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mb

Registered:
Posts: 23
 #1 

I have been reading posts for a couple of weeks now since Samba died (a beautiful pointer/Wiemariener) and while it has been a big help to see that others have such strong bonds with their pets and that I am not alone, I have trouble relating and understanding how to cope because most of the pets on here seemed to have lived out long lives and the grief/guilt being dealt with seems to mostly deal with choices regarding putting them to sleep and poor health.  I only wish that 10 years from now I was having to make that decision.  My Samba got out of the yard back home while I have been visiting and working for several months in Alaska and she was hit by a car- we only had 4 years together and while I am an animal lover and had/still have lots of animals- I have never had a connection like I have to her. (I wrote more details about the circumstances in  my original post under "far away when she died/intense grief") Even when my beloved childhood dog died when she was 14, I was so sad but it was easy to accept because she was old and her health was failing- it fell within life's natural course.  I feel intense guilt at being away and because of how she died.  We spent all of our time doing outdoor activities, so she got a routine rattlesnake anti-venom shot at the vet and I was even mentally prepared that I could lose her to a snake bite- even that seemed more plausible and acceptable than being killed by a car.  I didn't even get to see her body because she was cremated before my plane got home and so I keep having images of how awful it must have been; I got her collar which had blood on it.  Also, Samba was so smart (in a deviant way usually) and exhibited all kinds of emotion/behavior such as jealousy, mischief, defiance, sulking, and I've even seen her "get revenge" on me and others- these were all things that made her so facinating to me...so I can't help but think that she had to have also felt "anger" or "hurt" towards me for being away. Furthermore, as I wrote under the subject about "afterlife signs"- I had a horrible premonition the day before she died and no "visits" since she died while everyone else has gotten these wonderful visits/signs from their pets that have brought them peace.  I feel like this must be a sure sign that she is still mad at me being away.  Can anyone relate to any of this?
 
basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #2 
Dear MB
There are people on here who have lost babies young.  I lost two of my little feline girls to road accidents a few years ago, and yes it did make me feel different from how i have felt when my babies have been pts. 
I felt very much more guilt and a sense of having failed them when they needed me. 
I am sure that your Samba is not mad at you, even though by the sounds of it, she used to punish you for being away.  Do you know, I think that a lot of animals know when it is their time, and they just accept it.  I feel that as animals have a much greater spiritual side to them than we can imagine, that they just accept their passing as a natural thing, although of course, we feel differently.
I am so sorry.  Thinking of you, and I hope that you soon find peace.  By the way, about the signs, sometimes when we wish for contact so much it can sort of block things up.  I am sure that Samba will send you a sign soon.  Much love, Di xxx
JennyH

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #3 

I'm so sorry about your Samba.  She sounds like she was very such a character.  I tried to find your post about what happened, but wasn't able to locate it on the forum.  Maybe you or someone else can provide the link to the post.  I'd like to read your story.

I haven't lost a pet to an accident, but I have lost them to sudden unexpected death. Ernie was 15, but we totally lost him unexpectedly last weekend from a blood clot from the heart. One minute, he's being himself, lazing around on a Sunday afternoon, the next minute he's paralyzed from the waist down and there is no hope.  It literally happened that fast. 

We have also lost other pets suddenly, so I understand the sudden loss and lack of closure you speak of.  I was gone on a visit to my sister to comfort her because she had just lost a cat to illness.  While I was there, my husband called me and told me our 6 year old white cat, Harvey, had just fallen over.  He took him to the vet.  After he died, the vet did an autopsy and we found out he had fast acting cancer.  He had not acted sick at all, so it was not expected and I didn't get to see him, so again, I understand the lack of closure you speak of.  I felt guilt that I would have noticed if I hadn't been away for a few days.

We also lost Mac a couple of years ago.  I woke up and went to my home office as usual and I found Mac dead by her food bowl.  She had shown no signs of illness.  That was a total shock and I was hysterical.  I also felt robbed of being able to tell her goodbye as well, so I do understand somewhat.  I felt guilty I'd slept in that day. Maybe if I'd gone down earlier.

