Registered: 1279288501 Posts: 564
I feel like I've had a major slide back into my grief process, particularly over the last several days. It's been 11 weeks since I lost Luke and 8 weeks for Lil. I've noticed over the past few weeks that my concentration is pretty well shot, my sleep pattern is lousy again, and my episodes of breaking down have returned with more frequency. In the last few days, I've become aware of the fact that my short-term memory is almost non-existent. On top of that, I was returning from a business trip yesterday afternoon and took a wrong turn to get to my home! I ended up pulling over to regain my bearings before taking off again. I have felt much deeper sadness again over the last several days, and I have no energy to do much of anything.
I really thought that I was improving until now. Some of you will remember that Sharon and I went to visit a couple of Siberians this previous weekend that we had been told the owner wanted to give away, only to find out that he never really had such an idea after all. Maybe this has thrown me for a bit of a setback....I really don't know, but it's a little frightening. I have a very demanding job which requires a lot of attention to detail, and I know that's suffering. Any ideas out there, or similar kinds of experiences? Thanks. LukeAndLilsDad
Registered: 1272672086 Posts: 356
You can bet on it Rick, the roller-coaster gets wilder and milder as the realization, sadness sets in and futility of life takes over. My work requires significant concentration and and attention to detail too and I can tell you that the 2,5-3 months mark was the worst. I couldn't care less about anything around me and all I wanted, was to be with my Ginger. The fact that I have a dear wife and another younger (5) dog didn't bother me. I couldn't function, couldn't be among people. I didn't want to. I was simply like a robot.
Until the end of 3 months when set of occurrences lead me to try to adopt and resucue Georgia. She has helped me quite a bit. It will be 6 months in two weeks since Ginger went to the Bridge and there isn't a single day I wouldn't talk to her or think of her. But it is getting better and I am even getting attached to little Georgia too. And she knows what happened. She doesn't leave my side.
Hang on, Dear Friend and let Luke and Lil guide you.
Registered: 1196453169 Posts: 1,415
They're called "waves of sadness" and they can come at any time. Take my word for it. Next month it will be 3 years for me and I still have those horribly sad moments where I just "lose" it. Take solace in knowing that you're not the only one. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your wife during this difficult time. It's so very hard to deal with such a loss. Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened. Teddy's forever Mom, Helen
Registered: 1222403429 Posts: 1,982
I went through that as well. I recall one day going on an errand and just drove right by my destination, and didn't realize it for awhile. I think our minds are just so full of our thoughts, we are on auto pilot not knowing how we get where or what it was that needed done. My job is very demanding also, I found I functioned well at work because work filled my mind with no time to reflect on my life. As soon as I walked out the door, I'd cry every night on the expressway all the way home and that would start my evening of grief, remorse, guilt, sadness, whatever feelings were taking over me that day.
Your loss of Luke and Lil is still very new, and considering how hard it's been on you, it may last a very long time as mine has. All my friends, family, think I'm well beyond it all now - but I'm not. And only those here know my feelings and tears continue. It was 2 years this month. My gutt hurts I miss her so badly. So give yourself time to go through the process your heart and mind need too. Sandie Murphy's Mommy
Registered: 1274244361 Posts: 893
Yes, there are times when I am so sad, just like at the beginning again. A couple weeks ago I had a major crying attack and my hubby suggested we visit the shelter. We did and I cried that whole day too. A week later, we adopted two mutts from the shelter. Even though I have these new babies to care for- I still miss my Foster like crazy. They have helped me though because they give me a reason to get up in the morning.
I think the saddness for missing our friends will always be there, even if it is 20 years from now. It gets better. I know I can sometimes talk about Foster without crying, sometimes. I can smile at his picture and remember good things about him, not the bad things at the end. I just think that is God's way of helping us to get through the loss.
Registered: 1261658894 Posts: 262
Set backs are unfortunately part and parcel of this terrible process. Just as I would begin to think that I was finally making good progress and could see light at the end of the tunnel, something would happen and I would feel as though I was starting all over again. Sometimes I think it is just that our hearts and minds need a break from grieving, and once rested we return to the hard work at hand that will eventually lead to healing and peace.
Days after our baby was killed, we learned his sister was going to be bred the following spring once she passed her health clearances. I could see light at the end of the tunnel as spring approached. Then we learned that she didn't pass her health clearances, and what seemed like my only hope for eventual happiness was crushed. I suffered a terrible set-back then. I felt like I had just lost him all over again. I suspect that something similar has happened to you. But don't give up hope. You are making progress. Your heart and mind are open to bringing joy again into your life. That really is a big step that so many struggle with.
