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LooseysMom

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #1 
My precious St. Bernard, best friend, and daughter, Loosey (aka Expressly Miss Touloose in her showgirl days!) is laying next to me as I search for websites to help me deal with the now inevitable consequence I have to face... aparently tomorrow.  I haven't been able to make the call even though she's been unable to walk without me holding her up for over two weeks.  She's 12 (no small feat for a Saint!) so she probably wouldn't survive the MRI needed to diagnose what we're already 99% sure she has. Surgery would be the treatment and, even though she's miraculously survived two of these already at UC Davis, a 3rd is out of the question.  She doesn't appear to be in pain but she's not comfortable at all and now can't walk without me completely supporting her now. 

When it started two weeks ago I got very spiritual, read my Buddhist books and tried to get prepared.  It looked like it would be a couple of days.  I cried and grieved, but I was ready.  Now two weeks later... I'm a mess.  I keep trying to figure out how I'll manage to make it from the time I make the call (my wonderful vet has offered to come to my house) and the time he gets here.  I envision holding her while he walks up and I panic!  I know she's tired and not happy but if she so much as wags her tail I swear I won't be able to do it!

I need advice from those who've been there.  How do you do it?  How can you be there for them?  She's still eating (I wrap her multitude of pills in ham and hand feed her food with a fork) and she's pooping and peeing (with me holding her behind up) but she's not a happy girl any more.  I am pretty damn sure it's time but.... how do you know for sure and how do you get through it!? Please share.

Loosey's Mom, Tanny

BTW  I got her at 8 weeks and she has been my rock.  I know that the worst will come when she's not there any longer... but first things first. I want to deal with her comfort and feelings and be there for her.
katebock

Registered:
Posts: 686
 #2 
Dear Tanny

First, let me say how terribly sorry I am for what you are facing.  It is such a difficult decision to make, but I am a firm believer in the quality of life.  I have been fortunate that I have only had to have 2 of my babies pts. (Strange use of  the word fortunate when talking about losing my babies, Oh well). 

20 years ago I had to have my miniature schnauzer pts.  She was 14 yrs.old and the first baby my husband and I had.  I couldn't make the call or go to the vet.  My husband had to deal with it.  I've always felt bad about that. One of those things that haunt me.

 4 years ago I had to put my 16 yr. old cat to sleep.  I handled it completely different than the first time around.  I had my vet come to the house.  It was so much more comforting to Snuggles and to me.  He just went to sleep quietly in his favorite chair.  No stress, no fear.  I was devastated, but at least I knew that he went peacefully in his home with me holding and loving him.   I won't lie to you, it was the most AWFUL decision to make, but he had cancer and I refused to let him suffer.  I loved him too much for that. 

You have always been there for your Loosey.  She has always counted on you and trusted you to do what was best for her.  I know that when you are ready to make the decision, it will be out of your love for her. 

You and Loosey are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kate (Gus' mom)

miteylittle

Registered:
Posts: 25
 #3 

Tanny,
 
I have recently had to make that decision.  I know how difficult it was for me.  My baby shut down quick and had to be pts.  See "my little old lady kitty is gone"  The story is there.
 
My best therapy so far has been to cry like hell.  Long and hard and anytime you need to.  As far as being spiritual, I can't help you there.  I was so overcome with grief and lonliness that I couldn't meditate or even open my heart chakra without drowning in tears, let alone do any lightwork.
 
We just have to go through it.  I will point out that you may feel worse after Loosey is gone because of the keeping her around.  Ask Spirit and her heart if perhaps she is ready to go.  You will get the correct answer if you listen.
 
Peace to you my friend,  I wish I could ease your pain but this type of decision is never easy.
 
email me if you need to  miteylittle@yahoo.com

 


 
Jennifer (yngwie's mom)
 
Light and love

Lee

Registered:
Posts: 205
 #4 
Dear Looseysmom,
I'm so sorry that you are going thru this...but your baby has already made the decision for you...you said she appears tired and not happy anymore,,,she's being brave for you....you are giving her the greatest gift you could ever give her....assisting her to the Bridge.....
I was in the same spot 4 months ago today when we had to assist my
Tai-Chi to the Bridge she was only 8 yrs old......all day she was giving us signs and she gave us "that look"....I still grieve for her everyday, but I know shes well now and running around like a puppy again....
my thoughts will be with you and Loosey...
Tai-Chi's mom Lisa  

Gruntsmomforever

Registered:
Posts: 699
 #5 
Dear Tanny,

My thoughts are with you and your Precious Loosey.  I'm very sorry your girl is so ill, and that you have such a difficult decision to make ahead of you.  I tried preparing myself for the eventuality, too, but when faced with the reality, it all went out the window.

