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Bobo

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Posts: 116
 #1 

I lost my baby April 8/12/10 to an awfull disease called IMHA. She was a 12 year old American Eskimoe. She had no signs of trouble untill she passed out running down the stairs to go for a walk. Gone in 6 days...OMG I tried everything, blood transfussions, hospital stays - to give her time for the meds to kick in. She had a stroke at 2:30 am 8/12/10 and I had to lay her to rest. My mind just keeps playing over and over waking up to see her convulsing on the ground....my little baby, I could do NOTHING. She was blinded by the stroke, couldnt see me, but could hear and feel me. As the vet injected the leathal dose I, I, .........Watching the life leave her just  killed me. I love you baby, and Im so sorry. 

I am asking all to see, that God would raise her with me on that day. Goodbye my baby..........

cheeseburgersmom

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Posts: 355
 #2 
Dear Bobo

I am so sorry about April. Please know you did all you could for her and she knows that too. I know how difficult it is not to think of what happened. I still think of the time my Cheeseburger was sick and everything that happened. I lost him to cancer on May 4, 2008. One of the things that does help me is to think of the 10 wonderful years we had together and the love, trust and friendship we shared. Hold on to all the good memories you have of April and I hope they will bring some comfort to you,  and always remember her love remains in your heart.

Dee
Cheeseburger's Mom

 Dee and Cheesey
cheeseburgersmom

Registered:
Posts: 355
 #3 
Dear Bobo

I am so sorry about April. Please know you did all you could for her and she knows that too. I know how difficult it is not to think of what happened. I still think of the time my Cheeseburger was sick and everything that happened. I lost him to cancer on May 4, 2008. One of the things that does help me is to think of the 10 wonderful years we had together and the love, trust and friendship we shared. Hold on to all the good memories you have of April and I hope they will bring some comfort to you,  and always remember her love remains in your heart.

Dee
Cheeseburger's Mom

 Dee and Cheesey
Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #4 
I am so sorry April has passed on.  She got sick so suddenly and you have so little time to prepare yourself.  You did everything possible for her and I know how hard it was to say goodbye to her.  But, we will see our babies again and we will be reunited for all of eternity.  It doesn't get any better than that.

Mare
precious Christoph ~ 2 years at the bridge ~

River

Registered:
Posts: 262
 #5 
I am so sorry for your loss. What a terrible shock you must have suffered. You, like so many here have tried so desperately to save their babies. I am certain that April knew how hard you fought for her. My thoughts are with you.
Bobo

Registered:
Posts: 116
 #6 
I miss her so much, Im going crazy. I washed the bed sheets and pillow shames, she would jump up on the bed and get real cozy, then want to play.
My God....I dont want to go on. I'll put one foot in front of the other today and see what happens.

I keep praying the God would send her to me in a dream, just to let me know shes ok and forgives me. I feel so guilty for not....I dont know...something more I geuss. It all happed so fast, she was happy and heatlhy and then so sick, so fast.

IMHA attacks the red blood cells as if its an infection, what an ugly disease.

April

Cecis_Mom

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Posts: 1,191
 #7 
Dearest Bob,
 
So sorry to hear of the loss of your precious April.
 
Thank you for writing to me on Ceci's two year anniversary.
 
Your loss of April is similar to Ceci's story.  Ceci suddenly took ill with back-to-back seizures before I made that sad decision to end her suffering 48 hours later.  I tried to treat complications from a brain tumor, but nothing really could help in the end.
 
The wonderful, kind, sincere people here in our Pet Loss Family is what helped me crawl out of the darkest days of my life.
 
Now so many of us from earlier days here on these message boards are here to give back to the newcomers.
 
Welcome, Dear Bob, and please continue to visit and share as often as you need.
 
