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delta269

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Posts: 19
 #1 
I feel like the most horrible mother in the world!!!!! I loved my baby so dearly, yet I've let her sit in a pet morgue refrigerator for 2 weeks now because I can't decide what to do with her!  I feel like this is the most important decision of my life and I can't find the answer!  The 3 options are: burial in my parents back yard (we may move someday and can't do our own yard), pet cemetery or cremation.  I can find right and wrong with each choice. I've tried searching my heart, but the answer just wont come!!!!  When I was young and living at home, we buried our pets, so that feels most natural to me.  But I'm not living at home anymore and that's not Dizzy's home, so leaving her there feels wrong.  Yet the thought of cremation literally makes me wanna puke! I've never done it before and I can't seem to grasp the idea of how a box of her 'bones' is something I would want.  Most everyone I talk to has had their pets cremated, but my regular everyday choices usually go against what most people do.  I've tried writing a pros/cons list, I've tried sitting in multiple areas, hoping something would spark an answer....I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING!!!  This decision is harmfully delaying my grief!  I've always protected her, so how can I throw her in a furnace!!?!?  Yet to bury her in my parents yard, you never know what could happen....what if they moved or had to renovate or something???  UGH!!!! I can't believe I've left her stranded in limbo this long!  *crying*  My holistic vet believes I am unusually attached to her earthly body because I did hospice care at home for her the last 3 months (cancer)  Please...If anyone can offer their feelings on each of these choices, MAYBE it might help????  My perfect vision would be to bury her  under a large tree with a headstone in a family field (like Forrest Gump did with Jenny)
YorkieHeidi

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Posts: 1,541
 #2 

Dear Dizzy's Mom:  I really hesitate to suggest anything as I feel this is a very personal decision for everyone.  I, for one, have always buried our babies in the back yard of our home.  We have been in the same home for years and years so it never entered my mind about moving.  I feel comfortable as I feel we are burying their earthly bodies - but not their souls.    They are not in those graves that I have so lovingly put little momentoes on declaring my love, but in my heart where I will carry them until the day I join them.    The older I become, the less scary cremation seems.  I know some people love the idea of putting their pets in beautiful little urns and having them where they can see them.  I, on the other hand would feel good taking them to one of their favorite spots and putting them back into nature.  Do what you are most comfortable with.  Sincerely, YorkieHeidi

Gill

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Posts: 67
 #3 
Hmm... I do understand your dilemma.
Tess has been gone for nearly two weeks. Yet there was no hesitation in having her cremated. I love my garden (as did Tess) and am always planting new things. So to think of burying her body and then one day inadvertently disturbing it upset me. And to think of her cold and alone in the ground, as she was, would upset me more. When my lovely rabbit Silver died 5 years ago, I had her privately cremated and sprinkled her ashes over the garden which she too loved. When Tess went, I couldnt have handled her physical form, as it was, but recognised that she wasnt in that form anymore.  So I had her cremated. Initially, I was going to sprinkle her ashes, but she had played a more active part in my life, and I wasnt ready to make that decision. So I had the ashes returned to me in a casket. They are sitting in my home and it has been a huge comfort. I feel, in a way, I still have her with me. When the time is right, I will come to the decision about either sprinkling her ashes, or burying them. Or, I might just let them remain in their casket. I touch her casket and speak to her. It could be that I move house one day. And Im not sure that I could leave her if she was in the garden. As with any loved one that we lose, letting go of the physical form is part of that process and believing that either body, or ashes, all that represents is the physical form they inhabited whilst they were alive. Now they have moved on to a higher plane. I'm not ready to close that connection yet, so for me, Tess's ashes allow me to have some physical connection, whilst recognising that she has moved on. As I go through the grief process, I know at some stage I will know what to do next, but for me (and my son Alex) we both feel comfort knowing that we havent closed that door on the physical yet. Its a half way house.
Im not sure Ive made sense, but it may help.
Take care.
Ghatten

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Posts: 1,821
 #4 
}{{{{{Amy}}}}}{

it a very personal choice - most places that do pet cremations are very respectful of the fur parents' feelings and their furbaby's mortal remains. Some even do a service if that is what is wanted. We have only had one cremated abd he was returned in a lovely wooden box. Burial has the cons you noted - but gives you a place to "visit" - we turned where ours are into flower gardens. i have no experience with pet cemetaries.  The bottom line is Dizzy's shell is just that - a shell she was done with.she has a different form now and what we do with their remains really is for us.