The love you have for your Loosey will guide you.  My heart aches for you because I know that this is a very hard time.  She will tell you - watch her. 

Keeping you and your Beloved Girl in my prayers,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever
Loudpurring

Registered:
Posts: 774
 #6 
Hi;
 
I am sorry that you have to go through this. I know it is so hard.
 
Okay, I am sure that you know what the average age Saint Bernards make it to. Of course that does not lesson your pain.
 
So, you have to think about what you are doing. Okay, an MRI, what is that going to tell you? It will tell if she needs to have surgery? Okay. So now,.....I don't want to be blunt or seem cold, because I do feel for you. But I think someone has to say it straight to you and not mince words,,,I really do care....Now, she has gone through the transport to have the MRI she has been anesthatised by strangers. She has been picked up and placed here and there and everywhere THEY want her to be. She does not know why. She only knows that she doesn't know where her mommy is and she hurts and sh wants to go home. and she is frightened. Now she is done with the MRI. She doesn't understand why she is where she is and she is in a stange place and there are smells of sickness all around (even in the most immaculate practice Dogs and Cats still can smell fear and pain). She is confused and she has a headache (I know nobody ever talks about dogs having headaches) She is tired and she just wants these strangers to leave her alone. She wants to go home. Of course they can't leave her alone while she is in their care, so a nurse comes by, (of course she doesn't know it is a nurse, just a stranger to her) her temp is taken and her vital signs checked over and over. They are just doing their job to make sure she is okay, but she doesn't know this. She wants her mommy and of course mommy can't be there. After to her who knows how much time......goes by more time alone........Now she is picked up by more peole again and transported again and at leastt her mommy is there, but mommy is crying and she doesn't know why. She is worried because she can't protect mommy from whatever it is that is making mommy cry.......And now best possible outcome for everything is that surgery will "fix" her.
 
I don't think i have to give you the blow by blow description of what the eay  of surgery would be like. I think you know. you have to remember at all times what is going on in her head. No animal wants to di ever. But they do know fear and pain and love. She does not want to die, but You have to think..Does she want to live this way? In a young healthy dog I would weigh out the fear etc associated with the whole surgery and recovery process and I would try to decide if it would be worth it and by worth it i mean in the end will the dog be happy? Will the dog be "okay" and for how long. if there is a good chance or any chance that they will be "okay" ie happy in the end then yes it is worth it, but....
 
This is a very personal descision one only you can make I cant make it for you, your vet can't make it for you. Mabey Loosey can tell you somehow. Just listen to her and try to see things through her eyes feeling what she feels. Yo will know what you have to do. You also will know if it is more important to do what you do for her or for you.
 
Now, I will take up more space here and tell another story for you to see both sides of the"coin" not the riteword but couldn't come up with another analagy right now (bad day)
 
Where I work I work with some of the best veterinary surgeons in the world. There was a fairly new doctor there. he had taught as a proffesor for 20 + years and had great credentials etc. So there was this dog named Shadow. Shadow was about 12 years old and had been hit by a car she had multiple injuries broken legs compound fractures, and a broken neck, and back injuries. Her back was broken. She was at our hospital for a long time and this new Doctor did so any surgeries on her. Her people visited her alot during the day. i was pulling the overnight shifts, there by myself with an ER Hospital next door in case I needed him. I would be there overnight with her and this poor dog coud not move. I would have to turn her every 2 to 4 hours so fluid would not build up on one side. Every time I would move her despite being o iv morphine and other major pain control drugs, this poor dog all wild eyed would cry. She cried out without moving her neck. i would cry with her. i spent some nights sitting next to her just crying with her. Screw what ever work I had to do. At least at this hospital patient care is always the most important thing. They are always number one on every ones list. So it was okay that I would just sit with her. Another tech at work started talking to me about how everyone at work thought that it was so cruel to put this dog through this and I started thinking about it so I (never one to keep my thoughts to myself when animals are involved) talked to the doctors tech/wife and I asked her what the heck we were doing and why and she said the Shadow could make a full recovery. She just had to get through this rough spot, or something like that. Okay I continued doing my job. I thought well who knows what I thought. So l;ong story even longer, Shadow stopped by the hospital a year or so ago. She was catching a ball. I mean her owner was throwing a ball and Shadow would run, yes run and jump, yes jump not very high but she cought the ball. It was at that time I took the doctors tech to the side and told her I was very sorry for any negative thoughts and that I was wrong to think it was not "worth it ".
 