God Bless You,
 
Ceci's Mom (Robin) and Mama to Lil' Red, my precious boy
                                                                         and The Pinny Gig
missingbobby

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #8 
Bobo, April was beautiful! A little angel, that's for sure. I didn't have time to do anything as well...not even to put him to sleep, that was not even considered at the time. Even the vet was surprised by how things went fast, less than 24 hours. One day fine, the other in the afternoon everything went bad, and in the next morning, he past. Past sleeping they said. But April doesn't blame you for it, you did what you could. Not just this time, you did that all her life. And putting her to sleep was a way to stop her suffering. April doesn't have to forgive you, because you did the right thing. It was a hard thing to do, but it had to be done, it was the best thing for her. I don't know how we take those images out of our heads, but we have to keep on trying. Our little angles are safe now, and with no pain. I wish you strength, and you're in my prayers, so as April and everyone here. We have to be strong, it's painful, it's hard, it's a living nightmare, but we'll make it and be strong again . You for April, I'll make it for Bobby. Don't know how, but we'll make it.
WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #9 
Dear Bob,

My heart broke as I read your post about your beloved April passing. IMHA is a cruel disease that can strike an otherwise healthy dog so quickly, and many times there is so little one can do to alter it's course. I have no doubt that even though your girl was blind at the end, she knew you were with her.  She knows your heart.  She could feel your loving arms holding her, your voice soothing her, and she wasn't afraid to follow the angels.  Before she left, she took a piece of your heart, and will hold tightly to it until you meet again.  Bob, I am just so very sorry for your loss.  Please know that your petloss family will be here for you.  When you feel up to it, I would love to hear more about April.  I am sure you have countless, wonderful stories to share.

April is just stunning in that photo, and already looks like the angel she has become.  Her beautiful presence brings tears to my eyes.  I know she was just as beautiful inside, as well.  How blessed you were/are to belong to each other.

Beloved April, Godspeed!  Please come see your daddy in his dreams just as soon as you can, precious.  He misses you so, and needs to know you are okay.  You are so deeply loved.

Melissa
Bobo

Registered:
Posts: 116
 #10 
Thank you so much Melissa, that was beautiful.

I helped nurse my Dad into eternity, but with my baby April it was so much harder. I have never felt anything like it, a part of my heart was taken with her.

April just loved children, all the training went out the door when she heard a child laughing or saw one playing. Yeah, I'll have a few stories to tell but now its just too painful.

I used the can-opener last night for the first time since she crossed.....wow I miss that happy dance.


Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #11 
April is so beautiful!  Her picture is amazing.  Our pets are such blessings in our lives.  We miss them so much when they leave us, but know that our lives have been enriched so much by them. 

Mare

Darian

Registered:
Posts: 282
 #12 

I know what you mean about your Dad.  Mine passed last year too.  It's such a hard thing to talk about.  Its not at all that our Dads were less important to us.  It's just that we know our Dads prepared,  rationalized,  realized they were going.  And in my case, maybe yours,  my Dad was very religious and lived his life in preparation for the next world. He also had lived a full, long life and was tired of being ill.   With my little guy,  he was so happy and spunky almost to the end.  When he left it was the first time I realized that the cozy little life I've made for myself can be destroyed in seconds, and that it was beyond my control.  He was my little buddy,  best friend.  He used to hurl himself at the back of my legs when I opened a cheese slice,  so hard that my legs would buckle!!  I don't know when it gets better.  It's been over a month for me.  I guess I'm getting better,  but I still long to feel as happy as i used to.    

Bobo

Registered:
Posts: 116
 #13 
Thank you all for your support. I'll have somemore pictures soon. Still no dream of her yet, Lord please make it soon. Life feels so....empty without her.

Thanks Darian, with my Dad I was able to say goodbye to him, his faith was strong. I had no doubt with his passing. With my baby April, I was the protector, dad, helper, all of those things. I think I waited one day to long...the last hour was so ugly, I feel it voided all the years....I still cant talk about what happend...but I know I will have too soon, or it will eat me up inside.
weddingdance

Registered:
Posts: 54
 #14 
I've only had two dreams of my Doolan, one not bad, the other awful.  I felt like I was going to do myself in just to be with him back on 5/21/10 when he passed on.  I try to say passed on instead of passed away, because he's in Heaven, and I'm just waiting to get there to be with him.  April's in Heaven too, and you'll be with her someday, just try not to rush it, if you know what I mean.
EJones