The Walnut

They seemed an unlikely pair as they played through the fall – so very different. The small furry knew most of his other friends and even his family did not understand, but he didn’t care for he knew the walnut was a true friend. Hours they would spend playing, laughing, talking, just sitting together. It was a magical fall and both seemed to sense that it was special. They were very different to be sure, but as they saw it that simply meant they each had different gifts and strengths to share. As the fall progressed those around the furry one became concerned, they knew the walnut had only one season and the furry one would one day be left behind – and they could see the signs of age on the walnut, scratches and cracks in the shell, dulling of the glossy shell. That the furry one did not seem to see the changes worried them.
One morning the furry one ran out to be with his friend and found him laying amongst the shattered bits that were left of his shell and his heart broke. He buried the bits and sat to cry for the loss of his friend. As he sat deep in grief his tears fell to the earth. His family and friends tried at first to console him but quickly moved on – it was just a walnut after all. So the furry one moved into the cold windy days of winter, each day going to the place where he had lost his friend – each day finding hope that it had been a dream dashed and feeling so very alone.
As will the seasons, winter gave way to spring – and life seemed determine to renew itself. One morning when the furry one arrived at the place he went to feel close to his lost friend he was surprised to find a small sapling reaching up to celebrate the sun. “Who are you? How dare you take this place!!” the furry one proclaimed. The small sapling chuckled, “Did you really think I would leave you?” Now the furry one was shocked – the sapling spoke with his friend the walnut’s voice.
“I never left you dear friend. True, my shell shattered, but that shell was just a garment I wore for that season. I have been here with you as you sat and I tried to tell you not to cry. And I am here and will be always,” the walnut said softly.

(c) Candace

rottiesrule

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Posts: 596
 #5 
I feel as you do. I like to bury them in the yard. I've done that for all of my pets except Bubba and Sassy. We moved from the house we had for 26 years, and I had to leave my babies in the back yard. I don't like cremation, but I now have no choice. I still haven't looked at Bubba and Sassy's cremains because I don't want to yet, and it's over a year now. I planned on doing it on the one year anniversary of Bubba's death on 07/17, but I didn't.

If I had an opportunity to bury them in a parent's yard, I would have done that. But I don't. So, I make my peace with the thought that I have them here with me forever. I've already told my husband I want them buried with me when I die. Alot of people take great comfort in having their babies home. They make a place to honor them and see them every day. Different strokes I guess.

I wish I had more insight for you, but this is just my opinion. Peace to you.
Lee

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Posts: 205
 #6 
I've had both my girls cremated and hubby made them a beautiful wooden keepsake, the plan is whoever dies first  will be cremated and the ashes would then be spread over a picked out place by the survivor
sammyd

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Posts: 40
 #7 
Amy,

I had my dear kitty Molly, who passed away on July 18th this year, not even 4 weeks ago, cremated.  As everyone has stated, it's a very personal decision.  I do not live in a home where I could have buried her so that was not an option.  I picked up her ashes exactly 2 weeks after she had passed because my vet was out of town for a week and then it took about a week when I requested cremation.  The moment I brought Molly (her ashes) back into my house, in some strange way it felt as if she was home again.  I hold the box that contains her ashes, actually hug it everyday and tell her how much I love her.  I have my mother's ashes as well, she passed away in November 2003, so Molly and mom are together now, in heaven and my home and heart.  I inherited Molly when mom died and we helped each other get through those toughest days of our lives.  Mom was in intensive care for 10 days, fighting for her life and I was by her side for most of that time except when I was forced to go home to get some rest by the nurses.  When I went home to rest if possible, Molly was always there sharing my grief.  The first night I had to leave mom's side to get some sleep, I held Molly so tight and sobbed so uncontrollably that Molly knew mom was gone, I know she did.  We cuddled and she slept under my arm until I got up the next morning to go back to the hospital.  This went on for 10 days so you can see how important Molly was to me and my mother.  She was the loving, living bond between us.  Everyday at the hospital I would tell my mother that Molly missed her and wanted her to come home soon but it was not to be.  Now they are both gone from this physical world but they're side-by-side on my mantelpiece and forever side-by-side in my heart and soul.  It helps me that they are "here" and I tell them both I love them as I leave the house everyday. 

