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Posts: 71
It was only last October that this forum became my lifesaver after losing my boy cat Raisin suddenly from suspected heart disease at just aged 4.

Now unfortunately I find myself back again. We had to have our gorgeous black cat Holly pts yesterday. She hadn’t been herself the last 3 weeks or so and we put it down to stress, due to us getting a new kitten. After numerous vets visits, they suspected an infection and stress. On Saturday night she disappeared for 2 days and after frantic searching she came back on Monday night, I was so happy.

She was so skinny though and for the third day in a row she wouldn’t eat. Unfortunately after scans and tests yesterday, she was diagnosed with Lymphoma. We could’ve gone with chemo, but she would never be cured. The vet also said she could respond well to treatment or it may have an adverse affect and make her feel worse. We just couldn’t put her through anymore stressful visits to the vet, she hated going so much and I feel bad that we put her through so many visits, being poked and prodded.

She was only 10, so not old in cat terms.

The guilt is already setting in, feeling bad about all the times in the past I ignored her and moaned at her being sick and having to clear it up. I also feel bad that I don’t feel as devastated as when I lost Raisin, although I love her just as much. Maybe it’s because I know she isn’t suffering anymore and I knew she wasn’t well, I don’t know, but I just hope she knows I love her just as much as all my kitties, she was just as important.

She was very independent and would rather be on her own, therefore probably got ignored more than my other kitties. She also loved fuss and was very talkative, you could literally have a meow conversation with her. If anyone was upset, she would always come running to them and meow as if to comfort them which was an amazing and special quality in her.

I don’t know how to feel. I feel sad but I haven’t been crying loads like with Raisin, and I feel bad because she was just as special.

Thanks for reading and I’m so sorry for everyone who has to post on this board, but I’m so glad it’s here as the support is invaluable

Vicky x

Posts: 22
I am so sorry that you lost your sweet Holly.  We can't always control our emotions, sometimes you think you're being strong, and other times you fall apart.  Grieving is different for everyone, and for each pet as they are all individuals and unique in their own way.  *Hugs*
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