Registered:
Posts: 455
 #15 

I lost my little shihtzu CoCo to Cushings disease on April 3rd.  Terrible disease.  Just as we were coming to terms with his passing, my little chihuahua, Taterbug died from congestive heart failure on June 6th.  It was sudden.  One day she was fine, next day she fainted while greeting me as I came in from work.  She just fainted.  2 weeks later she passed in my arms.  I miss both of them terribly but know that they are in Heaven awaiting me, patiently.  I and my wife have had dreams of Taterbug, and CoCo manifested to my wife in another way.  I hope CoCo comes to me in my dreams but so far he has not.  Just keep faith that you will be re-united with April on your Forever day.  She will wait for you until it is your time.  She knows what is in your heart.  The pain will be intense but understand, April caused no pain at all except for her passing.  And that pain will become bearable one day.  But right now, come here often.  We understand.  I tell people I had many therapists after I lost my two.  And they were all right here on this forum and in the chat room.

Fionasmum

Registered:
Posts: 730
 #16 
Dear Bobo,

On July 20th this year I lost my beautiful little dog Fiona to a heart tumour just five days after her diagnosis.  Like your April, Fiona had no symptoms and we tried everything we could in the last few days just to keep her alive.  She was almost 9 years old. 

To top it off, Fiona's death came just one day after my brother's funeral - he had died in a car crash the week before leaving 4 children. 

The thing is that Fiona would have served as comfort during this dreadful time - we were so close (I have no children) and she gave me more than I ever gave her in terms of support, love and just being there.  That she was taken too is so very hard to understand and so difficult to accept. 

It's been almost 6 weeks (tomorrow) and I cry every day.  Ever day I am reminded of something, everything, and I cannot yet find a way to move past the loss of my beloved little companion.  My brother's death is so much easier to deny - he lived in Toronto and I am in Vancouver - since we did not see each other every day. 

The horrible realization that Fiona will never come back gets more real with each day that passes.  Like you, putting one foot in front of the other is something I have to do but not something I want to do.  Missing her is a physical ache.  I also feel that I let her down somehow.  Maybe there was a symptom I should have picked up on.  Maybe there was a signal we missed.  And, although there was no way to have avoided it, I had to spend several days before her death with my family in Toronto.  I literally got home 18 hours before she died.  My husband was with her and he told me she was waiting for me before she decided she had to go.

Bobo, your April was a beautiful girl.  I haven't had any signs from Fiona but I feel her presence every day regardless.  I am sure the same is true for you.

I am trying not to think of each footstep as walking in a direction away from Fiona but one that takes me closer to a day when I will see her again. 

I wish you the peace and the comfort that you gave April. 

Fionasmum
ishobie

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #17 
what a beautiful dog, I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain. Mine too died from a stroke after surgery, but she was at the vet. How very sad. My vet said there is nothing you can do when they have a stroke, it is just so awful.
my thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time
dshoutz25

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #18 

What a beautiful dog April was! All of us here know exactly how painful it is to lose a beloved companion. I have had to go through that very pain several times before. I think with my dog, Red, who passed away of cancer at age 13, had I not taken the step to adopt another dog in need, I swear it felt like I was going to never stop crying. I eventually adopted Buddy, a 2-year old golden who had been through at least two different homes before I ended up with him. He is a gentle soul and I can't imagine how anyone could have neglected him. He is now 13 and in relatively good shape. He is showing his age, though, and I dread the day that I lose him, too. I will say a special prayer for April today. Thank you for sharing her picture with us. What a sweetheart of a dog...

carebear55

Registered:
Posts: 28
 #19 
Dear Bob

I too ran into IMHA with our 11 1/2 year old black lab.  The horrible thing about IMHA is not knowing what brings it on.  Our boy Goobie was diagnosed with Fibrosacoma in July 2008 as this was not a spreading cancer the holistic vet thought we would have another year at least with Goobie.
He took sick November 2 with IMHA. Statistics aren't good 40 - 60 % however as he was on a home cooked diet and herbal medicine our holistic Vet gave him 50 - 50. We agreed to try & save him. Goobie too had blood transfusions and it looked like he was getting better when he took a turn for the worst. He had a heart attack and passed away November 7th, 2008.
Bob the journey that you are now on is not an easy one. 
We all are different however I found I cried every day for the first 2 months.  Remember you are grieving for a family member some one who was with you many hours of every day.  It is only normal to grieve for their loss.  In time the tears will become less frequent and you will cherish all the memories Angel has left you with. Now you just need to take 1 day at a time.
Goobie left his paw prints on my heart and there are still some days with tears; tears of love even coming up to his 2nd year anniversary at the bridge. 