I'm not sure we all share the bridge belief on here, so I'm not looking for a sign from them, but I am healing and I will hold them all dear in my heart and memory for as long as I live.  Even if the time was short, it's better than no time with them.  All of us on here have had our lives enriched by each and every one of them.

I do know they all have very different and individual personalities and I do know each animal has a spirit of life.  I do believe in God and the resurrection and I do hope that I'll be able to have all my pets again some day.  I hope that for everyone.

I don't think you should beat yourself up looking for a sign.  I think all of our pets who have passed on knew we loved them with all our hearts.  I mean...look at us all on here.  Who would look for a grief forum for losing pets except people who loved their pets with all their hearts and souls??!

Samba knew that about you.  I haven't even read your story, but I know she had to know that.  She sounded like one who wouldn't put blind love out there from the way you describe her.  She knew.  Take great comfort in that.  You gave her a good life.  You let her be herself and it sounds like that self was very much the character!



Our Ernie

heffalump

Registered:
Posts: 58
 #4 
Hi

I can really relate to your post.

That said i think no matter when you lose your pet/loved one its such a heart wrenching experience.

Like yourself when we lost our beloved Bouncer we thought we would have many years more with her.

Like yourself, i had had many other pets in my lifetime (childhood and adulthood) but none of their losses have impacted on my life like Bouncer did, our circumstances are slightly different that i was trying to extend her life when she was cruelly taken.

Shortly before she died myself and many family members had a premonition it had happened or something had happened, i dreamt about the call i was yet to have.

I think that some of our animals take longer to contact us than others, i am sure that Samba wasnt mad at all, i think they like to be settled in their place of rest before they send a sign to all is well

Love to you
Hxx
yoda

Registered:
Posts: 346
 #5 

 Trying to NOT feel like its your fault is the hardest job in the world. I have been there many many times and just now I am there again, blaming myself for a sick stray outside that I have been feeding.  I have 5 indoor cats. I get upset over and over again till I literally get physically ill. Its not a nice scenario....The accident with Samba occurred unfortunately. Cars are everywhere.  I live in a very crowded area of NJ. I dislike it very much. People are numb to what is walking in the street....I am always alert to anything.  Things happen too fast and its out of our control...Samba doesnt blame you for being away, he loved you very much....his spirit will come to you in its own time.....Keep strong, Samba is with you.   Yoda

SpookyWolfe

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 607
 #6 

mb --- you are not alone with how you are feeling.  I also lost my girl Spooky at a very young age.  She was only a year and a half old and she died during a routine trip to the groomer.  It was very unexpected and I was in shock for a very long time.   I know that it's hard not to feel cheated when they leave us so young, knowing that so many others have had their babies for so much longer than we were given.  But no matter how long we have them, it's NEVER long enough.  Even though it has been more than 6 years since she passed, I still miss her very much.  Your loss of Samba is still very raw and all the emotions you are going through are very normal.  Grief is a slow and painful process, but you WILL get through it to a place where it doesn't hurt so profoundly.   

dianae2002

Registered:
Posts: 317
 #7 

Dear MB, I'm sorry for the loss of your sweet furbaby Samba. I have lost two furbabies in less than two months and I understand your feelings. My sweet dog Jessie was 8 years and she was not sick and one morning my mother woke up and she was laying on the carpet lifeless. It was a shock because I'm now living very far from my parents and I could not see her. I got her when I was 15 and 3 years ago I moved out from my parents and I could not take her and that broke my heart. Then my husband and I adopted a cat, Neko and he was wonderful. He was so social, funny and sweet. He was only 3 year and a month old when two weeks ago he was hit by a car. We were devastated. We just played with him few hours before and then we found him dead by the side of the road. We miss him so much, he was such a special cat. We could not even be at home because it hurted to know he was not with us. We feel anger guilt, but you cannot know those things... I mean if we could just turn back time we would have dome somethings different, but we cannot do that. We just have to let time heal us and think of our furbaby like a wonderful present thoug they were so short with us.
 
Diana, Jessie and Neko's mom.
netwolf

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #8 
Oh, yes. I'm so sorry for your pain. yes, I can relate.

You are not alone. There are so many here with broken hearts.

