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heffalump

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Posts: 58
 #1 
Hi

Its been a long time since i wrote here but just felt i needed to because i know that no one else can understand how i feel.

I lost my beloved Bouncer aged 5 shortly after a  spay on feb 27th 2007 it was the worst day of my life and haunts me almost every day even now.

The last few days she has been on my mind so much but why is it becoming more and more frequent, i had many months that i remembered the good memories i had with her and my heart fixed a little bit. but the last few weeks particularly the last week, its haunting me again, i am remembering the dream i had around the time she died i am reliving the call and all the emotions all over again.

We do have a new furbaby called Willow shes now 18 months and we had her spayed but that was back in feb this year and all went fine, i just cant figure why this is seeming to come back to haunt me.

Bouncer was a very special dog to us a golden labrador, we were told before we got her that we would never had a baby (human) we had then been trying for 10 years so she was our surrogate baby and our bond was so strong, just after she died we got news that we had a IVF cycle to try before i had a hysterectomy to improve my health, we were successful and our baby boy was born in april this year, it felt all during my pregnancy that there was a connection between the baby and bouncer and she was his guardian angel ( was a troublesome pregnancy)

I still miss her everyday despite having Willow and my miracle son

I just wonder if she really is at peace or not i always remember leaving her and her face she just didnt want to go and i sure as heck believe it wasnt her time

She should have had much longer with us

I used to comfort myself with the thought that she had to go to RB to make room for the baby (there wasnt enough room for them both) but this just doesnt work anymore

Sorry for the ramble, but everyone else just thinks i should move on but i dont know how when i feel so haunted

H
yoda

Registered:
Posts: 346
 #2 

Heffalump....I too try to figure things out to the point of exhaustion....I am a very analytical person and are looking for answers to things that answers dont come very easily to. Bouncer seemed to me like a passerby, a diversion in your life before the baby was born. The reason? Maybe you will find out later on in life. I believe things happen for a reason....sometimes I feel like the Creator gives us a jumpstart in the emotional zone and keeps that loving supportive feeling alive us so we dont lose track of the true meaning of life.....its long winded I know, but now I am experiencing a replay of emotional events that I have long calmed down....a very sick stray cat I have been feeding is ready to go to the Bridge...I feel that this is Gods way of making me not forget that I am a special person as You are. I feel guilty for not scooping her up and taking her to the vet. But this is life...I cant save all strays outdoors, I have 5 of my own....I am trying to accept this part of the person in me that I really am, its very painful but I am like you, trying to get an answer to it all.   Yoda

beechezz

Registered:
Posts: 120
 #3 
Heffalump,

I am sure what you are feeling is the normal roller coaster of emotions.  I too know the feeling of having months of good memories, and then other months when I am a sheer mess.  Please don't beat yourself up over this, it is normal. 

Sounds like Bouncer was very lucky to have you as a furmom.  I know he has been with you, and is so happy to see the new (human)baby in your lives grow!  Remember, he is always at your side, just think of him and he will be there!

Hugs,
Sandy
basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #4 

First of all, congratulations on the birth of you little miracle boy.  He is a special gift, as was bouncer.  Perhaps bouncer, is your little ones furry guardian angel, perhaps you are feeling that he is around, because he is.  I dont know, but I think that would be a nice thought to hold on to.  I think that our babies are often around us, although we are often too busy with life to notice them.   Much love, Di xxx

Luna13

Registered:
Posts: 846
 #5 
Heffalump- I first want to congratulate you on your miracle baby - that's awesome!  I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Bouncer.  I too lost my golden lab Luna at the young age of 4 to cancer on January 17, 2007, and her loss challenges me almost every day still.  I still talk to her, I still cry for her, and heck, I still look for her.  Grief is a terrible thing, but we somehow go on.  There's no timeline, so when people tell you to "move on", ignore them.  You will move on in your own time. The pain lessens as time goes on, but I believe it will never truly go away.  I have to live with the fact that her physical body is gone, but I am comforted in knowing that her spirit lives on forever and she is with me always.  Your Bouncer is also always with you.  We will have good days/weeks and bad days/weeks.  I am having a bad day today, I miss her so much.  Try to remember the good times and the joy he brought you and it will make you smile.  And remember - he waits for you at the bridge where you will never be parted again. Don't forget that.  Blessings, hugs and peace to you.

Gerlie (Gypsy and Luna's forever mom)
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