Amy, do what feels best in your heart and may your beloved Dizzy rest in peace.

Your Friend,

Doug :o)
DiegosMommy

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Posts: 4
 #8 
Hi Delta~

I lost Diego July 18 to cancer, and deciding what to do with his remains was difficult as well.  A pet cemetery was financially out of the picture for us.  I initially struggled with the idea of cremation; after all this was my baby, and I didn't like the idea of him becoming ashes.  However, we very likely will not stay in our home, and the idea of leaving him behind was impossible.

We chose individual cremation, and his ashes now sit in a special place in the living room.  I felt *so* much better when his ashes came home; I worried up until then.

One thing the crematorium did that I absolutely love is make a clay imprint of his paw and cut some of his fur off to return to me.  If you look around, you may find someplace that has that service as well.

I know it's just his body, and I know his soul is present with me and always will.  However, having his remains with me brings me comfort in a way I would have never guessed.  I'll have him buried with me when I pass.

Good luck with your decision, and please, please stop beating yourself up.  Repeat to yourself, "I am doing he best I can."

Myasmom

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Posts: 386
 #9 

I had my baby cremated and they made me a clay cast of his paw. I couldn't bear to bury him. If I moved he wouldnt be with me..... Cremation for me was the only way.... I would rather cremate him and have him with me than leave him at the vet's office to be disposed of.....

Les

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Posts: 282
 #10 
I have had my previous 2 dogs cremated. Than when I pass away, my pets remains will be buried with me. 
I think our pets spirits our with us no matter what happens. 
Whatever decision you come to, will be the right decision for you. 
ShannonH

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Posts: 1,605
 #11 
I'm so sorry for your loss of Dizzy...She sounds like a very special girl...

This might sound a little strange, but this is a time in your relationship with Dizzy that you can be "selfish" - that is, putting your needs first.   You have put her needs above your own all throughout her life, especially through these last 3 months of cancer.  Dizzy's body is only a shell now - her spirit, what made her so unique and special and alive, is in heaven and in your heart.   Now it is time to think about your own needs.

What I mean by this is to think about what will help you the most.  As others have said, the handling of the body is a very individual choice.  That is because for each of us, and even for each individual pet that we have, what brings us the most comfort is different.  Dizzy's body, her shell, will not be offeneded by any choice that you make.  But her spirit will be honored when you make the choice that will bring you the most comfort and helps you to remember the love that you shared.

I can tell you that for me personally, I have at one time or another done both of these things.  When I lived at home with my family, we buried many pets there.  Since moving away, and not yet having a permanent place of my own yet, I have done cremation.  Many people keep the ashes after cremation and that is ok.  For me, I needed the closure of scattering them - and because I didn't have anyplace to do that at our house, I chose places in the region I lived that "represented" home to me.

But I have also been in the place of regretting my choice.  Many years ago, in the shock of her death, I simply allowed our vet to take care of my Jessie's remains and it is something I regretted for years afterward.  Now I am not saying that is wrong - many people are fine with this and I know that it did not offend my girl.  But for me, for my own heart, it was wrong.  I needed more closure than that - closure that burial or cremation would have brought me.

So in all of this what I am really trying to say is that the only right or wrong is in your own heart.  You will not be dishonoring Dizzy in any decision that you make - nor, do I believe do you dishonor her by struggling with this decision for so long.  She knows your heart and she knows your love - that is what matters to her.  Strange as it may sound, do not concern yourself now with what would be "best" for her - doing the best for her is something that you have already lovingly fulfilled in her life.  Now what she would want is for you to concern yourself with what will be best for you.