You are not alone with your lancing grief over losing a child suddenly and way too soon.

Late on Mother's day night - I had left the day before to visit my mom - not my husband's fault, he loved the kid so much - my baby boy Harrison slipped outside unseen - the timing was a synchronicity of extraordinarily awful force majeure - the strong cold wind blew the fence down that night.

Coyotes were hungry.

They have new spring pups to feed.

Poor babies.

My poor baby.

I was not home. And he died violently and alone.
You are not alone.

Grieve as much and as long as you need. This life and the next ones. Death is always unexpected. Even when it is imminently inevitable... or not.

And it hurts so much.

~Harrison's mama - Kelley


umaconan

Registered:
Posts: 166
 #9 
I remember after my Boxer died suddenly I did not have a dream about him for almost two months.  I couldnt understand why b/c I thought about him constantly and he was my little soulmate.  My sister thought maybe I didnt dream about him b/c I did think about him so much during the day.   It just felt so strange b/c I remembered when I moved several years before and had to leave my house I loved, I dreamt about my house almost every night.  It made no sense that I would have dreamt about my house so much and not my beloved friend.   But finally, on Christmas Eve night he came to me in a dream and he was happy.  That was the BEST Christmas present ever!!!

Take care-Michelle
wab119aolcom

Registered:
Posts: 272
 #10 
I am so very sorry for your loss. Your baby was so young. I lost my dear boxer of 13 1/2 almost a year ago and I am still grieving. I too had a very strong bond with my sweet Mac. I have since rescued a boxer from the Florida Boxer Rescue but I miss my Mac terrible. It is very hard to loose them in any way. So sorry again for your loss

Jan
necy12

Registered:
Posts: 493
 #11 
I am so sorry for your loss, and I am of those who lost their furbaby too young. My precious Chiquita was only 6 yrs. old, when we suddenly lost her last Labor Day. It was a shock, she died as a result of a horrible accident while on vacation for the holiday weekend. The shock that I experienced that day, it has been my worse nightmare by far. I literally thought my heart was going to come out of my chest because the pain and the shock were so intense. Today, 9 mos. later I still cry often, and I miss my girl soo much. I wish I could have her back. But she for always be in my heart..
Take your time to grief, everyone is different. I, myself don't think I will ever be the same, I know for a fact that day my heart was broken into million of pieces and it will never be the same. This is my first experience on losing a furbaby, and even if she would have lasted 10, 15, 20, 30 yrs. I would still hurt the same way, I would have never been ready to let her go.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs Your Way,
Annette
Chiquita's Mom
DrewTenderHeartWolf

Registered:
Posts: 1,493
 #12 

mb, first let me say how very sorry I am for your loss.  I have had several losses since I first started coming to Pet Loss.  The loss that brought me here was my kitty Drew who was less than two years old.  It was on Father's Day three years ago.  We came home from a wonderful day with my dad to find blood all over our porch.  Drew did not come home all night.  I found her in our driveway the next morning.  I'll never know how she managed to drag her poor little body to where I could find her, but I am glad I did.  It was determined after an examination by her vet, that she'd been shot.  She spent a week there, but in the end, there was too much nerve damage for her little body to recover from and I had to have her pts. 

 

Less than a year later, my chow chow Kahn got very sick and had to be pts.  Seven weeks later, his companion Precious, died of a broken heart.  Kahn and Precious were both older when they passed.  After I lost Drew, I took in an abandonded mama kitty whom I named Maddy, and her four babies.  I still have three of the babies and the other lives with friends of mine.  Maddy disappeared and never returned.  She was about three years old.  She was however, very much loved and carried that love with her when she left me.

 

In the past, I have lost other babies, some to old age, others to illnesses like feline leukemia and the like.  Shortly after I lost Precious, I adopted a six year old dog named Issi.  Less than a year after I adopted her, I discovered she has cancer.  She has been going for chemotherapy since last September and is hanging in there.  When I came to the Message Board and told folks of her cancer, one of the replies I received is that God sends these furbabies to you for a reason; he knows you will love and care for them, even if it's just for a short while.