So you see, there are always two sides to everything. You have to make the choice of what to do. Nobody can decide for you. I know what I would do, But, if I had decided for Shadow I would have been so wrong.
 
I wish you the best with whatever descision you make and I have faith you will do what is rite. please keep us posted. you will get through what you have to and you will survive and Loosey will be with you no matter what love never dies ever.Not this kind of love.
WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #7 

Dear Tanny,

This past January I was in a very similar situation to yours.  My beloved 16 year old terrier, Betsy, was suffering from dementia and was having great difficulty standing on her own, as her back legs were so weak.   I had to steady her at her bowl, and hand-feed her most of her food, but she ate all of it!  

What finally got me to the point that I knew I had to make the appointment with the vet was this:

I carried her out to potty and watched her from the patio.  She was able walk a few steps and then fell to her side.   She struggled to right herself, but just couldn't get up.  She was always such a proud little terrier.   I let out a cry of horror, and ran to her.  I cradled her in my arms, saying to her, "It's okay, little girl.  If you need to go with the angels, please know Mommy will understand."   I knew at that moment I had to put HER first, not my selfish desire to have her around with no quality of life.   So, I called the vet...and went into this weird "autopilot" type mode, almost shut down of emotions.  Because, I knew if I let myself feel, I would not have the strength to go through with the decision to have her put to sleep. 

Waiting for the appointment to come was agony.  Those were the hardest three days of my life.  I scheduled it for late on a Friday and took the day off to spend it with her.  She slept most of the day, in my arms.   When she would wake, I would sing to her and carry her like a baby.  I made hamburger and roasted chicken for her last meal.  It still chills my heart to think of how she ate every last bite from my hand. 

Tanny, there is no way around it.....this is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in your life.  But, it is something that you will do out of complete selfless LOVE for your baby.  In many ways, it is the most merciful gift we can give our suffering babies.

My husband and I were in the room with our little girl when she passed and she looked like an angel afterwards.  So at peace.  No more suffering.  Before she got the injection, I leaned down and whispered into her ear,  "You will close your eyes, my love, and when you open them again you will be in the most beautiful place you have ever seen.  You will be young again and your mind will be as clear as a puppy's.  Just go with the angels, my love.  Mommy loves you and we will be together some day."  I pressed her favorite toy to her cheek and pressed my cheek to her little back.  My husband held her, because I was afraid I would faint when I felt her body go limp.  But, it was very peaceful.   We stayed with her afterward, talking to her, saying some prayers.  And, we both cried, and cried some more.

TANNY, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.  Just as all of us have.  You will be guided by your love for Loosey and that love WILL GIVE YOU STRENGTH to do what needs to be done.   She is so tired and so deserving of peace and rest, isn't she?  She knows your heart; and you know hers.   Trust in the love and the bond you have.  That is what got me through that dreadful day.  Make it an act of pure love.

And, come here for support.  These people here have sustained me through my loss.   My email is rxhope@stx.rr.com.  If you have questions or just need the extra support, don't hesitate to write me.  You don't have to face this alone.

Hugs,
Melissa
Betsy's forever mom

   My Beloved Little Betsy Noodle
        Forever in My Heart

LooseysMom

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #8 
Thanks you all so much for your help and support!  It's amazing how much it helps to know that there are others out there that know how it feels.  I think we know that other have been and are going through this but to actually read the words and hear the emotions coming through is priceless!  I don't feel so alone in my grief and suffering right now.  And somehow that helps diffuse it.

And the advice is more helpful than you know.  My head isn't functioning when  I'm so emotional so it's really grounding to hear your experiences and thoughts. Thanks for the rational voices!

