.  Henry was immediately comforted by our voices and touch, I sang his song and he seemed calm.  The doctor came in to see if we were ready and the doctors voice just upset Henry, so as my husband talked to the doctor, I sang quietly in Henry's ear to calm him down.  Moving forward, we got to spend around 45 minutes with our sweet precious boy only 4.5 YEARS old but as time went on, we could tell his breathing was getting more labored, his pain was creeping up again on him without the F. Drip, his pads were cold, and even had lost the ability to move his front right paw as well.  The doctor came back in and at 6:30 pm, Henry went peacefully in his Mommy's arms.  I cried and I am crying now...I held him the entire way home, petting him and kissing his head and telling him what a wonderful kitty he was and that I was so sorry, this happened and I wasn't there.  We laid him to rest in our yard that night on March 31st.  I have been grieving, and crying and thought yesterday I was coming to terms...but then today the guilt is kicking in and I feel horrible about being out of town, and how long did he lay there hurting until Jessica found him.  Would it have been different if I had taken him to the vet that next day I found him in our closet??  My heart is broken and can't let go.  The house feels so empty since he was such a huge presence in our everyday life.  I know time will heal but I fear I will never have another one like Henry ever again.  He was special and turned my non cat loving husband into a cat lover.  I just CAN'T BELIEVE HE IS GONE!  We took some pictures of us holding him in the final moments and when we were there he looked like "Henry" but looking back at those pictures, you can tell in his face, his poor little body had been traumatized permanently.  I hope the guilt passes and he knows how much I hate that he was scared and in a strange place and got there by a strange car and person.  I looked up the name Henry, and in German it means "head of household" which he was.  His name was so perfect for him and he was, I can't say enough the best lover, snuggler, cuddler, friend, brother, son EVER to us.  Our family is devastated myself in particular and I can't get over how someone so special and sweet died a sudden and tragic death full of pain, that I cannot bear to think of.  The only realization I can make, is God knew I could never overcome this if I saw it...that is why it happened when I was so far away.  I am so sorry for the long post, but I knew you all would understand and that is what I need right now..support that knows what my sweet boy went through and what our family is going through right now.  Saddle Thrombus is Horrible, and we had never heard of it either.  RIP my sweet Henry, you didn't deserve this and Mommy is so sorry...please forgive me.
natashaz

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #93 
😭😭R.I.P. sweet Henry!!🖤🖤

Sierra18

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #94 
Henry's mom,
I am so so so sorry that you and your family had to go through this also. I wish I could spare you the pain. And I'm so sorry you lost your sweet Henry. He sounded like a very sweet and special boy and I'm sure he knew how much you guys loved him.
Nothing really erases the horror and heartbreak completely, but I hope in the future you're able to heal and find some peace.
-Sierra
HenrysMom2020

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #95 
Thank you natashaz.  

Sierra,  You are so kind to still remain on this board and help us that are just now going through all this.  I saw its been 2 years since you lost your fur baby, I am so terribly sorry for your loss.  I hope I will be able to help others in the future as well.  
julieuni

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #96 
Dear Henrys Mom,

There are always the "what if's" - It's only afterwards we question the course of events and whether we could have acted differently. You are not alone in this I assure you. 
When our gorgeous burmese Oscar got unwell - he was fine one minute then within a couple of minutes crying in pain - we rushed him to the vets. It was a Saturday morning and I'd phoned beforehand to tell them we were coming and what had happened. I was a bit stunned when we got there as there seemed to be NO urgency on their part to get him in quickly! He's howling in pain and nothing's happening! I'm getting more and more irate and upset. ( I point out that this was our regular vet, so not just anyone.) Finally after about 10-15 minutes they take him in. 
It was all over in about 20 minutes. The diagnosis was saddle thrombosis - something I, like most, had never heard of and I'd always had cats.  His back legs were paralysed and he was in severe pain. Oscar was aggressive as he was in so much agony, so the vet sedated him to get a good look. We were given no choice - the vet said even if we got him over this there'd be another clot down the track. I couldn't let my boy go through any more uncertainty and pain so we reluctantly agreed to euthanise. Because he was so heavily sedated anyway, he wasn't really there....I'm patting him and talking to him but he was really already gone. I don't really question that we had no choice, but I do question the way it happened. I felt they didn't see him quick enough and end his suffering quick enough either. 
I feel sad for your loss. Cats are just beautiful creatures and once you've had one you never go back. I hope you feel better soon. I still miss my boy every day and it's coming up to three years soon. 
X



InMemoryOfRascal

Registered:
Posts: 2,441
 #97 
HenrysMom - I am so very sorry that Henry (and you) had to go through this horrible thing.  Your boy sounds sweet and I can tell just how much you love him.  I say love in present tense because love is forever.  I lost my Rascal to this same thing in 2012 and it was one of the hardest things to go through.