 

I do not believe that your baby is angry with you for not being there and that's why you haven't had any signs.  I have had a few precious signs over the years, but not many.  In time, you will too.  Your baby knew how much she was loved and that's all that matters.

 

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  Take care.

 

Your friend,

 

DrewTenderHeartWolf

 

http://www.catster.com/cats/311365

LisaK485

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #13 
I lost my youngest cat, Tash, 2 months ago today, on April 9.
He was only 3 years old. He liked to sleep in my closet. My closet has a row of shelves in the middle, with a bar at the top, and another bar for shirts, etc. at the bottom. I wasn't at home when it happened, but my guess is that he was climbing down from the shelf, got caught up in a coat-hanger and strangled himself. Never in a million years would I have thought that something like this could happen. I've heard of pets getting caught in plastic bags, but a coat-hanger?  Coat-hangers are something everyone has in their home.
Time does seem to help a bit. I can actually look at pictures of him and smile at the memories. But I sure do miss him. I still have his 3 older sisters, but there's still a big hole without Tash. I also wish I could forget the memory of how I found him in the closet.

Lisa




Ltb3105

Registered:
Posts: 296
 #14 
All my pets except Max, lived long happy lives.  Max was our German Shepherd and protector of the house.  However, he loved to go exploring, and even after we had him neutered, he STILL didn't calm down enough to stop digging under the backyard fence.  Despite my husband's attempts at fixing the fence, putting barriers like heavy cinder blocks against the fence, he always managed to dig his way out.

One night, we came home, and only found our wolfhound, Sheena, in the backyard.  Somehow, they had both gotten out, but Sheena was the only one who returned home.  She was nervously pacing around and whimpering.  It was dark already, and I walked around the neighborhood looking for him, but I knew in my gut something had to have happened to him, as they always traveled in pairs and both would always return home.

Sadly, I found him dead by the side of one of the big streets they had probably crossed.  I ran home hysterical, and my husband and son carried Max home and buried him behind our backyard fence (there was a jogging path behind our house, no other homes were behind us).

Sheena howled and didn't eat, sleep or drink for days.  We finally had to adopt another dog, a husky mix puppy called Kirby, who is now 14 yrs. old, and I have a thread about him too.  Lately, his back legs have become arthritic and we're thinking it soon will be time for him too.

I never forgave myself for what happened to Max.  I kept thinking we could have put up a metal fence or something.  Then again, had I lost both dogs, my guilt would have been unbearable.

Hope this helps.  I did manage to get over it.  Sometimes, things happen, who knows why?

Laura 
ZOEY

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #15 
I am really sorry for your loss, I know how you feel, I lost my beautiful little Zoey at 4 months, it has been 3 weeks now since she is gone and I just cannot get over it, she was happy, playing eating - nothing wrong with her and then all her organs collapsed apparently...how does that happen???
I know I need to deal with it but it is sooo hard, I see her everywhere in everything I do..
I am really sorry
JennyH

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #16 

Lisa, that's awful.  I'd never given a thought to them being in a closet and a hanger harming them in that way.  Not sure if he was wearing a collar, but I know that some collars can get them into trouble.  So sorry for your loss of Tash.

drbones

Registered:
Posts: 111
 #17 
Dear Mb
Firstly, I would like to tell you that I am very sorry for your unfortunate loss of Samba.  There are lots of us on the board that have lost a fur baby under very tragic circumstances.  I, like Dianea, lost my cat Hank at 1 1/2 years after he was hit, but not killed by a truck.  We took him in right away, but there was too much head trauma, and we had to have him pts.  It was very horrible, but at the same time, we got the chance to say goodbye and tell him how much we loved him.  Most of the others on the board do not have that chance.
Your Samba will be with you always.I am a firm believer that they stay with you, in your heart, in your memories, and looking over you from above.  I hope you find comfort in the board here, and talking about your special dog.  I see Hank out of the corner of my eye, and sometimes hear him meowing or knocking on the door.  I know he is with me, I just feel it.