As I sit here and type... Loosey is lying on the front porch and about every 3 minutes she just let's out a big Saint WOOF.  She's never been a barker but she can't get up to come get me so she's calling me.  Another sign.  She doesn't want to be alone.  Tonight it's becoming clear.   I just took her out to do her business and she fell twice... with me holding her back end up... her front end went down.  I'm exhausted and I'm starting to get frustrated and angry with her. I know she's not happy. 

So please keep the advice coming. Thank you so much!

Tanny 'Loosey's Mom'
basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #9 
Dear Tanny
What else can I say when it has really all been said.  I think you know in your heart that you have to let her go.  I had a Leonburger x, they are very large too.  She lasted 5 months after being diagnosed with Leukaemia, she was 11 years and 6 months.  She still wanted to come out every morning with me and the wee man Basil, I tried leaving her behind but she would get so upset.  So every morning I would lift her into the car, lift her out again when we got to the river bank, and then do the same in reverse.  Even though she had lost so much weight, it was quite a feat for me, as I am not very big.  The last morning we got to the river and I lifted her out, and she just lay down and looked at me.  I put her back in the car and when we got home I rang the vet.  I told Sorcha that she could leave when she needed to and if she was ready it would be that morning, she just laid her head on my hand she was so weak.  I realise that I probably should have let her go before, but being selfish, as my life was a total mess at the time, I wanted her with me.
Her passing was so peaceful, the vet, his wife and me sat with her for about half an hour afterwards, crying but talking about my beautiful girl.
Although we were all Reiki masters, including my Sorcha, we werent very spiritual at that time, we were just grieving.
Im sorry, I have been going on a bit, but I just knew that Sorcha needed to leave then.  It was the same with my little Basil, I spoke with him, and he answered into my heart.
We are thinking of you at this very hard time. Be strong, Much Love, Di xxx
Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #10 
I can empathize with you. How do you know when?? That is a question I have the most difficulty with.

I had a calico, Puffy, that we let go in January. She had kidney failure. This was dx in March of 07--right up to September, she did good. Then, labor day w/e she took a turn for the worse. I'm someone who always needs to undertand or know why things are happening. And, why did she just start going downhill? No answer reallly. Her labs were still good. Up until we let her go--labs were perfect, vet said. She was loosing weight and had diarrhea 2-3/day, in and out of the box, often on the side of the box and under it. My husband refused to let her go. I understood, too--it was too hard for him. We had her for 18 yrs. (She was almost 18 1/2yrs.) She was peeing extreme amts. and always at the water bowl. Her little kidneys were worsening for sure.

We did let her go--for me it was the loss of weight (down to 4 lbs.)and a disease that has no cure, just deterioration and watching it get worse-- like you are watching your Loosey get worse is so hard. The worst part for me. You feel helpless, too. And, then if you get angry, you feel guilty that you're feeling angry!!
It's hard to take care of a very ill pet. I have 3 others who are ill, too. And I'm not St. Nancee, I'm easily irritated alot. I love them, but they irritate me too, at times. 
The falling over and not being able to walk well must be so hard on you.You've done more than I could ever do.
 I know it's an awful hard time. Take care.
LooseysMom

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #11 
Loosey in her favorite position :)
 
 
Kate, Jennifer, Lisa, Katharine, Heidi, Melissa, and Di...
 
You can't imagine how helpful your words are.  I slept with Loose on the porch last night since she seems to be obsessed with being near me... which makes this so hard.  But reading your words brings me back to a more selfless place.  It's hard because I selfishly want to have her want me and continue to need me.  She's been my support system for so long not only because she's been there for me but also because she's made me feel needed since the day I picked her up as an 8 week old furball on Sept. 8, 1996!  She gave my life a purpose and meaning that I hadn't had before (even though I'd had 4 Saints before her!).  I had just gone through a divorce and she was my new 'partner'.
 
I know that her condition has no good outcome.  I know that it will get worse for her by the day.  I know that she's had one of the longest- and the very best- lives a Saint (or any dog!) could ever have.  I know that sleeping on concrete and lifting her up constantly is making me crazy... and she feels that.  Then I look at her beautiful, peaceful face and pet her silky head as she sleeps and I'm completely torn! 
 
But knowing that she should have that peace from now on and I'm the one that can give it to her helps.  When you tell me that I will be guided by my love for her... I just really needed to hear that.  I have to have courage and be strong enough to let her go.  She needs it.  I guess I'm just dreading the moment when I won't be defined as 'Loosey's Mom' anymore.  But I know I really always will be.
 