I know you question "what if"....what if when he didn't seem like he felt well....I am not a vet but from what I learned about this thing - after the fact because I had never heard of it - is that there really isn't anything you could have done.  If you took him to the vet - they may or may not have found the heart issue (pet cardiologist said it is missed often in cats).  Let's say they did - they would have put him on some heart meds and he most likely would have still thrown that clot.  

You questioned how long he may have been in pain before the sitter found him and you beat yourself up on that piece.  I was home.  My girl was fine when I went to bed.  When my alarm woke me up in the morning the first sound I heard was my girl screaming.  She was on the bottom 3rd level of the house.  I was home.  Was she crying for hours?  I would like to believe she was heading back up stairs when she heard the alarm and then it happened.  My other cat Rambo (her brother) was not upset so hopefully she wasn't in pain for long.  I'll never know.  What I do know is that the sound is not something you would want to hear.

Reading your experience did bring me to tears - it reminded me of that painful morning with my Rascal.  Her cries were the most horrific and haunting sound ever, I don't think they will ever leave my mind.  

The parts to hold onto in your heart - is the love you have for Henry.  You KNOW that if he appeared any way really ill you would not have left him.  And that you did get back to him and the people he loved were around him and his last memory.  

This devastating thing that takes our baby from us is hard.  That is bad enough.  Be kind to yourself.  And know that as time goes on (it can take a while) the good memories will be the ones that come front and center more often.  The love is forever.

Take care
InMemoryof Rascal....and Rambo
HenrysMom2020

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #98 
To Julieuni,

I didn't mention this earlier but in talking with Jessica (pet sitter) she said to me, these 24 hour vets didn't seem to be in any big hurry either.  At vet #2, she said the lady at the front was just rude and as you can imagine what a sitter is feeling when it is not even their animal and trying to get them help.  All I can say, the 3 vets we spoke with at emergency vet #2 were caring and I thank them for their compassion. 
I am so sorry about your boy, Oscar.  I sense in 3 years its still as painful to think as the day it happened. 

I just wish I knew he had heart disease!  Not sure that would change anything/the outcome, would he have lived a little longer???
I have said this a bunch of times, but I just can't believe he is gone.  I will say I find comfort that Henry is home in the yard he has only known and we can go visit his grave; this would be even more painful if it happened to him while he was outside and didn't get home and the ending was worse for him. 
Thank you for your kind words.  I needed to hear them.
HenrysMom2020

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #99 
Dear In Memory of Rascal...and Rambo,

I thank you so deeply for your kind words and to know I am not alone, I was talking with my husband Saturday telling him the "what ifs" are haunting me and he said the same thing you did, he had heart disease, severe, and he would have thrown a clot probably sometime in the near future.  Our time with him had come to an end we just didn't know it yet.
  
This is going to sound crazy but oh well...some days I think I am going crazy.  In regards to Henry and around what time he threw the clot.  So, up in TN it was around 8 pm and I had just made hamburger patties for the grill.  I had finished my first glass of wine and then filled my second.  I walked out the back door of the cabin, set my wine glass on the rail because I didn't want to spill it and trying to close the door at the same time...When the patties and the tray---completely flipped out of my hand and landed face down in the same order they were on the tray.  I instantly thought, I haven't had enough wine to do something like this...and now I have to pickup our dinner off the back deck...but at the same time...it felt like a "force" had over come the tray....like I was suppose to acknowledge something, I didn't say anything to my family but it was weird...Long story short I am telling myself that is when the saddle thrombus hit him, which would only have been around an hour before Jessica came in the house.

I am so grateful to her for putting an eye on each of my cats when she came to check on them...She was/is Henry's guardian angel.  She is the one who found him at the front of our subdivision late at night on top of a stone column.  How in the world did this little flea bitten kitty probably only 6 weeks old get on top of that column??? She was there when he was found and she was there when he was being taken from us.

I am so terribly sorry about your little girl Rascal.  She sounds precious and I am sorry your Rambo has moved on to the Rainbow Bridge.  I heard this is more common in males and is genetic.  But I have read lots of stories on females too, its just unfair.  When I get my composure I hope to help others like you.  I am trying to focus on the good, we gave Henry a GREAT life and a chance where he might not have had if he jumped off the column and walked in the street.  He gave us lots of LOVE and companionship.  I still can't wrapped my head around these sweet babies have to die this horrible tragic death, why???

Thank you again.  You have no idea how you have helped my broken heart.
InMemoryOfRascal

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Posts: 2,441
 #100 
HenrysMom - it doesn't sound crazy to me at all.  That timing was exact and I do believe you may have felt that impact.  I know that it is SO easy to think back especially with the gift of hindsight and imagine different scenarios. 