You are in my prayers.
Heather, Hank's forever mommy
Becky57

Registered:
Posts: 657
 #18 

My dog died at 6 and a half.  I had called the vet to see if I could increase her glucosamine for her arthritis.  He told me to give her bufferin.  I did that for three days not recognizing the signs of bleeding in her stools.  He did a necropsy and said she was already bleeding from autoimmune disease and the aspirin caused her to bleed to death.  A few vets I contacted said the aspirin was entirely to blame.  Either way, if it was autoimmune I didn't get her to the vets on time--if it was solely aspirin I was too ignorant to put together the bleeding signs.  I guess you might say I had a complete breakdown as far as acting normally.  I have never known such pain and grief.  Three months later I am numb and the sadness is overpowering.  I am very sorry for your loss...

ShawnasMom

Registered:
Posts: 31
 #19 
Hi MB, I can relate to your pain, too.  I've lost two young cats in car-related accidents.  Fluffy was hit by a car when she was only two years old.  A neighbor told us where she was, and my husband recovered her.  I never even saw her body - I couldn't bear to look and wanted to remember her alive.

Shawna was four when she died, and it's been especially hard for me.  Unbeknownst to me, she climbed into my car while I unloaded groceries, and died from heat on a sweltering day.  I'll never forget that moment when I found her lying on the floor of my car, and I don't know that I'll ever be able to completely forgive myself for my part in her death, even though it was an accident. 

The sudden shock of their unexpected deaths was so very hard to take, along with the grief from losing my wonderful pets.  I've also lost pets from illnesses, some with the decision to PTS, some not.   The grief from all of their deaths has been intense for me, different in the details, but very painful every single time.  But for me, it always lightens with time - even after Shawna's death.  

I've never gotten any definite signs after death - a couple dreams, maybe? - but nothing I was ever sure was a sign.  I try not to take it personally.  I loved my pets with all my being, and I hold to the belief that they're happy now and that they love me, too. 

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Hang in there.
Carol
AnneMarie

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #20 
So many sad stories here---however, they are really helping me right now.  My friend's little kitty fell through a huge attic fan last weekend and I was the one to take her to the vets'.  I let her live too long, about 8 hours, while the vets were assessing her injuries.  She had terrible, horrible injuries as the fan caught her in her head and face, and also broke her little leg.  I feel terrible for letting her suffer so long, but I didn't know how bad off she was until I got her to the second vet.  Her swelling had gone down enough for them to see how bad off her little head was.  The second vet made sure I knew she was really suffering---I had to track down her owner to tell him we had to euthanize Miss Kitty asap.

I feel bad also as I insisted on going up to her attic home to tell her good-night and the dog got up and that's when she fell into the fan.  I'm also mad at my friend for not being sure the dog was locked up.  He's had a very hard life though, and is a very kind man.  That's one reason I wanted to help him with this.

Anyway, as horrible as this last week has been, it somehow comforts me to know others have survived such terrible things with their sweet little animals.  I don't know why such hard things happen in this life.  Maybe we'll find out one day.

Super big hugs to everyone on this thread, and thank you for helping me through this most difficult time.  The comfort will also help me be able to help my friend who was closest to Miss Kitty.

HerbiesMom

Registered:
Posts: 196
 #21 
I'm so sorry for your loss.  Sometimes there is just no explanation for these tragic accidents.

I think very few people get visits, but it's nice to know that maybe someday...  They are always with us, but don't always make themselves known to you, or (I believe) don't know they have to, since they still have you!

But I can relate to the premonition.  I had a premonition about my cat, Herbie and "knew" it would be soon, even though he had not shown signs. I just knew I had to cancel a trip and stay with him, and had an overwhelming desire to stay on the couch with him all day and snuggle and give bellyrubs and nap -- We had never done a full day, so it was wierd.  He got sick a week later and was gone within days.
 I had several premonitions before my sister died in a car accident just weeks before her wedding many, many years ago, including even one the year before suddenly in an instant just knowing there would not be a wedding the next year.  I didn't know why it wouldn't be -- I just knew.  I voiced that one, so other people know I have had this happen.  I voiced one 3 weeks prior to her death that I felt there was going to be a death in my immediate family, but I sort of assumed it would be my father, even though he was perfectly healthy (I guess we just assume it would be the dad .)  These premonitions just pop out of my mouth without my even thinking -- they have only happened a handful of times in my life and they are always right and sadly, are always about death.  I don't "see" any good things.  And no, these don't come in dreams for me.  Just a flash of clear insight on a regular day in a regular moment.  Undramatic, really.