Now to find the courage!  With all of your strength behind me, I'm going to call her vet this morning and check out the situation.  He's said that he'll come here and if he can come today... I know it's best for her.  Oh God, wish me luck.  My boyfriend and my loving family (Loosey's ''Grandma, and her 'Aunties') are all here... but I feel more support from all of you!  Thanks you from the bottom of my heart!
 
Tanny  (Loosey's Mom forever)
 
JerryC

Registered:
Posts: 1,569
 #12 
LooseysMom;
I am so sorry for what you are going through and what you are about to do, It will be two weeks this Wednesday I had to assist our 16 year old Chihuahua
to the bridge. We had her for nine years after my wife's parents passed away. As I have written here before, Peaches I know is in a better place. In one of my posts to her I was there when the vet helped her on her journey and as we were heading back home I looked at her and to me she appeared to be young again. It was then I knew she had reached her final destination one I had watched her visit in her dreams so many mornings as she was a sleep in our bed. There are many here as you can see who will help you get through this because we all have tried to help another with their loss. After having seen Peaches at peace, and others have responded to me saying they too had seen a change after their soul mate had departed, it is the right thing to do and will be one of the hardest. Be strong, be their for her as in the Dog's Prayer it says; she will leave knowing she was forever safest in your arms. All of us here grieve for you for we have been there. Remember she, as well as all of our departed companions and soul mates will live in our hearts for ever. God Bless you and Loosey on her journey. Be thankful for the twelve wonderful years you shared I know I am for the nine years we had with our Peach.

Jerry and Gwen--------------In Oklahoma.
WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #13 
Hi Tanny,

You are getting irritated and angry at Loosy, not because she is falling, but because you know she is about to leave you.   And, part of the anger is probably at yourself, for letting this go on as long as it has.  I felt I let Betsy go a little too long.   Please don't let her sense your anger, as she will think she is doing something bad.....and she isn't.  She is just in the process of passing to her new life....a life free of pain.  

You said you want her to "need" you.   She DOES need you, but she doesn't need you to prolong her suffering or need you to keep her around just so you can feel needed.   She needs you to make a rational, merciful decision, with her vet, to help her transition to the Bridge.  I say this because you (and her symptoms) have made it clear she is terminal and is not going to recover.

I am sending many prayers up for you.  I know how badly this hurts.  But, the pain is unavoidable.   By releasing her from her pain, you take on incredible pain.   I so gladly took on that pain when I released my beloved girl, Betsy.  I could no longer bear to see her struggle.

Sending hugs,
Melissa
LooseysMom

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #14 
Well isn't this great!  I finally came to terms with sending her off today ... and when I called the her vet first thing this morning I found out that he is gone for the day!  I'm half laughing/half crying at the irony! But my sister is here helping me watch her so I'm doing okay for the moment.  And Loosey's not in pain.  She's just tired.  And if she gets uncomfortable I have tramadol and diazapam (which I may use for ME!). 

Without this support system I don't know how I would have gotten this far.  I can tell that this will be a Godsend throughout this ordeal and into my journey without her.  You're all like a safety net for me while I walk this tightrope.  Thanks ever so much.  Hopefully I'll be in a position to help support someone else one day soon.

Tanny
miteylittle

Registered:
Posts: 25
 #15 
Tanny,
 
Keep the Faith.  We are all still with you.  You will certainly help others through your own tears.  Thats why we are all here.
 
My friends Marshe and Tom Cried all Memorial Day weekend with me when Yngwie went to the bridge.  They knew and loved her and just their knowing how bad I felt since they have furbabies at the Bridge was an absolute Godsend to me.
 
My prayers and thoughts are with you.
 

 



Jennifer~~Yngwie's mom
rupertsmum

Registered:
Posts: 820
 #16 
Hi Tanny

You have a very difficult thing to do and 18 weeks ago I had to do the same thing.  I rang the vet as Rupert was laying all over the floor, couldn't use his dirt box, eat and drink because of the ulcers in his mouth.  It was the hardest phone call I have ever had to make and the time waiting was very painful.  We took lots of photos and video of him because that's all you have left and then we sent him on his way.  By this stage I was hysterical but I know deep down I did the right thing although it is hard to not feel soooo guilty. 

