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Posts: 1
So it all started with my 2 dogs having puppies on accident. I had to give the dad (the little guy) up because I just couldn’t handle all these dogs and working 2 jobs.

So the day I gave him up my dog went into labor and had 4 healthy little puppies. One of them I instantly fell in love with. He was the only boy and looked exactly like his dad (black and white while the girls were brown and white) I just knew it was meant to be!

3 weeks pass and my little boy is doing perfectly fine until I notice a clogged very dried up nose on Sunday. I tell my mom about it and google some stuff to try and figure out what it was. I found out how to clear and and just kept doing what I was doing. He was also the runt of the litter so I did find myself having to force feed him at least once a day. Monday morning comes and he seems to be doing fine so I leave him alone and just hope he’s feeding from the mom. I come home that day to see one of his eye shut completely from some dried gunk. I wipe it off and realize how tired and weak he is. I feed him again, give him a steam shower for his nose and he falls asleep. Few hours later he wakes up and just seems 10x worse. I rush him over to the vet hospital. 3 hours later the vet finally calls us in and tells us his breathing and vitals are all fine he just has a minor upper respiratory infection. She gives us some liquid medicine for him and an ointment for his eyes. She assures us he doesn’t need to stay over night and that he’ll be fine.

The next day he does okay. I called out of work just so I could make sure he got feed more than enough and had the attention he needed. Wednesday comes and he’s kinda falling backwards. He’s constantly crying but stops when I pick him up, so I just assumed he was getting attached and needy. But it just gets worse and worse as the day goes on. He looks sooo much more weak, he doesn’t want to walk and just cries. He started sounding very congested so I gave him another steam shower and he fell asleep from it. I decided to get some rest but get woken up by his cries for air. I run over to him and can tell he’s in a lot of pain. I call the hospital and they suggest I bring him in. As soon as I got in the car he finally stopped making those noises but I just knew something was wrong.

We get to the hospital and 2 mins later the vet calls us in to tell us he’s not gonna make it. They say his heart rate is at 60 when it should be 200, his body temp was extremely low and was in dire need of oxygen. The vet tells me they can try life support but it’s very unlikely he will make it and says it’s “reasonable” to put him down...

I was devastated... just 2 days ago the other vet from the same hospital said he would be fine and now I’m being asked to put him down... I know that vet was wrong but I feel I’m to blame too...

I just want to start it over. I just want to have the chance to notice the signs and act fast.. I never thought he would die. I know it was only 4 weeks but from the second he was born that attachment with him was there.. I miss him so much and I feel so horrible I wasn’t smarter about it. I wish I would have taken him in Monday morning. Maybe if he had that medicine for an extra 2 days he would have made it.

My heart is completely broken. I’m so sorry my Christmas puppy... I wish I could have saved you.

Posts: 730
I just read this, and wanted to respond and to know how you are doing.  I also wanted to tell you that this was NOT, in any way, your fault in any action you took, or anything you did or didn't do.  Some pups, especially runts, are born with weak immune systems, and a host of other issues that make them easy targets for infections and for other illnesses.  They are only granted a short stay on earth, with no real chance at survival - even mother dogs will sometimes 'abandon' these weak puppies choosing, instead, to focus their energies on raising puppies who have a better chance.

All I know is that this little pup spent his brief time surrounded by the warmth and care of someone who wanted desperately to give him a chance at life.  You might have won a few battles, but his weakness and illness were always going to win the war.  He passed as he lived, in the company of someone who cared deeply about him - and he would have felt that and known he was loved.  I truly believe that all the 'action' in the world, all the money in the world, were never going to be enough to save this little one, and the outcome was defined from the moment he was born.  What is so incredible that in just four short weeks this puppy left a mark on your heart that will be there forever.  I also believe, with all my heart, that this puppy was born into your world so that you and he would meet, bond, and be together as he fought a battle he could not win.  Somehow, you choose each other, and never doubt you made the right choices for him, working to give him some quality of life.

I know your heart is broken - but it should also be filled with the knowledge that your precious little one did not pass alone, abandoned or forgotten - for his story means so much to me, and to others here who feel the love in every word you write.  I am thinking of you.  

Posts: 71
I just wanted to offer my support to you and I really couldn’t add to anything Fionasmum has said.

Your little puppy knew what it was like to be loved and that was a gift you gave him. Since having suffered the loss of my furry family over the years, I’m learning that it really doesn’t matter how long they are in your life for, the love is the same and the loss is just as painful.

As Fionasmum has said, none of this was your fault, it’s clear to see you only did your best for your little guy.

Take care and hugs to you xx
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