My thoughts & prayers are with you..
(((Hugs)))

Kerri - Goobie's Mom


judesmom

Registered:
Posts: 1,901
 #20 
bob-i am so very very sorry to hear of your beloved april's passing.   it's hard enough to release them to the bridge when they've lived a good long life but to have an illness take them away and so very quickly, it just leaves us with our minds reeling out of control.    we're numb but the mind is running 100 miles an hr.      we can't stop thinking and we can't stop hurting.

i must say thank you for posting that lovely picture.    april is quite a beautiful dog.   and she does have a cetain devilish charm look to her face now doesn't she?    you can tell by that look that she has her dad wrapped around her paw.  

i know that you are hurting and hurting in such a way that you never have before.    we all have  losses in our lives but it seems as if our furbabies are the ones that completely devastate us.    not only for the love that we have given and received from them but also because they are our children that never grow up and move away from home.   we are with them 24/7/365 and are responsible for everything in their lives.   when it is their time to run off to the bridge, we feel as if we've had the very life sucked out of our beings.    life doesn't seem worth living at times the pain is that great.   and we all second guess ourselves as to what we think we did wrong.    but what we need to focus on is what we did right.     your baby was very well loved and knew what it meant to have a worthwhile and enjoyable life.     you gave her your heart and soul and you could give her no more.     she knows and understands this and i hope for your own peace of mind that you will accept that one day.   

the shock value of losing your baby in such a short space of time has left you shocked.    it's too much to absorb or understand at the moment.   please give yourself heaps and gobs of time to go through the grieving/healing process.   it takes many many months b4 we realize that the sun will shine for us once again.    it may not shine as brightly but it will shine again.   do whatever feels right to you at the moment whether it be shedding bucket loads of tears, searching for some answers to this from within yourself, gently smiling at a tender moment you and april shared, etc.......
whatever works for you just go ahead and do it.

when you are able to you may want to participate in the monday night candlelight service provided by petloss.   there is info on it on the home page.   i have participated a few times and it is beautifully presented and is very respectful.    it also has a calming and  healing influence to it as well.   

and there are 2 books that have been discussed many times on this board, 'animals and the afterlife' by kim sheridan and 'cold noses at the pearly gates' by gary ????(can't remember his last name but i think it begins with a G).  i have read both books and both brought me comfort.   you may want to consider picking up 1 or both of them to help you.    

one of the most important things to remember is to not beat yourself up  with guilt.    gullt has no part of the love that you and april shared.    it comes disguised as a part of love but it indeed is not.    toss it out the door b4 it enters your heart anymore then it already has.    april would not want that there and it is no good for you.     come here often and talk, cry, vent, smile, share, laugh with us all you want and need to.    everyone here completely understands everything you are thinking and feeling.   we have all been through or are going through a major loss in our lives and we can all help each other when we're strong enough to and lean on each other when we need to.   we've become a family and family supports each other.

one day you will come to acceptance with your loss.   until that day comes, you will need to talk and we are here to listen.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))



judesmom

Registered:
Posts: 1,901
 #21 
ps-you will receive your dream visit one day when your mind and heart are more at ease.    i believe that in the first days/weeks/months our grief is so strong that it acts as a barrier for our furbabies to break through.    when the time is right for you to see april in all of her divine beauty and visit with her once again,  you will receive that gift from her.   be patient.............it will happen one day.
Bobo

Registered:
Posts: 116
 #22 
I laughed this morning! Just when I woke up, before that burning realization that's shes gone kicked in - I thought of a happy time with her - and I laughed. Then I cried.....

Thank you ALL so much, I just don't know what I would do without this place.







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