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Jelly_Belle

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Posts: 1
 #1 
I had raised Belle from a kitten...I got her when I was 16 and she was everything to me. Two days ago she stopped eating and drinking and could barely walk. After two days in emerge we would told it was time to make a decision. She had stage 4 renal failure and she wasn't going to get better. What killed me was she was fine. She was acting totally normal and it wasn't even me that picked up on her acting strange. The first day we were there the vet said she would probably still have years left and the next day her new vet said she was just shutting down. I feel like putting her down was a failure on my part and I just can't stop crying...she was supposed to come home and now...now I can barely look around my house without choking on screams of pain.
I feel like I failed her. I feel completely destroyed and I don't know how to deal with this pain. We had gotten a puppy three weeks ago and she'd been put on the back burner so we could keep an eye on him and I just feel like I've missed the last good weeks of her life. Like somehow I did this.
Watching her go to sleep for the last time was heart wrenching and I just want her to come back home ...just want her to mouth off at me again, sit awkwardly on my lap and make me feel guilty when I have to readjust or stand up. I want my baby back and I can't even articulate how much it hurts being without her.
She was supposed to come back home...
cosesmom

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Posts: 465
 #2 
I am so sorry for your loss.  I know the pain and heart ache you are feeling. It hurts and you feel you will never be the same, and you won't but you will go on, only differently. You didn't fail her, Belle knew you tried and she knows how much you loved her. You were loved and you loved her back. Be gentle with yourself and cry as much as you need to but please let go of the guilt. Belle wouldn't want that. Remember the journey, not the last day. We all want to bring our babies back home with us and never say goodbye but we did the biggest act of kindness we could have ever done and we did it out of love. I let my sweet Termy go over 18 months ago and I still mourn my loss. I loved him deeply and will miss him forever. I too had trouble watching Termy take his last breath and it haunted me for a long time but I let go of the negative and replaced them with happy and positive thoughts and this helped me a lot.
You Belle will always be with you, her spirit remains with you until you are reunited again at the Bridge.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
Karmacat

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Posts: 115
 #3 
Jelly_Belle

There is no good way for a cat to die. Whichever way it happens, it was always going to be a devastating experience for us cat parents. Your cat sounds like it was fading fast, so there's no reason to doubt the prognosis of the vet. When cats stop eating, they usually don't last much longer.

Euthanasia is such a heartbreaking experience. I think it's probably much worse for us humans than it is for the cats. I, too, was forced to do it to my cat Karma, and I hope I will never have to do it again in this lifetime. Those images of the last moments are burned into my brain. It should perhaps have been seen as an easy release for the cat, but my mind and heart just can't seem to process it that way...
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