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Cogal

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Posts: 2
 #1 
I lost my 12 year old golden on Wednesday. I was 5 hours away on a mini vacation. She was home with my dad. When I got the call, I rushed home. But the entire time, all I could do was beat myself up. My golden, Jersey, hated to be alone. The entire drive, all I could do was hate myself because she was alone when she passed.

Now that a few days have gone by, I’m starting to blame myself for more and more.

Why didn’t I realize something was wrong? Did I miss something and it was actually obvious she was sick?

Does she hate me because I wasn’t there when she passed?

Was she scared?

Did I love her enough? Did I show her I loved her enough?

Was it the right decision to cremate her? She’s sitting alone in that funeral home, waiting to be cremated. She hated being alone.... and she was afraid of fire. Will she be scared?

Am I the only one who put this much blame and regret on themselves when their pet passed?
Nicolettebonno

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Posts: 4
 #2 
You’re not alone with these thoughts. I think the same things. My constant question is “did i love her enough” and it breaks my heart. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but you’re not alone. I am blaming myself for a lot of things as well but in reality it’s not anyone’s fault. I know that’s hard to think but it’s not your fault. We decided to cremate our dog as well and those exact, heart wrenching thoughts came to mind. You’re not alone. I’m sending hugs and happiness to you.
-Nikki
Sanjin

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Posts: 3
 #3 
Hi Cogal,

I lost my puggle and best friend just last Saturday.  He passed suddenly over the course of 2 days when the day before he had been in top health.  He was still running with us and mountain biking at 11 years old, we were so proud of him and how strong he still was.  We regret not taking him to emergency sooner and to a better vet.  I don't blame the vet but he clearly needed IVs (had lost 4 lbs) and further treatment; the urgency of his situation was not caught by the vet nor us.

So we definitely suffer feelings of guilt with his passing too.  I can tell that you loved your dog so much.

The best advice I was given from my mom is that we cannot be perfect, we cannot control every situation.  We did our best on this day.  And our great dogs would not want us to feel guilty, they would want us to know how loved they felt.  You loved your golden so much and gave him 12 amazing years.  I just think whenever they pass, it is never easy.  These feelings are normal and will alway come.  I am trying to focus on the good times with my dog and starting to put together a scrap book to help me grieve and refocus my energy to the amazing 11 years together.

Big hug and love sending your way,

Sanjin
SmileyMyLove

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Posts: 15
 #4 
I loved my boy so much and told him all the time but I also question if I played with him enough? Did we go to the dog park and make friends enough? He died at my parents house when I went to an out of country wedding. He died on my friend’s wedding night and was buried in someone else’s yard before I came back. It is devastating. My heart goes out to you. Now my mind also is a movie reel of regrets and sadness. He was only four and we had big plans. I joked that he could never die. I have thought, though, that he probably didn’t want this to happen either. It was a tragic and permanent blunder. He played in the yard and overheated. A few days ago, I found out my pregnant friend who never thought she could have a baby due to her age was given confirmation of a birth defect and likely still birth. Life has highs and lows. We want to protect our babies from it but we cannot. All we can be sure of is that she loves you—present tense—and she doesn’t blame you—she does nothing but love you and think the world of you rushing to be with her. That’s how dogs do. And what we can do is be grateful for the moment and the good times we’ve had. Someday it’ll be your turn. It’ll be my turn. I might be all alone and you, too. But our lives should be a source of happiness, of half-full cups and sweet moments. It’s the same for our dogs. It’s hard to see that, I know, though. Me personally, I just miss him terribly and feel very lost now that his joyful presence is missing.
Cogal

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #5 
I was so hesitant about posting on here, but hearing everyone’s personal feelings, so similar to mine, is exactly what I needed. I’ve been beating myself up for blaming myself and regretting all these things. I felt selfish because I haven’t been just enjoying the memories. Thank you all for such moving words. I’m so sorry for all your losses. They say the hardest thing to do, is bury your child. ITS TRUE.

My current tear jerker is coming home. 12 years I had someone running to the door to greet me. These past 3 days, it’s been dark and quiet, with nobody who missed me. I cry every time I unlock the door
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