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MYFAV5

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Posts: 730
 #1 
Hello everyone. I'm stuck in a situation & not sure how to handle this.

Blue is actually my brother's dog, but I've always been the one to take her to the vet, groomer, given her medication, etc. My brother has done it a small handful of times. He's moved out twice and left her with me, "for my protection" (she was a big dog & was protective of me and the house). This last time he moved out was about 3 years ago. He hasn't given me any $$ to help with her care or food. He's bought one bag of dog food this whole time and made a stink about that.

Anytime something happened, I always called to let him know. This last time I called for him to decide should we treat her & prolong the inevitable or let her go peacefully. He agreed with me

The thing is, he said he's going to call me tonight to talk about what to do with Blue's remains. (The memorial place called and I went to get her remains today.) He hasn't given me any $$ towards her visit from Monday night nor the cremation, but I believe he's going to ask for her remains. I think she should stay here. This has been her home and I think she should stay. Yes, she was a daddy's girl to the end, BUT she loved her Aunt Lisa because she knew who took care of her, brushed her, loved on her all those times when he left.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Am I being a big meanie?

Let me also say he took in another dog about a year and a half ago. He has done this before. I don't want him to have her ashes because I just don't think he'd take care of them. I'd rather bury her urn in the backyard so she can be by Riefer until he decides to scatter her ashes.

This is so bothering me and I don't know what to do. I'm doing my best not to cave because I feel sorry for him, which I have done many times in the past.

Any help, please.
Thanks;
Lisa
GSDMOM

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #2 
Lisa,
In my eyes Blue is your dog. You took take of her, feed her, bathed her, paid the vet bills. If that don't make you her mom I don't know what would. Blue is yours and she should stay with you forever.  I know it is not all about the money but it sounds like he did nothing to help with the finances. Don't let him have her.  Blue would want you to fight for her ! Don't give her up.
I hope all goes well.
Take Care
Lisa
sweetpepe

Registered:
Posts: 143
 #3 
Oh my, what a difficult situation.  I agree with you.  Blue became your dog and I believe the ashes should be with you.  I don't think you are a "meanie" at all.

The thing is, a lot depends on your relationship with your brother, as to how you want to handle this.  Would you be able to talk to him and explain how you feel?  Could you just say "I have decided to bury the ashes...or scatter the ashes...".or whatever you want to do and just tell him that?  

Is he likely to object?   Do you fear that this may cause a permanent split between you and your brother?  Or is the relationship not all that strong to begin with.

I really feel for you having this to deal with when you are grieving the loss of dear Blue.  I don't know how much help I've been but I wish you didn't have to go through this.

Perhaps your brother may surprise you and agree that Blue's remains should be with you.  Let us know what happens, ok?  Hugs, Sharon 
Loudpurring

Registered:
Posts: 774
 #4 

Leave out the money part and tell your brother jst what you wrote. Oh, leave out the part about him not caring for her remains too. Just be honest and tell the truth that won't hurt his feelings. Let him think he is doing you a favor. You know your Brother most likely has a whole lot of guilt and sadness and remorse right now. Just try the truth, but make sure you don't hurt his feelings in the process.

MYFAV5

Registered:
Posts: 730
 #5 
Thank you all. I don't want to hurt his feelings or create a split between us, he's the only family I have. That's why I've been pondering this so much.

I've always taken care of matters in the past, so I think that's what he sees it as. Me taking care of things. *sigh* Sometimes it just bites to be the better person.
MYFAV5

Registered:
Posts: 730
 #6 
Turns out when I was looking @ Blue's urn last night, her date of death was wrong. They engraved July 1, 2008 & it should be June 30, 2008. I called the Pet Cemetery & told them about it and they're sending me another that I'll get in a few days.

I told my brother about this as well. So, I imagine he won't be saying much else about her urn until I get the engraver corrected.

*sigh*
Gypsymagic

Registered:
Posts: 219
 #7 

My Fav Five, you were her mom. In every way that mattered she was your companion, and he was a sometimes visitor. I would tell him that you want to keep her there at home, where she lived and where her spirit will always be. She's on the rainbow bridge now, but who she was lives on there, and although you know you both loved her, you want to be the keeper of your daughter's remains until the two of you decide the right time to bury them and where or allow them to blow away on the wind.  He hasn't spent much time worrying about her in life--maybe after time passes he won't ask about the cremains again.

bdpringle

Registered:
Posts: 190
 #8 
I would suggest splitting the ashes if that is possible.  Thank you for being such a gentle angel and caring for Blue all these years.

Hugs,
Daun
sweetpepe

Registered:
Posts: 143
 #9 

I wonder if splitting the ashes might be the best solution.  It will be good when this painful situation is over.  Take good care.

MYFAV5

Registered:
Posts: 730
 #10 

I still haven't heard from my brother. I had the engraving replaced & got the new one put on. I also put her pic in it. I'm sure it'll probably stay at my house. What I might do is make a scrapbook for him & have pics of her all throughout. I have tons of pics of all my fur babies, so it shouldn't be a proble, to do that and the urn will be @ my house.

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