Shannon
shelbsmom

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Posts: 284
 #12 
It is a truly personal decision.  When we lost Shelbi, we knew we would probably move again in our lifetime, so we had her creamated.  Then when we lost Sassy suddenly due to an accident on July 5th, we decided to have her creamated as well.  They are both in pretty urns right where they would want to be, here in our family room.  I always say that when I pass, put all my little pet's ashes in with me to be buried.  However, one thing I truly, truly believe is that the body they are here in, is just that, a shell.  Your baby's soul is at the Bridge, and she watches over you.  I also know that it made me feel so much better when I received Shelbi and Sassy's ashes back, because I felt settled.  Make the decision that feels right for you, no decision in a "wrong" one.

Hugs,
Shelbsmom, Linda

Georgeann

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Posts: 2,245
 #13 
Dear Dizzy's Mom:
Like Les, I decided on cremation as when I leave this world I want their remains buried with me.  I have Christopher, Rollo and Sophie's ashes in beautiful wooden boxes with their pictures sitting on top.  They are on the night table next to my bed.  I know that they will always be safe at home.  Although I doubt we will ever move, if we did I could not stand the idea of leaving without them.  I have buried my animals before and had to leave them when we sold the house.  It was and still is a horrible feeling.  Also my Shih Tzus hated the wet ground and were house dogs.  I could never put them in the ground.  As everyone has said, it is a personal decision and you must do what makes you comfortable. 

Keeping you and Dizzy in my Prayers
Georgeann and Rollo
nalar

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Posts: 180
 #14 
I am so sorry you are having such a struggle with this issue.   You will make a decision eventually that works for you. 
 
Just so you know you aren't strange, 10 years ago we kept our 1st dog's body in the freezer for over a week as we planned his formal funeral in our back yard - complete with friends and family and a lunch after wards. 

I totally agree that handling a beloved body is a very personal decision.  Here is just another opinion.  I have been living in my home for a long time so I have had a place to bury my fur and feather babies.  I have always chosen burial in the earth because I am kind of into archeology. 

I like to fantasize that someday in the far distant future, someone will dig up my beloved babies remains and use them to understand the world these animals came from and how special they were.  They are all buried with many toys and other special things from their lives.  I smile at the thought that someone with a trowel and a tiny brush will be examining the remains of the synthetic stuffed toy frog that was a favorite of my heart dog, Beijing, and wondering what it was for.  Perhaps the presence of his bones and the small granite headstone above him will enable them to figure out his name and that this dog was a beloved pet buried with special items (the frog is well chewed).   

Near Beijing lie the bones and feathers of Sammy, my huge Mollucan cockatoo.  Perhaps it will be apparent to some investigator that a bird like that was not naturally found in this part of the world and they will realize that our civilization moved animals all around the world.  Also nearby are buried remains of a couple of cats and numerous other birds.  Any investigator would soon realize it is a pet cemetery.  I am glad they are there and I can visit them.  Our current babies will join them there much too soon. 

When I was younger, I buried animals in my mother's back yard.  Even though she doesn't live there anymore, the current owners have permitted me to visit our old pet cemetery occasionally. 

Since most of these precious ones have been dead for so long, I don't need to visit their graves very often.  My grief has long since dulled and been overshadowed by cherished memories.  I think of my lost fur and feather children often.  More important to me are things like the pictures of Beijing and my written memories of his antics.  I also cherish the dream catcher that was made using Sammy's bright orange crest feathers.

My family knows that I want to be buried in the ground also for the same reasons.  I would be happy to think someone would get useful knowledge from my remains some day. 

I helped scatter the cremains of my sister years ago (according to her wishes).  For me, a container of ashes like that would have no meaning.  But that is just how it is for me. 

Follow your heart and it will lead you where you need to go.  May the rest of your journey to your decision be easier than it has been up to now. 

All of us here understand your sorrow and how much you miss Dizzy.  Comfort and healing thoughts are being sent your way. 

