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Charlottes_dad

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Posts: 2
 #1 
Last night, I let my precious Abyssinian kitty go after 17 years.  She was very healthy throughout her life, up until the last year when I noticed that every now and again, she would "whiff" trying to get up on the sofa.  Over the last three weeks, despite my attempts to feed her anything she wanted, medicate her, and give her fluids, she lost weight and continued to go down hill.  I made the decision to let her go last night.

I'm a different sort as far as "cat people" go.  If you saw me, you would probably think that I had a couple of labs or a German Shepherd.  I'm a man, a big guy by most standards.  I have a wife and three kids.  I hunt and fish and build things and love using a chainsaw.  I'm also a ER nurse.  And I am completely broken without my darling kitty.  I have had her longer than I've had my wife.  She was always mine and made that very clear to all around.  She loved laying on my sweaty clothes on the floor.  She would wait for by door until I got home.  She would butt my head every chance she got.  She always had something to say.  It's hard trying to hold it together in front of my kids and wife.  I know I should though.

I have enjoyed reading the posts on this board.  Makes me not feel so isolated.

It's hard to let go but I know it was the right thing to do.  Just didn't think it would be this hard.
BooeyForever

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Posts: 7
 #2 
I am so sorry for your loss :( I have an idea of what you're going through. I lost my dog on January 3 to a heart attack. He was 13 1/2 years old and my constant companion. I am trying to keep it together, but it's hard. I walk around on the verge of tears all the time. And he's in my head ALL THE TIME. He had been sick since early December and I thought I was prepared for his passing, but I wasn't. I am trying to take advice from friends and family that say the love we shared will always remain and that he'll always be with me. But the pain of being without him in this world is so real. I'm sorry I don't have any real words of comfort for you, but I get what you're going through. Sending hugs and prayers.
wilt3566

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Posts: 7
 #3 
Hi Charlotte's dad. I am so sorry for your loss. We had to say goodbye to our elderly labrador a week ago and it felt like my world had dismantled. I too work as an emergency nurse, and what a difference it made after a gruelling shift to come home to her. It immediately grounded me and she ALWAYS made me feel better in a world in which I sometimes despair. Please don't hide your grief, it will likely only make it harder. I initially tried to keep it from my son,but then thought if he sees my grief, he may be more inclined to talk about and show his own. My heart goes out to you. There really are no words sometimes.
WhiteysMom_1

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Posts: 1
 #4 
I am very mad at God. He took my little boy, suddenly, last night, with no warning. I took him to the emergency room, because he had been breathing heavily, and then he started screaming, and they said he was "crashing", and then he was gone. They said he probably had heart disease or lung disease. When he was breathing heavily earlier that day, I laid hands on him, and prayed fervently every healing scripture I knew, and sincerely thought he was being healed, and thanked God and sang praises to God. Then that happened in the night. So not only did the Word NOT WORK, as God says it does, and my belief and faith didn't work, he took the only loving thing in my life away from me, permanently. I don't see anything redeeming or loving or faith building in that at all. He could have healed my little boy. Yes, I still believe in God, and believe in Heaven, and believe that I will see him again when I pass because I do believe in Jesus Christ, but I want his little love and companionship NOW! Yes, Jesus is with him, but I want to be. I miss his beautiful big green eyes looking at me, his cuddling me, and wanting to be next to me, his happiness when I picked him up, everything. I've apologized to God for being mad, but then it boils up in me again, and I'm mad and sad at everything. I'm so tired of everything I love being taken away from me. Anyone have any thoughts on this?
Charlottes_dad

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #5 
Hi WhiteysMom_1

It is perfectly normal to feel anger, even at God.  He also understands why you feel this way, even though you may not.

I began this thread because of the crushing blow of reality that I was dealt by losing my little kitty.  Posts such as the ones I have received from wilt3566 and BooeyForever let me know that I am not alone in my grief and that, it's alright to feel angry, upset, or afraid over this most personal loss.  Perfect strangers, and yet, they knew exactly what to say to me.  That means so much.

I imagine that there are probably many here on this board that may not know God or practice an entirely different religion than I.  I won't judge anyone as it is not my place to do so.  But I can tell that you are a person of faith and so I want you to know that not only am I sorry for your grief that you are experiencing and I understand it, He does too.  And no matter what you say or do, He will never leave you.

Remember this too, your little boy is not sick anymore.  This is what I remind myself about my precious little kitty about 200 times a day; she's not sick, or hurting, or struggling now and when she left this earth, she did so in my arms and knew that I wouldn't ever leave her.  You didn't leave him.  He knows this too.

"In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind." - Job 12:10.
InMemoryOfRascal

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Posts: 2,440
 #6 
Charlotte's Dad - I am so sorry you had to make that hard decision.  17 years is a long time but no where near as long as we would like.  I can share that when I lost my Rascal the pain I felt was more than I thought was humanly possible to feel.  But the part that I know - that depth of pain absolutely is connected to the depth of love.  And it is such a unique love.  And love shared hurt when it has to go - it isn't less just because someone is a guy....or a big guy...or a guy that hunts. You are "just" a dad that had to say goodbye to a loved family member.  Losing your Charlotte is a blow.  When they have to leave us it absolutely leaves a mark - but remember that you have the memories with you forever.  

Take care
InMemoryOfRascal
soothspader

Registered:
Posts: 234
 #7 
I respect and admire people who can't be easily described, who defy simple characterization and stereotyping.  Charlotte's Dad, you pretty much started out your first post by saying you're a different sort as far as cat people go, and as a guy myself who is owned by a cat you are correct, men to some degree are often not perceived as loving cats.  You went on to say you hunt, fish and love using a chainsaw, and you are correct I think, that this is not the usual perception of a cat lover.  But what you wrote in there about how Charlotte's loss has affected you showed as well that there is another side to you, a caring and compassionate one.  And had that been all you wrote that would have been more than enough, as indeed it did then, to make me think all of this about you.  But what you wrote to Whitey's Mom made me realize even more how correct I am, that although I don't know you from more than these two posts that you are for sure a man of many facets and planes.  Honestly, you and I would seem to have different interests, pursuits and beliefs and that is fine.  However, as I mentioned we both apparently love cats, and I think most people who do, and moreover can write with the compassion and insight you do, are ultimately basically good people.  As such, it is not at all surprising to me that you grieve Charlotte with the depth you do, nor really should it be a surprise to anyone else.  She was in your life for a long time, and her physical absence, especially at the beginning, is a horrific jolt.  I hope the days that have gone by since her loss have been at least somewhat kind to you and that you are starting to feel even a slight bit better.  I am truly sorry for you that she is gone, for it is evident how much you love her, but remember as others have said, that great grief in times like these is the price we pay for that love.  
  
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