But keep in mind that when I lost Rascal to saddle thrombus she had never been diagnosed with a heart issue.  I had her brother checked out from head to tail after we lost her and his heart checked out fine; we discovered he only had one kidney.  2 years later he was in the ER with heart and kidney failure; we were able to (with specialist cardiologist and meds) keep my boy for an extra 14 months feeling fine - or as fine as that combo of failures could be.  But even though his heart issue was severe he didn't throw a clot.  So I don't think that knowing of an issue with the heart could/would prevent the saddle thrombus; the pain of that event. 

And after I researched everything about this and talked to their regular vet I never ever questioned whether it was the right call to let her go.

I learned (after my Rascal and Rambo) that maine coons are more predisposed to heart conditions which they were main coone mixes.  Things we learn the hard way.

You can go back and read my early posts.  I can tell you that this board was my lifeline.  I was so shattered.  I truly did not believe it was possible to hurt so much.  This place filled with people who have lost their beloved baby was what helped me get through.  I would encourage you to start a thread specific about your Henry.  Use it to share some of your memories and stories.  We all come to know the babies and I think it gives some comfort imagining some of the friends that your Henry is surrounded by - like my Rascal and Rambo.  

People told me that with time it does get better.  It does.  But it takes time.  I still believe to this day that every tear, all of my pain after was worth it to have loved and been loved by my Rascal.  That girl only loved me; only trusted me (or her brother).  That kind of pure love is worth it all.  Every tear is an acknowledgment of just how much my girl brought to my life and heart.  And I know that your Henry was worth every tear - and more. 

Take care
InMemoryOfRascal....and Rambo
Sierra18

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #101 
Every time I get on here it breaks my heart and I cry with each one of you. I wish so badly that no one else will have to go through this. But

I agree, that sound isn't anything you would have wanted to hear. That day still haunts me. We had something similar happen. My mom was away for a conference and Gingy was her baby. I was napping when it happened and woke up to it. He'd been hiding in the closet the days before but was acting totally normal so we didn't think anything was wrong. I still feel guilty, wondering how long he was there until I found him.

Afterward, when we'd talked about it we decided that maybe he'd somehow waited until she was gone because he knew she wouldn't be able to deal with it. Who knows...maybe it was the same for your sweet Henry. Maybe he wanted to spare you some of the pain?

This place was definitely a lifeline for me too. Having people to listen who understand. There are way too many who don't understand and no one should have to go through this and feel alone. I'm glad we can be of some comfort to you. It helps me as well to think that all our babies are friends and get to play all day and be carefree and happy.

-Sierra
Spacecat

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #102 
HenrysMom, I've been eyeing all these posts and unable to say anything until now since I'm in the middle of going through yet another cat death (that's even worse than what I experienced with ATE but that's for another thread). I just wanted to tell you that you aren't crazy. I felt the most intense anxiety leading up to the days of my baby girl's clot. I woke up so angry and upset that day without any reason for it. Some part of me knew. Please don't beat yourself up anymore. I tried to follow up with vets in an attempt to prevent it from ever happening with my other cats but veterinary medicine is at a loss for a great number of things. Honestly, they made me feel worse knowing there's nothing they or I can do, but at least I could let go of my guilt. One day you will be able to think of him without feeling this deep sorrow, only a love filled ache.

I wanted to also tell the thread something I learned today after speaking with a palliative care vet. She offers emergency sedation medication to keep animals comfortable until they can see an ER vet (and presumably say goodbye). If any of you are like me and fear this happening again, perhaps this is something you can speak to your vet about. I wish I could have made that car ride less painful for her.
MyMissyGirl

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #103 
We just had to put our sweet Missy to sleep last night after experiencing Saddle Thrombus and we are absolutely devastated. It hasn’t even been 12 hours and I haven’t been able to stop crying. I miss her so much and wish she could be here sitting on my lap and purring away. This message board has been so incredibly comforting to know that we are not alone in wondering if there was something more would could do.

We adopted Missy from the SPCA in August of 2018. She was their longest cat resident and had been there for over a year. She was 9 years old and FIV+ but we were experienced with this as our other kitty also has this condition. We let her settle in for a few weeks and instantly fell in love with her. We set up a vet appointment for her first check up and were told she needed to have several teeth removed due to decay. We said ok, absolutely and she ended up having 7 teeth removed. I was worried about her quality of life but she still loved eating her treats and seemed to be feeling much better afterwards!! Missy was happy and healthy for two years until this past Monday.
She seemed very sluggish and was not eating so we took her to the vet. They ran a number of tests and determined she may be pre diabetic. She’s a tiny girl and had lost a pound since they’d last seen her a few months ago (8 lbs to 7lbs). They gave her some fluids, antibiotics, and special food and we were to have a follow up next week. She seemed to be feeling so much better and was playing and cuddling and being her usual happy self again until last night.

