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jearl

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Posts: 25
 #1 

Hello everyone,  I am facing losing my dear little dog, Kelly, any day now.  How do I prepare myself?  I have to make a decision, and each day I tell myself "tomorrow", but tomorrow just hasn't come yet.  Yesterday, for the first time, he has gone off his food.  Today, I haven't seen him drinking.  He has lost all the strength in his hind legs, so I have to pick him up and stand him in front of his food and water dishes, and then make sure he doesn't fall over.  He is a bison/poodle and has long skinny little legs. Tonight, I had him on my knee to cuddle him and he didn't make any attempt to change positions or want to get down, as he usually does. I keep telling myself it's OK to wait because he doesn't seem to be in pain.  Up until now I have been telling myself that he is still has an appetite, but now that doesn't seem to be true.
 
I didn't have to make this decision with my last little dog because in 2013 he passed away suddenly at 8 1/2 yrs. we think from an aneurysm.  We rescued Kelly shortly after that, when he was 11, and he wasn't in the best of health, but he became pretty lively after a while, and has been doing pretty good.  He was deaf when we got him, and now he is blind as well, but he still knew his way around.  For the past couple of weeks, he just stands and looks at the floor, and in his attempt to lie down he just falls over.  He can't get up on his own and he can't get out of his bed.  We absolutely cannot leave him on his own any more.

I'm sorry, I have dragged this out, and all I meant to do was ask how to prepare myself, mentally, to say goodbye.

I will look for your answers.

Thank you.

Fibee

Registered:
Posts: 17
 #2 
Jearl, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is heartbreaking.

Very much similar to what happened with my 14yr Dooley. He had been in and out of hospital since before Christmas due to renal failure. Each time the vet said he was OK and he did get better. The last time we brought him in due to a skin condition and the vet kept him in for week. Renal failure again. This time he did not get better.  We brought him home with medication, and IV fluids but each day he got worse. He had already lost so much weight from the kidney diet which he just did not like. Then he stopped eating completely. We tried all his favourite foods but he would just turn his head away. We knew it was time. We were lucky to be able to have it done at home. I spent the day beside him on the couch and held him while he passed. He passed at 3.30pm two weeks ago yesterday. I am devastated. 

I will be honest, I thought that I was prepared but I was not prepared for how bad I feel. I have felt so much guilt, even though I know in my heart it was the right thing for Dooley. When you make the decision for Kelly, give yourself a few hours before to spend time with him and cuddle. If it is possible, have the vet come to your home. If not then maybe bring his favourite toys, blanket etc so that he feels comforted. Dooley was a fluffy dog so I kept a lock of his hair. 

[dooley] 


I will be thinking of you and Kelly. Sending hugs.

Fiona
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #3 
Jearl,
I am so sorry you are having to face this dreadful decision. I am sorry to say that you can never prepare yourself for letting go. When you share your life with love covered in fur, there is nothing that will help except knowing deep in your heart that you are letting go out of love. Please think of Kelly's quality of life. Spend time making her feel special and spend time with her. I spent the weekend with Termy but it wasn't long enough for me but was too long for him. I am sending you my support and hope you can find comfort in knowing you won't let her suffer.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
jearl

Registered:
Posts: 25
 #4 
Thank you, Fibee and Cosesmom for your kind words.  I can hear the anguish you have both suffered, going through a similar experience, and I thank you for sharing.

When I wrote my post on Wednesday all I could think about was that I would have to take Kelly to the vet on Thursday and the outcome would not be a happy one.  Well, on Thursday morning he wanted to eat as soon as he woke up, and he kept that up all day....eating and drinking.  The same thing on Friday and today.  He actually got excited last night when I was dishing up spaghetti for supper!

He still has no strength in his legs and falls over a lot.  Yesterday we had to go into the city to return something to a store and, because it is so hot here right now, my husband went into the store while I stayed in the car with Kelly with all the windows down.  Then when he came out, he stayed in the car so that I could go in the store.  Today, I had to go out and my husband stayed home with Kelly.  For the next 3 days it's going to be a lot cooler so we might be able to go out (if we have to) and leave Kelly in the car in his bed.  He doesn't mind that and seems to know that we are not far away.  He is always quite calm when we come back to the car. This is the way we have to plan everything right now.