Registered: 1245859572 Posts: 2,123
Rick, From my perspective, you are still at the very beginning. You may have thought it was almost over because you were feeling better, but it doesn't go away that quickly. At least it didn't for me. I know we are all different, but I came here at six weeks wondering why the pain was so persistent. I never felt like I was getting better in those first three months at all. I told myself I should've been better by then, but I soon realized, with the help of others here, that it was still too early. I had nightmares several times a week about Piezon in those first 3 months, and I needed help sleeping. I broke the lowest dosage of xanax in half and took that at night. I just needed enough to get me to fall asleep, because I'd have been awake all night if I didn't. I wish I could give you some good advice on what to do about your job and the attention to details. Maybe a temporary sleep aid so you can get the sleep you need. Not sleeping well can cause our minds not to focus, which may be what's happening for you. Coming here and talking it out will help you too. You're doing all right my friend, and we're here for you along the way. Hugs of comfort, Lori
Registered: 1184687389 Posts: 328
I know what you are going through, Rick, I went thought the same thing. I thought that I could function, but it turned out all I did was think about Zacky and Dakota. I did not sleep well, work suffered, and was not a happy camper in general. When I got Ace, it did seem to get better. I started to notice the little things that Ace did, and said, "Zacky did that too" or "Ace did the same thing as Dakota". When I got the portrait of Zacky and Dakota, it was in the family room, and Ace would do something, and I would talk to the portrait, "Well Zacky I guess you showed Ace that trick to get a treat". Shortly after that Sailor made the journey, cancer took him to be with his life long Husky friends. Here is the memorial for Sailor and page 2 has the 3 of them, boy, I wish they were still here. http://petsupports.com/a04/sailor02.htm It will come to pass Rick we are all different, just remember this "Death is a wound that never heals, but unconditional love is a memory that no one can steal" "Wakan Tanka Nici Un"... May the great spirit walk with you in this time of sorrow. Huskywolf
Registered: 1278171878 Posts: 210
I only know if I did not come here and the chat room on days I think I am losing my mind and going into a darker saddness I would lose my mind. Have no advise riding the waves and often feel totally unfunctional and sad. Sharing (here) gives opportunity for confirmation. Prayers you find peace. Hugs
Registered: 1282854430 Posts: 116
Yea, my setbacks are killing me. I stare off into space, no concentration I don't care if some things get done. I really don't give a hoot about most things. Just hanging on, waiting for something...dunno what - just waiting. I miss my baby so much, nothing matters. Knowing I have to go on - just plain sucks.
Registered: 1219887733 Posts: 11,059
I think your hopes were uplifted when you heard about the dogs and when that fell apart, your heart took a downward spiral. In the first year of loss, moods can changed all too often. Depression can set in and you truly don't have the energy to do much of anything. Our pets could get us through a very rough time and when they are gone, it all changes. I know that when the days were very hard for me I would pray and pray for help. It's a very sad time. My heart goes out to you. Please know that I will keep you in my prayers.
Mare precious Christoph ~ 2 years at the bridge ~
Registered: 1276206575 Posts: 628
Rick, I am so sorry that you have had a set back. I don't think that any of us at this website knew the heartache we would all be going through. We thought that our fur babies would be with us forever, even though we know better. We are never prepared to let them go. What you have been through, loosing both of your babies, just weeks apart,is unbearable to think about. You will be on a roller coaster of emotions for some time to come. My heart goes out to you. I think that you had some disappointment when you saw the Siberians this week end and you most likely had your hopes up. That would send anyone into a major set back. You are in thoughts and prayers. ~~~~~Hugs~~~~~ Clara
Registered: 1253558553 Posts: 842
I agree with the other posters, it's just part of the ups-and-downs and not to worry about. I have found that mediation has helped me. I'm not very good or advanced by any means, but I think the process of just closing your eyes, breathing slowly, and concentrating on relaxing your body can help. I think stress can affect our concentration too, so try to take time to de-stress whenever possible--a book, a movie, a walk, anything not stressful (don't watch the news). Everyone needs this, and especially more so when we grieving. Just realize that you may be just temporarily stressed, and don't worry about little mistakes, it will definitely pass.
Registered: 1279288501 Posts: 564
Everyone, thank you so much for your kind thoughts and wise words. I think that I did get my hopes up when we went to visit the two Huskies, thinking that just maybe we would have two more babies to bring home and love. I was sure that it was a sign, and it was time to start again with new family members. But, when we got home, with no dogs, there was just a feeling of emptiness and sadness again..I tried to make light of the whole situation...but I wasn't being truthful. One of the dogs had reminded me so much of my sweet Lil, I almost couldn't bear to leave her.
I know that I will find Huskies to love again.....I just wish I knew when! Thank you for putting up with my silly ramblings. Rick
Registered: 1261658894 Posts: 262
I do think it was a sign Rick. It didn't turn out the way that you might have imagined or expected, but I still think it was an important sign from your beautiful pups.