Since some of us, do, in fact, have premonitions, I think we have to leave open the possibility that perhaps that some things are meant to be.  It was Samba's time to go, and your time with her was precious, meaningful and there is no way she is mad at you.  You gave her a wonderful life!

I had one visit from my sweet girl Belle several months after she died.  I was still grieving, but had Herbie to comfort me.  It was just one clear, simple "meow" that was unmistakably Belle's voice.  I'd just gotten into my car and it came from the front seat where she would be whenever I took her to the vet.  No one else was in the car -- not another cat or person and doors and windows were shut.  I knew it was Belle just saying hello -- and that was all I got.  I had a visit from my sister about. a week after her funeral -- It was a goodbye.  Obviously, it's not the kind of thing people talk about very much, but it does happen.  My grandmother had similar experiences after loved ones had passed, but I won't go into anymore detail.

Samba will come say hello once you have gone through the hard grief -- when you are able to know what it is and can handle it.  It will be at an unexpected and simple moment and it won't be filled with "heavy" emotion or sadness.  It will be a cheerful "hello" -- and you will know. And it won't feel wierd and, no, your friends and family will not understand, nor will they believe you.

I'm still waiting to hear from my Herbie.  I did hear from one of my semi-ferals that passed 6 years ago within a few days after she died -- she called out.  I'd helped her cross over.  She would come into my house thru the kitty doors to hang out with the others, but was never into me.  I could not handle her or pet her.  When she got sick, I could not catch her, but after a few days, one morning she was just sitting on the rug outside my bedroom door waiting for me -- she could still walk at that time but did not move -- she wanted me to take care of her.  I picked her up and took her to the vet, and after a day and night of tests, had to have her PTS.  I think her "vist" was to just give me a shout out and a thank you for helping her out in the end.

Sorry this is so long, but these types of things can't really be explained in a few sentences.

I will pray for Samba that she says her hello to you soon.

Herbie and Belle's Mom


judew

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #22 

One of my two cats (mother 3 yrs and son 2 yrs) was killed by a road accident about 8 hours ago. I came home from work and it was lying on the street in a puddle of blood still breathing.....

 

I rushed to the vet and she did what she could, but then it (the son) died.....

 

I am so worried about the mom. They were very close. She's already starting to run around the house frantically..

 

I found her and 3 kittens in the summer of 2006 in a little garden close to the street. Neighbours would feed them, as they didn't seem to belong to anyone. I took all 4 home and within one month I lost 2 of the 3 kittens to diseases... Now my remaining cat has lost her last kitten.


 

SAYIF

(*April 2006 + 12 of June 2008)



Microwench

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #23 
mb, I understand, it's hard to lose our babies so suddenly.

i lost my Felix on 6/20/08, I had to have him put to sleep.  He got ill very suddenly, thought I still feel alot of guilt over not taking him to the vet sooner, seeing the subtle signs, etc.  He was only 1yr6mos old.


I'm fighting guilt, pain at losing him so young, and the deep hurt of knowing it will be a long time before I get to hold him again.  I really miss the way he would sleep on my chest at night...

I still look for him to follow me to the bathroom.

((hugs))
polkadots

Registered:
Posts: 117
 #24 
Hi. Much love your way.

Yes, I can relate to what you are saying. as it appears others definitely as well.

In addition to us just losing our precious Daisy just before her 7th birthday, we lost Houston our other long haired beauty cat after only a year. he died after a quick onset of feline aids. he came into our life when we were at the car wash. the workers found him as a kitten in a pipe at the wash. Like Daisy, Samba and everyone heres loved one, he was a special unique spirit. We would joke that he was a human because he was so different. I even taught him to use the toilet! So his sudden death was immensely painful because it was so unexpected- combined with in our heads we saw ourselves growing up with him with many years to come. I still cry every now and then for him today, 8 years later. it's hard to even look at his picture.

Take care of yourself and your family. you and everyone here are not alone in your pain.

Pat
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