Nancy 


delta269

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Posts: 19
 #15 
You all truly are wonderful people ♥ But I'm not sure how much your kind words are helping :(
No sooner I feel like I'm coming to a decision, I think of something else and talk myself out of it.  My main struggle is between "do I bury her and feel like I abandoned her" or "do I cremate her and live with that torture" 
Cremation: I always said I would never put her to sleep because I would have never forgiven myself  - this sweet, wonderful dog knew that and crossed over on her own ♥  But this time she can't help me, so I'm afraid if I do it, I'll never get it out of my head that I burned her body to ashes! (i don't mean to be so harsh, but it's these thoughts that are killing me) Also, I'm confused with being told "it's just her body, it's not her" but then people say "i felt comfort to have them home"  Do I look at it as it ISN'T her or it IS her? I just don't understand.  As I said, I've never cremated anything, so I'm afraid of doing it and regretting it and I REALLY don't want Dizzy to have been the "Test subject" !
Burial:  Other than the night she died, I've only seen/really felt her presence at the funeral home.  So I worry if I bury her elsewhere, her spirit will never be home...always waiting for me where ever I left her. But people tell me her spirit is with me where ever I am...
Seems most people who choose cremation have very few options otherwise.  I guess I'm both lucky and unlucky to have multiple choices :(
Has anyone ever regretted cremation?  Or felt it made things worse?  meaning did it take time to find "comfort" in the ashes?

Here's my beautiful girl ♥  Daisy Mae aka Dizzy  1995-2011

Gill

Registered:
Posts: 67
 #16 
Oh my goodness, what a beautiful, beautiful dog.  RIP Dizzy. Delta, I hope you soon find the right answer for you, in your heart and mind. It will come. (NO, Ive not regretted the cremation of either my rabbit, or my Dog. I couldnt have handled Tess's body. When I was young we had a black lab, she was buried in the garden of my family home, no longer the family home for some 20 odd years. If I think about it, I still feel slightly uneasy about that.)
Take care.
lindaw

Registered:
Posts: 304
 #17 

We've always buried our animals in the little graveyard in the edge of the woods. That's a choice I feel most comfortable with but many others do the cremation. We don't plan on moving and I need a place where I can go visit the graves, put markers and/or solar lights on them. Also, I add the seasonal flowers.

WooWooWoo

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Posts: 5,100
 #18 

This is a very personal decision, and only one that you can make.

I chose cremation because I couldn't bear the thought of putting my little pups in the ground.  My Min Pin, Ralphie, really did not like being outdoors at all.   He wanted to be with me in the house, so this is where I choose to keep his cremains.  I have never regretted choosing cremation.  I truly believe my beloved pups' essence/spirits left their remains the moment each one passed.  I still feel their presence every day.  That is what brings me comfort.

My heart really goes out to you.  In my experience, the longer we obsess about a decision, the more anxious we become.  Your beautiful Daisy is at the Bridge basking in the sunshine with all of our babies.   Whatever decision you make, it will be the RIGHT one for you and Daisy.  And, you will be at peace with it.

God bless,

Melissa

Mandys_Mom

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Posts: 2,285
 #19 
Yes, it is a very personal decision. I had my dog, Mandy, cremated and have never regretted it. We put a stone in the backyard in memory of her and her cremains are on my dresser with a picture of her and her leash. Her collar is sill in my purse, where I put it the night I took it off of her 3 years ago. Now the feral cats we have lost in the last 3 years are buried in the woods off of the backyard, because that's where they lived and played. And even if I do move, they did not live here with me, they lived out there in the woods, so I felt that's where they belonged. Such a hard decision to make. I like the idea of having Mandy's ashes in the house with me, since she lived in the house with me. It truly does, though, come down to the fact that we are not burying or cremating them, it's the shell they lived in. Their spirits are free from that shell. The burial/cremation is really for us, not for them. Just as burial/cremation of a human is for the survivors, not for the one who has passed on. For instance, my Dad's grave is 100 miles away from where I live, and I don't get there often. But I don't feel I need to go to his grave to speak to him or for him to feel my love. His spirit is wherever I am. Don't feel bad about taking your time with this decision. Your Dizzy is happy and free and the choice you make does not change her heavenly existence, but is intended to give you peace of mind.As to your question, is the body them or isn't it, my thought is that the body is what is left of them on earth. It is not truly them, but it is them as we knew them. I hope you can find your answer and that it puts your mind at ease when you do. 
ShannonH