We were sitting on the couch and we heard her yowling from the stairs. She was laying on her side and tried to get up to walk and ended up dragging her feet behind her. We put her on the couch and immediately called the emergency vet. Hearing her cries the entire car ride was grueling. She was trying to escape her carrier and was so scared and didn’t understand why she couldn’t use her legs.
We arrived and the nurse came out to get her because of covid-19. We waited in the car and the vet called us a few minutes later and explained she threw a blood clot and told us we had two options. To either attempt to treat it with a likelihood of her not
making It through the treatment and possibly throwing another clot, which he did not recommend, or euthanasia.
My husband and I sat in the car and cried our eyes out. We knew it was time to end her pain and that devastated us. We weren’t ready.
We were allowed to go inside the office with our masks on and they brought her to us. They had given her pain killers but she still had so much fight left in her and it was absolutely heart breaking. My husband and I held her head and petted her and gave her kisses. The vet then came in and gave her a sedative to help her calm down. She was laying there with her little tongue sticking out since she didn’t have many teeth to hold it back in and then he gave her the shot and she passed quickly and peacefully. He gave us some time with her and we cried and just told her how much we loved her and what a good girl she is. We then had to walk out of the office with an empty carrier and broken hearts.

This is still so fresh and it hurts so badly. We look at all her favorite spots around the house and expect her to be there but she’s not. We wonder if there was anything else we could’ve done, any treatments we could have tried but we can at least take comfort in knowing our sweet girl is pain free now. We gave her so much love for the time we had with her and I just hope she knows how much we love her and miss her.

Thank you to everyone who has posted on this message board. I’ve read through all of the posts and it gives me comfort knowing we are not alone in our grief.
Spacecat

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #104 
I'm so sorry, MyMissyGirl. What a huge heart you have for adopting FIV+ cats. The grief you're feeling now is the price of having loved her so immensely. My baby also had all her teeth removed and her sweet little tongue hanging out at the end, heh. It must be extra painful for you to have thought it was something else at first with the possibility of recovery. Every time you go down the "what if..." path, know that you absolutely did the right thing.
MyMissyGirl

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Posts: 2
 #105 
Thank you so much for the kind words, Spacecat. It really means so much to have the reassurance that we did the right thing. Just hoping the pain of missing her will get easier.
subduedjoy

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Posts: 4
 #106 
I wrote before about our cat that got Saddle Thrombus and how our vet told us that we might need to decide between amputating his legs or putting him to sleep if he didn't have any improvement by morning. Only, he did have improvement. Our cat survived, and his legs fully recovered. It breaks my heart when I read that other vets recommended euthanasia without even trying to save the cat. Perhaps, the survival rate is only 10% because vets are so quick to choose euthanasia. Do these cats that never had a chance to survive get included in the 90%? Moreover, I read that there are vets who are actually telling their customers that their cats will have another stroke or another blood clot. Vets have no idea. They should say "could" and not "will." All they know is that cats who have heart failure will live for a median of two months and those who don't will live of a median of two years after having Saddle Thrombus.  

Our cat has lived past the 2-year mark without another stroke/blood clot. One reason our cat may be doing so well, despite his bad heart, is that we entered him into a study in which some cats were given Xarelto and others were given a placebo. When the study was completed, we found out that our cat was in the group that was getting Xarelto. This drug hasn't been approved for cats yet (as far as I know), but our cat can still get it due to having been in the study. 
Raychel

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #107 

Hi MyMissyGirl

I’m so very sorry to read your post about Missy. 

Having experienced this first hand (my story is also in this post) it is the most heartbreaking and traumatic thing for your Missy and yourselves to have to go through. It’s a truly awful thing.

After it happened to Matrix I did a lot of research about it, I’d never heard of this hideous condition. We also made the decision to euthanise, and experienced the guilt afterwards and wondered if it there wasn’t more we could’ve done. 

You know, from what I have learned about it, it was the right thing to do. Saying goodbye was the last act of love we could’ve done for Matrix and Missy. The treatment and prognosis is really not good with this condition. If it ever happens to us again we would make the same decision with what we now know.


From your story I can see that Missy had so much love in your care. She has moved now into your heart where she will stay forever. Once she settles in there your memories won’t be so painful and you’ll be able to remember her with a smile rather than tears. 


Sending you love in your time of grief,

xx 



julieuni

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #108 
Hello MyMissyGirl,

What you describe as happening to your puss pretty much happened to our burmese boy Oscar. His back legs just went paralysed....just like that. The howling first, distress then being unable to get around. It was horrible. 
I have to wonder whether having an anaesthetic- to also have a tooth removed- a few months prior had anything to do with him having a stroke. I notice another poster on here said their cat also had had teeth removed before this clot occurred. You've got to wonder. 
I hope you start to feel better soon - though if you're anything like me, every time I looked at anything Oscar related it just sent me into crying spasms again. Our boy died three years coming up on July 1st. I miss him still every day, and like you said you expect them to jump up on the bed, come around the corner, sit on your lap, and they're no longer here. It's just so sad. All the best for the days, months ahead. Thinking of you. X
julieuni

