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Nancee

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Posts: 1,328
 #1 
Bootsie had been doing well, very well, after I adjusted his insulin 2 months ago and his corneal ulcer had healed--the eye looked perfect.

Last night, he stopped eating. Vomited this am. Brought him to the vet 3 hours ago. He was dx with DKA--diabetic ketoacidosis and kidney problems. In total shock. Feel like I'm in a movie, watching myself. Vet said ketosis cure would be slim, he would have had to be hospitalized for maybe a week or more, with IV's etc. and to put him through that, for only a slim chance. I couldn't believe what she was saying.

I was expecting to keep him in the hospital for 3-4 days, we'd scrap the money together somehow. His creatinine and BUN were quite elevated,t oo. Vet said with both of these things wrong, plus eye problems. I thought I'd die right there. I swear my spirit left my body. My husband started hysterically crying.

So, we euthanized him--only a few hours ago. I'm just in shock and he's now in the cemetary building. We will have services for him next Tuesday. My stomach has been cramping up so bad I feel like I need to go to the ER. My stress level is beyond what I though I could take.

I miss him already. I love him like no other cat ever. I love all my pets, but there's only one Bootsie. Tail still wagging when sick, everyone loved him who met him. All of the vet staff was crying, too.

I'm just sick. How do I even begin to accept this? My life will never be the same without my heart, Bootsie.
HelenY

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Posts: 1,415
 #2 
Dear Nancee-- I'm just so, so sorry.  I don't know what else to say because I know the pain that you're experiencing right now can equal no other.  You will be in my prayers and I hope that Bootsie had a peaceful journey to the Bridge.

                          Many hugs-- Teddy's Mom
Becky57

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Posts: 657
 #3 

Nancee, I am so very sorry for you and your husband.I read your other post today and was so hoping it would be all right.I know the pain is beyond anything anyone could ever imagine.  I am just so sorry.

kittiekat

Registered:
Posts: 215
 #4 
Nancee,

I am so very sorry.  I am reading your post and thinking about my Smokey.  Bootsie and Smokey sound so much alike and even the bond you share with Bootsie is like mine and Smokey's.  Smokey was my best friend.  It's been two weeks and my heart is still breaking.  I know you have responded to a post or two of mine, and I know that your words were so comforting to me.

Please know that right now I am holding you, your husband and Bootsie in my prayers.  We are all here for you right now.  Know that you are not alone in your grief, and you will get through this.  The pain seems like it will never stop, but know that you love Bootsie and Bootsie loves you.  You'll be with him again one day. 

Smokey had advanced kidney disease, diabetes (in and out), auto immune problems, anemia.  Too many systems going haywire.  My other best friend, Samantha (Smokey's sister) had diabetes.  After 8 months I still couldn't get her blood sugar normalized.  Know that diabetes in cats can be so hard to treat.  I learn more every day about these diseases.  We do our best, and it sounds like you went above and beyond for Bootsie, but ultimately we do not have control over death.  It is inevitable for all of us.  What you did today was the most loving thing you could do for Bootsie.  You ended any suffering that was happening and likely would happen as these diseases took their toll on Bootsie.  Bootsie and Smokey are probably playing already at the Bridge.

This process we are going through is not easy, but we will heal.  Our fur kids are well, happy and with the best care taker of all.  If you haven't already, please read my post titled, Dear Human Friend.  It may help.  If not now, in the coming days.

You are in my prayers!

Marsha
Mandys_Mom

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Posts: 2,285
 #5 

It is so hard to accept and to believe. I was in shock also, and I probably still am to an extent, because I still find it hard to believe that Mandy is gone. I am so sorry for your loss of Bootsie. I remember all too well the feelings of that day, which was only 2 weeks ago tomorrow for me. I felt so empty and so alone. I still do, really. But I was just shocked, I really was. I knew it was coming but it was still like running into a brick wall when it came. I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain.