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Posts: 1,605
 #20 
Dizzy is so beautiful!  Though very different looking, she reminds me a lot of my dog Tres (gone 1 year), who also loved the snow.

When I chose cremation for my last two pets (Tres most recently and my cat Jenny before that), I was actually in a very similar situation as you.  My parents lived only a few miles away and offered both times for me to bury them at their house.  But for me it just didn't seem quite right.  Jenny was never there.  Tres visited often (weekly - every time I went to ride my horse who lives there), but still it was not his home.  I chose cremation for both of them instead and scattered their ashes in a place that "represented" home to me.  Jenny's ashes are up on a place called "Kamiak Butte" - high hill that overlooks the lower hills of the region that I called home.  Tres's ashes are in the depths of the Snake River, released at a place where he and my husband met for the first time - a place that represented our lives together.

As Mandy's Mom said, burial/cremation is really for the survivors, not for the one who is gone. 

Mandy's Mom also said this "It (their body) is not truly them, but it is them as we knew them."  Dizzy's spirit does not reside in her body anymore.  But the body is the remaining physical connection that we have with that spirit.  To us humans, that physical connection is very significant and very meaningful.  To the one who has gone (be it human or animal), all physical is over and only spirit remains.  We hold on to the physical because it is what we can see and touch and feel.  Much as I chose places that "represented" home to scatter their ashes, the physical remains "represent" all the love we shared with that one who is gone.  My personal belief is that Dizzy's body "isn't" her, yet her body still represents all that she was and all that she meant in your life - and this is not something that we as humans take lightly but rather it is very meaningful to us.

As a vet tech, I can also tell you that you are not the only person who has struggled with this as long as you have.  But I can also tell you will find your answer when you are ready.  And when you do, it will be one that satifies all that is in your heart.

Shannon
meow_maker

Registered:
Posts: 371
 #21 
Amy,

I'm really sorry you lost Dizzy.  What a beautiful dog she was.  I think the reason you're struggling is because you loved her so much.  We all had to make this decision, and it's a very individual one that depends on your living situation.  If you're like me, which it kind of sounds like it, you don't own property and are young so you will move around probably a lot over the years.  This is why I chose cremation for my Black Kitty.  This way I can take him wherever I go--and I know that's exactly what he would have wanted.  At some point if you decide you want to bury Dizzy's ashes, you could still do that and keep some with you too.  But if you bury her, it's very final, and when you move far away it might really bother you.  I was initially very against cremation like you are.  It really bothered me to think of my adorable, furry boy becoming ashes.  But after looking into pet cemeteries; I decided cremation would be better.  Let's face it, we don't have the same burial options for pets as we do for people.  We can't embalm them, so it wouldn't be long before the body would be gone anyways.  I look at cremation as just speeding up the process and you don't have to think about them being in the ground and alone.  That's what helped me make the decision.  Either way, you have to make it, but I struggled with the same things you did so I thought I'd share my story if it helps you make a decision.  And even if you do decide to cremate, you can still have a monument for Dizzy in the yard and maybe you could bury something of hers and then you'll still have her ashes with you.  I have my BK's ashes on a shelf with his pictures and a vase with fake flowers and all of his sympathy cards.  I hope you are able to make that decision soon.  Please remember that Dizzy doesn't need her body anymore.  It was over the day she left.  The hardest part was losing her, so don't dwell on what is left of her physical body.  Once you make the decision, you will both be able to move on.  Good luck to you.

--Amy A.