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #109 
HenrysMom,

Yes we still miss our gorgeous boy 3 years after the event. He was so snuggly- in Winter he'd wait until he knew I was going to bed, I'd get in and within seconds his little head would bob up over the mattress and he'd get under the quilt and lie in the crook of my arm with his head on my chest.....he'd get comfy then he'd sigh a little happy sigh....like "this is the life" type of thing. He was a one person cat - being a Burmese they are a bit like that- but really got along with everyone. 
We had our boy cremated - I have his ashes in a little brown box - as we didn't have appropriate yard space for him. I have his collar, endless photos and his footprint placed on a card which the vets organised. The people at the pet crem also clipped a little bit of his fur for me. 
Losing a pet is the most horrible thing as they don't understand what's happening to them. With people, at least you can talk, and explain things- usually. 

All the best, hope you're feeling better now.
X
Spacecat

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Posts: 10
 #110 
julieuni,

A few months prior to my girl's clot she had surgery to remove a benign mast cell tumor. I often wondered if this might have contributed to it. If someone is laying still for a long time, such as on an operating table or merely recovering from surgery, their blood pools which can cause a clot. This is why you're encouraged to get up and move around on an airplane. I feel like too much time had passed, though.

Another thing that crossed my mind was the arrhythmia being caused by the anesthetic but I could find nothing to back this up at all. In her particular case it was more likely that there was some underlying condition like hypertension.

subduedjoy,

I mentioned in this thread that my vet gave me a paper that cited median survival time from a 2001 study with a small sample size. I also asked how do we increase the survival curve if we just put them all down. It's something that's worth a discussion but I don't know if this is the place for it. However, if I had read your message when the grief was fresh in my mind it would have sent me spiraling on a guilt trip so I'm going to respond.

I think it's the opposite for most vets: they give false hope just to squeeze more money out of the guardians with no regard for the patient's best interest. Guardians are the ones who often jump to euthanasia too quickly. I wanted to hold on to my baby so badly and would have spent anything but I think euthanasia is a merciful option at this moment in time. Medicine fights the natural progression of death but it always loses in the end.

There was no doubt that my cat was losing her mind in excruciating agony. I don't know how comfortable she really would have been until the clot passed--no one knew when or if it would pass. One need only look at aortic thrombosis in humans to see what little vets can do, as all veterinary medicine comes from human medicine. This clot is much rarer in humans but arterial clots in general aren't, which can have high mortality and/or recurrence rates depending on many factors such as area affected. Aortic thrombus is particularly fatal and most patients die as a consequence of reperfusion injury/postperfusion syndrome that occurs after revascularization of their limbs. Aortic surgery is an option for humans who are operative candidates which, even if such a thing existed for cats, most of these cats wouldn't be. Anticoagulation is the primary treatment as you know, since rivaroxaban is a blood thinner, but they're associated with higher likelihood of recurrence, complications and incidence of limb loss.

In my copious research I read thousands of comments with the same story (ATE cat > euthanasia or euthanasia after a second clot, most commonly within two weeks). A few cruel marketing trolls sprinkled here and there about how their cat miraculously survived through "energy healing." The people who have recovered cats weren't posting anywhere about it or are incredibly rare, which can support your theory or simply indicate how high the mortality rate is. I assume you're here to prepare yourself for what you may be facing one day? I'm very glad your baby is doing well and hope he never has a clot again but I don't want anyone to read your story and think they did the wrong thing.

I agree vets should say "could" and be honest about the amount of data they have. I still feel like she lied to me with such old and poor data, but she also said she and her colleagues have NEVER seen a cat recover from this. The one to survive the longest went home after a week in the hospital only to die in the night. The possibility of another clot is always looming on the horizon or medicine wouldn't be necessary. If someone wants to give their baby a chance to recover and go on medication that's a valid choice and being in a trial could help future kitties. I, too, would have ignored my vet and sought treatment if not for that sad statistic. But no matter what would have happened to my sweet girl, even if she might otherwise be laying in front of me right now, it was worth my own pain to spare her what would have possibly--and probably--been an even more harrowing death.
Sierra18

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #111 
MyMissyGirl,
I'm so so sorry for your loss. Missy sounded like such a sweet happy girl. Even though it was only 2 years, I'm sure those were her happiest times with the family she loved so much. My heart is hurting for you and your family.  I'm glad this post has brought you some comfort, you're definitely not alone. I hope you're able to find some peace and heal and know that you made the best choice you could in an awful situation. I'm sure Missy knows how much you loved her and she's watching over you. 

Spacecat, I'm so sorry you've been dealing with another loss. And I completely agree. I would have done anything to save my baby, but it wasn't worth putting him through the pain and him being scared and not understanding. It's so horrifically painful and I would never have wanted him to suffer that especially knowing that it could happen again. They say if you love something sometimes you need to let it go. I think, at least in my case, it's true. The kindest thing we could have done for him is letting him go even if it was the hardest and most heartbreaking thing for us to do.