RobynMissesSaxon

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Posts: 148
 #6 
Nancee I am so sorry. This has got to be a complete nightmare for you. Just keep coming here and everyone will try and make you feel a little better. How old was Bootsie?
MrMeowgy

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Posts: 763
 #7 
Dear Nancee, my heart is broken for you. You have been such a wonderful Mommy to your furbabies. I understand the horror you have just gone through. I lost my beloved Mr. Meowgy to complications from diabetes also. I thought it was an insulin issue, took him to the vet, 4 hours later he was gone. He had a heart attack (or several). 
Your beloved Bootsie sounds just like my boy. Loving and loved by everyone. Truly special.
Your life will never be the same, mine isn't either. Four months later and I still can't believe my precious boy is gone. I wish I could turn back the clock for you to the good old days. But all I can do is keep you and your husband in my prayers.
I will be thinking of you and dearest Bootsie Tuesday. You will get through this Nancee, Bootsie will give you the strength.
Most sincerely, Donna, Mr. Meowgy's mom  
JasminesMom

Registered:
Posts: 440
 #8 
Nancee:

So sorry about your loss of your beloved, Bootsie.  Oh how I could feel your pain in the post you wrote.  I remember all too well the day the vets came in and gave us devastating news.  Like you, I was in shock as Jasmine had been fine that morning and suddenly here we were discussing the option of euthanasia.  (What??????) I don't think I'll ever get over it.  The pain is always there.  But I can say my petloss friends here have saved me and life would be unbearable without their love and support. 

Hang in there and know we're here for you whenever you need us.

                             Hugs to you, JasminesMom (Kathy)
Mary

Registered:
Posts: 1,400
 #9 
Dear Nancee:
I am so deeply sorry for your loss of Bootsie.  It breaks my heart to read what happened.  I know the pain and grief is so very hard for you and your husband.  The pain is as strong as the love you have for Bootsie.

I wish I could ease your sadness but I know I can't.  Bootsie was very lucky to have you and your husband to share his life and all the love you gave each other.

I know in your own time you will remember all the happy times you shared.  Bootsie will always be with you in your heart.

Again, I am so sorry.  I will pray for you and your husband.

Many Many Hugs,

Mary
Meisters Mom Forever
Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #10 

Barely slept last night--kept going over in my mind all night, should I have been taking his sugars instead of once/day maybe 2 or 3 times a day. Why didn't I?
He was regulated for years--only on canned foods which kept his sugars down, too, so I never suspected any problems till May when he started losing noticeable weight, drinking more. Vet took test and said he was very high, not regulated. I increased insulin.
But, with the increase, he would meow loudly for food, sometimes 2-3 times/day in the am. I always had to err on the side of his sugars being low, in case he had a seizure or something--so I snacked him on canned food, sometimes twice. Now, I'm thinking I was just adding to the problem.
I had snacked him for years, why would this be aproblem all of a sudden? I can't find answers for it. Was it just that his age/diabetes was beyond what I could help anymore.
Anyways, these things are in my mind like an obsession today.
If I had put him on IV's--vet said it would have been probably for days or weeks and I read only a 50/50 chance with DKA. I kept thinking, "Should I put him or me through this"? "How will I maintain him once he's home"? Taking his sugars all of the time, how do I maintain this indefinitely.
Were the kidney elevations secondary to the dehydration from the DKA or something different?
 Everything just seems like a confused muddle. I just miss him. I told my husband that I can barely be in this house, every corner he was sitting in, he's not anymore.
I feel my heart is gone and it'll never be the same.
Thanks for all of your messages. I read every one of them and am grateful for your responses.

jwintx

Registered:
Posts: 190
 #11 
(((Nancee)))

I am so sorry to hear about precious Bootsie. I know how you're feeling - my heart goes out to you during this most difficult time.  Come here as often as you can and share your feelings... your stories about Bootsie... I know it has helped me with the loss of my precious Angel.