You will do the right thing because you love Loosey and don't want any more pain.  I am sure if these animals could talk they would tell us it is time to go home and hopefully we will see them again.

Thinking of you Ruperts Mum
Loudpurring

Registered:
Posts: 774
 #17 
Hi.
Hang in there. Sometimes it is hard to get a vet to come to your house. Did you tell them when you called that you wanted him to come Tuesday then? You should probably do that if you have not. I think having the vet come to the house is a good idea. if you can do it it is less stressfull to everyone. But you should realize that you will have to look at the spot in the house where you did it forever. Not alwas a bad thing really.
So i guess it is time for another anoying heidi 'story.
 
There was a client I house sat for through the holidays 2 years ago. hercat was in end stage renal failure. I was supposed to go by every other day and give him fluids. he was supposed to be a "mean cat" as per all the stupid vet records. he wasn't mean, no cat is. He just liked things his way. Well needless to say I spent close to 24/7 with that kitty and he survived for about 4 months after she returned. Well, she called me all the time and kept me posted as to how he was doing. I insisted she did, cause I get so attached. The day she decided to have the vet come to the house and put him to sleep she said she was fine and had support etc. I on the other hand was a basket case. She ws very peaceful with he descision. Glad that she had done it and said she would not have wanted it any other way. Shemade me a cute collogetype card telling me that "Bruizzer" loved me and was in heaven. Real nice of her. i tell you she was so upset before, but afterwards it wa such a positive experience for her. Amazing. I was a total wreck though. Sent into a depression from hell.
 
Another petsitting I did was a beautifull (also supposed to be mean, but not of course) cat that had renal lymphoma. When she was so sick her owner decided to put her down instead of trying a different form of chemo (it would not have worked anyway and would have been just torturing the cat because she hated hospitals and vets) She had been in remission for over a year. So I was so depressed but thought I wasn't showing it. her owner said to me "Life just isn't fun for her anymore. She has had such a fun life and it t's just not fun anymore so what does she have left" She said something like that and it hit me so hard because she was so rite. I mean why keep her around if it is not good for her.

I hope maybe this has helped a little. You will get through this. and by the way your Dog is absolutely adorable. Wish you hadn't posted the picture. I am so sad for her and for you, but what can we do here? We cannot fight mother nature forever.


Gruntsmomforever

Registered:
Posts: 699
 #18 
Dear Tanny,

Thinking of you and Loosey - the picture of her all sprawled out on the bed made me smile and cry at the same time.  I hurt for you and her.

I'm hoping she is managing OK, with meds to help if she needs them.  This is such a hard time for you, I know.  The last 6 hours we had with our Boxer boy, I felt numb yet all kinds of emotions were raging inside of me, I wanted to stay calm for my baby.  But he knew something was going on.  I wish we could have taken him home, but he was in so much pain and couldn't be moved without hurting him more.  I brought his favorite bed and his pillow from home, and he sank down onto it and sighed deeply, like he always did at home.  Home with you by her side, surrounded by your love, is the best place for Loosey to start her journey.

Love,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever  
jbrabkb

Registered:
Posts: 11
 #19 
LooseysMom - I'm so sorry for what you're going through and then to psych yourself up and only have it put off for yet another day.  We just did this on 5/7, so it's still hard for me but I'm getting better.

Bridget's passing was extremely quick in that she was fine one day, then very sick the next.  It was internal bleeding (apologies to those who've read my posts from today since I seem to be repeating myself...) and had to be taken care of right away as she would only get worse. We brought her to the vet at 4:00 and by 6:00 we were saying goodbye. She was in no pain but just very very tired...and as I said in another post, she just seemed...done.  She didn't come to me, didn't kiss me.  She was just very tired and didn't want to move.

My husband, son (10yo) and I said goodbyes in the vet's room, and then he took my son home and I stayed with her. Yes, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I knew in my heart that if she could speak, she would say "let me go".  I just knew it in my heart. She went peacefully to sleep and as I wished, I was the last thing she heard, smelled, and felt.   I think having it done at home (bless your vet) is a beautiful thing.

My thoughts are with you. I'm telling Bridget to give your baby loads of kisses and sniffs. 

As a last note, can I just say that loosey's favorite position is just adorable.  Love it.  what a sweetheart.