Interesting note, it's been a couple years ago so I can't remember exactly but I know my baby also had teeth removed. We got him when he was 10 and a bunch had been removed already. He was with us for 3 years. I can't remember exactly, but I think he might have had to have a couple more removed during the time we had him? I'll have to ask my mom and see if she remembers.
I would be interested to read any studies they've done on this recently. I have a new kitty who just turned 1 and I'm so overprotective of him and so worried that he might end up with the same fate even though he's healthy and just fine. I guess it's just the fear of the unknown because it came out of the blue so fast last time? 

Love and healing to you all
-Sierra
Spacecat

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #112 
Sierra,

Thank you. I've now lost three cats in two months all to different things. After spending over $12k to keep the last baby alive for a month I'm even more sure that I made the right decision for my ATE girl. We put our sick boy through long traumatic hospital stays that only made his condition worse, but doing so gave us a pretty definitive answer that it wasn't manageable. I feel like I made the right choice in both cases; you have to weigh your cat's tolerance, what they might want, the odds of the situation and their current and future quality of life. You can't be psychic, you can only do your best for them and make a decision you can live with.

I'm not sure if I would read too much into tooth removal since it seems very common. My sick boy also had his teeth removed at the same time as my ATE cat, they both had tooth resorption. He had a new arrhythmia at the start of his illness but it came and went. I thought about buying a stethoscope after she died to do monthly checks but murmurs are common and don't always become a problem like this. He had a peaceful death comparatively but only after a grueling fight. If I had to choose between the two events leading up to it I think I'd choose ATE/CHF, at least that way he wouldn't have suffered very long. Crazy what trauma and caretaker exhaustion can do to your perspective, I feel like I've lived five years. I have one healthy boy left but he's aggressive so it's almost like I have no pets.

Anyway, to the point of my message, I took a quick look on PubMed and found this very recent one from March 29, 2020: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/32339993

Surgical embolectomy was still successful 18 months out on a 7 year old cat. This is just one surgery and one cat, surgery can have so many unforeseen complications (or the specialist surgeon is terrible and makes a mistake, I'm so sorry my sweet boy), but it's slightly promising. I haven't found anything about preventative methods helping at all. There may be more papers but I'm tired and my heart is heavy. Hug your kitty.
subduedjoy

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #113 

Hi Julieuni,

Sorry for your loss. I don't want to get into a heated debate because there are people here who have lost a cat from Saddle Thrombus. I don't want them to feel bad. My post was for those who have been told that their cat has Saddle Thrombus, now must make a decision of whether or not to put their cat to sleep, are looking for guidance, and bumped into this forum. I would like them to know that there's still hope. I will answer your question though.

"I assume you're here to prepare yourself for what you may be facing one day?" No, that's not why I'm here. My cat's doing well.

So why am I here? I bumped into this forum when I was looking for information on Saddle Thrombus medications for cats because I moved and switched vets. Our new vet isn't as accommodating when it comes to prescribing meds for our cat (the one who had Saddle Thrombus). She won't prescribe Xarelto because all the medical records say, "Study Drug." I don't know think she could even prescribe the medication if it said, "Xarelto." She will prescribe Plavix, but that's not the drug my cat has been taking. It's been a headache.

After reading your response about how so many cats don't make it, I'm thinking that cats might not survive as well on Plavix. If so, the best option would be for me to keep my cat on Xarelto and not switch him from Xarelto to Plavix. I'll have to continue asking my previous vet (actually there are two original vets involved, it gets complicated) for Xarelto prescriptions. It's a headache because I have to have my new vet send a copy of his checkup record to the previous vet (the one that prescribes the study drug) every time I need a new prescription. Both my new vet and previous one aren't too happy about this workaround (probably because it takes up their time and they don't get paid for it).

Your question took me off guard. It was unexpected. I was thinking about medications for my cat, not his death. I have five cats. I don't think about how they're going to die. Apparently, people don't realize that my cat is doing well, despite having a bad heart. I should give more detail of the Saddle Thrombus event. (Please realize that the number of days is a little fuzzy.):

One morning, I heard my cat yowling. He was sitting with his back legs flat sideways on the ground yowling. The other cats were circled around him, looking worried. He looked scared, confused, and in pain. I immediately picked him up. My husband got his carrier, and we took him to the vet.

My cat continued yowling at the vets. My vet already knew he had heart disease and suspected Saddle Thrombus and gave my cat a blood thinner. My cat spent the night. It was hard to tell whether or not he had any feeling or movement in his legs the next morning, but the vet said that his legs showed improvement. He didn’t need to have his legs amputated or be put to sleep. We were given a large handful of needles filled with the same blood thinner and a bottle with Plavix pills in it. Over the next week, our cat slept almost all the time. I put food and water next to him. He ate and drank very little.