I will light a candle for your Bootsie.  Many hugs and prayers to you.
JerryC

Registered:
Posts: 1,569
 #12 
Nancee:
There are no words that I can say, except how terribly sorry I am for you and your husband. Please know that I and so many here who have had encouraging words from you are here for you now more than ever.
I know your pain, about four years ago we had a black Lab/Rottweiler mix who became ill from pond water out here in the country. He had been in many ponds prior to that but the Vet said a virus will attack their system, one in a million chances, unfortunately our "Willie" was the one. There was no cure for what he had so I had to put him down, and to make it all the more devastating it was my birthday. When I read your post it brought it all back again. I feel the pain you and yours are going through, you both are in my prayers. May you both find some comfort soon. Thanks for being there for me. I am here for you and yours.------Jerry in Oklahoma.
ravendewynter13

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #13 
Nancee
I'm so sorry for your loss.  If there is anything I can do please let me know.
Kristin

Registered:
Posts: 185
 #14 

Nancee, how awful - my heart goes out to you and your husband. I know what it is like to be in shock and ill from the pain and loss. I'm thinking of you and yours today, and sending a prayer. I am so very sorry about Bootsie.

mykittygirl

Registered:
Posts: 881
 #15 
Dear Nancee,

I just wanted to say I'm so very sorry you lost Bootsie and for the pain you are going through now.

My Cicio was diabetic and I sure know that feeling of believing that we had things on track regarding the insulin and then dealing with another crash. It's an "evil" disease and it seems it's very hard to regulate cats.

It's heartbreaking when they leave us so unexpectedly. I will hold you and your husband in my thoughts and Cicio will make certain that Bootsie feels safe at the Bridge.

Sending many hugs,

Donna

basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #16 
Dear Nancee

I have no words that will make you feel better, I only wish I had.  All I can say is, I know how you are feeling, I too have been there.  I am so sorry.

Thinking of you, Di xxx
KimSerenity

Registered:
Posts: 24
 #17 
Hi Nancee,

Oh, how my heart is with you.  Please take it one day at a time - no expectations.  If you have to, take it minute by minute.  Grieve, how can you not?  Know that so many people are supporting you and your husband and praying for you.
Gruntsmomforever

Registered:
Posts: 699
 #18 
Dear Nancee,

I'm SO very sorry to hear about your precious Bootsie.  There are no words to comfort, I know you're suffering greatly and my heart aches for you.  Your Bootsie knew always that you love him without measure - remember those times when you knew without a doubt that he knew.

Hugs,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever
Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #19 
I've been a basket case today. My husband, too. He works alot when he's sad--works around the house puttering. I just cry. I keep thinking this rediculous thought--Maybe I should bake a cake and eat and eat it for the sugar rush. I must still have a bit of sense of humor left.
 Last night I ate the first candy bar in months. I try to eat sensibly, but since yesterday I don't care what I eat--as long as it's sweet.
I'm just rambling on today. Thanks for listening.
I miss his furr and his little face, black and white tuxedo cat with a white face and black moustache.
The vet office made me a heart plaque with his little paw prints on it before I left yesterday.
I just want him in my house;he sits in a big chinese bowl we have or in the bathrooms on the tile floors (it's hot here in the Southwest). Last night I went through the house at 1 am and no Bootsie. I went to bed shell-shocked. Trying to blame myself for what happened. Where did I fail?? My husband says it was just his time. But, I try to analyze everything and come up with cold hard facts. Maybe it was just his time, but I was his mommy and responsible for him. I feel that I should have been able to save him or give him more time. He was 15 1/2 around, but it wouldn't have been enough time with him if he was 30 years old. Saying goodbye was just one of the worst moments of my life.
basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #20 
It is the hardest thing on this earth to say goodbye.  But it is our final gift to our babies, it is a gift of love, from our heart.  As they gave us their hearts, so we must give them a part of ours to take with them.  No matter how much it hurts.

Love Di xxx
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