Trixi

Registered:
Posts: 38
 #22 
Amy, I too am so sorry you lost Dizzy.  She really was gorgeous and exuded personality in her photo.  I think whatever you decide, it will have to be something you feel okay about not only for her, but for what you might want for yourself and any other human or animal loved ones remains, now and in the future. My (OLD) vet's office nurse mislabeled our cat's remains and they got sent to a group cremation instead of private, despite my paying ahead of time; big whoopie that they didn't end up charging me.  After a lot of phone calls and a lot of tears (mine!) I found out from the group crematory that the mixed remains were scattered at an avocado farm.  I left that vet's office and found a new vet for our other animals, because I found it so hurtful and awful and it just added more to my mourning.  I'm glad you have a reputable morgue.  However, what is hardest for you, and what was/is hardest for me, IS the loss, not what or how we bury or dispose of our loved ones remains and what to/how to handle them. I will never forget my Mr. E. and I will always love and miss him.  It will be the same for you.  Make a decision, and know it will be the right one for you - and that Dizzy will appreciate your love always and you hers and that's what counts.  The 'up in the air' part is harder than you realize.  We live in a house now that has a dog I lost more than 20 years ago - she was cremated and put in a lovely brass urn and buried in the yard.  I told my husband when we move to another house I will be digging in the area she is, to move her remains with us.  Perhaps this is an idea for you?  Much sympathy, Trixi
HeartsickII

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Posts: 837
 #23 
Dizzy is stunning--absolutely gorgeous. 

I just think from what you have said there is only one thing that you would be comfortable with and that is bury this beautiful girl in either your yard or your parents and when the time comes move her to where you are.  The Grogan's did just that for Marley and I know of one other family who did also.  I have a hunch that is what would give you the most peace and that's what is most important.

I am truly sorry for your loss and I pray you will find some peace with it in time.

Wishing you many blessings during this painful time,
Magnum's girl, Barb


WooWooWoo

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Posts: 5,100
 #24 
Amy,
Just checking in on you, to see how you are doing and to let you know you are in my thoughts.  I am so very sorry this has been so hard for you, and I totally understand how bad it hurts.  It is just so terribly painful when we lose our babies, and I know you miss your beloved and beautiful Dizzy so much.  Take care, and know we are here for you.
Sending you many, many hugs.
Melissa
JohnFitzgerald

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Posts: 629
 #25 
Good Morning, Amy,

What a beautiful Photo, and how beautiful your Dizzy is/was!

Amy, I wish to offer my sympathies and prayers to you and your loved ones in addition to the many wonderful people that are here in this community as you mourn the passing of your Dizzy. It is so hard these first days to grieve the passing of our beloveds, and trying to find that right balance of remeberence, memorializing, and celebration of life. Please know that through your journey, I pray for you to find peace, comfort, and a decison that you feel in your heart will best fulfill your wishes for your Dizzy.

Amy, everyone here is so right - It is truly a personal decision for you, but it is a decision that, as you so correctly note, have good and not so good points to each. If I may, however, it seems that a lot of the members of our community have been very much at peace with bringing their loved ones' ashes home with them, and finding a special place to keep them. I understand your concerns as you initially noted, but as so many have pointed out, the very sole, essence, and memories of your Dizzy are forever with you in your heart and your soul. Whatever further memorial you should choose will only enhance that. 

Follow your heart, Dear Amy, and let yourself have all the time you need to reach an answer that will give your peace.

With my thoughts, my hopes, and hugs,

John
delta269

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Posts: 19
 #26 
After a long and agonizing struggle (nightmares even started), weeks of praying and waiting for a sign that never came, I've finally come to the decision to bury her in my parents backyard.  It feels like the safest option, emotionally, for me.  I so very much wanted to be able to have her with me always, but I simply could not come to terms with cremation, for multiple reasons.
......I'm so afraid I'll regret this at some point in the future :(

ShannonH

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Posts: 1,605
 #27 
You have made a good step in finding peace.   I love that picture of you and Dizzy.

As to being to wanting to still have her with you what about keeping a bit of her fur with you?  This is something I have done with many of my pets, even going back into my childhood.  For me, it is a reminder of who they were and how much I still love them still today.