Before the event, I would put my cat's other heart meds into a capsule and put the capsule into his food. Since he was no longer eating much, I had to change how I gave him his meds. I tried putting them in his mouth, but he wouldn't swallow. I tried filling a syringe with liquid and squirting the liquid from the syringe into one side of his mouth while putting the capsule filled with meds into the other side. That worked. I also gave him syringes filled with meat broth to keep him hydrated and give him some nourishment, and I gave him shots filled with blood thinner.

Every day, he could move his legs a little better. When he had to pee, he would use his upper legs to slide over to the litter box, step into the litter box (it's low to the ground), drag his back legs over the edge (with my help), and let me support him while he peed. (He's such a good cat.) He had pooed at the vets (it came right out of him when I picked him up). He didn't eat enough to poo again. That was the first few days. He wasn't yowling anymore, but he was very tired. After the first few days, he was able to stretch one of his back legs. After a few more days, he could stretch the other back leg too. He didn't look happy, except when he stretched his back legs. He really liked to stretch them, and he would do so repeatedly. Over the first 1-2 weeks, he regained the ability to walk on all four legs. He had lost a lot of muscle in his legs. He was unsteady when he walked. He would walk a few feet, and sit down with his back legs collapsed sideways on the floor. Rest, and then walk another few feet. 

Our vet called us (I don't remember when) to see how our cat was doing and told us about a study that was about to happen. It was for a blood thinner medication that might be better than Plavix. Only, we wouldn't know whether or not our cat would get the medication or be in the control group. Our cat's prognosis wasn't good, so we decided to enter him into the study.

It took two full months for him to recover completely. It's been more than two years. In fact, it's been almost two and a half. He had his Saddle Thrombus event in mid-November 2017.

 

julieuni

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #114 
Subdued Joy,

I think your have addressed your above reply to me in error?
I haven't asked any questions of anyone....so unlikely to get in a "heated debate" about something I know nothing about.

Cheers,
Julieuni 
Spacecat

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #115 
subduedjoy,

Well, this is a pet loss forum. People are here because their pets are dead or dying. Your brief posts came across as insensitive to me considering the atmosphere so I appreciate you sharing your full story. The tragedy with ATE is there's so little time to think about whether one should put their cat to sleep since the cat is in extreme pain, the vet is urging you to put them out of their misery due to a poor prognosis and most guardians don't know anything about this until it happens. For CHF patients the embolism is typically the first indication that there was a heart condition. May I ask what he was taking for his heart disease (just curious)?

I do believe your baby's doing well, it sounds managed and I'm very glad for that. I absolutely agree that he should continue xarelto. I might have found the study he's in, it's set to end 12/31/2022 and has a sample size of 90+ cats. It's testing xarelto (rivaroxaban) against plavix (clopidogrel), an antiplatelet drug. I'll definitely be interested to know the results.

Your new vet sounds like a bad vet. If you've explained the study and have some sort of proof that it was indeed rivaroxaban (such as documentation the study gave you), I have no idea why they wouldn't prescribe it. Medications are used off label all the time in veterinary medicine and there's a two year history of him taking it. If they know you're going to be giving it to him anyway through another vet then maybe they're just scared of liability. Perhaps if you offered to sign a paper agreeing not to hold them accountable for side effects or complications arising from it? But personally I'd just look for another vet...being able to trust your vet is so important. Good luck.
subduedjoy

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #116 
Hi Spacecat,

I agree, it's a very traumatic event for the cat and the cat's owners. One moment your cat is fine, and the next he can't move his legs and is howling. We were extremely upset when our previous vet told us to take the night to decide whether we wanted to amputate our cat's legs or put him to sleep if he hadn't improved overnight. We never did decide. 

Interesting that you found a study. I don't know if it's the same one. I thought the study had already ended, but it makes more sense for the study to have just ended for my cat. It would explain how they were able to study so many cats.

Our vet said that she couldn't get some of the meds. We had already given the office all the documentation. The office said that the documentation had to come directly from our previous vet, so we also had our previous two vets send the office documentation. However, the office then said that it would still be very difficult for them to get the meds and asked us if we could get refills from the previous vet. It's not that our new vet is bad. I've had worse vets in the past. It's just that this veterinarian office has a ton of customers and is very busy. I like that they let us stay when they examine our cats. Not all vets will do that. I also like that they know how to handle another one of our cats that turns into a mountain lion whenever she's at the vet. It took us awhile to find a vet when we were living in California because veterinarian kept refusing to treat her.