I am probably going to take him to the vet this week and have her examine him and I will take her advice on what to do.  I feel like I cannot plan ahead and that I just have to be spontaneous - if you know what I mean.  My step-daughter had the vet come to her home when they had to say good bye to their precious friend, because he was always so scared when he had to go to the vet.  She didn't want him to feel like that for his last little while here.  The whole family had been preparing themselves for it for days.  I'm not sure if I could do that.  Kelly doesn't have a favourite toy any more, but when I take him to the vet I will take his blanket so that I can wrap him in it.  I'm looking at him laying on the sofa fast asleep, as I write this and I'm feeling so overwhelmed with grief.

Do you both have other pets, or will you get another one?  I know I will not be able to go through this anymore - maybe because I am 77 years old.  But I am making it known to everyone I know with dogs that if they ever need anyone to watch their dogs for a few hours or a few days, I will be available.  That is how I will get my 'doggie fix'.  If I was younger I know that I would have to get another dog eventually.  I believe that animals can help you physically and mentally like nothing else can.

That you for listening and please know that I am sending you lots of hugs, with my thanks.  

Jill 
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #5 
Drear Jill,
I fully understand why you are doing what you are doing with Kelly. I admire you and your husband for taking the time and effort to stay with Kelly in shifts. From what you've said she shouldn't be left alone, One never knows, do we? Take care of Kelly and give her lots of love and attention. Cherish the time you have. I know what you mean about getting another dog at your age, I don't want to get another because I'm afraid it'll out live me and I couldn't bear that thought. I hope someday (when the time is right) people will take you up on pet sitting so you can get your doggie fix. Be strong and love Kelly with all your heart.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
jearl

Registered:
Posts: 25
 #6 
Thank you so much, Termy's mom, for your kind words.  I really do need reassurance  that I am doing the right thing.  I just need the vet to tell me that I am, and to let me know if she think Kelly is in any kind of pain.  I don't think he is, but I need to know for sure.

I will keep you posted.

Hugs back
From Jill

jearl

Registered:
Posts: 25
 #7 

Hello,

I felt I should give you an update on Kelly.  Today, we finally said goodbye to our beloved little friend.  

We  took him to the vet last Saturday and it turned out he had eye problems.  In his right eye he had something that could possibly turn into an ulcer.  I have been putting creams in both of his eye 3 times a day since Saturday.  He was also hydrated by an injection under the skin, he was given a small steroid injection to see if it would help him to stop licking and pulling out his fir, and he was given an antibiotic by injection.  Nothing seemed to help him.  He has been falling over constantly, and finally lost control of his bowel and his bladder.  He almost completely lost the used of his back legs. All of this, plus the deafness and blindness, made him very uncomfortable and stressed.  He began panting heavily at night and the only way I could calm him was to get up and sit with him on my knee.  He hardly ate or drank for the past two days.

I knew last night, what I was going to have to do today.  I made sure he wrapped in his blanket.  It was very peaceful and I held him for about 10 minutes afterwards, It felt as though he was just sleeping in my arms.

I thought I was doing OK until I went to bed and then I realized I didn't have to get Kelly settled down for the night and I realized how much I miss him.  My husband was reminding of all the reasons why we had to let Kelly go, but it doesn't help me stop missing him.  I cried and cried and in the end got up, and here I am writing this and it's almost 3:00 a.m.  

I will be getting Kelly's paw print in a ceramic disk.  It will arrive in about 3 weeks and I will stand it beside the one of Iggy, our last little dog.

Well, I am going to try to go back to bed and get some sleep.  I know that you are all mourning as well, and I thank you for listening to me.

Take care and God bless.

Jill
xxx/ooo



Fibee

Registered:
Posts: 17
 #8 
I'm so sorry Jill. It is incredibly difficult but you did the right thing to end Kelly's suffering. I know how intense it feels right now. Please know that we are here for you and understand what you are going through.

Sending you hugs,

Fi
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #9 
Jill,
What a journey to share with us, I felt as if Kelly was part of my family too. I am so sorry that this day did come. My husband to reminded me why I had to let Termy go also and you are right , it doesn't help missing them. I cry still, and it's been almost 8 months. I know your heart is broken and your pain is deep. Please know that you were very strong and did the final act of love, Letting go. You never wanted Kelly to suffer. It'll hurt for awhile and cry when ever you feel the need. Talk to Kelly too, it helps me. I go outside after dark and find Termy's star and cry or just talk to him. Find something to help you go on and find your new normal.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
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