Jackie

basil

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Posts: 1,205
 #20 
Dear Tanny
Your Loosey is just a total doll, she is gorgeous.  Be strong, we are all here for you.  Loosey, I know that you will meet my big girly Sorcha, she will be so glad to have a big girly friend like you.  She loves all animals but is a bit clumsy, so sometimes too much for the small ones.  Thinking of you both, Much Love, Di xxx
Loudpurring

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 #21 
Hi Tanny;
Just wondering how you are doing today? 
basil

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Posts: 1,205
 #22 
Dear Tanny
Im wondering too.  Di xxx
LooseysMom

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Posts: 16
 #23 

Hi Everyone,

I'm almost embarrassed to say that I'm sitting here on the 'porch couch' next to Loosey.  Another night in my sleeping bag on the concrete (I finally put pads down!)  She's sleeping peacefully like nothings wrong...

Monday night my best friend and her husband came over and brought dinner knowing I hadn't been able to leave the house.  We sat out on the patio, Loose by my chair acting like all was right with the world... as long as she got handouts!  I felt like it was her last meal so what-the-hell she could have whatever she wanted (she was never a beggar-till recently).  We went through our support-ritual: out to the lawn to do her business and then I helped her up onto her couch where I slept next to her on the porch. 

I called her vet in the morning to make sure I knew when he'd be available and he said midday or the end of the day were best but just call him (he's been very supportive!).  So I had my boyfriend watch her while I showered and got ready....  Then I tormented myself looking at her laying there as if nothings wrong!  I kept thinking about the night before when she was so excited.  Noon came and went.  By 2:00 I was an emotional wreck.

Then I came to a conclusion.  First, Loosey isn't in pain.  I couldn't watch that for a moment!  Her quality of life is not bad.  How could it be... I sit with her 24/7 and cater to her every need. No, she can't go run in the park but she hasn't done that in awhile anyway. It's MY quality of life that's affected most right now. So as long as the discomfort of tending to her doesn't outweigh the discomfort of contemplating minute by minute her imminent departure... I'm just going to take care of her.

I moved my computer to the porch and worked the rest of the day in peace.  I slept on the porch again. Don't think I'm completely nut's... the minute she even starts to breath hard I'm calling the vet.  And I stopped her meds (prednizone, Baytril, Lysinopril, ketocozanole, etc...) so it could/should be soon.  If I'd had any idea that this would have gone on this long (19 days of the bad part so far) I might have stopped the meds sooner.  But we do what we think is best at the time.

I'm on this site all day/night for support.  You guys are with me always.  It's making this all bearable to have you there... all you strangers that I feel so close to now!  I can't wait for Loosey to meet Sorcha and Bridget and all the rest.  She loves her cats as well (she has a mad crush on Frog).  So I know I'll do the right thing when Loose tells me... with your support.  I love you all!

Tanny

Loudpurring

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Posts: 774
 #24 

Don't stop he medications. It is very bad to stop the prednisone abrubtly like that. If your going to stop it you should taper it  off slowly. But I don't know why you would want to do that since it is the drug that will give her more comfort. You don't want to add to her problems and stopping the pred certainly will. The ketaconazole is anti fungal why was she on that?

kamc22

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Posts: 1,910
 #25 
So very many people replied to your sad post.... I didn't read through all ov them, though suspect we have all come to the same sad conclusion.

Your baby is leaving this world now, very soon.  We humans knew this would happen when we signed on and gave our love and our hearts and our lives to these blessed beings who give us so much unconditional and joyous love.  They're going to go first, it's simple biology that we all know.

It can't be very much of a life when such a fastidious being as yours need to have her rump held up and constant attention to perform the most basic of life functions.  Your love and devotion is so much appreciated by your angel in a fur coat.  But that isn't how life is meant to be lived....

Ahead of you lies the most painful decision, the one that you knew was there when you started this thread.  You will be the one to ease your baby out of this life of unremitting pain and discomfort.  You are so blessed to be able to spare suffering, more than we humans can do for our beloved other humans in similar circumstances. 

You will make the right decision, you will make it at the right time for your beloved furred one.  You will make that decision as it tears your heart apart and sends you into so much pain that we all of us here understand and have gone through.  As always, the most important thing is what is best for your furred angel, and you will do what is best no matter what it costs you.  There is no finer love.

Please come here often as you can, we all want to help you.
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