My cat (the one that had Saddle Thrombus) was born with a heart murmur and has an enlarged heart. His other heart meds are Benazepril and Atenolol. I didn't mention this before because he was taking these meds before the Saddle Thrombus event. He still takes these. I have a special pill cutter that cuts multiple pills at the same time. I have to cut two of his pills (Xarelto and Atenolol) into fours and one into halves (Benazepril). They end up being very small and fit into the small capsules. I give him his meds twice a day: Benazepril+Atenolol in the morning and Benazepril+Xarelto in the evening. 

 

 

Alexmurray

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #117 

Hi all,
we had to put our baby Mia to sleep on Tuesday morning. She was a beautiful 8 year old pure white short hair and the love of our life. She had the sweetest nature and would purr just by us speaking to her. Such a gentle soul. 

heartbroken doesn’t describe how we feel, she made our house a home, life revolved around her in every way. The tears just won’t stop.

on the 22nd March this year, day before lockdown, we were having Sunday dinner and heart a hideous meow. Mia was in the hallway and couldn’t move her back leg properly. We called the emergency vet and took her straight away. 

they said it was most likely a clot and not always recoverable, however she had some movement and it was only one leg so they kept her in overnight, put her on fluids to clear the clot and booked her for an ultrasound the next morning. We were petrified, she’d always been a healthy baby. 

we went to pick her up next morning and that’s when they told us that she had severe heart disease (never had any signs previously) and the long term prognosis was not good. We were beyond devastated. However, she was walking better and may improve further so off we went home with a supply of Copidrogel. Trying to get those tablets down her was major trial and error but eventually we got it off to an art! 

For the last 5 months in lockdown she has been happier and healthier than ive seen her In ages. She’s snuggly, playful, eating plenty, playing outside with us in the sunshine. We were so thankful that she had recovered and looked forward to many years with her as long as she kept getting her medicine. 

Tuesday morning I got up as usual, went down stairs calling on Mia to come get her breakfast at the same time. I filled her bowl, sat down with my coffee and heard the hideous meow again. I knew instantly what had happened, I flew upstairs and sure enough same again but both legs were trailing. I flung on clothes, called the vet, called my daughter who was 40mins away and away I went. 

Within 15 minutes of hearing the meow we were at the vets, both back feet freezing cold, Mia howling in pain, very different from the first time. The vet said this time there was most probably nerve damage which would paralyse her. She was in so much pain, the only real option this time was euthenasia. We made Mia comfortable and waited for my daughter. Mia was then very gently put to sleep with both of us stroking her and telling her how much we loved her. We brought her body home and took turns in cuddling her all that day until we felt we could bury her in our garden. Our poor, beautiful baby.

we thought we’d have years still to love her but even though her first clot was mild, even though she got her medication like clockwork every morning, even though she had the best of food, had the gentlest of environments to live in - we still couldnt stop another much more severe clot. We couldn’t keep putting her through that and my biggest fear was what if it happened when we were out, I’d never have forgiven myself.  

Distraught doesn’t even come close to the absolute searing pain and emptiness we are feeling. The tears won’t stop. Our home is now just bricks and mortar as it’s soul has gone. I don’t know how to get through another day, I just have no idea. 

the suddenness of this cruel condition is completely devastating. We did all we could and still couldn’t stop it. We were lucky 5 months ago that she got all the treatment available and pulled through. We got 5 glorious months with her, loving her, playing with her, snuggling and cuddling her. She was spoilt to bits with fresh chicken, new toys and brushed (which she loved more than anything) whenever she wanted. I have to try and hold onto those 5 months even though we didn’t expect another clot and she appeared in every way normal. 

But the pain of missing her is worse than any pain I’ve ever felt even for a human loss. She was our family and she always will be. Xxx

Sierra18

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #118 
Alexmurray,
I'm so so sorry for your loss. Mia sounds like such a sweetheart and I can tell she loved you and your family so so much. You're so lucky you got those extra 5 months of snuggles and cuddles. I would've given anything for a little more time. I wish all the peace and healing vibes for you and your family.
-Sierra
InMemoryOfRascal

Registered:
Posts: 2,441
 #119 
AlexMurray - I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss.  Sadly I know too well the pain of the loss - how deep it is, how much it hurts.  When I found this board after I lost my Rascal it was a lifeline to me.  I didn't know that it was even possible to hurt so much - until I lost Rascal so suddenly.  It hurt to even breathe the pain was so deep.

Even now, 8 years later reading of someone else who lost their baby the same way brings back the memory.  I will never forget her screams and crying.  Horrific.

Your Mia was so very loved - and will be loved forever.  That never ends.  8 years is NOT long enough.  But I will say that if she only had 5 more months after the first episode - that 5 months had SO much more time and memories together.  You probably spent more time home - she had more actual time with you in those 5 months - than in numerous years combined.  Take comfort in that.  Take comfort in knowing that you did the best you could.  And most important just know that your Mia felt your love and that is the most important thing.

Over time the pain does ease; with time memories of the love will be first in your mind instead of saying goodbye.

Take care
InMemoryOfRascal.....and Rambo
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