You may find that your fear of regretting your decision is just that - fear.  Making a decision that is so permanent is hard and frightening - what if it only makes things hurt more?  But in the end, I think it will help, not hurt.  I hope that this decision will bring you comfort and help to begin the path of healing.

Shannon
HeartsickII

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Posts: 837
 #28 
Dear Amy,

What an absolute beautiful picture!  You are so fortunate that someone snapped that--it is amazing--what a blessed memory to hold.

I really believe that your choice was the only one for you.  Please don't worry about regrets, this grief is hard enough to get through.

May Peace be with you,
Hugs, Barb
JohnFitzgerald

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Posts: 629
 #29 
Good Afternoon, Amy,

If I may say, what a beautiful picture of you and Dizzy. A photo that clearly shows the special bond the two of you share. It is so touching to look at, I could not take my eyes of of it.

Dear Amy, if I also may, please do not feel you will regret your decision for Dizzy's final resting place.
It is so clear that your decision is based on the genuine love you feel for your little girl, and in this case, there is no wrong decision when it is based on love. 

Dear Amy, I hope and pray for you to know that your little girl will be with you forever. every memory you may have, every post that may come to this site, and every thought you may have of your beloved Dizzy will keep her with you in your heart and your spirit until you are reunited in the coming years.

With my thoughts, prayers, and hopes for your peace and comfort in your heart and spirit.

John


delta269

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Posts: 19
 #30 
I am truly blessed to have found all of you.  Your words are so comforting ♥  I hope one day I am able to pass along such comfort to someone else.

My worry is that I've made this decision out of emotional grief.  When the hurt has (hopefully) healed, will I feel differently? Will I wish I had kept her with me? This worry stems from the fact that almost everyone I've spoken to about this has recommended cremation.  Was that my sign? Was that Dizzy/my Higher Self speaking to me thru everyone else but I couldn't hear it thru my grief?  Or are my emotions the true message?

Shannon - you are absolutely right. This decision IS so permanent, which makes it SO frightening.

Thank you all again :)
Amy

ShannonH

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Posts: 1,605
 #31 
I think your emotions are your true message, Amy.  What everyone (anyone really) else has done has been based on their emotions, their needs.  Each of our needs is different.  We can all give suggestions and we can all tell of what has helped us.  But in the end, you, with your own personal emotions, are the only one who can determine your needs.  I think your emotions are speaking to you of what you need.

Having said this, I can tell you that the only such decision that I made that I ever regretted (having been through this several times), was the one time when I made no decision at all.  When, in the shock of death, I chose not to face it, not to think about it.  This was my dog Jessie that I mentioned in an earlier post.  I allowed the path that was the "easiest" (in terms of my involvement) to simply happen, rather than look into my heart and feel the pain to find out what I needed.  In a sense, I chose no choice at all.  And that, in the end, brought pain.

But you have thought this through.  You've allowed yourself to feel the emotions relating to all sides of it.  And in those emotions, you have chosen what feels to you to be best.  It is scary, I know - there will be no going back.  But trust those emotions and feelings, that they have guided you to what you need.  And I think that when the hurt has healed, you will find that Dizzy is still with you - in your heart, the most permanent and precious place she could ever be.

Shannon
MULDER

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Posts: 33
 #32 
I know your dilema well as I had to go through it almost 3yrs ago.  It is a very personal decision.  I went with cremation and have his ashes with me in a very nice urn.  I plan on having it buried with me when it is my time.  Or if I decide to be cremated that we both be buried together either way.  I did not want to leave him somewhere that I might move from etc...
Friendlygal

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Posts: 32
 #33 
How do you feel about your decision NOW?! I need to either bury or cremate (or freeze dry?!) my beloved cat and I don’t know what to do too!! Everyone seems to cremate but so then if I bury her in a pet cemetery and then move am I a bad mom?! Can’t I just put her fur in an urn? And watch great vids of her and me? How am I a bad mom if I spend over 3 grand to bury her??! I’m so confused! I’m also new to this group, how do I post my own thread?
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